Wednesday, July 25, 2007
"ASSHOLE" I yelled and I have to admit that I wasn't sure if I said it to myself or to Gregory.
I stood there for a second and looked down on the shardes of the mug.
The remnants gnawed at my conscience and I felt my anger vanishing at once.
How silly and dump we both were ... I opened the door and heard Gregory muttering aloud, "DOUCHEBAG!"
A sigh slipped out of my mouth when I did see him sitting there on the steps down to the sidewalk.
I stepped out of the appartment, made sure I had the keys in my pocket and drew the door close behind me.
"Greg ..." I started silently and looked at his back.
He stiffened and turned to me slowly.
"What now? Wanna ruin my bike as well?" he asked me with a monotone voice.
I approached him with wringing hands, "I am sorry! Okay ... I ... "
"It is one thing destroying something due to an accident or destroying something due to will!" he barked at me and swallowed down hard.
I walked passed him as I wanted to look him in the eyes and while doing so, he suddenly stretched out his leg and I nearly found myself kissing the pavement.
"Are you insane?" I asked him aloud after I tumbled lightly and could find my balance back before falling down on my knees.
"You ask me, if I am insane? After what you implied with the mug? You did say that on purpose after all you know what happened to me as a child ..."
My jaw dropped down and I must have looked more than blank.
"Greg, I never thought about that ... believe me!"
"Fuck you, Jim or no ... go and fuck someone else - that is what you can do the best, huh?" he spat in my face.
I startled and felt a fist squeezing my stomach and another fist trying to rip my heart out.
Gregory looked at me and I could see in his eyes that he slowly recognized what he had said ... before he could say even more I slowly nodded and stepped back.
"Yah ... I got that!" I said silently and turned around to walk away with fast steps.
"JIM, wait!" I heard him shouting after me a few seconds later.
I hesitated in my steps but did not stop but walked further on.
"JIM!" I heard him again before I heard his steps following me.
Slowing down my steps a bit I thought about what we both did say and why we did say it.
"God, how stubborn we both are!" I thought and wondered if he still did love me.
One thing was sure - I still loved him dearly, deeply and with all my heart.
Why is it so, that we often hurt those the most - we love the most?
I nearly stood now and could feel his presence close behind me and then I felt his hand grabbing my arm.
"Jim" he said with a softer voice that made my heart jump.
I turned around and looked at him - straight into his steel-blue eyes.
Gregory eyed me and sighed deeply then.
"I am sorry" he whispered and looked down on his sneakers.
"I am sorry as well!" I whispered back and looked upon my hands.
"Really?" I heard him asking silently and saw his feet moving a bit.
I lifted up my head again and found me staring into his concerned looking face.
"Really!" I answered with an underlining nod and raised my hand to caress his cheek briefly.
Gregory stiffened underneath my touch and I did withdraw my hand at once.
"Oh god, is it that severe ... he did stiffen!" I thought and gnawed upon my lower lip.
"Believe me, Jim, I never meant that ..." Gregory continued then and touched my hand lightly.
A shiver ran down my spine and I felt a heat rushing through my entire body.
I would have so wanted to drag him into my arms, hold him tenderly and telling him more than anything else that I still did love him - but I did not find my guts to do so.
"I ... I never really wanted to hurt you like I did. You are right ... I am a douchebag!" I said and felt more than sorry.
Greg smiled lightly and looked earnest again a few seconds later.
"Perhaps a little one sometimes ..." he replied and winked at me.
"I suppose we both are - sometimes, hm?" I answered silently and stepped a bit closer.
"Mhm" he said with a nod and stepped closer as well.
Only a few inches parted us now and I looked up into his eyes.
I felt his breath upon my skin and his eyes wandering down to my mouth where they rested for the hint of a second and wandered then back to my eyes again.
"What about ... going out for dinner?" Gregory asked me silently and his eyes caressed my face.
A sigh was about slipping out of my mouth under his look and it was pure will I could surpress it.
"I would love to ..." I answered as silently as he asked me before, "But I do have an appointment this evening."
Gregory blinked for a second and stepped back then.
"DAMN FUCK!" I thought and rubbed my neck.
"An appointment, huh? So ... you wont be at home this evening ..."
"Right ... I ..."
"No, if it is important ..." he said and looked up and down the road then.
I looked at him and felt the urge again to take him into my arms and not letting him go for the rest of time.
"Well, I could ask my colleague if she would mind cancelling it ..." I answered and tried a little smile.
He gave me a questioning look and raised an eyebrow then.
"A colleague ... oh ...well, then ..." Greg said and waved aside. "Sounds important ..."
Again I gnawed on my lip and rubbed my neck.
"I am sure she will understand it ..." I answered and searched for my cell.
"Damn I think I left my cell at home" I said - "Would you mind going back?"
"No no ..." Greg answered in thoughts.
"Oh please, Lord! Let us solve that problem!" I prayed inwardly and walked back towards our apartment.
Greg accompanied me and we both gave us side glances in return.
We reached the house a short time later and I opened the door for him with a little smile.
Gregory stepped in an brushed my chest with his arm slightly.
I inhaled sharply and again felt a fist around my stomach, but this time it was more longing for his touches than fearing the marriage break up.
Gregory looked back over his shoulder and for a tiny moment I thought that he as well had problems fighting against his feelings.
I shrugged that thought off again and went to my bag to pull out my cell.
A minute later I cancelled the appointment and postponed it for tomorrow.
"See you tomorrow at lunch then!" I finished the call and hang up.
Gregory was sitting on the armchair in the living room and looked through a magazine.
"I cancelled it .... so, if you still want to go out with me, I would be honoured!"
He looked up and nodded.
"You did not have to cancel it, you know" he said and put the magazine aside.
"I think spending the evening with you is much more important than that ... appointment", I said and combed through my hair.
A little smile enlightened Greg's face and he nodded.
"Okay ... I will change into something more fitting them, hm? Where do you want to go?"
"Why not going into the restaurant she did suggest? The table is still booked, though."
Greg hesitated and then shrugged.
"Yah, why not ..."
"Great ... do you need to go into the bathroom?" I asked him with a smile.
"Ehm ...yes!" he nodded and walked towards the bedroom first.
"Okay" I said and from the corner of my eyes I did see the shardes which were still spread out on the floor.
Gregory went past me and I bowed down to pick up the remnants of my furious anger.
"Silly damn idiot" I muttered inwardly and threw the shardes away then.
Greg rummaged in the bedroom and so I went into the bath for a second to wash my hands and comb my hair.
"You are always looking good" I heard his soft voice from the door though and my heart started to race.
My head turned and my eyes wandered up and down his body to inhale his appearance with my eyes.
He did wear black jeans, a red shirt, black Converse and a black suit jacket.
"Wow" I sighed and whistle shortly. "Now who is looking good, hm?" I asked him and stepped closer.
The scent of Eternity reached my nostrils and I swallowed down a lump in my throat.
"I ... I beter change as well", I whispered and he stepped back to let me pass.
"You don't have to" he said and his breath tickled my neck so close we were.
A shiver ran over my entire body and I closed my eyes for a milisecond.
"But I want to" I whispered back although it sounded more than a sigh of anticipation.
Gregory blinked and nodded slowly then before he cleared his throat.
"I will wait in the kitchen then" he said and sounded a bit hoarsely.
I just nodded and went into the bedroom then.
I hastily changed into a dark blue jeans with a black leather belt, a white shirt with the first two buttons opened, a black suit jacket and black leather shoes.
"That must do" I said to my reflection in the mirror and stepped out of the bedroom then.
"Shall we go?" I asked from the hallway and peeked into the kitchen.
Gregory turned his head and nodded slowly, "Yah ..." he said.
"I called a cab ... I got the allowance to drink alcohol again, so I thought ..."
"That is fine" I answered and gave him a warm smile.
"Wonderful ..." he replied and opened the door for me.
The cab was already waiting for us and after I told the driver where to go, we sat on the backseats like strangers who did not know what to talk about.
"So ...the restaurant is near the river?" Greg asked after a unpleasant silence of a few minutes.
"It is down at the river, yah. I've never been there though but I heard of it and they are famous for their fish plates."
