Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Making a list

mood: tired

I am currently making a list for the 49th Annual Meeting of the American Society of Hematology in Atlanta ... not for a lecture, no for packing and for Gregory.

Packing is easy - just a reminder for me what I should not forget. You know such stuff I suppose.
Greg's list is a bit longer and will be put on the coffee machine (so he will see it!)
Of course that list does not contain things like: toothbrush, socks etc. ;)

What I have so far is ...

1. Good morning, darling ...
2. Coffee is right next to the tea box
3. Don't forget to buy MILK when that one in the fridge is empty
4. Don't be too grumpy
6. I love you
7. Don't forget the laundry!
8. Please water the plants!!!
9. Feed the pet!
10. Feed yourself!!!
11. Don't steal the food of the others too often ;)
12. I miss you
13. There is a present for you underneath my bedside!
14. Go shopping please!
15. I miss you like hell!
16. Please pick me up at the airport!

That is what I have so far ... well, I will have to think about it - perhaps I should add some more things on it. Still enough space left!

I am damn tired - believe it or not! - I could not sleep that well, as a certain silkworm appeared in the middle of the night and stole all of my cover!
It was damn cold and I could not crawl underneath it again ... I don't know what weird dreams he might have had.
After some minutes of laying there without a blanket .... and after some minutes of tenderly trying to crawl underneath it ... I gave up and went into the living room, grabbed the sofa blanket and went back into the bedroom again just to find Gregory sleeping there like a baby and mumbling the cutest things ever ... awww.

I won't repeat what he said - but it made my heart go faster and my soul melting.
Now I hear him waking up ... he has a special moan for that.

Yah ... time to make coffee!

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Poem: Hurting reality

Although there may be wounds in our souls,
although the reality may hurt from time to time,
although the pain strikes when we do not expect,
although the tears role down our cheeks when we should laugh,
although this and even more ...
we should not forget that life is precious and that nothing is foreseen!
Go beyond thy borders and find out that life is still worth living!

Hurting reality by *DrJamesWilson on deviantART

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Poem: Words of Love

I could try to write down how much I do love you, but I fear there are not enough words in the world to tell you really, how much I do love you.

I could say, that I love you to the stars and back,
but would that be enough?

I could say, that I love you to the moon and back,
but would that be sufficient?

I could say, that I love you to the sun and back,
but would that tell the truth?

I could say, that I love you to the Gods and back,
but would it be enough?

Truth is this and much more ... truth is that words are not enough.

If I would have wings, I would unfold them and search the universe for all the words, to tell you how much I love you.

I don't have wings so, please take those words as the truth:

My angel, my love, my sun -
you were and are the only one!

The only one I ever loved so much,
that I would have given you my kingdom and all of such.

I love you to the stars and back,
I love you to the moon and back,
I love you to the sun and back,

but most of all

I love you to the Gods and back!

I am yours, like I promised to you
I am thy angel and I will follow you,
I'll spread my wings and fly with you ...
if you just want me to, mon chou-chou.


I think you might know WHO Chou-Chou is ;)

Friday, November 16, 2007

Feeling ashamed

I feel highly ashamed at the moment ...

I promised you to write about the second part of "28 minutes later" ... but you are still waiting for it. I am so sorry!

My only excuse is that I am really da** busy at the moment. It is November yet and as we all know - it is getting cold. Getting cold means sore throats, running noses, icy grounds ... broken arms, broken legs and other typical "winter" injuries or diseases.

Beside clinic duty I had a lot to do in my job as an oncologist. Usual work ... but, unfortunately, a lot to do.

Tristan Allenby (the new doctor) is doing a good job so far. He gets used to Greg's jokes though (more or less) and as Danby takes great care of him - I am no longer acting as his "nanny".

Cuddy wants me to attend the 49th Annual Meeting of the American Society of Hematology in Atlanta (Georgia) which will take place from 08th till 11th December, 2007. Gregory is not really amused about that - as he already had some nice days in mind we could spend in Point Pleasant before the usual last days before X-Mas.

