Thursday, November 30, 2006
It stopped snowing – hope this will last, but when I look at the sky above I am not quite sure. I took advantage of the clear sky and tried to remove some snow – yes, I tried. I spent more than 1.5 hours outside with pushing the snow aside.
Greg sometimes watched me from inside and made some funny comments about me in the snow shoes – HAHA! My answer to his last comment was a snow ball thrown in his face – I know his revenge will be coming soon, but ‘til now I am still safe.
In the 1.5 hours I managed to clear the entry to the hut, so we are able to open the door. Well, better than nothing. Totally exhausted and with every muscle aching I came back in and got undressed in the little hallway as my clothes were wet and full of snow. I brushed the snow of and hang up the clothes near the fireplace so they can dry. Greg was watching me and grinned – I must have been a vision of delight in the long underwear (I luckily found in a cupboard) and my woollen socks.
“I think I will phone Mr. Brunswick, he is the owner of the grocery in the village” I said and grabbed my mobile. Gregory looked at me with a questioning expression “Why call the grocery store?”. I dialled and grinned “Because he is the chief of the local fire department as well and the mayor”, Greg nodded “Oooh, yes we are in the middle of nowhere, I forgot.”
I sat down and removed my socks and was still waiting for the call to be picked up, I was about hanging up when the call was answered “Brunswick’s grocery store”, I heard a grunting voice. “Mr. Brunswick? This is James Wilson from … … ah yes you already know it?” Interesting how the local network is going – he already knew I was up there and that I wasn’t alone. “Yes we are snowed in, uhu…”.
Greg grinned broadly and I smiled back “No coming through until Saturday?!”, Greg’s eyes popped open. “Well, sure this is a problem because we only have food here until tomorrow.” I listened hard, stood up and looked outside. “Yah, it’s pretty clear now. I shoved the door free…”, I nodded.
“Okay, just hold on a second!” I put my hand over the phone and asked Greg “Brunswick’s son can come up here with a snow-mobile and bring us some food. What do you want?!”. Greg shrugged “We need coffee, meat and some other stuff for cooking and don’t forget something to drink!”
I lifted my hand up from the phone “Mr. Brunswick? Ah there you are … fine we need coffee, some meat … what you have. And something for breakfast!” I looked up the ceiling and Greg snorted. “Yes that sounds good, just pack some stuff in. Aw and Mr. Brunswick, do you have some wine or so? … Uhm, whiskey? Yeah whiskey is fine as well. Good, in about an hour if the weather keeps clear, okay!”
With a sigh I sat down and hang up. “No coming through with cars until Saturday. They are trying their best. His son Finn will come up here and bring us some stuff to eat and as I know Mr. Brunswick it will be enough for a whole week!”. Gregory leaned back and looked at me, “So it is only you and me up here for the next two days, hm?” and he raised an eyebrow. “Mhmmm”, I replied and his smile told me more than words could tell.
music: Kate Bush
I am feeling way better now, the talking and the followed night were like rehabilitation for me. Sure there is still something to cope with and perhaps I should make a new therapy when we are back or perhaps I should just accept Greg’s offer to “use” him as a therapist whenever I want.
Insatiable hunger … why have I mentioned these words yesterday? They were like harbingers ...
The day began very peaceful and quiet, there was no bustling from the streets, no cars passing by, no usual city sounds – just peace. I turned around and looked at Greg who was still sleeping, his mouth was slightly opened and he looked adorable. My eyes wandered over his naked body, as we both had been to exhausted to change into our pajamas after our hot shower.
I silently crawled out of the bed and picked up the clothes from the floor, and then I hurried to dress, as it was somewhat cold. The first thing I did was making a fire in the fireplace and then I went into the kitchen and percolated coffee. I had a look outside the window and was blinded by reflecting snow.
The world looked pure and clean and I felt like in winter wonderland. A song came to my mind and I hummed a few tones. I rummaged in the kitchen and started to make some scrambled eggs with bacon, still the song on my lips
When leaves have fallen
And skies turned to grey
The night keeps on closing in on the day
A nightingale sings his song of farewell
You better hide for her freezing hell
On cold wings she's coming
You better keep moving
For warmth, you'll be longing
Come on just feel it
Don't you see it?
You better believe
I set the table. “What are you singing?“ Greg who looked around the corner suddenly asked me. I lifted my head “Good morning sleepy head”, I said with a warm smile. He rubbed his neck and yawned “Morn”.
“Coffee?“ I asked and turned around to pour some in the mugs I’ve already put beside the coffee machine. “Never ask, just do”, he mumbled and I had to grin. Aw, he can be so cute in the mornings.
Without a word I handed him the mug and we both sat down. He stared in the liquid and then looked up with sleepy eyes “So what song was it?“ I blinked and shrugged “Oh that? Ice Queen by Within Temptation”. He looked out of the window “Well, it fits” he said and gave me the first smile of the morning. “It perfectly does”, I nodded.
“Looks like we are snowed in, if it doesn’t start snowing again I could try to remove the snow”, I stated and sipped some coffee. “Do you want some eggs and bacon? I’ve just put it aside and kept warm as I didn’t know when you will wake up.”
“Sure, now as you mention it. I am hungry,“ he said and I stood up and wanted to put some eggs on the plates when I heard Greg standing up. He embraced me from behind and whispered into my ear “I didn’t mean that hunger”. A sigh slipped out of my mouth when he kissed my neck and his tongue caressed my skin. I was pushed against the kitchen unit and his left hand unbuttoned my shirt while his right hand slipped into my trousers and started to stroke me. I couldn’t avoid a moan and his teeth sank into my skin to bite me with lust.
His left hand seemed to be everywhere and every inch of skin he touched felt like electric shocks. The heat flooded my veins and I still don’t know how we got undressed but when I felt his warm body on mine I couldn’t do anything else then gasping.
“You are driving me crazy, boy”, he muttered in my ear and bent me forward. His hands grabbed my hips and he inserted with one awfully slowly stroke. I cried out his name and he hissed into my ear “No word!“ I closed my eyes and bit my lower lip and just nodded. Greg started to move slow and kept this movement for a while, I felt blood on my lip and licked it away; the only sound that slipped out of my mouth was a silent moan. “This will kill me”, I thought and tried not to scream out with lust when his movements became harder and faster.
His fingernails scratched over my skin and he bit and sucked my neck, I could no longer resist crying out my lust and longing, but he didn’t care, as he was already miles away. His passion drove me to hell and we both burned in the hot fire of lust and desire. Who’s wearing the breeches now?
After returned from the hell of lust, Greg was leaning against my shoulder and we were both trying to catch breath again. His arms embraced me gently and he whispered in my ear “I love you”, I dropped back my head with my eyes closed and murmured, “So do I”. We needed some more time until we’ve finally reached the here and now again.
“What about satisfying the other hunger now?” he asked me and gently fondled my hair. “You never had a better idea”, I replied and smiled. We both got dressed again, and my knees were still feeling like jelly when I put eggs and bacon on our plates.
I handed him the plate and we exchanged glances, Greg winked “You know, I like being snowed in.” I grinned “Yes and you know, it started snowing again” and I pointed out of the window. We both stared outside and all we could see were snowflakes flying in the air like weird little fairies.
Currently it is dark like night outside
This picture was taken a few minutes ago. We are nestling on the sofa at the moment and listening to the wind howling outside. I hope snow will stop soon. We have food for only two days here ... and even with snow shoes it wouldnt be wise to walk outside in that blizzard.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
When We Two Parted
WHEN we two parted
In silence and tears,
To sever for years,
Pale grew thy cheek and cold,
Colder thy kiss;
Truly that hour foretold
Sorrow to this.
The dew of the morning
Sunk chill on my brow —
It felt like the warning
Of what I feel now.
Thy vows are all broken,
And light is thy fame:
I hear thy name spoken,
And share in its shame.
They name thee before me,
A knell to mine ear;
A shudder comes o'er me —
Why wert thou so dear?
They know not I knew thee,
Who knew thee too well: —
Long, long shall I rue thee,
Too deeply to tell.
In secret we met —
In silence I grieve,
That thy heart could forget,
Thy spirit deceive.
If I should meet thee
After long years,
How should I greet thee? —
With silence and tears.
George Gordon, Lord Byron (1788-1824)
I stood up from the armchair and went into the kitchen. Coffee would be needed soon, so I percolated some. I went back in the living room at switched on the little hi-fi unit, music wouldn’t be a bad idea. I checked the CDs and found Peer Gynt. “Silent music is the best for thinking”, I thought and put the CD in the hi-fi.
The music filled the air and I sat on the sofa and stared into the fire. I don’t know how long I sat there just watching the fire cracking in the fireplace but it was Greg nestling beside me and holding me close who brought me back to the here and now.
"You found me", I whispered and my lips found his to kiss. I was so glad he found me, he came here to be with me that showed me how much he loves me and nothing else matters. My heart started to race when I kissed him tenderly and he returned the kiss with the same tenderness. I felt tears on his cheek and had to control myself not to start crying as well otherwise I would still be crying next week I think.
He held me so close I could feel his heart pounding against his chest and when he whispered "I missed you so much. I love you, Jim”, it was my heart which nearly stopped beating. This was exactly what I wanted to hear the whole time, this and the tender touch of his lips on my skin. I snuggled at his chest, fondled his hair and covered his face with kisses.