"Fish ..." Greg said and beamed at me.
I nodded and beamed back.
The ride down to the river did not last that long and soon the taxi driver stopped the car in front of a very romantic looking restaurant with cozy lightning.
Gregory looked outside and whistled silently through his teeth.
"Now that is what I call a perfect place for a date!" he said while getting out of the car.
I paid the driver and then got out of the car as well.
"Yah, looks nice" I replied and looked at Gregory then.
He was still looking at the building and frowned a bit.
"Shall we go in?" I asked him and shortly touched his back ... and there it was again - that stiffening underneath my hand.
My hand dropped down at my side and without waiting for his answer I stepped up the stairs and opened the door for him.
"Sir ..." I said with a beam and waited for him to step up as well.
When passing me he smiled and thanked me silently.
At the reception desk we waited a second for the waitress to guide us to the already booked table.
"Good evening, I booked a table for Dr. Wilson this noon."
She checked the book and nodded then.
"Follow me please, Dr. Wilson" she said with a smile and guided us through the restaurant to the panoramic window.
The table we had was really a wonderful and romantic place situated in a little niche and decorated with candles and flowers.
"You said what, when you booked the table?" Gregory asked silently when taking seat.
"I just booked a table for two ...why?" I asked and looked around to check the whole restaurant.
"Do you see someone you know?" he wanted to know with a lightly pressed voice.
I turned my head again to look at him, "No ..." I said and smiled again.
"Could have been ..." Greg replied and now it was him looking around.
"What about that lady there, apparently waving at you?"
"Who?" I asked and looked who he meant.
A little laughter slipped out of my mouth when I turned my head to see at who that woman was waving at.
"I guess she means the other woman behind me who is waving back eagerly and now approaching her table!"
"Oh ... yah ..." Greg answered and blushed lightly.
"Gregory, you don't think that this was a date, right?"
He opened his mouth to reply but before he could do so I continued and explained him who wanted the appointement and why she wanted it.
After I finished my little explanation he sat there and looked down on his hands for a second.
My hand reached over the table automatically and I squeezed his tenderly.
Greg looked up and gently brushed over my palm with his thumb.
"I think I ... I thought for a second that it was a date", he then said silently and gave me an apologizing look.
"Never mind ... Greg" I said and swallowed down the darling that wanted to slip out.
He nodded and we drew our attention to the menu card.
"Mine has no prices" Greg said a second later and I grinned.
"But mine has ... so feel invited."
Greg grinned back, "You know that reminds me of the evening when I gave you the roses ..."
I nodded and thought back ...
He nodded as well and looked on the card again.
I watched him for another moment and checked the card as well then.
"I think I will take the fish plate. Do you fancy a starter?" He asked me and put the card aside.
"Yah ... I think I might take the clamchowder as a starter and the Red Snapper as main course." I replied and put the card aside as well.
"Hmmmm... clamchowder sounds great. I will take that then as well. What about a rosé?"
"Great!" I said and looked at the waitress approaching us.
A bit of a time later our meals were ordered and I excused myself, as I wanted to go to a private place.
Greg nodded and looked out of the window after I stood up and made my way to the toilets then.
On the way back to the table I secretly went to the waitress and asked for a bottle of champagne and if they had some flowers here which they could sell me.
She grinned at me and replied that she could offer me some roses left from a wedding the day before.
"Perfect!" I answered and gave her a little extra tip. "Could you please serve the champagne and the flowers after dinner then?"
"Of course!" she answered and winked at me.
With a smile on my lips I went back to the table again and took seat.
"Really lovely here!" Greg addressed me and I looked out of the window as well.
A little ship with party lights on it just floated down the stream and I nodded slowly.
"Mhm ... would be the perfect place to celebrate our wedding date in November."
Greg looked at me and now it was him grabbing my hand for a second.
"That would be very nice..." he said tenderly and I caressed his fingers.
"Yes ..." I returned and leaned back in my seat then when I saw the waitress approaching with our soups.
The dinner passed and we tried to talk normal again ... it felt weird when we had to asked what happened the last few days and it felt weird as well, feeling that I really have missed talking to him that much.
When our main courses were served my conscience was tested anew as Gregory celebrated his fish with a lot of moans and sighs.
To my shame I have to admit that I started with the moaning when I tried my fish.
I closed my eyes and really could not avoid sighing out loud as the crab sauce was more than awesome!
"Aaaaaaaaaaaw....hrrrrmmmm" I sighed and took another bit of the fish.
"Gaaawd ...the sauce is so great!"
A klonk made me open my eyes again and I found me looking into Greg's stunned face. I searched for the reason of the sound I heared before and saw his fork laying on the plate.
"Are you okay?" I asked him and had to surpress a grin.
"Oh yes ... are you okay?" Greg asked back and looked at me as if I was about to faint.
"Mhm" I answered and offered him a fork with some fish and that delicious crab souce. "Wanna try?"
He shrugged and tried it ... what a biiiig mistake!
Greg closed his eye and a deep moan slipped out of his mouth. My fingers grabbed the fork stronger and I muttered inwardly as my body clearly responded on that sight and sound.
"No showers around here!" I thought and took a deep sip of my wine instead.
"Delicious!" Greg said then and nodded at me.
I swallowed down the lump in my throat and focused my concentration on the fish again.
It did not last for a long time as Gregory continued by and then to comment every new fish sort with noises of pleasure.
The bottle of wine was empty much too fast and it was not Gregory who emptied it ...
When the main course was finished I already felt more than tipsy.
The idea slowly arose in my head that his wounds could really cope with some cuddling, moving and other funny things ...
I licked my lips at the very thought of it and was not aware that Gregory was watching me at that moment - not until he sighed deeply.
My eyes found his and before I knew what happened I leaned over the table and placed a tender kiss on his lips.
"Jim" he sighed when I leaned back again and we both had our mouths slightly opened and were breathing a bit faster.
I stared into his eyes and so did he ...both completely lost in thoughts and feelings so that we did not notice the waitress standing at our table with the bottle of champagne and some beautiful red roses in her hands.
Only her polite coughing brought us back into the here and now I we both turned our heads to look for the source of disturbance.
Greg's eyes widened and a smile enlightened my face.
"I thought it was time to break the stubborness" I whispered silently.
Greg nodded and looked from roses to me and back again.
"Fancy a dessert?" I asked him and again he nodded.
"Yah ... but what about taking it at home?"
Now it was me nodding speechlessly and we both did not notice that the waitress was already gone and only the bottle of champagne and the roses were standing at the edge of the table.
"Would be great ..." I said after I had swallowed down hard.
"What about taking me as a dessert?" Greg asked now with bright sparkling eyes.
"Hmmm... would you take me?" I asked back and held my breath for a second.
"Bet your ass I will ..." he moaned silently and his eyes told me more than every word could do.
Before we could ask for the bill the waitress was back again with the very same in her hands.
She smiled when we looked at her with asking eyes.
"I thought you might want to pay now."
"Ehm...right ..." I stammered, looked at the bill, payed and handed her another tip.
"May we take the bottle of champagne with us?" Greg asked with a smirk.
"Sure, sirs!" the waitress answered and handed Gregory the bunch of roses wrapped in a paper.
"Perfect!" Gregory replied and took the roses.
I grabbed the bottle of champagne and stood up.
Some cabs were waiting in front of the restaurant and so we found ourselves sitting on the backseats a few minutes later - on our way home.
"Are you at home?" I asked before and immediately cursed inside.
"Shit ..." I thought and threw the bag in the corner.
"Was that YOUR voice I heard?" Gregs familiar voice sounded from the living room.
I just snorted and went into the kitchen to pour me a coffee.
Greg looked at me from the couch.
"I would not drink that ... it still is from the morning."
"I bet one can drink it" I replied and took a sip.
"One can but not you or me..." Greg answered and I now knew why - but stubborn as I were I downed the nearly cold coffee and said that it is still good.
Gregory just shrugged and looked at me questioningly.
I played with the mug in my hand and gnawed on my lower lip a bit.
What now ... what now ...
"So ... we talk now?" Greg asked and leaned back into the cushions.
"Seems so ..." I said silently and looked at him.