He will be more than pissed off when I have had the time to tell him what Cuddy's new idea was.
She already booked a flight to San Antonio for me, in order to attend the 30th Annual San Antonio Breast Cancer Symposium, taking place from 13th to 16th December.

I think Greg will know about it tomorrow at the very latest. Until now I had no time to inform him, as we are both working double clinic hours and having other cases as well - i.e. he is busy, annoyed and a tiny bit tensed due to the fact that we will have to work over the X-Mas days.

That was it from here - please accept my apologies. I will (I promise) write about the 2nd part of the "story" and I will (shall) write more in my blog.

Till then - take care!

Monday, October 29, 2007

White and Bertie

mood: amused
music: White 'n nerdy ~ Weird Al Yankovich

I am highly amused at the moment. My cousin Jo (the one from California) did send me the following vid by email lately ... Gregory cannot explain it - but we both had to grin broadly.

We once had a dear reader called Bertie ... so:

Dear Bertie,

Should you by any chance by and then read here. We greet you and hope you enjoy the following vid as well.

I was told that a good stout or ale could help watching that vid with a broader grin.

Take care!

Friday, October 19, 2007

Please excuse ...

I know that I owe you the second part of the "28 minutes later!" - and you will get it ... promised!

I am a tiny bit busy at the moment BUT if things turn out good this weekend I might find some time to write it all down.

Brief overview: Busy, busy and busy again ... Greg is busy as well and we both just see each other in some short coffee break at the clinic and well - at home ;)
You might guess that there are other things to do then ... - talking about the day and so on.

We even have no time to do the laundry at the moment ... nor the normal housework - so we have a house aid at the mo' - her name is ... guessed right: Consuela!

I really don't know why they have such names - it is like "James" for a butler ... I can really be lucky that I did not became one though.

Back to work now - stay tuned!

Yours James

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Doing fine

mood: extremely tired and grumpy
listening to: the coffee machine

Referring to the post-it and the message on it: How are you doing? bla bla

I am doing fine - anonymous asker! Thanks for asking anyway ... and please, why can't you state your name, hm?

I won't kill anyone stating his/her name though ... I just would like to know who is asking or telling me something - and btw, I know what Gregory writes down on the post-it and what he does not.

Witty, huh?!

So ... it is early morning - I had no coffee so far and I am damn tired on that very Saturday!

I might write down the rest of the story later - when time will allow me to!

Have a lovely day or weekend or whatever - I will have my first mug of strong black coffee NOW!

Thursday, October 11, 2007

New entry

... scroll down to read the new entry about planning a special prank!

Oh ...btw - I am soooo sorry ... but - you will see, WHY

Sunday, October 07, 2007

Poem: Why ...

It is not a new one - but I thought I might just share it with you. This time - well, it is just one of my poems!

Anyway - I hope you'll like it!

I want to listen to the constant swoosh and susurrus of the world.
Why? Just because I’d like to!

I want to admire the manifold blaze of color.
Why? Just because it makes me happy!

I want to feel the pulse of eternity.
Why? Well, just because it give me inner happiness!

I want to taste the bitterness and sweetness of the truth.
Why? Just because it brings the purest clarity to me!

Don’t you understand those simple wishes?
Perhaps, just because they don’t fit into your way of thinking?
Don’t you see the simplicity of the substance?
Do you perhaps hide behind glamor, appearance and brilliance?
Do you always have to explain things you don’t understand with plain rationality?
Do you think that only YOU are walking on the right way – you are going?

Like bells my laughter sounds …
because your ignorance does not allow me to do elsewise.

When the hour had come and the blossoms slant,
then I will show you the truth.
Just by then you will be able to see and understand –
that at the very end we all walk on the same way!

(C) J. E. Wilson

Thursday, October 04, 2007

28 minutes later ... new colleague

mood: relaxed

music: Julia says - Wet Wet Wet

Today I have a bit more time and so I will write about the new colleague we have in the oncology department. (as you can see - I already started to write that entry a few days ago)

Regarding the fact that Gregory already told you about how he greeted the new colleague - let me just tell what we did.
With WE I meant the oncology dep. - or should I say ... I (with the help of Greg, Foreman, Chase & Cameron)

The idea of the prank started some days after Greg made his "welcome prank" that slightly worried myself a bit, as I know about how he stands to Who-must-not-be-named.