"I love you, Greg", I murmured and I had to swallow back the tears again. We just held each other for a long long time. He is here for me – just for me and that is the everything I was longing for so desperately.
I know it sounds stupid as I was the one running away and hiding in the nowhere land but I felt lost yesterday evening with all that memories and feelings and I think I just needed the space between us, needed to be alone for a while to make things out.
I finally sighed and sat upright again, Gregory looked at me so as he feared I would send him away now. A lonely tear was rolling down his cheek and I brushed it gently away. “No need to cry my love” I whispered and smiled at him. He swallowed hard and I caressed his cheek, “Do you want some coffee? I percolated some …” I asked and stood up still holding his hand. Greg nodded at me and I squeezed his hand slightly before I went into the kitchen.
I heard him standing up and limping into the bedroom. A few moments later he came back fully dressed but with socks and smiled at me. I carried the two cups of coffee into the living room and we just sat there drinking the coffee and watching us.
Finally I cleared my voice, looked into the black liquid and began to speak “I was abused when I was 15. It was just some months after my father died due to cancer” I looked up and met Greg’s eyes and he just nodded at me to continue. I stared into the fireplace, “It was no sexual abuse, he just started beating me. I … I didn’t know what to do so I remained silent for quite a while …” . Gregory grabbed my hand “How long was that while?”, he asked.
I frowned and looked him in the eyes “One bloody year…”, I managed to say. My stammering voice filled the room when I spoke “I found excuses for the bruises, fallen down the steps, sport injuries and when something was broken I was fallen down a tree or had an accident with my bike.” Greg inhaled deeply and before he could say something I continued “It was after my 16th birthday when I was in the hospital again. It was the first time I punched back and he lost his temper.” Gregory caressed my cheek and I noticed that I must have started crying without notice because he brushed away the tears with his thumb. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to” he whispered. “But I want to, I was a fool running away and leaving you behind. I was always running away and I … I need you so much…”, Greg stood up, came around the table and pulled me out of the chair then he drew me closer and hold me. He just hold me and fondled my hair and couldn’t hold back the tears any longer and started to cry.
I don’t know how long I’ve been crying and I don’t know how we got into the bedroom, neither do I know how we got undressed but I know how it felt when his warm body met my skin. It felt like coming home, it felt like being complete, we just embraced us and I slowly calmed down.
Greg started to kiss away all the dried tears, I wasn’t aware that I moaned but I heard my own voice doing so. I bent over him and my lips found his, “I need you, Greg. Please …” I whispered before kissing him deeply. He replied my kiss after a second of hesitation then he turned me on the back and started to touch my skin feather-like.
When our bodies became one he whispered in my ear “I am always there for you …always…”, I closed my eyes and a lonely tear ran down my cheek. He started to move carefully and by then all the pictures, all the memories where washed away for that moment and we just took to the sky.
After an eon or two we came back on earth again and Greg held me close to his chest, “I love you”, he murmured and I lifted up my head a bit, “I love you, too”. A broad smile appeared on his face and I returned it likewise. I kissed his chest and then started to speak again “It was my Uncle Vernon you know. Samuel’s father…”, Greg gasped but I carried on “He is dead now, killed himself. I didn’t cry when I was informed nor did I went to his funeral…”. Greg grunted “If he wouldn’t been dead he would soon be …”, I couldn’t avoid a grin “You really care about me …”, I said and Greg harshly spoke out “Of course I do…”, my finger upon his lips silenced him at once.
“My family found out what happened when I was in hospital and they made an x-ray. Sure they knew I had some weird accidents, several sprains, odd bruises and one broken arm… but this time it was different. I couldn’t make out any excuses because my Mom found me on my bedroom floor … and it was very unlikely to have several rips and a wrist broken by simply falling out of the bed. Not to mention the blue chin and the rupture of the spleen…” I had to swallow down hard and felt Greg’s hand caressing my neck.
“They brought my into hospital and the police was informed as it was obvious that this was an abuse case. So I had to tell them the whole embarrassing story.” I felt silent for a while and Greg spoke no word but breathed harder.
“Vernon was drunk again and came to our home when nobody was around. He shouted at me when he saw me laying on the sofa reading a theatre script. My hair was quite long at that time and I was reading my part of the play loud because I had to hear my voice for it … I didn’t notice him coming in until he started shouting at me. He…he said I would look and behave like a silly idiot.” I took a deep breath “I jumped from the sofa when I noticed him and tried to retreat to the safety of my room. But I was too slow, he grabbed my shirt and smashed me against the wall…” I could hear Greg muttering something but didn’t notice what it was and I continued, “I managed to get free and ran up the stairs but he followed me. “You still think you are something better. Becoming a doctor and playing in that theatre group but you are nothing, NOTHING!” he shouted at me. I agreed but didn’t convince him. “Glad your father died because he would be ashamed of you!” he barked at me. This was when I felt the anger rising in me, I shouted back at him “No he wouldn’t. He was always proud of me, he loved me, you BASTARD.” Vernon stood shocked for a second and then punched me hard in the stomach.” The very thought of it made me shiver and Greg pulled the blanket closer and began to caress my back, “Jim, you don’t have to…”, “Please just let me carry on” I interrupted him.
He placed a kiss on my head and I closes my eyes for a second, “I was so full of hate at that time, so full of anger and I couldn’t control myself anymore so I jammed my fist in his stomach like I did with Chase and he returned a punch on my chin …”, “Like yesterday”, Greg mumbled and I nodded.
A deep sigh slipped out of my mouth “And like yesterday I collapsed on the ground and he just beat me up there. I don’t know anymore what he all did but it felt like hell. I must have been there for an hour or so when he went and my Mom came back… well and the rest you know”, I finished.
Gregory just caressed my neck and after a while I looked up at him. His eyes met mine and I could see he was full of anger – not an anger against me but believe me, when my uncle would still live he wouldn’t live for long …
He blinked and tried to smile but fizzled. “And he killed himself?”, he asked. I nodded and still kept the glance “Yes, he killed himself after the family knew what really happened. They found him dead in the garage one morning, the car engine was still running.” Greg looked at me questioningly and then nodded.
“Thanks for listening, Greg. I am feeling way better now that I’ve told you.” I whispered and Greg raised an eyebrow “As I told you, I am always there for you and the only thing that counts is that your are feeling a bit better now.” I slightly shook my head “No, the only thing that counts is that you followed me”, I said and tenderly kissed him.
On the one hand I am glad about it on the other I don’t know what to do now. He is sleeping in the bed – that was where I found him and I managed to stay calm and just let him sleep, I am sure he will wake up pretty soon.
I am currently sitting close by the fire and trying to get warm again. I was out for a long stroll around the lake. Pretty cold outside now and it is snowing again. I am glad I bought me winter clothes on my way up here, as I just ran out of our flat without nothing than my wallet and the notebook in my car.
“Where do you go now, Jimmy?”, I thought while driving and I wasn’t surprised at all when I found me at the airport. Canada …
I bought a ticket and didn’t have to wait long for the flight to depart. I hired a car at the airport and on my way to the fishing hut of my father I bought some warm clothes and something to eat and drink. That was when I checked the internet first – I was in an internet café at that moment and had a cup of coffee and a bagel. Well the battery wasn’t running low – but the time was and I got up again, paid and proceeded to the hut.
The closer I approached the more white the landscape became, so I stopped in the small village near by the lake and bought some wood for the fireplace as I didn’t know if there was enough up the hut. I shouldn’t have worried though, there is enough there for months.
I made a fire and sat there for a while and then switched on the notebook. Lucky we have electricity up here since a few years and internet as well (just via satellite).
After a while of thinking and writing I shut down the notebook again and went out for a long stroll. I must have been out for hours and when I came back again I found that someone must have come to the hut.
There were footprints on the way and smoke coming out of the chimney. I entered silently and looked around, the first thing I noticed was Greg’s scent. My stomach twitched and I prepared myself for a brawl … but nothing happened. All remained silent, so I got out of my shoes and sneaked around – that was when I found him in the bed … sleeping.
He looked so cute and I felt I was so wrong leaving him behind, wanting to cope with my problems all alone …
I desperately hope we can handle it – together!
Ten years. We are the closest friends for ten years now and I’ve never told Greg about it – never told anyone about it. The only persons who know what happened are my Mom and my siblings – and there might be some doctor remembering…
What happened now? What happened yesterday … I lost control, control over my feelings and surrendered to anger. I should have known better, should have reacted better as I perfectly know how losing the temper can end. But I didn’t, I lost my nerves, I lost my temper and buried memories came back.
When I punched Chase in the stomach and he returned the punch and we both landed on the floor, pictures arose in my head. Pictures of a boy being punched, hurt, broken …
I tried to keep my mask up, tried to stay normal and tried to react normal and I succeeded … for a while. Gregory and I went home, I started cleaning the flat, made the dishes and after Gregory came back from buying coffee I prepared everything for a cosy evening on the sofa. Nothing was okay, the memories punched my soul and although I tried to listen to Greg, tried to comfort him as I always do – I failed.