He shrugged and threw the Calvin & Hobbes on the TV table.
The anger was rising again inside of me and I grabbed the mug a bit harder.
"I bought a new car ..." I said silently and watched his reaction.
"You ...what?" Gregory replied and looked at me with an open mouth.
"I bought a new car as you did ruin mine!"
"Damn it, James! I did not ruin your car! I told you that I knew you could handle it and it was just a JOKE!"
"Hah! Your jokes are not always funny, Gregory!" I exclaimed and tried not to raise my voice.
"Fine ... fine" he muttered "Anyway it was a lousy and boring old wrack!"
"Pardon? I loved my car ..."
"Just because you fucked Bonnie on the backseat the first time, I suppose!" Gregory grunted back.
I thought I did not hear right and nearly dropped the mug.
"What did you say?" I asked him silently and narrowed my eyes.
Gregory said nothing and looked at me with his typical "blockhead" expression.
"I can't believe what you said now, Greg! And if so ... that is not your business!"
"HAH! Now it is not my business, hm?" he barked back.
"Right ... and if I would have taken all the nurses of the PPTH there, it would not be your businees!"
Gregory opened and closed his mouth now and stood up then.
"FINE!" he said, squeezed past me and grabbed his jacket.
"Now you are running away again? Hm? Always the same you cannot face a discussion ..."
"I am NOT running away ... damn I told you it was not meant that way."
The anger gnawed at me and I looked down on the mug I was holding. Greg's mug ...the mug he had since his childhood ...
I don't know what devil did bite me but I opened my hand and let it drop down to the wooden floor where it smashed into pieces.
Gregory stepped back and looked at the shardes of his beloved mug.
"You did that on PURPOSE!" he yelled at me and pointed at the remnants.
I shrugged, "It was an accident! Sorry, I did not mean it!"
"God, I loved that mug ... I had it since my childhood! It is from England!"
"You only loved it because you have used it for other contents I suppose ..."
... ... ...
Gregory narrowed his eyes and I saw that I overdid it.
"What do you want to say with that?" he asked me silently.
"Sod it, you asshole! You wanted to imply that I used it for WHAT?"
"I don't know for what you might have used it ... but who knows, perhaps when you couldn't get a professional ...!" I barked back and shrugged then.
"You ... you ..." he said with a shaking index finger and pointed at me.
I knew it that it was too much but ... I was unable to swallow it down. All the anger and all the cold showers I had to take - all was too much at that moment.
"Wanna deny now that you called some, huh? Aw, c'mon don't play the choirboy now!"
Gregory stepped back with a clenched fist and through gritted teeth he pressed, "Fuck YOU!" before he turned and rushed out the appartment.
... to be continued
First I awoke with Gregory's hand slipped into my pj trousers ... not that it would be that bad to wake up like that. Normally that would have meant a very very pleasant morning - but under those circumstances it meant a silent inward cursing and a very careful withdrawing, just to stand up and rush under the cold shower again.
Gregory slept in this morning and I did not wake him up as there was no reason for it. With my high-spirited mood I approached my car and looked at it.
"All because of you!" I muttered while opening the door and getting into it.
I started the engine and like the car would now want to pout as well - there was no noise. I tried it several times and had no success.
"Nice! NICE!" I cursed and hit the steering wheel.
Several curses later I dialed the number of the garage and asked to pick my car up as it did not start anymore.
They promised me to be around in half an hour ...
"Half an hour" I thought and decided to go back in and have another coffee.
Greg was still sleeping and did not wake up - so I let him sleep as it still was early morning.
To my surprise the breakdown van was there 25 minutes after I had called.
The mechanic checked the car and shook his head afterwards.
"I am sorry, Dr. Wilson, but I have to take it with me to the garage!"
I nodded, "Yes, I already thought so!"
"I did see that you pimped your car a bit ..." he said silently with a wink.
My face got red and I rubbed my neck while looking inside the car.
"Ehm ... well ... that was a joke amongst friends!" I replied and shrugged then.
"A joke? Well, that joke might have ruined your car though. It is not ... hmm ... supposed to race that old little vehicle here", he answered and patted my little darling softly.
"Yes, I fear you are right" I said with a deep sigh and handed him the car keys.
He took it with a nod. "We will call you within the day, Dr. Wilson!"
I thanked him and walked to the crossing then to hail a taxi.
Another twenty minutes later I stepped into my office.
The red light on my phone was blinking and I could not avoid a sigh slipping out of my mouth.
I first placed my leather bag in the sideboard and went to Greg's white board office to pour me a cup of coffee.
Foreman was brooding over a file and Chase bit on his pencil, like nearly always when he has nothing to eat around.
Both looked up when I entered the room with a "Good morning!"
"Hey Wilson! No coffee in the oncologists department?" Foreman asked with a smirk.
"I did not check it. I thought why not looking what house's gang is doing ..." I replied, grabbed me a red mug and poured some coffee.
"You might find it interesting that we really can work without House!" Chase mumbled while sucking at his pencil.
The mug in my hand I turned around and looked at both.
"Yeah, I am sure you can. Something to do?"
Foreman showed me the content of the file and I nodded.
"Well, this looks like a big problem, Foreman!" I said with a earnest voice.
"Thought so, too. Any ideas?"
"Let me see ..." I checked the content again and pointed with my tea spoon at it.
"Paris!" I said and nodded.
"Are you sure?" Foreman asked and raised an eyebrow.
"The city of love with five letters ... yes, that is Paris!" I replied and threw the spoon into the sink.
"Oh, well! Thanks ..." Foreman said and scribbled it into the crossword puzzle.
On my way out I turned again and looked around, "By the way - where is Cameron?"
"She is in the lab and doing some tests." Chase mumbled while still biting on his pencil.
I couldn't avoid grinning a bit and waved them a good-bye then.
Not nice ... but she surely wanted to make the tests on her own. At least they had a job and were not just hanging around ... ... ... or?
I shrugged the thought off and proceeded to my office.
In thoughts and with the mug in my hand I opened the door and was greeted by a female voice, "Dr. Wilson?"
A woman and according to her dress code - a doctor - was approaching me in the hallway. I waited for her at my door and gave her a smile.
Now I recognized her. She was a gynecologist and working here at the PPTH as well.
"Do you have a minute for me, Dr. Wilson?" She asked with a smile.
"Sure I do have ... come in."
With those words I held the door open for her and she passed me with a little cloud of rose perfume.
I closed the door behind her and then took seat behind my desk.
"Have a seat, please" I said and pointed at the visitors chair.
"How can I help you?"
She first looked down on her hands and then up into my eyes.
"I ... I ... I would like to talk with you about ... ehm ... something", she stammered and I promptly knew about what she wanted to talk with me.
"Go ahead" I said warmly and gave her an encouraging look.
"Oh ... no ... not now. I ..." she checked her watch "I don't have time now ... what about this evening? Outside the PPTH?"
Patients coming to me and fearing that they might have cancer are always very very nervous and it costs a lot of patience and time to talk with them ... but doctors having this problem are even worse as most of them hate going to consultation hours, so it was not unusual for me that colleagues preferred "off-time appointments".
"This evening?" I asked back and thought about Gregory being alone at home ... I hesitated but then I thought about how we did spend the last evenings and nodded at her.
"Why not ... I have no plans for tonight!" I said with a smile. "Any suggestions?"
She suggested a nice restaurant down at the river where she got married a few years ago. We small talked a bit about her marriage and she relaxed while telling me about her husband and her little daugther.
15 minutes later we said good-bye and I promised to give her a text message on her beeper, if a table for two was still available.
Another ten minutes and a call at the restaurant later, I beeped her an OK.
So I would spend the evening outwards ... I had mixed feelings about it and I really was unsure how Greg would react when he was confronted with the fact that I would not be at home in the evening.
My thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of the phone.
The display showed me that it was an external call, I cleared my throat and answered the phone.
"Oncologist department, Dr. Wilson?!
"Dr. Wilson this is Larry from the Carson garage ..." I was greeted by a loud voice.
"Yah, Dr. Wilson ... we are sorry but the engine of your car is a total loss."