We had one of our social evenings together with Foreman and Chase (social = spending time together), i.e. watching movies and drinking some beer - and we already had a tiny bit over the eight when we started to watch 28 weeks later.

Those knowing about the movie - know how normal persons become zombies and how the infection is spread, etc. ... good! Imagine 4 doctors sitting there and discussing about how likely it is that such a virus is spread.
We came to the result that some diseases could have such symptoms and it really could be the case ... - enough scared?!

After our discussion I went into the kitchen to fetch some more beer and a few seconds later I found myself in a pitch black apartment ... just hearing rummaging and then - silence.

"Fine" I thought, "Now it is scary time ..."
Rolling my eyes to where the ceiling is - I silently moved away from my former position, slipped out of my shoes and did hide in the corner - no second to late as I could see a shadow Quasimodo-ing into the kitchen, arms searchingly stretched out and suddenly grunting a bit.

Funny sight if you ask me ...
"You won't get me that way", I thought and tiptoed to the person (obviously Chase, according to the shadowly figure) - next thing I did was making exactly those scary weird noises when the become a zombie and I did twitch and shrug like them as well.
Chase's scream was priceless and swooosh - light was on again revealing Greg and Foreman peeking around the corner.

Chase did jump on the table and looked more than just freaked out.
I grunted and shrugged my way to Greg and Foreman who were already laughing there asses off.
"Gosh, Jim! You are so great in being a zombie!" Greg said between wiping the tears of laughter away.
I cleared my throat, fondled my hair and looked very innocent.
"Pardon?" I asked back in my best trial of British.
"You" he said and nudged my chest while grinning his most devilish smile "you really should bring that to perfection!"
"Should I?"
"Yeah, Wilson - you should" Foreman snorted and even Chase did grin and nod now.

"Hmmmm... seems as if I would have no other opportunity than doing so." I replied with a smile and grunted zombie-like again.

"By the way ... isn't the T.A. overdue with his welcome prank?" Chase now asked from behind and let his feet dangle from the table.
"Uh ... well, now as you mention it." I answered and rubbed my neck.

Greg scratched his chin, Foreman gnawed on his lower lip and Chase ... had found something to chew on (an apple).
"I ..."
"You will need some assistance" Gregory mumbled and his eyes had that special little devilish sparkle in them ...
"Will I?" I asked back and looked around - three heads were nodding.

And so the planning did start ...

7 days
... a great amount of theater blood
... red fun contacts
... disposable clothes
... Cameron in the "team"

October, 1st

... ... To be continued

Monday, September 24, 2007

Song of the Open Road

Dear readers,

I just have to share this astonishing work of poetry with you ... I just have to share it now.
Those of you not knowing it - those of you already knowing it - sit down, relax and read ... later if you want - sigh and think!

Walt Whitman (1819–1892). Leaves of Grass. 1900

AFOOT and light-hearted, I take to the open road,
Healthy, free, the world before me,
The long brown path before me, leading wherever I choose.

Henceforth I ask not good-fortune—I myself am good fortune;
Henceforth I whimper no more, postpone no more, need nothing,
Strong and content, I travel the open road.

The earth—that is sufficient;
I do not want the constellations any nearer;
I know they are very well where they are;
I know they suffice for those who belong to them.

(Still here I carry my old delicious burdens;
I carry them, men and women—I carry them with me wherever I go;
I swear it is impossible for me to get rid of them;
I am fill’d with them, and I will fill them in return.)

You road I enter upon and look around! I believe you are not all that is here;
I believe that much unseen is also here.