And I did one thing I’ve always done – I pushed Greg away. How could I tell him? How could he understand? So I reacted like an idiot, once more, when some crumbs fell into his eyes by accident. He just complained about it and I felt guilty, so I stood up and sat down in the armchair. I felt miles away and still I couldn’t tell him a word was going on.
We had a silly conversation and the memories gnawed at me, I wanted to tell him but didn’t have the guts to do so.
Some minutes and a blank stare on the TV screen later, Greg finally asked me "James, what's eating you? I can't remember I did anything wrong and this makes me feel...".
"Ah, it's always your feelings, huh? What about mine? Do you ever care about them?!" I
interrupted him and could have hit my own face while doing so.
Taken aback he began "But...I asked you! Several times! Most of the time I can see what's going on with you but not today. So I asked."
I was so angry about me, about my behaviour and so I must have glared at him, which wasn’t my intention, and he looked at me with a stunned expression on his face. I could see his thoughts racing, sure he was thinking I would blame him now for everything. But how could I he hasn’t done anything wrong.
Full of anger – anger because of my silly acting, I snapped and stood up "And now don't look at me as if I'd blame you for something!". I could hear him gasping and just wanted to go away, just wanted to hide so I went out of the balcony and closed the door behind.
My eyes were fixed on the dark sky and darkness was rising in me. “Jim, the nice guy. Jim, the perfect guy. Jim, the man who always cares…” I thought and a bitter sound slipped out of my mouth. I went into the corner and lifted up a box, the tiny box of cigarettes blinked at me and I pulled one out of it. Lit me a cigarette and inhaled deeply, “So who cares that they can make you sick, as you are already sick inside”, my feelings told me.
Everything came back to me, every single pain, every single emotion and every single picture. When I heard Gregory’s voice it was like it was miles away "You know why they're called cancer sticks?" and another lie came out of my mouth, "I'm not smoking".
How many times have I lied? I don’t know it anymore … A shiver ran down my spine, but it was not due to the cold of the night, no it was the coldness inside of me that made me shiver. I clung to my cigarette like it would be a life-belt. The time passed by and one cigarette became five or even more.
"Please, hun, tell me what I've done...Or tell me what happened...I have not the slightest clue”, I could hear Gregory speaking from the other side of the door. I hesitated, I wanted to tell him, wanted to throw the memories away, I just wanted him to hold me, to brush away the memories that were torturing me … but I couldn’t.
“First you have to face your memories, face your feelings before you can tell him”, I thought and another cigarette was lit. The bitter smoke burned my lungs but I didn’t care, I just watched the planes up in the sky and tried to face the memories. Silent tears were cried and they wetted my cheeks, the knocking sound at the balcony door brought me back to the present again. I forced myself not to look at him, not to show him my tears and I looked away and remained silent.
I desperately wanted to tell him, desperately wanted him to take me so I could just use the emotions to bury all the waste inside. My head dropped down when I heard him go away again, why isn’t he just coming? Why doesn’t he just force me to tell? Why?
Some time later I stood up and silently slipped inside the room again, I took a deep breath and was about telling him everything when I found him laying on the sofa, fast asleep. “Perhaps it is better so, Jimmy?”, I thought and covered him carefully. Then I went into the bedroom and changed my clothes, I tiptoed on my socks to the door, grabbed my keys, coat and my shoes and slipped outside.
I put my shoes on and closed the door. “So here you are, Jim, alone with your feelings, once again!” I turned away from my ‘home’, from the person I love more than my life and proceeded to my car.
I am now miles away from where I should be. No clinic for me today, I called Cuddy in the early hours this morning and told her, that I had to fly to Canada as we have a bereavement in the family. No one knows where I am … no one but me and perhaps my Mom might know where I am hiding.
I think I will have to tell Greg everything in a short while. I miss him and I am sure he will go mad when he figures out that I am not in the hospital, not even in town …
Greg, darling, if you read this … don’t be scared just be sure I love you! I just need a little time to figure it out on my own … I’ll be back soon! I love you!
|What American accent do you have? |
Your Result: The Inland North
|What American accent do you have?|
Take More Quizzes
No one can imagine how I feel,
No one can see the truth that is oh so real.
No one hears my soul crying in the night,
No one will ever see the shining beauty of my light.
I am longing for to touch you, I am longing for to hold you.
No one can make my dreams come true, no one but you.
Can't you imagine how I feel?
Can't you see the truth that is oh so real?
Can you hear my soul crying in the night?
Can you see the shining beauty of my light?
Touch me, hold me,
let me become one with thee.
This is my wish, my inner most dream,
let me be floating with you on the stream.
I am the one who knows how you feel.
I am the one who sees the truth that is oh so real.
I hear your soul crying in the night,
I see the beauty of your shining light.
Reach out your hand - here I am
Open your eyes - here I am
I am the one crying in the night,
I am the one hidden behind the unearthy light.
The one I am for you to stand,
The one I am for you - just reach out your hand.
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
First I read about Chase’s behaviour and felt my anger rising again. How could he? How dared he? Touching my husband and making such insulting offers! The second thing what made me pissy was the fact that Greg misinterpreted my lunch break with Danby.
It was just a normal lunch break with colleagues and we talked about current cases. I would have loved to spend my lunch with Gregory but reality sometimes strikes back. So I just couldn’t spend my lunch with him and my dream of having a more than pleasant dessert vanished into nothing.
So Greg misinterpreted that break and got blockheaded again. I was just going about leaving my office and Danby stood next to me when the phone rang. I picked up the phone “Wilson?. "No need to come here, I'll figure that out alone!", barked in my ear and before I could answer or even ask what’s the matter I heard the clicking sound when he hang up.
I stared at the phone and rubbed my neck then I hang it up. Danby was looking at me questioningly as he sure has heard Greg’s barking. I just shrugged and explained, “Seems that we don’t have to go to Dr. House. He wants to figure it out alone.” Danby raised an eyebrow “Are you okay?”, he asked. “Sure I am” and I nodded to underscore it.
Danby shrugged and said, “What about checking that file then?” and he handed me a file of man in his mid 50s. After some discussions we figured out that he could have esophageal cancer. The patient has dysphagia (diffulty swallowing), burning pain and lost weight and he is a chain smoker. “Okay, we make an EGD, CT, FDG-PET and an EUS”, I said and handed Danby the file back. He nodded and we both went out of the office.
Danby made his way to the patient and I proceeded to Greg’s office. I surely wanted to know what was going on with him. The blends were closed and I entered his office without knocking, but no one was in there. I checked the adjoining conference room but could only find Foreman pouring some coffee. “Hey Foreman”, I greeted him and he greeted me back. “Do you know where Dr. House is?”
He just shrugged “Sorry, I don’t know.” Dammit! I thanked him and returned to my office. On my way back I ran into Chase. He hasn’t seen me and nor did I as I was miles away thinking.
We collided and both wanted to stammer and excuse when we noticed in who we ran in. Chase became pale and my anger was back again. “You…” I pointed at him, Chase tried to back up but I grabbed his collar, looked around and noticed we were standing right in front of my office. So I dragged him in my office and pinned him at the wall.
Chase was pale like a ghost by then and I started to shout “You filthy pig! I should kill you!” He tried to free himself and I punched him hard against the wall again which made him gasp. “Wilson…” he stammered, “NO, there is no excuse for what you did today! If you are pissed then – fine – I am your goal and not Gregory!” I walked back a few steps and pointed at me “Punch me, if you want to”. Chase became even paler and shook his head, “You chicken out now? Punching a woman you can but not me? Bastard!”, I barked.
His face now turned to red and he stammered “Who told you about that?”, “That doesn’t matter. I know you had a fight with Ginger yesterday. Idiot I am felt sorry that she attacked you with a shot!” I rubbed my forehead and forced me to calm down, but when I saw that he wanted to open the door and slip out, I pinned him again at the wall and hissed “No, you wont get away with it now!”
I saw the anger rising in his eyes and he pushed me back, that was way too much for me. I jammed my fist into his stomach, Chase panted hard and his fist met my chin – Wooooooooosh!
We both collapsed on the floor, gasping. Chase looked at me with a shocked expression on his face “Oh my god, Wilson … I … “ he stammered and I rubbed my chin (damn it hurts like hell!) giving him a stern look. “Go!” I whispered and pointed at the door.
Chase jumped up and took flight. I managed to stand up and went to the cupboard, opened it and drew out a bottle of single malt, which is in there for long nights. I poured a glass and downed it at once.
Then I sat down on my chair, hiding my face in my hands – “What have I done?” I thought. I poured another drink and sipped some single malt, I turned to my computer and checked Greg’s blog. That was when I found his entry about my lunch break – God, I was more than pissed when I read it and my comment was a bit harsh.
Greg must be here in a few minutes – I hope. Thanks I have no appointment – it was of course a lie that I have an appointment with a patient, but in my current state I couldn’t stand his eyes.
I downed my glass and now I am waiting for Greg.
I made this photo during the lunch break.
He really is a nice man and he knows his job pretty good. I went through his work this morning and just have to admit that he is a good oncologist and knows what he is doing.
Of course, the nurses love him - no surprise as he is a handsome man and I think a little heartbreaker too. More than once I heard a deep sighing when he passed by some nurses.