A sigh slipped out of my mouth when I combed through my hair.
"Damn!" I thought and thumbed my fingers on the desk.
"Are you sure?" I replied with a bit of hope sign in my voice.
"We are awfully sorry, sir. But - yes - it is not repairable."
Now my damn was spoken aloud and I leaned back in my chair and looked up at the ceiling.
"We have some nice new cars here, you could come by if you want and we will give you a big discount, Dr. Wilson!"
"I need a new car anyway" I said with a low voice and felt like having lost a long friend.
My car ... my square and boring car - like Greg used to call it ... well, it might have been boring but I loved it anyway.
We agreed that I would fetch my things out of the car and come by later.
Tuesday really seemed to be that rotten like Monday.
I finished my ward round, called Cuddy and explained her that I had to leave early. Of course she wanted to know why and I just told her that my car was a total loss and I had to buy a new one.
She did let me go earlier - and so I walked out of the PPTH two hours later after I had met a few patients of mine.
The next hour I spent with searching a new car and finally found one - a silver Volvo S80 caught my eye and in a few weeks I can call it mine though. Until then I am driving a rental car - a VW Golf R32.
I drove slowly home and tried to make myself familiar with the new car. The R32 is a big difference to my old car and not only because of the higher PS ... it is just ... well, different. I parked the car in front of the house, locked it and stepped up the stairs to our appartment.
... to be continued!
The fact that Greg and I did no longer talk to each other made my already superb mood not even better. Sunday was a disaster as we walked around here like zombies - no touch, no kind word ... no nothing! What a difference to the weeks before ... sure we had not more than hugging and cuddling and a smooch from time to time - but at least we had lovely hours with talking, walking, laughing and just enjoying each others - but now ... there was nothing but silence!
It took me a while in the night to fall asleep and I stared out of the window into the night until my eyes started to hurt and I had to close them.
Monday morning started with the ugly and horrible noise of my alarm clock ...
With a moan I turned around to switch the alarm off and with another moan I turned back into my former position ... softness awaited me and I slowly opened one eye.
There he was, laying in my arms and his lips so close it would have been easy to kiss him - to forgive him and to let my heart rule over the stubborness ...
Silently and without waking him up I crawled back a bit and then stood up with a little silent sigh.
"How lovely" I thought when I looked down at him.
Gregory did lay there one hand underneath his pillow, one leg on my side and his lips relaxed, ready for a tender kiss.
The heat crawled up my spine and with an inward mutter I made my way to the bathroom to take another cold shower.
The cold water woke me up instantly and after a few seconds of shivering I cooled down again and turned the water to warm. Another few minutes later I stepped out of the shower and wrapped me in my bathrobe.
Next step lead me into the kitchen where I prepared some coffee and placed a plate and cereals on the table when I heard some steps behind me.
I slowly turned around and already wanted to greet my sleepy head with a little mocking when I remembered the self-imposed silence.
I squeezed past him and for a tiny bit of a second I had the feeling he wanted to pull me closer ... but it was just a feeling and nothing happened.
After I got dressed and had my hair dried I walked back into the kitchen to have my breakfast and coffee.
Gregory was already sitting at the table and sipping his coffee slowly.
My heart slopped over and again I wanted to break the silence - but I didn't do it. Instead of talking to him I scribbled down a post-it note to remind him of his appointment with Dr. Featherstonhaugh.
Greg's reaction was a snort and the act of drowning his cereals in vanilla milk. I really could not blame his reaction and I felt silly and childish ... I opened my mouth to say something and looked at him - he looked so stubborn and grumpy that I closed my mouth again and drew my attention to my coffee instead.
After that lovely breakfast I packed my bag and fetched my keys -off I was to the PPTH. My car really did not like me - but is it a wonder after what my old little Volvo had to suffer on Saturday? No, it is not!
The anger came back and so I arrived at the PPTH with a more than "perfect" mood. My mood even got better when I walked into my office and was greeted by an overflowing desk full of paperwork.
I smashed the bag on the sofa and let me sink on my chair.
"Fuck" I muttered and stared on all the files and letters.
Pity that Dr. Danby chose that very moment to knock and enter my office.
I looked up at him and greeted him with the words: "What the heck is that? Have you forgotten to do the paperwork or is that a special kind of "Welcome back"?!"
Danby's jaw dropped down and he stared at me.
"I ... I ... I thought you might do it on your own, Dr. Wilson!"
"Think is not your strength, is it?" I barked back and pointed at the paperwork.
"I ... I am sorry, Dr. Wilson" he stammered and decided then to leave the office.
There I sat ... my desk flooded with paperwork and - a ringing phone.
"Who the heck" I muttered and checked the display.
Cuddy ... fine!
"Wilson" I barked into the the handset.
"Lovely to have you back, Wilson. At least one doctor who is always willing to do clinic duty!" She greeted me with an alluring voice.
A sigh slipped out of my mouth and I rubbed my temples. It was always a bad sign when she started to use that voice.
That voice normally means a lot of work and ... well - it meant a lot of work.
She saddled me with extra hours of clinic duty as - according to her own words - There was a lack of personell due to illness, vacation and cronical unwillingness ...
FINE - and the nice Dr. Wilson was there again ...
I hung up the phone and burried my face in the hands.
"What a start" I murmured and thought about the sunny walks at Point Pleasant - not a great idea as it made me even more grumpier.
I missed him ... I missed it like hell not being able to talk to him, not being able to hold him and not being able to ... well ... to made his mind clear again with some special actions.
"Damn it" I sighed and started to work off the bumf.
After my ward round together with Dr. Danby who avoided any provocating questions for his own health I suppose I spent the rest of Monday morning over the paperwork and just stopped to fetch me some coffee by and then.
My superb afternoon was crowned with meeting Dr. Fornara (or TenaciousM) during the clinic duty.
"Ciao, dottore Wilson!" I heard his slimy voice behind me when I was about to enter room no. 4.
I slowly turned around and eyeballed him.
"Hello, Dr. Fornara!" I greeted him coldly. He looked like a gigolo again and the urge to smash his sunnyboy face against the wall really became big.
"How is Dr. House? Is he fine? When will he come back?"
Wow ... three questions at once - and try to imagine him standing there like a little school girl and smiling at me like silly and dumb idiot!
I raised an eyebrow and replied with a brief nod, "He is recovering!"
Before he could ask me more I opened the door and entered the room.
"Jerk" I spoke silently to myself and looked up then.
The patient - a young man looked at me with popped open eyes.
"What?" he asked and looked like being able to rip my kidneys out with his little finger.
"I did not mean you!" I answered and grabbed his file then.
"How can I help you?" I asked him after I couldn't find any entry of interest.
He stood there and blushed lightly now.
"I have ... pain!" he stammered and did not look very comfortable.
"Pain ...aha ... and where do you have pain?" I replied slowly. "Jerk would have fit as well" I thought and eyeballed him.
"Ehm ..." he said and clenched his right hand to a fist.
"Okay ... okay!" I nodded slowly and really had to control myself not to put a devilish smile upon my face.
Such a behavior was normal for very embarrassing things.
"Do you want me to look at or do you first want me to explain what it is" I asked him and leaned against the desk.
"What is what?" he replied and gnawed on his meaty lower lip.
"The object ..." I said and pointed at his buttocks.
He swallowed down hard and started to stammer a little nice story.
According to him the object had been a coke plastic bottle ... and it had already been removed - but now it was all sore and did hurt and everything.
Unfortunately I had to look at "it" and well - believe me that hairy body part was another Monday highlight!
I scribbled down a prescription against his pain and rummaged in the shelf for a lube.
With a smile I place the lube in his big hand.
"Next time, use that and tell your lover he should be more tender!"
To my luck he was too perplex to answer and so I shoved a deeply blushed human meatball out of the room.
"Gregory would love that story!" I thought and looked forward with a grin to tell him about this idiot. The grin slowly faded when I remembered that I couldn't tell him that - as we did not speak to each other.
The afternoon continued and soon the quitting time arrived.
I opened the door to the appartement with a lumb in my throat, placed the bag in the corner and stepped towards the bedroom to change into more comfortable clothes.
Gregory was sitting on the couch and looked up when I passed the room.