“I could do with a bath now”, Gregory whispered in my ear while we were laying on the floor of the living room (just don’t ask!). I fondled his hair and nodded, “This seems to be a very good idea, darling”, I replied. He stood up and massaged his leg a bit, it always hurts me when I am the cause his leg is in pain. “Does it hurt because of …you know?” I asked him and I am pretty sure I had a very concerned look upon my face. “Just the usual pain”, he said and looked at me “You don’t have to worry. What we do is a pleasure and there is no need to be sorry about it afterwards.”
I got up and handed him the Vicodin bottle, which was standing on the mantelshelf. He popped out two pills and dry-swallowed them. “If they allow you to make such things with me, I should probably write a letter to the pharma company and thank them”, I said with a smile. Greg grinned back and then limped to the bathroom.
The cushions were laying on the floor and the side-lamp was leaning against the sofa, so I rearranged the things again and then followed Greg to the bathroom. He had lit some candles and the light was turned out, the scent of cedar filled the air and Greg was already laying in the bathtub, eyes closed. At the very sight of him laying there in the tub surrounded by floating bubbles my heart began to race like greyhounds.
“May I join?” I asked him and wasn’t surprised to hear my voice sounding more than a bit hoarsely. He nodded without opening his eyes and I carefully climbed in the tub, “Ehm, I need some space as well…”, I said. Greg opened his eyes and the expression in them made me gasp. He grabbed my hips and sat upright – and what followed next can only be described with Wooo-hoooo!
After the bath we got dressed and went back to the living room, listening to some special kind of music (Amélie soundtrack to be exact) and having another cup (or two) of coffee. The rain outside clutched against the windows and it was so warm and cosy in the living room.
Suddenly Greg stood up and said, “I think I’ll have a stroll …”. I looked up and sure I was surprised it was raining cats and dogs outside, “Now?!” I asked him.
Greg gave me a nod “Mhm…I just fancy that now.”
“Well, he is sometimes a bit weird” I thought and then asked him if I may join him. “That’s exactly what I wanted to hear”, he replied and grinned at me. I stood up and took my coat, Greg opened the door and stared at the rain “Ukk…look at that rain!”, I put my arm around his shoulder and whispered in his ear “We could just go back and curl up on the sofa again?!”.
He shook his head “No I really want to have a stroll now!”, he insisted and so I conceded and we stepped out in the rainy Sunday afternoon. After a few steps Greg suddenly stopped and leaned back his head, closed his eyes and opened his mouth. God, he looked so damn cute, happy and unbelievably sexy – I embraced him and pulled him closer “Oh my God, Greg…I could take you right now!”, I whispered in his ear. And that is only the truth …
Of course I didn’t mean right in the middle of the street – but in that very moment I just wanted to have him, feel our bodies become one …
"Now? Here? In the middle of the street?", Greg asked me with a slightly blushed face. "Mmmmm...no. Maybe at the beach...", I replied and had to grin. Sometimes I succeed in shocking him.
Gregory grinned back and shrugged. So we walked on and he took my hand. As it was rather cold I put our hand in my coat pocket and we proceeded to the beach promenade. The rain left us alone on the street and so it was no wonder that the café where we wanted to have a hot chocolate was closed due to the bad weather.
We strolled along the beach and finally reached the log, where I spent half of a night some weeks ago. We stopped and watched the grey sea thundering against some rocks. My thoughts want back to that evening when I wanted to tell Greg the truth about my someone and that damn thunder swallowed my last words down.
Delighted that everything went well I strechted out my arms and circled around like a child dancing in the rain. I could just swallow down to sing “I’m singing in the rain, just singing in the rain …”. Then I stopped and found myself standing before Gregory who looked at me with an enchanting smile upon his face. I flung my arms around him and covered us with my coat.
"I love you so much", I whispered and kissed him tenderly. He returned the kiss and I felt my head flying up high – my thought of having him at the beach came in my love dazed head, and I found myself opening his belt and letting my hand slip in his trousers.
“Oh God” I thought and began to caress him and kissed his neck. A moan slipped out of Gregory’s mouth and I drew him closer “Shall I stop?” I asked him and he just shook his head. "Nonononononononono!", he replied.
Then he layed down in the sand and pulled me with him. My heart was pounding against my chest and Greg stared at me panting and said "Please...".I looked around searchingly, "Impossible...what if someone approaches? This could cause us jail..."Greg’s pupils were widened and he repeated "Pleeeeeze!" It cost me all my will to close his trousers again and to shake my head. "Not here...don't be silly...Let's go back home", I managed to say."How long will this take?", he asked me while I helped him up."Five-minute-walk...", I replied and thought “This will be some long five minutes!”
"HURRY!", Greg exclaimed and began to hobble in our cottage's direction. I followed him and nearly ran into him as he suddenly stopped. “What?”, I thought and looked at him questioningly. "Pleeeeeeeeeeeze!", he whined and that was enough for me and my self-imposed resistance, so I grabbed his collar and dragged him to some bushes. I softly pushed him down in the sands and covered us with my coat. Glad there was no soul around, as I gave him what he wanted to have.
I snuggled against him and he moaned a bit in his sleep, my fingers softly caressed the palm of his hand and I inhaled the scent of Halston and just Gregory. “My god, why does it feel all so good?” I thought and I heard a voice in my head “Because this is how it is meant to be”, no it was not a hallucination, it was just my inner voice speaking to me. I thought about all my marriages before and the affairs I had as well and I had to admit that I never felt this way before.
Although I know that we both can be real menaces and blockheads, that living the way we do know will have its challenges as we are sometimes so different but as weird as it sounds, this fits it just fits. I need him so much, need him being around, he makes me laugh, he makes me feel, “Yes, he just makes me good”, I thought and pressed his hand against my pounding heart.
“What are you pondering?” he whispered softly in my ear and a sigh slipped out of my mouth “How did you know that?” I murmured. His hand slipped under my pyjama shirt and gently touched my skin, “Because you sighed and I could feel your heart beating faster”, he answered and placed a soft kiss on my neck. I closed my eyes and a smile appeared on my face. “I was just thinking of how good this is feeling”, I spoke silently. “Mhmm”, he groaned and started to unbutton my shirt.
His soft touch upon my skin gave me heebie-jeebies and I felt the soft heat rising. Gregory turned me on the back and leaned over me. His eyes met mine and my glance was drawn to his mouth as he spoke, “You really don’t know how good it is to have you by my side”. I gently touched his lips and could feel him shivering slightly, “I perfectly know what you mean”, I whispered and my hand wandered to his neck and I drew him closer to kiss him tenderly.
We got lost in ourselves and softness and tenderness nearly made us mad. No word was spoken for more than half an hour, we just exchanged glances, touches and kisses. The only sound you could hear was the rustling of the sheets and our groaning and sighs.
Afterwards we just lay there holding us for another couple of minutes. It was Greg who spoke first and he had to clear his throat before, “I simply forgot to say ‘Good morning’ to you” and a smile arose on his face. I smiled back, “Good morning to you as well” I whispered and placed a kiss on his forehead.
He closed his eyes for a second, “We should stop this tenderness right now, otherwise I will go crazy”, Greg moaned. A laughter slipped out of my mouth and I just nodded “You are right, my nerves are already aching like hell.” He looked at me grinning and asked, “What about going back to reality and I make us some coffee?”, “Good idea, I really could do with some” I replied and we both got up.
“What a wonderful way to start a day” I thought and collected the clothes from the bedroom floor.
Monday, November 27, 2006
"Shall I pick it up?" I asked Gregory and he gave me a warm smile. "It is yours as well now, go ahead" he said and pointed at the phone. "Yes, mine as well" I thought and with smile I picked up the phone. "Wilson and House", I answered and the smile vanished from my face. I turned on the speaker "You BASTARD! What was in that shower gel?" Chase yelled at me, Greg stared at me and began to snicker.
I rubbed my neck and avoided to start laughing "Chase, calm down!", "Calm DOWN? I am naked as a baby boy now! CALM DOWN?!!" he shouted and Gregory burst out with laughter.
"Chase, it will grow again! Now calm down a bit" I replied and tried not to giggle. Gregory pointed at me and laughed his ass off, I had to turn around otherwise I would have cried tears of laughter by now. "Yah, I can hear House laughing this is sooooo funny, isn't it?!" I couldnt resist and allowed me a giggle "C'mon Chase, it was just a sweet little revenge. You deserved it and you know it!"
"DESERVED it? Are you mad?! I AM NAKED!", I tried to keep my countenance and just said, "It's only your body, isn't it?". Chase gasped "ONLY ... only ...yes it is only my body hair! And be sure if it would have been my hair, you would be in the emergency right now!". My thoughts wandered to Chase being naked like a baby and I hat to bite my hand not to laugh madly. With tears of laughter running down my cheek I managed to speak fairly normal "It will grow again, in a few weeks there will be some hair, Chase. It was only depilatory cream."
No answer and then just a snarled "ASSHOLE!" and he hang up. I couldn't hold the laughter back any longer and had a fit of laughter, Greg was already holding his belly and tried to catch breath again, tears were running down his cheek and the mere look at him made me start laughing again and again.
"Ooh goooood, I... can't breath anymore" I said between two laughs and let me sink on the floor, clutching the sofa. "Imagine him..." Greg giggled, which caused us to start laughing madly again.
Some minutes later we managed to breath and behave normal and we were both wiping our tears away. "Geesh, James remember me not to incur the wrath of you!" Another giggle slipped out of my mouth and I managed to nod "You better don't forget it!".
Oh Lord, revenge can be so bitter-sweet ... Chase don't be too pissed!
There is not much to tell about the Saturday – we have been very lazy all the day and enjoyed being alone again. Well and what are you doing when you have a little honeymoon? Right, we just cuddled, snuggled, snogged, went for a stroll at the beach and had some coffee with scones.
It was just a beautiful, lazy day. We wanted to have fondue for dinner so we had to buy some meat (chicken, beef and Greg insisted on pork as well), French bread, olives, tomatoes and mozzarella cheese for an Italian salad – and some beverages as our families had emptied everything. So we just bought some Guinness, Kilkenny (for me) and some Arran (it is a single malt).
This time Greg helped me preparing the food for dinner until I sent him to the sitting rooms as he was always distracting me with coming much to close, embracing me from behind and kissing my neck etc.
During dinner we talked about this and that (the hospital, the last few days and some future plans) – it was a more than pleasant evening and we ended up laying on the sofa watching Fallen and talking about it afterwards.
I really enjoyed that day – but it might be of no interest for you as this is what all friends are having from time to time – just a wonderful day and evening.
He looked at me unsteadily and forced a smile on his face “Dr. Wilson, here I am!” he said. I just nodded and gestured him to take a seat. “Take a seat, Dr. Chase or will you first have a look on the balcony to make sure no one is there?” He blushed and shook his head “No, I trust you…” he murmured and sat down.
I stood up and poured two coffees then handed him one mug. “Thank you” he said and I couldn’t hide a grin and sat down again. “So …” I started but was suddenly interrupted by him “Before you rip my head off please let me say that I am totally sorry of what happened”.
I leaned back and gave him a stern look “Good!”. Chase swallowed hard and sipped some coffee. I took a deep breath “And now explain me please why on earth you wanted to have a milkshake with House flavour? What stupid ideas do you have in your mind? Grabbing Greg’s butt as well?! Can you explain THAT? Not to mention your other sick ideas?!” While speaking I stared at Chase who’s face became purple. He played with a pencil and stared on the floor.
“I … I …” he stammered, “You … what?” I snarled at him. His face became nearly crimson and he looked up “I was drunk! I didn’t know what I’ve said!” he tried to explain. “Yeah you were drunk – BUT you told him twice! You made it very clear what you wanted to do with him! Pinning him against the wall …table…and what else?!” I stood up and walked around like a tiger in his cage. Chase followed every single step but dared to say nothing at all.
“Speak!” I shouted at him and he flinched. I really had to hide a devilish smile – he really suffered. “He … I …” he started, then took a deep breath and continued “I was pissed! He annoyed me so often and I just wanted to return the like.” I wheezed “Return the like by making such offers? He never did so!”
Chase brushed his forehead “I know he didn’t not and I overdid it. But well I had all those things in my mind …”, I merely snorted and he continued “However I did not mean …”, I approached him and bent over “So tell me, Chase, what the FUCK did you mean?”. He backed off and looked at me shocked. “What do you think I can’t get angry? Be sure, I am totally pissed off!”
I started to walk around again “Bloody hell! What would you do if someone would just make such offers to Cameron and grab her butt? Think about it, man!” He looked down and whispered “I’d break him every single bone…”, “What? Repeat it please!” I shouted at him. “I’D BREAK HIM EVERY SINGLE BONE!” he exclaimed and looked me in the eyes.
“Fine, fine…” I nodded, “So what do you think I should do now?” Chase swallowed and shrugged “I don’t know. I can only tell you that I am more than sorry and that it won’t happen again!”
I looked out of the window and as he couldn’t see my face I smiled then turned around with a straight face. “First there is the invoice from Point Pleasant” I drew the envelope out of my pocket and handed it him, without looking on it he slipped it in his pocket and nodded. “Second you will have to make an excuse to Gregory”, another nod “And third, you will tell me of whom you thought while offering this sick things…” he looked shocked and swallowed again.
“Don’t make me do this, please!” he plead. “Yes, I will! Go ahead I am waiting” and with these words I took a seat on the sofa.
I could see him dithering and then he looked at me again “It was Foreman…” he said and blushed slightly. A gasp slipped out of my mouth “Foreman, huh? Well this would explain it though” and I raised an eyebrow.
“Is it enough now?” Chase wanted to know and I just nodded “Yeah it is enough you can go.” Chase got out of his chair and turned towards the door “Ah Chase…” I said and looked at me, I waived with the shower gel “This is your, I found it in my bag. Must be from Canada.” He came back and grabbed the gel and looked at it “Yes, that is mine. You can keep it if you want!”, I negated “No, I don’t like coconut flavour that much.” He just shrugged and let it slip in his left pocket.
We exchanged glances and then he turned around and went out of the office. I leaned back and stared at the ceiling, the balcony door opened and I didn’t have to turn my head to know who came in.
“You really can be a blaggard”, Greg said and then he started to giggle. I turned my head slightly and started to snicker “I know”. Greg shut the balcony door and sat next to me “Where is Foreman?” I asked, “He is already gone”, Greg replied and leaned his head against my shoulder.
“Bloody hell? Huh?” he asked and we both started to giggle and finally roared with laughter.
No it really doesn’t suck, but the last week just rushed and now we are here again. I still have to tell you about what happened on Saturday and Sunday – I promise I will tell you.
We got up early this morning and as we went to bed early on Sunday we had enough sleep. We just needed it … the Sunday was a bit weird. I felt miles high – and with high I mean HIGH. Okay I don’t want to spoil everything – so I will write a new entry about it …
All things were packed and we just had some breakfast coffee and then we drove back to Princeton. Lucky we didn’t have to bring back the key. “Just lay it on the kitchen table when you leave” the landlady told us on Wednesday and so we did.
As it was still early we had no traffic probs and arrived at the PPTH at about 8.45 am. We signed in and were lucky no one special was around asking dumb questions – so we just made our way to the offices.
“What about an early morning coffee in my office?” I asked Greg. “Early morning coffee, huh?” he asked with a broad grin on his face. I gave him a soft nudge “Yeah, just coffee!”, Greg shrugged “Why not?!”
“Fine then, I’ll be back in a minute!” I answered and went to the oncologists’ room where coffee was already percolated. I returned with a coffee pot and two mugs, Greg was sitting on the sofa running over the pages of a file. “What are you reading?” I asked and placed the mugs and the pot on the desk. He looked up “Boring stuff, this guy has lung cancer” and with these words he threw the file back on my desk.
I grabbed it and checked the symptoms “Chest pain that doesn't go away, coughing up blood, wheezing, swollen neck and face …Yeah it could be lung cancer. We will do all the testings and then we will know it.” Greg has already poured some coffee and handed me the mug “It is lung cancer, pretty sure!”
I sighed “You don’t know it yet”, he raised an eyebrow “Go on make your testings and then you can invite me for lunch because I was right.” I sipped some coffee “I would have invited you for lunch anyway, so what?”
Gregory grinned “You are still pissed because of the Lepraxo?”, I changed into my labcoat and gave him a side glance. “It wasn’t your fault you were already stoned by then” – then I heard some funny music “Did you hear that?” I asked him and he looked at me enquiringly “Nooo?! Do you still have some hallucinations?”, I blushed slightly and he stood up and approached.
“Look me in the eyes, hun’” he demanded and I obeyed “Pupils are still a bit widened. Do you hear voices, sounds or see funny stuff?”, I nodded slightly “Just sometimes…”. He grinned “You shan’t tell it Cuddy and an advice, if you are not sure that something really was said, just keep your mouth shut!”, I nodded. He patted my shoulder “You will be okay again”, I snorted.
“Why don’t you have any problems? You took them first!”, Greg shrugged “Don’t know …”.
I rummaged in my bag and put a shower gel on the table “Do you want to have a shower now?” Greg asked and pointed at the gel. A smile appeared on my face “No, that is Chase’s shower gel you know” and I winked at him. “Ah, his … Fine then!”, he downed his coffee and turned to the door. “Your appointment with him is at about 10 am, isn’t it?” he asked “Yep, it is!” I replied and we both grinned.
We had a fantastic Saturday and a, how to say, funny and interesting Sunday. How can anyone just think Lepraxo is a sweetener?
I still have some weird moments... Be sure everything will be written down!
Just don't have much time at the moment ...
I am busy you know. Be back with some longer posts...
Saturday, November 25, 2006
music: Katie Melua - I cried for you
I am up in the sky and feeling more than high. Gregory is still sleeping or should I say, sleeping again?
Our evening and night was packed with pure romantic and love. Our family has left us alone after dinner and so we had the rest of the evening just for us. We lit some candles, made some fire in the fireplace and first watched the movie A little princess.
Greg was a bit sceptical at first but he liked it. We were laying on the sofa, cushions in my back and Greg between my legs (not what you think!)
It felt so good having him near me, the warmth of his body, the scent of Halston and softener ... ah it makes me sighing again.