I so wanted to tell him about the day and what all happened ... I wanted to drag him into my arms, kiss him and say "Sorry" - but I just nodded at him silently and another evening of silence started.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
In the night I sit and wonder about the sounds down on the streets. Do they ever sleep?
Sometimes I fear I am living in a world that never goes to bed ... there is always a bustling and no silence at all.
I mean - sure there is a silent moment when you think you could hear a drop falling down to earth ... but ... isn't there always a tiny bit of a sound? Even the falling down drop would make a sound.
So? Is silence an illusion?
Is there a moment of complete silence?
And if such a silent moment exists - when you would not even hear a sound ... no falling, no beating, no nothing but ... ... ... ... ...
Would we go mad? Would we survive such a complete silence? Would that silence make us deaf?
I think ... yes!
We are not supposed to live in complete silence ... even a deaf person hears something - deep inside, feels the rushing of the blood running through the arteries and creating a personal sound. But complete silence ... complete silence would make us loose ourselves as we are souls in need for sound.
The sound of a heartbeat, the sound of the normal all-day around, the sound that shows us: We are! We live and life goes on.
I thought I would go crazy when I had to experience the momentary situation of a complete silence ... a silence followed by an enormous BANG!
I am speaking of what happened to me Saturday. Or should I better say - what happened to my car Saturday.
But at first let me tell you what happened besides that.
After the weekend party at Chase's place in Plainsboro we decided to drive home early as Gregory did not feel that good though. I asked Greg if he wants to sleep in our apartment for that night, but he insisted on driving back to PP. So home meant a little longer drive for me ...
We talked a bit about playing silly pranks to persons we know and had quite a lot of fun. Fun for Greg meant also telling me that I should drive a bit more faster.
After the fifth time or so I gave him a side glance, "This is a Volvo and believe it or not, it is no Shelby GT!"
"Ha! You could not drive a car going that fast!" Gregory said and looked out of the window.
"Pardon? Sure I could do that! But ... I don't want to drive faster, that is all!"
My statement just caused him to mumble something into his stubbles.
We remained silent for the last few miles until I drove into our street.
"Jim, I know you can drive very well. It was not meant like that, okay?" Greg said silently and patted my knee.
I stopped the car in front of the house and nodded.
"It is okay." I answered with a little smile.
Inside the house Greg changed into his red pjs immediately and while he already made himself comfortable, I changed into my light blue pjs as well.
He looked so adorable when I came into the living room and looked at him, that I could not resist approaching him and embracing him tenderly.
Gregory held me close and slowly pulled me down with him on the couch.
His hands slipped underneath my shirt searchingly and his tongue tip pleaded for entrance while brushing softly over my lips.
I could not resist and soon we kissed each other eagerly and our shirts were laying on the ground.
I felt Greg's demanding hand on my back and heard his alluring moan when I became aware what we were about to do.
My eyes popped open and I looked down on him. He did lay there with his lips slightly parted and his pupils already widened.
"Geez!" I thought and pulled back immediately with my hand still on his chest.
"Greg, we can't do that." I said and tried to control my breathing.
"Pardon?!" Gregory answered with a hoarse voice.
"We can't do that. Your wounds, dear." I replied and stood up.
"I don't give a shit to my wounds", he mumbled and looked more than sexy. My stomach twitched and my lower part responded even more on that sight.
"But I do! I care a lot, you know?" I managed to say and tried to think about some really ugly things.
Gregory gave me his typical beaten-puppy-look and I averted his eyes to grab my shirt from the ground.
"No, Greg!" I said with more effort - to convince myself as well.
When I looked at him he had that hug-me-look and a lightly quivering lower lip.
"Stop that...." I moaned and turned to leave the room.
"Pleeeeeeeeeze", I heard him begging when I stepped into the bathroom.
When I closed the door I looked upon my lightly shaking hands and cursed inwardly. God alone knew how I was longing for him and God alone knew that it was damn hard to resist him when he walked around like that.
Since a few days I had the impression that Gregory was acting that sexy - on purpose!
"Another cold shower should help!" I muttered silently and turned on the water.
The shower did help - like all the other showers helped before and afterwards. The physical thing was one part ... but the mood thing was another part of that teetotalism.
Seeing Gregory walking half-naked through the cottage, licking his lips after every meal like he would long for my intimate kiss ... hearing him sighing when we went to bed ... and waking up in the middle of the night with his legs wrapped around me and his hands on my naked skin - that really does not help to stay cool and maintaing the will - NOT to.
We both walked around there like gamecocks (and I am talking about the animals now!) - ready to fight and with too much testosterone in us. So it was no wonder that I was looking forward to driving back to Plainsboro. Plainsboro means - work! Work means distraction! Work means not being around him all the time, not seeing him and not having the urge to throw him on the bed to let him moan, squirm and sigh my name full of passion ... work means having other people around me, people who don't walk around sexy as hell ...
A few days before we could drive back home I had to bring the car into the garage as the turn signal did not work anymore when I wanted to drive to the supermarket.
"Damn it!" I muttered more than angrily!
Gregory looked at me with one raised eyebrow. "Are we a bit loaded?"
I gave him a side glance and decided that snorting was the only correct answer.
"Yah, let it out, baby!" Greg sighed and caressed my knee a bit.
Believe me - it was so hard not to push him into the seat and just do what he wanted me to do.
A moan slipped out of my mouth nonetheless and from the corner of my eyes I saw Gregory shifting in his seat before he pulled back his hand again.
During the drive to the garage we both kept the silence.
The owner of the garage asked me if I want to make the annual inspection as well, as according to the car book it was time for it.
"Why not?" I said with a shrug and so we left the car in the garage and took a taxi back to the cottage.
"When do you want to drive back to Plainsboro, Greg?" I asked him two days later during breakfast.
Greg looked up from his coffee and straight into my eyes.
"Hmm...why not tomorrow? Either in the early morning hours or later at night, as the streets will be free then and we so wont spent that much time in the car."
I nodded slowly, "Sounds good! The car is ready today and so we could leave tomorrow. What do you prefer? Morn' or evening?"
Gregory buttered his toast and thought about it for a second.
"Evening I'd say. We could walk down to the ocean a last time then." He said with a smile that made my heart jump a bit.
"Mhm ... why not." I replied and so it happened ...
The drive back home started "normal".
Normal means that Greg started with his questioning ten minutes after we left Point Pleasant behind us.
In general, I can handle that quite well - but as I mentioned before my nerves aren't the best lately and so I bawled him out after the third question of "Are we there yet?"
Greg looked a bit surprised and narrowed his eyes then.
"You did not just say that to me, did you?" He asked me silently and narrowed his eyes.
"Oh YES I did!" I replied with a very grumpy voice and looked on the nearly empty road.
"You called me an annoying cheeky brat!" Greg said with a calmer voice now.
I nodded before I answered, "I perfectly know what I did call you!"
That silence lasted for the next twenty minutes and I had time enough to choke on my anger and swallow the feelings down.
I was about opening my mouth and tell him that I feel sorry, when Greg looked at me with a little devilish smirk.
He reached with one hand behind my seat and looked at me.
"You know, darling ... you are perfectly right!" he said and I heard a klick.
My look was fixed on the empty highway and I was about asking him what that sound was ... when suddenly there was silence.
"Wha..." I started and then there was that enormous BANG!
That sound was accompanied with a sudden speed-up and a second later we found us being pressed into the car seats due to a breakneck speed.
I tried not freak out when I grabbed the steering wheel harder not to loose control over the car while we bombed down the highway.
The landscape rushed by and Greg sat in his seat and yelled a deep-voiced "Woooooooooohoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"
"Damn you!" I screamed out and tried to slow down the engine.
"Fuck it, Greg! Turn that thing off!" I yelled at him when the steering wheel began to totter alarmingly.
"Yeeeehaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" Greg screamed out again but reached behind my seat. Another Klick ... and nothing happened.
"Greg!!!" I said through gritted teeth and tried to keep the Volvo on the road and the tottering began to increase.
"I already switched it off!" He replied and now became aware that the car did respond a bit odd.
Several not to be repeated curses slipped out of my mouth until my cursing was silenced with another loud BANG.
We both startled in our seats and now the car responded to my attempts to slow the car down.
I managed to slow it down and direct it to the shoulder where I finally stopped the car.
The adrenalin vanished and my knees turned into jelly, when my forehead met the steering wheel.
"Keep cool ... keep cool ..." I muttered inwardly and tried to breathe in and out, in and out ...
Gregory cleared his throat a bit latter and I stopped him from saying a word, when I raised my hand up.
"No ... single ... word!" I said very silently.
"B.." he started and choked down the rest of the word.
I straightened up and dropped my head back on the seat then.
"God!" I sighed aloud and shook my head.
"J..." Gregory started anew and was silenced by the look I gave him.
"If you would not be hurt I would throw you out of the car, believe it or not!" I said aloud and gestured him to remain silent.
"Did you loose you mind or what? Huh?! WHAT THE HECK DID YOU THINK ABOUT? DID YOU WANT TO KILL US? WHAT WAS THAT?!"
Greg's jaw dropped lightly and he shifted in his seat lightly.
"NOW?!" I asked him and gave him a "talk to me" look.
"Nitrous oxide" he said silently and his facial expression turned from "I am sorry" to "I will get stubborn".
"And I did not want to kill us! I knew that you could handle that! So stop yelling at me!!!"
"You are getting angry now? YOU?" I said and shook my head.
"I don't ..."
"You don't - WHAT? Huh? I bet my heart it was you who let it install - so it is your fault. I have a damn reason to be pissed off!"
Gregory crossed his arms in front of his chest and stared out of the window.
"Fine ... fine!" I said and started the engine again. "So you are huffy now ... FINE!"
Greg just snorted and since then we haven't spoken a single word!
I fail to see that I will break the silence ... so I will just wait for him breaking it.
However, he has a strong will not to ...
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
warm thy heart and oust the pain.
The pain that burns inside your soul.
The pain that seems to singe you from within.
Get rid of your inside anger and blow the horn of life.
Awake the feelings and let them fly,
just then you will experience the fire of your life!
- (c) J.E. Wilson
This poem was written by me in 2003 ... so, quite a while ago. Anyway I hope you like it.
Monday, July 16, 2007
Believe me it was not my intention to frighten anyone - especially, if I don't know the reason for it!
To proof that you have no reason at all to be frightened:
Do you still think I would frighten people on purpose? I mean ... I never ever could do that I suppose (and don't listen to what close friends of mine might tell you).
Perhaps William Wordsworth's words To the Daisy will show you what sensitive soul I have ...
In youth from rock to rock I went,
From hill to hill in discontent
Of pleasure high and turbulent,
Most pleased when most uneasy;
But now my own delights I make, -
My thirst at every rill can slake,
And gladly Nature's love partake
Of Thee, sweet Daisy!
Thee Winter in the garland wears
That thinly decks his few grey hairs;
Spring parts the clouds with softest airs,
That she may sun thee;
Whole Summer-fields are thine by right;
And Autumn, melancholy wight!
Doth in thy crimson head delight
When rains are on thee.
In shoals and bands, a morrice train,
Thou greet'st the traveller in the lane,
Pleased at his greeting thee again;
Yet nothing daunted,
Nor grieved, if thou be set at nought:
And oft alone in nooks remote
We meet thee, like a pleasant thought,
When such are wanted.
Be violets in their secret mews
The flowers the wanton Zephyrs choose;
Proud be the rose, with rains and dews
Her head impearling;
Thou liv'st with less ambitious aim,
Yet hast not gone without thy fame;
Thou art indeed by many a claim
The Poet's darling.
If to a rock from rains he fly,
Or, some bright day of April sky,
Imprisoned by hot sunshine lie
Near the green holly,
And wearily at length should fare;
He needs but look about, and there
Thou art! -a friend at hand, to scare
A hundred times, by rock or bower,
Ere thus I have lain couched an hour,
Have I derived from thy sweet power
Some steady love; some brief delight;
Some memory that had taken flight;
Some chime of fancy wrong or right;
Or stray invention.
If stately passions in me burn,
And one chance look to Thee should turn,
I drink out of a humbler urn
A lowlier pleasure;
The homely sympathy that heeds
The common life our nature breeds;
A wisdom fitted to the needs
Of hearts at leisure.
Fresh smitten by the morning ray,
When thou art up, alert and gay,
Then, cheerful Flower! my spirits play
With kindred gladness:
And when, at dusk, by dews oppressed
Thou sink'st, the image of thy rest
Hath often eased my pensive breast
Of careful sadness.
And all day long I number yet,
All seasons through, another debt,
Which I, wherever thou art met,
To thee am owing;
An instinct call it, a blind sense;
A happy, genial influence,
Coming one knows not how, nor whence,
Nor whither going.
Child of the Year! that round dost run
Thy course, bold lover of the sun,
And cheerful when the day's begun
As lark or leveret,
Thy long-lost praise thou shalt regain;
Nor be less dear to future men
Than in old time; -thou not in vain
Art Nature's favourite.
By now I hope that you are no longer frightened!
Thursday, July 12, 2007
music: Nothing ever happens - Del Amitri
There is not much to tell you ...because nothing really happens here at Point Pleasant.
Gregory is slowly recovering and we are going for a short walk every day now. He nagged me for two days that he wants to get out of the house ... and believe me he can be more than just a little menace.
Since Monday though we are having our dialy walks and believe it or not ... he just started to nag me again ...because he wants to go out!
We got an invitation from Chase - he has a party this weekend and well - until now I made no decision at all ... although "Mr. I am totally fine" insists on going there.
I think the decision will be made on Saturday morning - if we go or not ...
Saturday, July 07, 2007
The beach was crowded with couples and families and I just sat down in the sand, thought of Gregory and watched the lights illuminating the dark sky.
My cell suddenly went off when I sat there and I pulled it out.
"Greg" I thought and with a beating heart I answered.
"Hey!" I spoke louder and my finger painted figures in the sand.
"Hey! Where the heck are you?!" Gregory said.
"I am down the beach in Point Pleasant ..." I said and watched a firework errupting as hearts.
"You are WHERE?!" I heard him shouting into the phone.
"Point Pleasant ..." I answered with a grin and stood up.
"You ... you dare have fun without me?" he now asked silently and I hurried up to the street where it was more silent.
"Who said that I have fun?" I answered him and placed a hand in my pocket.
"Are you alone?" Greg asked back and with a grin I kicked a stone over the street and decided to walk back to the cottage.
"Yep, completely lost and lonely I am!"
"Where are you now? The noise is gone ..."
"Walking back home and enjoying your lovely voice." I said with a grin.
There was silence for a second and then I heard a sigh.
"Are you okay, darling?" I asked Greg and could imagine him lying in the bed and staring on the hallway.
"I miss you" he whispered into the handset and made me smile broadly.
"I miss you as well, my love" I said with a normal voice and another lonely passer-by grinned at me.
I grinned back and he shouted a "Happy 4th July to your loved one!"
"What was that?" Greg asked immediately.
"Did you hear him?" I said and waved with a nod at the walker.
"Sure I did, I am not deaf!" he replied grumpily.
"Aw, I miss you my little Mr. Jealous!" I said then and heard him replying with another deep sigh.
I walked silently and must just have grinned like a fool holding his cell ...
"Point Pleasant then?" Gregory asked me after a few seconds of silence.
"Mhm ..." I answered and pulled the keys out.
"Great! But why Friday, huh? I wanna get outta here!" Greg said and I know he did pout a little while doing so.
"Because I have to arrange a few things my dear ..." I answered and opened the door.
"Like what?" he asked.
"Like baking you a cake or so" I said with a Mexican accent and grinned my ass off.
"Oooooooooooh, flippin' sweet!" Greg replied with a deep giggle.
We both laughed a bit and then just talked some little nonsense I don't have to state here. Few minutes later I hang up and sighed.
Although he can be a menace from time to time ... I love him deeply ...and I really missed him like hell. The shock after the message that he was wounded and nearly could have died - was still deep inside of me and I don't know what I would have done ... if ... well - if the worst thing would have happened.