Aberlour was our companion through the evening - yeah it was very nice. After the movie we talked about this and that and listened to some special kind of music.
It was three in the morning when I checked the clock, "Uuh, it is already three o'clock!" I said and couldn't believe it. Greg smiled at me "Time for bed?", I looked at him and there they were again ... those butterflies in my stomach, so I just nodded.
He was sitting on the floor and so he leaned over to me and grabbed my legs, then he drew me from the sofa. "Ouch, what..." I exclaimed but wasn't able to say more as he closed my mouth with a more than passionate kiss.
"I changed my mind" he whispered in my ear and started to remove my shirt. Every free inch of my skin was kissed, a groan slipped out of my mouth and my head dropped back. Changing minds can sometimes be very...interesting.
We managed to go to bed at about five o'clock and I woke up at about 10 am. The blanket covered us completely and Greg held me close at his side, I started to move carefully and wanted to stand up without waking him up. His soft grip around my waist became closer and he pulled me back, "Where do you think you are going?" he murmured, "Making coffee" I said with a smile. He replied with a groan and I wanted to stand up again but was pushed back into the cushions "You are not supposed to move" he whispered and his fingers started to caress me softly. I sighed deeply and managed to answer "What am I supposed to do then?", he turned me on the back and bent over me, his eyes were shining bright when he said "Let me show you".
An hour later I stood up and percolated some coffee, Greg is still sleeping ... but I think the scent of coffee will soon wake him up. I'll go and have a shower now.
music: Music of the night - A. L. Webber
Anyone who knows this movie?
I know it is kind of sentimental women stuff - but I have to admit I like those little actresses. Alfonso Cuarón made a really magical movie - full of magic, dreaming and feelings. The film is based on the popular 1888 children's book Sara Crewe by Frances Hodgson Burnett.
A Little Princess is a tale about self-respect and the importance of imagination. To quote her "father": "Magic has to be believed -- that's the only way it's real."
Am I sentimental? Yes I sometimes am.
What makes us escaping in books, music or even movies? A question I think anyone of us is asking from time to time ... what is the answer? I think this depends from the point of the viewer and even my opinion changes from time to time.
Sometimes I just read because of reading, then I want to escape from all the "normal" bustle around me and then there is as well the feeling to understand more, to see more and to feel more ...
Listening to some special kind of music brings different emotions as well - I need music to think, to get away, to lift my mood up, to get back to reality or just to hear it.
So we see - we cant say what makes us reading, listening or watching.
Movies ... what is the purpose? Why do we watch them? Good question! There are some kind of movies I really don't like and don't want to see... what kind of? Hmmm, I think this is getting very private. I don't like too realistic movies on the one hand but on the other it is sometimes good to have realism. Some make me laugh, some make me think, some make me cry (I have to admit) and some just make me say "No never again!"
Why am I writing this - don't know ... perhaps this movie made me just think about it.
What do you think? What makes you reading, listening or watching (movies, theater ... )?
Friday, November 24, 2006
As the rest of the family explored Point Pleasant and its surroundings today we had some time - just for us and we could do everything we wanted to.
It was a very very pleasant day.
This evening we were invited for dinner - in that restaurant we've been some weeks ago. Sure the waitress remembered us - god, this was embarassing!
The rest of the evening was packed with conversation about this and that.
After the main course the conversation turned to our marriage and as we haven't told them yet I felt a bit uncomfortable. My mom asked if we had already met Samuel in Boston. "Um...yeeees...we met him this Tuesday..." was the reply. "Ooooh, I am hoping that you consider a ceremony held by him after this civil marriage thing. What do you think about it? Would that be a problem for you, Greg?" she asked and looked at Greg.
Greg looked in his glass "Erm...I...." to give him some support I took his hand and smiled at him. "That's fairly easy", he continued and gave my mom a smile "I remember some words which hit the mark."
Then he turned to me, beaming "Remember? Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God.
And where you die, I will die and there I will be buried. May the Lord do with me and more if anything but death parts you from me." My heart was racing and I really had to held myself back not to kiss him feverishly, so I just blinked back some tears which came up. He smiled, "So...if James wants to - why not? His God will be my God...". Who'd ever thought he'd be that loveable ...and he is mine!
Greg's father (and now my father in law) cleared his throat "So tell us, when are we supposed to be at the city hall on the 9th?". Oooh, now it was time to tell them, my eyes wandered to Greg and I could see him swallowing. "Um...you don't have to show up there...", he began. "Greg! You're impossible! Of course we will be there", Blythe exclaimed. "We want to attend your marrage, you know?" Now it was his turn to shift uncomfortably and I squeezed Gregory's hand slightly.
He bit his lower lip and I caressed his hand secretly. Greg took a deep breath "But we are already married...", seven jaws dropped and I cleared my throat.
"You are WHAT?" my mom cried out. "Married" I replied and gave her a "please don't be upset" look It was now me taking a deep breath "Well, let me explain it before you start killing us, okay?" Nathan and John just grunted a bit, Blythe nodded and my mom said "Go ahead ...", I swallowed "We had a brawl on Monday..." some gasps could be heard and Greg interrupted "Not a severe one... I was just ...", "He was just a bit scared that I could leave him and so I just asked him, if he wants to marry me." Greg looked at me and smiled "Sure I wanted to...", I smiled back "So did I and that is why I just arranged a date with Mr. Pollack the Justice of Peace and I talked to Samuel and Eric as well." I looked around and saw seven interested faces, Blythe gestured me to continue.
"We got married on Tuesday at five o'clock with Samuel and Eric as our witnesses." I closed and shifted uncomfortably. Nathan nodded and said "So you are already married, hm?", we both agreed. John grinned "And we are disturbing your little honeymoon right now, aren't we?" Rachel giggled and Blythe gasped "Oh dears ..."
Greg caressed my hand and he continued "You are right...it is our little retreat here", and we both grinned. "Well that is only fair" my mom said and gave me a stern look. I swallowed again "We ... we ...talked with Samuel...", Greg interrupted me "Yes and we will celebrate on the 9th of December, as promised with a little jewish ceremony just for our family and some ...ehm... friends."
Our mom's faces lit up "Oh that would be so nice, darlings!" Blythe exclaimed. The women suddenly started to whisper and giggle and we men just looked at each other. John raised his glass "So, I want to speak a toast" - all went silent and John continued "I am proud of you ...sons! Very proud that you both made that special step! I wish you all the luck you deserve...". Greg squeezed my hand a bit and I bent forward and placed a soft kiss on his cheek.
Well that wasn't that bad ...
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Isn't it childish?
I was sipping my coffee and looking at Greg, who buttered his toast. "Is there something special we've planned for today?" I asked him. "I don't know. Honey is empty, so we could try...", "Nah, I didn't mean that!" I interrupted and smiled. He just shrugged and bit off a piece of toast, "Fhat day if it?", he asked.
"Ehm, must be Thursday, 23rd November. I have the feeling we've forgotten something." I replied and furrowed my brow. "Hmmm, let me see it is end of November, 'till X-mas there are still some weeks left", Greg said and then his eyes popped open and his toast dropped on the plate. "What?", "Oh my fucking god! It is Thanksgiving!" he hissed.
"Nooooo, this can't be ... this would mean our parents..." I stopped talking and my thoughts were rummaging in my head. "Oh my god, Greg, you are right!" I whispered and we looked at each other with a shocked expression.
"Did you...?" I asked him. Greg negated "You...?", I shook my head as well and we both had to swallow hard.
I stood up and walked to and fro in the kitchen, Gregory's eyes followed my steps, "So what will we do now? They will be in Princeton..." I checked my watch "in about five hours and we won't be at home." Gregory leaned back in his chair "We could ask Foreman to pin a note at the door 'House-Wilson moved to Europe!' or so?".
I raised an eyebrow, "No good idea! Think about something else ...", I said and combed with my fingers through my hair. "Oh, you look so cute when doing this" he said with a smile. Well I couldn't hide a grin but then looked serious again "C'mon, just think!"
He popped out a Vicodin and swallowed it down with some coffee. "There are a few possibilities, first: We could move to Europe!" I rolled my eyes towards heaven, "Second: We could pretend having an emergency case in the hospital. What would mean we have to go there as well. Bad idea!", I nodded. "Third: We could tell them the truth, that we have totally forgotten and got married without telling them!", he grinned devilishly "Bad idea! Very bad one!", I exclaimed.
"Or fourth: What about flying to Hawaii?" and he gave me a warm smile.
"All of them won't work they will find and kill us, I am pretty sure of that!" I sighed and gnawed on my lower lip. "Well there would be another option though..." I said and gave him a shy side glance.
"No, don't look at me like that. I know I'll hate your idea." he said and pointed a finger at me. I approached and bent down, looking him straight in the eyes "We could invite them to come here...", his chair was pushed back and he stood up. "I knew I'd hate it! This is our retreat, I... I don't want them here."
This was when Greg's mobile rang, he answered it without having a look at the display "Yes? It's Dr. Wilson! With whom do I have the pleasure of speaking? Quick! Confess!"
I smiled at him and shook my head. "Uh....hi, Mom!" Greg said and stared at me. My smile turned into a broad grin. Hell has finally found us ...