I went to bed rather early and filled the 5th of July with buying food, pharmaceutical stuff and all needed for caring bullet wounds and possible infections.
The house was made perfect for a wounded patient and in the evening hours I let myself sink of the sofa with a deep sigh.
"Just closing the eyes for a few minutes" I thought ... and woke up in the early morning hours of Friday, 6th of July.
"Damn" I muttered and sat upright. My neck did hurt like hell and my back felt like hot stones.
I stumbled into the bathroom and decided a hot bath could help. The next hour I spent relaxing my hurting muscles in the hot water and making me "human-like" again.
After a short breakfast I jumped into the car and drove back to Plainsboro.
The ride back is not worth mentioning as the roads were nearly empty and so I arrived there earlier than thought.
As there was still time left I first drove to our apartment and checked if there were some messages or mail for us. There were a few letters - but none of importance, so I just put them in the bag, watered the few plants again and then drove to the hospital.
At about 12 a.m. I arrived there and closed the car when I heard a voice behind me.
"You have my vote, Mr. Wilson!"
I just turned around and frowned. A nurse was opening her car and smiling at me.
"Vote?" I thought and decided just to smile and nod.
She waved,started the engine and drove away.
"Weird" I said to myself and made my way to the entrance.
A smiling Susan (another nurse) greeted me at the entrance desk.
"Dr. Wilson - be sure that we will all vote for you!" She said with a broad smile and handed me the list to sign in.
"I don't know what you are talking about, Susan" I said and placed my signature on the list.
"I mean all the flyers and signs ..." she said with a smile and pointed behind me.
I looked at her questioningly, raised an eyebrow and turned my head ... and saw that:
"Oh I forgot ... that would be too boring, hm? As you do that nearly all the time!"
"Jim ..." he started and took another sip.
"Yes?" I answered and straightened up again.
"I wanna go home ... is that so hard to understand?" Gregory then said and gave me his typical puppy-eye look.
I raised my hands towards the ceiling and let them drop again ...
"Heck yes!" I replied angrily.
Gregory first looked blank and then grinned.
"You sounded like Napoleon Dynamite now. But you would make a better Pedro ... with all you hair" and he waved at me.
My jaw dropped slightly down and I found myself shaking my hair in disbelief.
"Greg ... I ... you ..." I started, still shaking my head and combing through my hair, "you have to stay here for at least another couple of days. As you as a DOCTOR surely know. You would probably handcuff your patient in that case..."
"Sod it!" he now growled. "You want me to stay here with all the idiots around? Those ... nurses who don't know the difference between an acuse and a needle" he said aloud and watched a nurse passing by his room.
I followed her steps with my eyes and shook my head then.
"You stop eyeballing her!" he silently muttered now and gave me a hard look.
"What?" I replied with a surely more than dumbfounded expression upon my face.
He gestured into the hallway where the nurse had been a few seconds ago.
"I am not blind! You followed her with your eyes ..." he griped.
"Are you going insane now or what?" I asked him with an I can't believe that now - look.
"NoooOoooo, I am not. Not yet - but if you will keep me here I might." Greg mumbled and crossed his arms in front of his chest.
I approached him and bent over him a bit, "See, that would be my problem to cope with as you are my husband and I care for you ... if you want that or not!" I muttered through gritted teeth.
Gregory leaned back even more and looked me in the eyes.
"So you would care?"he asked me with a soft and warm voice.
"Oh no" I thought and straightened up again.
"Ehm... sure I would..." I said and gave him a questioning look.
"I would be so honored if you would care, Jim ... and who could give you the best care than a loving husband and one of the best doctors I know?!"
Greg smiled at me and blinked.
A sigh slipped out of my mouth and I rested my hands upon my hips. "Greg, I can't play your nurse. I have to work and ..."
"And what? I thought you would care? I nearly died and ..." he said and now looked slightly upset again.
"I know that ... you don't have to rub it into my face!" I replied grumpily and started pacing the room.
"Of course I could care for him and at home he would not stand up and walk around that much. We could as well drive to Point Pleasant and I could take care for him there. There is more space and even a guest room ... a guest room ... " all these thoughts raced around in my head while I paced the room.
"I will talk about that with Cuddy" I finally said, gave him a side glance and left the room still thinking.
"I LOVE YOU!" Gregory shouted after me and I blushed lightly as a visitor looked at me with widened eyes.
"I brought him a sandwich!" I muttered with a smile and pointed back to the room.
The man just looked at me and then nodded slowly ...
"So what" I thought and made my way back to my office.
An idea was running through my head now and with a grin I opened my office door. I switched on the computer and surfed through the net to make special arrangements. Some half an hour later and completely exhausted I leaned back in my chair with a smile.
"Now I only have to convince Cuddy" I silently said to myself and pressed the quick dialing.
"Wilson, good you are calling. I have to talk to you anyway!" she said and I could feel that she was close to loosing her nerves.
"Shall I come up?" I asked her and drew some figures on a paper.
"Please!" she said with a sigh and hang up.
I took the steps up to her office and made a note in my head while walking "In need for workout!"
A short while later I knocked at her door and was waved in.
"Take a seat, Wilson! We have to talk about House." She greeted me and pointed at a chair.
I shrugged and took seat "I thought he can't get sued while lying in the hospital ..."
She approached me and took another seat then. "It is not that" she sighed and gave me a deep and pleading look.
"Wilson, please get him out of here!" Cuddy muttered and wrang her hands.
"Pardon?" I asked her and leaned back. "Perfect!" I thought and hid a broad grin.
"I ask you to take him out of the hospital and ... I dunno" she gestured in mid-air "get him a nurse, take off for some weeks and care for him ... just get him out of here!" Cuddy said helplessly.
"Why?" I asked back and loosened my tie.
"No nurse wants to take care for him anymore and don't ask about the doctors ... they are all so upset and I need them, you know!"
I nodded and frowned.
"Well, I could of course take him out of here and perhaps bring him to Point Pleasant. But who will care for him. I mean ... I am needed here and ..."
"I will give you ... one week off - paid!" she said and nodded.
"One week? One week is not enough ... he needs more time to recover until he can start the rehab." I answered absorbed in thought and gnawing on my lower lip.
"Okay ... okay ... two when you get him out of here before the weekend!" Cuddy sighed and grabbed my hand.
"Please, Wilson ... he will make me turn grey otherwise."
I squeezed her hand for a second, "Okay, but as I have to arrange a few things before I can get him out ... it will be Friday at the latest".
"I think we can do with a few more days, as long as it wont be longer!" Cuddy no smiled lightly and looked relieved.
"It won't be" I smiled at her and stood up.
"Good! Get you hours off now and start arranging what you need" she said and took place at her desk again.
"Even better" I thought and went back to my room to pack my bag.
There I started to pack his clothes, shoes and what else he would need and brought them all to the car.
His things were accompanied by mine and two hours later I dialed the number of a flower shop.
Another few minutes later I hang up with a grin and whistled a tune.
The man promised me to deliver the flowers within the next hour and so Greg would receive a bunch of red roses with the message "Hospitalbreak arranged for Friday! I can't make it before! Be ready for collection at 1 p.m. on Fri. 6th July! xxx James"
Next day was the 4th of July and as I would have to arrange a few more things for a real "care station" at PP, I decided to drive there - stay there until Friday and arrange all things on-site.
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
The Tuesday afternoon we spent cuddling on the sofa and I enjoyed the warmth of Gregory's body next to mine. We talked about various things while we just lay there and held each other closely. No one would ever believe me when I would say that Greg can really be a tender and caring person - if he is in the mood to and when we are alone.
A few hours later after we decided to spend the rest of the afternoon on the sofa, I suggested to percolate some fresh coffee. Sure Greg found that a very good idea and so I wanted to do so, but coffee was empty ... what a disaster - no coffee in the house is really a horror scenario.
Greg offered to go to the shop around the corner and buy some new one.
"Fine, then I can make it comfortable here" I thought and told him to bring something for dinner as well.
Gregory grabbed his jacket and off he was.
I looked around in the kitchen and decided to do the dishes in the meantime. Lucky me that there were just the remaining of our short and quick breakfast from the morning.