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
The champagne was poured by a waitress and Samuel cleared his throat, "Well I think it is time for a toast now." Greg looked slightly uncomfortable and I put my arm around his hip. "Look down god, and on this couple drop a blessed crown. My Greatest wish for the two of you is that through the years your love for each other will so deepen and grow, that years from now you will look back on this day, your wedding day, as the day you loved each other the least." He looked at us and I gave him a warm smile, then he continued with his speech "I am looking forward to the 9th of December when we will all gather again to celebrate this happy event with all the family and friends. May the best day of your past be the worst day of your future." He then saluted to us and we both smiled at him. "Now it is my part to say a toast" Eric spoke and I looked a bit surprised as he normally is not such a speaker, he looked from me to Greg and back and then started "Here is a toast to lying, cheating, stealing and drinking" I could feel me blushing deeply and heard Gregory breathing in, Eric grinned and continued "If you lie, lie only to keep a friend. If you cheat, may you cheat death. If you steal, steal your lover's heart. If you drink, drink deeply of the joy of your new life together." He raised his glass "The man you really love will never grow old to you. Through the wrinkles of time, through the bowed frame of years, You will always see the dear face and feel the warm heart union of your eternal love." I had to choke on a tear and was only able to nod.
Gregory cleared his throat and turned me around, then he looked me deep in the eyes and as it happens so often I didn't know wether I was still standing or floating. "I am not very good with such speeches you know. But I will try it with some simple words... I want somebody to share, share the rest of my life, share my innermost thoughts, know my intimate details, someone who'll stand by my side and give me support." He paused and swallowed, "And in return he'll get my support, he will listen to me when I want to speak about the world we live in and life in general. Though my views may be wrong, they may even be perverted, he'll hear me out and wont easily be converted to my way of thinking. In fact he'll often disagree - but at the end of it all ...he will understand me." Gregory dropped his glance and looked on the floor, I gently touched his cheek and tenderly lifted his head up "Not my words, I know..." he mumbled, I hushed him by kissing him deeply.
"You know, Greg, this was the most beautiful thing I've every heard and I am proud - more than proud - to be that someone", I said with a soft voice. Samuel and Eric were totally forgotten and my look was just focused on my husband (yes! husband!). "Let me use some words which don't belong to me as well" I said and still held his glance "One half of me is yours, the other half yours. Mine own, I would say; but if mine, then yours and so all yours. I love you, Gregory". We still kept eye-contact and were just brought back again by some sobbing from behind. We turned around and looked at the waitress standing there, brushing some tears away "I am sorry" she stammered "But this was all so wonderful! I wish you all the very best" and she approached and shook our hands. We all had to smile again and thanked her for the congratulation.
After that Gregory downed his champagne "Fine now" and he clapped his hands "Let us stop with that sentimental talkings now otherwise we will soon be patients in the PPTH due to starving and dehidration." Eric and Samuel started to laugh and I had to grin as it was so typical for him "Right you are Greg, we don't want to be at the hospital - not with the current staff" and I gave him a wink. He snickered "Good point!"
We all took seat and checked the menu. The food was excellent, we had a three course menu. A chilled melon soup was the starter, accompanied by some good Chenin Blanc. The main course was lobster on a bed of chosen vegetables accompanied by a Chardonnay. For dessert we had warm chocolate pie with a good, old Port wine. After that absolutely excellent dinner we talked about this and we all had a more than pleasant evening. We closed our evening with a cigar and a 30-year old Macallan single malt.
As Eric invited us for dinner we wanted to pay the beverages but Samuel insisted on paying them. The Macallan alone must have cost him a little fortune ...
In front of the restaurant we said goodbye to Eric and Samuel and must bore some salacious jokes, which we only commented with grins and laughter. Our cab finally arrived and we waved them a bye and then we were alone. On the back seats of the cab we just talked about the pleasant evening and held hands like enamored teenagers. Just a short drive later we arrived at the hotel, "A short drink a the bar or up to our room?" Gregory asked me, I raised an eyebrow "UP!" I replied and he grinned "That was exactly what I wanted to hear." I gave him a warm smile and we proceeded to our suite.
"Wait" I said when I've opened the door. Gregory gave me an enquiring look "Grab your cane" I said and he swallowed. I just shrugged "I've promised!" and with these words I lifted him up "Be careful, Jim", Greg hissed. My eyes met his and I carried him over the threshold, "You ate too much" I grunted a bit and he just shook his head and was swallowing. I shut the door with my foot, "Let me down..." he panted. "Am I hurting you?" I asked and he denied. "Fine then" I replied and carried him towards the bedroom. "I ... I don't want to cause you a hernia" he whispered, "You wont" I mumbled into his ear and then lay him softly down.
He layed on the bed, looking at me and I suddenly fell my knees becoming jelly. I bent down, caressed his cheek, fondled his hair and kept his glance. He grabbed my collar and drew me closer and murmured "Now, I can do what I was longing for the whole day!"
Checking our sites, reading and then running away - well you guys just make me sigh and shake my head.
Believe me - I won't bite! Promise!
Do you know, by the way, what Greg is reading at the moment? Now? Let me show you:
Isn't it interesting? I'll cling on my Shakespeare sonnets ...
It was a reflection of my soul at that time ...
You give the warmth of life to me,
I'll try to give it back to thee.
Thy eyes are like stars in the night,
making me tremble when they are shining so bright.
Your gentle touch just makes me fly,
I am over the moon and up so high!
I belong to you, you belong to me -
now it is so, it was meant to be!
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
But let me start from the beginning:
As you all sure know we had a brawl yesterday afternoon. Greg was down to earth after the postcard Geinen sent me. After our little discussion – I asked him something what made all our plans changing …
And there we were… in Boston, in the hotel room, in the registrar’s office and … well and in front of Mr. Pollack, …
However – I want to start in the hotel room. In order to distract himself a bit Gregory sat in front of the computer and wrote an entry, I tried to calm down with reading but had to find out that I couldn’t concentrate on the letters. So I tried to listen to some music and I ended up listening to Creed.
Gregory just looked at me “Jimmy, this music can’t calm you down, you know?”, I merely nodded and let my eyes shut. “You are right” I said and stood up, “Let me check the internet, please” and so I did. I was unable to write an entry but checked the comments, my email account and Deviant Art – suddenly Greg said “Ooooooh my god, it’s only half an hour left ‘till your cousin will pick us up!” I turned my head around “No?!!!”, Greg just nodded.
“God!” I cried out and ran into the bathroom to get ready. I heard Gregory rummaging in the bedroom and looked into the mirror “Calm down, Evan, just calm down a bit!” I said to myself.
Then I took several deep breaths – “Breath in … and … out, in and out” I said to me again and felt the tension declining a bit. I put my bow-tie on and checked my reflection then I nodded “Think this will do” I whispered and opened the door. “Are you ready?” I shouted and waited for an answer, “In a second!” came the answer from the bedroom.
“I’ll go into the living room … may I?” I replied – a simple “Fine!” was the answer. So I went into the living room and avoided to sit down. Nervously I rearranged my cummerbund and looked up as I heard Greg approaching. We both stared at each other and had to swallow.
Gregory was the first one speaking “Oh my fucking god! You look absolutely fantastic! Beautiful! Terrific!” I shut my mouth as my jaw dropped down when I first saw him, I gave him a warm smile and I know my voice was hoarsely when I finally managed to speak “I can only reply this to you, Greg. You look – WOW!” We both had to grin, my eyes wandered to his cane “You even thought about using a black one!” and I pointed at it. He just shrugged and replied “Well, just for you … just for you!”
My heart was racing, my knees went jelly and I had to swallow back a tear. “But something is missing…” I whispered. Greg looked shocked “What? I …”, I approached and pinned a red rosebud at his collar. “Now it is perfect!” I said and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. Gregory gave me a warm smile and drew me closer “May I kiss you?”, he asked shyly and before I could answer he gave me such a tender kiss it nearly made my heart stopped beating.
The kiss may have lasted one second or two billion light-years – I really can’t remember. We were brought back to earth by the knocking on the door. I cleared my throat “I think it is time now”, Greg nodded and I opened the door for him. “After you, darling!” – another shy smile and we stood in the hallway.
Samuel, my cousin and rabbi, stood there jaws dropped. “You are both looking terrific!” he said and we just smiled. Sam was dressed in black and looked very good as well. “So” I sighed “Let’s go then!” and we made our way to the car.
A limousine was waiting for us in front of the hotel and we had many eyes upon us while approaching it. Greg whispered in my ear “God, you look so sexy with that cummerbund!” I could barely hide a grin “If you want I can wear it just for you this evening…” I replied with a whisper. He nodded fiercely.
Samuel looked at us and poured a glass of champagne for each of us. We saluted and sipped the prickling liquid, a short drive later we arrived in front of the city hall, Eric was already waiting for us there and opened the car door for us. His jaw dropped as well when he saw us and he looked from me to Greg and back again, “You are a beautiful couple, you know?!” he said and made me blush with these words. Greg just stared on his shoes and shuffled his cane on the ground.
“God, you are nervous!” Eric laughed out and tapped our shoulders. “Of course, we are!” grunted Gregory and looked up. I took Greg’s hand and caressed it with my thumb, “Shall we…?”, he nodded at me and we proceeded to the room we were supposed to be at 5 pm.