"We could really buy a dish washer" I murmured when I put the last mug into the wall-cupboard.
A short look on the clock showed me that 10 minutes were over and so I would have some more 10 to 20 minutes till he'd be back.
I walked into the living room and cleaned the mess we left there. The clothes were directly thrown into the washing machine and while in the bathroom I checked my appearence.
"Gosh! How do I look like?!" I grinned and stared at my dearranged hair.
"Like Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite" I muttered and tried to do something with the mess on my head. Cuddling is nice but the hair looks like a mess sometimes afterwards.
The mess did not vanish completely although I tried it and finally I gave up with a laughter.
"Well, ... vote for Pedro" I said with that typically monotone voice and giggled inside then.
"Greg would have laughed his ass off when he would have heard me." I said to myself with a grin and waved my appearence in the mirror aside.
"Apropos" I thought and checked my watch. 20 minutes now ... I slightly frowned and went back into the living room.
My thoughts went back to the afternoon and with a love-dazed smile I began to lighten (lit) some candles and opened a bottle of wine for us.
With a whistle upon my lips I searched some cuddly music and my attention was drawn to the soundtrack of Maurice.
"Oh, that'd be nice" I said silently and put the CD in the hifi.
Some more minutes were passed and I just thought that he probably did not know what he wanted to have for dinner and surely stood in front of the shelves wondering in what kind of mood he might be.
I shrugged the slightly worried feeling off and took seat on the sofa.
The living room was filled with the sound of music and I just leaned back and enjoyed the atmosphere.
Suddenly I felt slightly sick and my stomach twitched like hell.
"GOD!" I moaned and sat upright.
As fast as this cramp came it was gone as well.
I sat there and wondered what that was when I felt a warmth on my back.
"Huh?" I thought and turned around, because I had the feeling of Gregory being in the room.
Surely noone was there but I stood up and looked around.
"Greg?" I asked silently and went to the front door.
I don't know why, but I had the feeling of him being here.
Gregory of course was not here - not even close to be there ... but I did not know that at that moment and so I opened the door and peeped outside.
"Hmmm..." I sighed and looked around. No person to be seen ...
I shrugged and closed the door just in the moment when the phone went off.
"Where?" I thought and listened from what room the ringing came.
"Living room" I said and hurried into the said one. The phone was lying on the piano.
A quick look on the display showed me that it was the PPTH calling.
"Heck no ..." I moaned and picked up the phone.
"Wilson" I said and waited for Cameron, Foreman or Chase voice telling me that Gregory has to come to the hospital as an urgent case arrived ... but what I heard made me loose all the facial color and I had to sit down.
"When?" I asked silently ...
I nodded and like in trance I stood up, slipped into my shoes, grabbed my jacket, purse and keys.
"I am there in five minutes!" I said out of breath, hang up and threw the phone aside.
I don't know how I managed to drive without causing an accident or how I even arrived at the PPTH. I really cannot recall that ...
My rememberance begins again when I entered the PPTH.
Cuddy was waiting in the entrance hall and looked really shocked.
"Where is he?" I said and rushed to her.
"He is in the operating theatre, Wilson" she said silently.
I nodded and we walked towards there in a hurry.
"Tell me about his condition. What happened? How grave is it?"
She slowed me down a bit and took my arm.
"HECK, Cuddy! How grave is it?!" I barked at her and looked her in the eyes.
Her eyes were filled with tears a bit and she looked very earnest.
"First shot was in the abdominal sector. As far as I can tell now, he was very lucky and no vital organs were damaged."
"First shot?" I said silently and swallowed down a big lump in my throat.
Cuddy nodded and wrang her hands.
"Second shot hit his neck and the bullet went right through and grazed his carotid", she said and touched my shoulder.
My knees suddenly felt like jelly and I had to lean against the wall for a second.
"Oh my god, oh my god" I heard someone muttering and I just became aware that it was my voice, when Cuddy embraced me for a second.
"He will be fine, Wilson. They are doing a good job and you know it!" she spoke silently and looked me in the eyes then.
"Wilson, he will be okay again!"
I just nodded like in a dream and combed through my hair.
"I want to watch it" I whispered and turned towards the balcony area.
"Wilson ..." I just heard Cuddy shouting after me. I really did not care if she thought that would be wise or not, I wanted to see him and I wanted to see if he really was still amongst us.
When I opened the door to the balconies I was greeted by three pairs of eyes looking at me.
Cameron, Chase and Foreman were sitting there and watching the operation as well.
Cameron looked like a mess and according to the reddish eyes she had, she must have cried a bit.
Foreman was watching carefully and Chase stood behind Cameron and amassed her shoulders a bit but was also looking down into the OR.
"Wilson" Cameron whispered and stood up.
"Oh, Wilson ... I am so sorry" she said silently and approached me.
I just nodded and ignored her then - not because I wanted to be rude - just because my attention was drawn to the body lying down on the operation table, covered with a bloody drape.
My steps led me to the big window screen and I looked down.
"How ..." I started and was interrupted by Foreman's silent voice.
"He lost a lot of blood and they had to use the defibrillator on their way to the hospital. However, he was stable when they arrived here."
I swallowed hard and leaned my forehead against the cold glass.
Cameron's voice came from behind, "He even was awake for a second and muttered that they should set him on Ketamine - then he passed out again."
"They are doing there best and no vital organs were damaged. He was lucky somehow ..." Chase muttered next to me.
I gave him a short side glance and nodded.
"Lucky ..." I whispered and closed my eyes for a second.
His smiling face appeared before my inner eye and he waved at me ..."See you soon, honey" he smiled and closed the door to buy the coffee ...
"Oh, Greg" I moaned and opened my eyes again.
Greg was completely covered by the drape and no smile was to be seen on his face now.
We all stood there and watched the operation going on. Cuddy joined us after a while and informed me about the facts.
He was stable and he had been really lucky ... really no vital functions were damaged and the blood loss was balanced again.
I don't know how many hours I spent there and watched but when he was brought out the OR, I already was a bit calmer when they carried him to the ICU.
There I stayed for the next few hours and was relieved by Foreman, Chase and later Cameron when I was sent home to sleep.
I surely did not sleep but went home to change my clothes and to have a shower in the early morning hours.
The appartment looked deserted and cold without Greg so I hurried that I did not have to spend much time there - alone ... brooding over what happened lately. One hour later I was back at the PPTH and sitting by his side again ... another few hours later Gregory moaned and shifted in his bed.
My heart stopped beating for a second and my head shot up from the book I tried to read.
I leaned over him when his eyes fluttered - and a few seconds later he opened them.
"Oh my love ..." I whispered and looked him in the eyes.
"You look awful" he whispered hoarsely and tried to grin.
"Yeah ..." I answered silently and fondled his hair carefully. "But not as awful as you ..."
Greg closed his eyes again and a moan slipped out of his mouth.
"Wh ...what happened? I know I was shot in the stomach ..." he said slowly and licked his lips.
I sat on his bed and held his hand.
"This idiot shot you in the stomach, yeah. No vital organs were damaged." I told him and caressed his hand with my thumb.
"Lucky me" he moaned silently and swallowed a bit.
"Throat hurts ..." he sighed and opened his eyes again.
"Yes, second shot hit your throat and your carotid as well as your external jugular were grazed but the bullet went right through. No vertebraes were damaged ..." I said silently and we exchange looks.
"... Okay ..." he said and squeezed my hand a bit.
"How long ..." Greg asked and gave me a questioning look.
"You passed out for a few minutes and they had to bring you back with the defibrillator ..." I whispered.
He closed his eyes again and slightly brushed over my hand with a finger.
"Sleep now, Greg. I won't go away" I said and placed a kiss on his forehead.
"You were here all the time?" he asked and looked at me again.
I smiled a bit and nodded.
"Most of it, yeah. Cuddy just threw me out to go home sleeping ..."
Greg snorted and rolled his eyes a bit.
"Well, I just changed and came back then ..."
A smile appeared on his face and with a sigh he closed his eyes again.
"You really must love me then ..." he whispered and fell asleep.
"I do ... I do" I whispered back and held his hand for the next hour while I watched him in his sleep.