We first had to handle some bumf and then had to wait for another decade (or five minutes). A man opened the door and looked outside “Ah, Dr. Gregory House and Dr. James Wilson?” he asked, we nodded simultaneously. “Fine, come in …” and he waived us inside. Eric and Samuel followed us and we all took seat.
Mr. Pollack, the justice of peace, looked at us and began:
“We are here today to witness and to celebrate the marriage of Gregory House and James Evan Wilson. They have invited me to lead their wedding ceremony, and for that, I thank them. We are gathered here in celebration to share the moment when two persons join together in the bonds of love, honor, respect and responsibility -- into the unity that is marriage.”
I took Gregory’s hand and they melted into one, then I tried to listen again what the justice of peace was saying …
“Today you declare the love and commitment you have expressed to each other many times before. Today, each of you declares for the whole world to see, that this other person has that special primary place in you life that can only be given to one other. You are not children. We are concerned here with something more beautiful than just romance. You two have decided to make the journey through life together and to help each other make as much of it as two unique individuals can.”
My eyes wandered to Gregory and I found myself drowning in deep blue eyes, we kept eye-contact and Mr. Pollack went on:
„Marriage is more than words or ceremony. It is a commitment to be reaffirmed each and every day. Happiness is the product of contentment that each has the strength to accept in their lives what can not be changed, and the love to change what can not be accepted. You can make your marriage a living thing. It will be you who begin every day making choices -- to express caring or avoiding it; to reveal love or to be too busy; to acknowledge respect and to take joy from one another or build walls -- and through those daily choices, to renew the wedding vows you will make today. It will be you, also who shapes what is possible for each other, allowing each other the space and the privacy to be unique individuals. When you follow the leading of your own personalities and talents, then each of you will have strength upon which both can depend. So it is that you come together, ready to give of yourselves and to accept each other, valuing each other's special gifts, prepared to work and to trust.”
Mr. Pollack cleared his throat and I heard someone sobbing next to me. I turned my head and saw Eric brushing away a tear. He looked at me and gave me a shy smile, I returned a weak smile and looked at the justice of peace again.
“So, having considered alone and together this marriage, I now ask you, are you ready for your vows?”
From the edge of my eye I saw Gregory nodding and I nodded as well. Greg squeezed my fingers a bit and I took a deep breath and started with a slightly trembling voice and looked into his astonishing blue eyes:
“Gregory, our miracle lies in the path we have chosen together. I enter this marriage with you knowing that the true magic of love is not to avoid changes, but to navigate them successfully.Let us commit to the miracle of making each day work - together.” Then I gave him a warm smile, he swallowed and a tear was running down his cheek.
Greg opened his mouth, closed it again, cleared his throat and then started, “I used to be afraid of falling in love, of giving my heart away. How could I trust a man to love me,to give to me all that I wanted to give to him?James, when I met you, I realized how much we could share together. You have renewed my life: Today I join that life with yours.”
Now it was me swallowing and feeling a tear running down my cheek. We were unable to break the glance – the voice of Mr. Pollack came from far away. “You have a ring for Gregory?” he asked and I could feel Samuel patting my shoulder with the tiny box I’ve given him before. It included the rings we had bought. We just thought they would be perfect. I took the box and pulled out Greg’s ring.
Mr. Pollack continued “Would you put it on his finger and repeat after me: I, James Evan take you Gregory to be my husband, and with this ring, I marry you and join my life to yours.” I took a deep breath and repeated this phrase while attaching the ring to his finger.
Then Mr. Pollack turned to Gregory, “Would you put it on his finger and repeat after me: I, Gregory take you James Evan to be my husband, and with this ring, I marry you and join my life to yours.” Gregory looked into my eyes, took the ring and said with a firm voice: “I, Gregory take you James Evan to be my husband, and with this ring, I marry you and join my life to yours.”
We held our hands and Mr. Pollack continued “May the love that you feel and share today continue to grow deeper and stronger all the days of your lives. Having declared yourselves to each other among your witnesses, you are now married.”
Samuel and Eric applauded and we were still unable to move, I bent slightly forward and Greg decided he was patient enough and drew me closer and kissed me full of passion and love. I don’t know how long our kiss lasted but we were miles high and over the moon, only the giggling of the three other persons in the room brought us back to earth.
I could feel me blushing and looked down on our hands, then I felt the patting on my shoulders and looked up again. Greg’s eyes were fixed on me and full of love, I smiled at him and he returned that smile.
“Married …” we both whispered …
music: The Two Trees (again - I need tranquility)
Beloved, gaze in thine own heart,
The holy tree is growing there;
From joy the holy branches start,
And all the trembling flowers they bear.
Remembering all that shaken hair,
And how the winged sandals dart.
Thine eyes grow full of tender care:
Beloved, gaze in thine own heart.
We are both extremely nervous and can't concentrate on one thing. Greg is driving me nearly insane because he switches from one music to another, playing with his ball now for more than half an hour - bounce, bounce, bounce ...
"Stop it, please!" I shouted at him. He immediately stopped and looked at me totally puzzled. "What?" he asked, "This bouncing - you are driving me insane!", he looked on the floor and mumbled "Sorry...". I really couldn't avoid laughing - this made him saying "GOD, you are moking! This was just a joke, wasn't it?!" He raised from the chair and hobbled around.
I watched him for a few seconds, shaking my head and sighing - he turned at me "Tell me!", I gave him a warm smile "Honey, try to calm down a bit!", he looked at the ceiling "But I caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan't!!!"
I stood up and embraced him from behind "Sssh, darling! Just let us try some relaxing techniques, okay?", he leaned against my chest "Now? I don't think I ...", I placed a soft kiss on his neck "What about some Reiki?"
He turned around "Huh?", I caressed his cheek "Reiki, it is an old Japanese healing method." Gregory raised an eyebrow "Rats! You know such crap?! I thought you are a doctor!" Once again I gently stroke his cheek "Sure I am, but I thought some alternative healing methods could be interesting as well. So I made some classes." Another enquiring look "Uuh?! And you think it could help to calm down a bit?", I shrugged "We can just try it..."
Greg sighed deeply "Fine then, what do I have to do?", I guided him to the bed "Just lay down, close your eyes and relax." His eyes popped open "That is all? Geesh, what a fantastic way of healing" he said ironically.
I removed my shoes "Lay down!", he finally obeyed. "Close you eyes!", Greg hesitated first "C'mon close your eyes!" I said with a more soften voice - he closed his eyes and I started giving him some Reiki.
Five minutes later his breathing was relaxed and I carried on giving him Reiki. It also calmed me down - and half an hour later we were both very calm. I had to wake him up, as he fell asleep.
We are now going to prepare us - and are a bit calmer now.
For all who don't know what Reiki is:
Reiki healing energy over any distance. Reiki is a healing therapy in which practitioners channel universal energy ('Rei' and 'Ki' being Japanese words for 'Universal' and 'Energy'), either through their hands, or using distant healing techniques. Reiki is a powerful healing art rediscovered by Dr. Mikao Usui. Reiki is for everyone including animals! It has healing benefits at all levels; physical, emotional and spiritual and is an excellent adjunct therapy to traditional and complementary medical care. Reiki is a completely natural healing method, accelerating the body, mind and spirit’s healing process. Through Reiki healing sessions, a sense of balance, purpose and spirituality is naturally restored. Reiki healing energy over any distance.
music: In the hall of the mountain king / Peer Gynt - Edward Grieg
We arrived in Boston via private jet - Arnello Airlines ... only two passangers. It was a bit embarassing, but very comfortable.
We were picked up this morning at 8.30 am on-time. Our suitcases were packed and we were wearing more or less normal clothes, as we wanted to change clothes in the hotel.
Gaaaaaaawd (sorry I am still so nervous)
The door bell rang at 8.29 am (yes I checked the watch) and we both looked at each other and sighed deeply, "So here we go" Greg mumbled and I was only able to nod. Gregory opened the door and there stood a chauffeur (more looking like a killer) nodding at us "Your suitcases, sirs?!" - Greg pointed at the two suitcases standing in the hallway, the man grabbed both of them and carried them like feathers to the car.
I gave Greg a side glance and whipsered "Oh God, I hope it wont end like Bonnie and Clyde", he grinned and nodded. When we got in the car, Gregory asked the driver "Will we meet Mr. Arnello in the restaurant?", the driver just looked straight ahead "I don't know a Mr. Arnello.", I swallowed and Greg smiled "Aaah, my fault. Neither do I. You Jimmy?", "No!" I said and shook my head.
"Uuuuh this is comfortable!" he said and stretched out his legs. I looked around - it really was comfortable. We were driven to the restaurant and found out that we were the only guests. A waitress guided us to the best table, which was decorated with red roses - we had a very nice breakfast there, although I wasn't able to eat much ... my stomach was too nervous!
At 9.30 am we were picked up again and brought to the airport, where the private jet was already waiting for us.
A stretchlimousine was waiting for us at the airport and brought us to the Meridien - now known as a Langham hotel.
We checked in - we have the one bedroom suite ($845 a night) - on "House". Now we are sitting in the suite and are both trying to relax a bit.