Here the profound lesson of reception, neither preference or denial;
The black with his woolly head, the felon, the diseas’d, the illiterate person, are not denied;
The birth, the hasting after the physician, the beggar’s tramp, the drunkard’s stagger, the laughing party of mechanics,
The escaped youth, the rich person’s carriage, the fop, the eloping couple,
The early market-man, the hearse, the moving of furniture into the town, the return back from the town,
They pass—I also pass—anything passes—none can be interdicted;
None but are accepted—none but are dear to me.

You air that serves me with breath to speak!
You objects that call from diffusion my meanings, and give them shape!
You light that wraps me and all things in delicate equable showers!
You paths worn in the irregular hollows by the roadsides!
I think you are latent with unseen existences—you are so dear to me.

You flagg’d walks of the cities! you strong curbs at the edges!
You ferries! you planks and posts of wharves! you timber-lined sides! you distant ships!
You rows of houses! you window-pierc’d façades! you roofs!
You porches and entrances! you copings and iron guards!
You windows whose transparent shells might expose so much!
You doors and ascending steps! you arches!
You gray stones of interminable pavements! you trodden crossings!
From all that has been near you, I believe you have imparted to yourselves, and now would impart the same secretly to me;
From the living and the dead I think you have peopled your impassive surfaces, and the spirits thereof would be evident and amicable with me.

The earth expanding right hand and left hand,
The picture alive, every part in its best light,
The music falling in where it is wanted, and stopping where it is not wanted,
The cheerful voice of the public road—the gay fresh sentiment of the road.

O highway I travel! O public road! do you say to me, Do not leave me?
Do you say, Venture not? If you leave me, you are lost?
Do you say, I am already prepared—I am well-beaten and undenied—adhere to me?

O public road! I say back, I am not afraid to leave you—yet I love you;
You express me better than I can express myself;
You shall be more to me than my poem.

I think heroic deeds were all conceiv’d in the open air, and all great poems also;
I think I could stop here myself, and do miracles;
(My judgments, thoughts, I henceforth try by the open air, the road;)
I think whatever I shall meet on the road I shall like, and whoever beholds me shall like me;
I think whoever I see must be happy.

From this hour, freedom!
From this hour I ordain myself loos’d of limits and imaginary lines,
Going where I list, my own master, total and absolute,
Listening to others, and considering well what they say,
Pausing, searching, receiving, contemplating,
Gently, but with undeniable will, divesting myself of the holds that would hold me.

I inhale great draughts of space;
The east and the west are mine, and the north and the south are mine.

I am larger, better than I thought;
I did not know I held so much goodness.

All seems beautiful to me;
I can repeat over to men and women, You have done such good to me, I would do the same to you.

I will recruit for myself and you as I go;
I will scatter myself among men and women as I go;
I will toss the new gladness and roughness among them;
Whoever denies me, it shall not trouble me;
Whoever accepts me, he or she shall be blessed, and shall bless me.

Now if a thousand perfect men were to appear, it would not amaze me;
Now if a thousand beautiful forms of women appear’d, it would not astonish me.

Now I see the secret of the making of the best persons,
It is to grow in the open air, and to eat and sleep with the earth.

Here a great personal deed has room;
A great deed seizes upon the hearts of the whole race of men,
Its effusion of strength and will overwhelms law, and mocks all authority and all argument against it.

Here is the test of wisdom;
Wisdom is not finally tested in schools;
Wisdom cannot be pass’d from one having it, to another not having it;
Wisdom is of the Soul, is not susceptible of proof, is its own proof,
Applies to all stages and objects and qualities, and is content,
Is the certainty of the reality and immortality of things, and the excellence of things;
Something there is in the float of the sight of things that provokes it out of the Soul.

Now I reëxamine philosophies and religions,
They may prove well in lecture-rooms, yet not prove at all under the spacious clouds, and along the landscape and flowing currents.

Here is realization;
Here is a man tallied—he realizes here what he has in him;
The past, the future, majesty, love—if they are vacant of you, you are vacant of them.

Only the kernel of every object nourishes;
Where is he who tears off the husks for you and me?
Where is he that undoes stratagems and envelopes for you and me?

Here is adhesiveness—it is not previously fashion’d—it is apropos;
Do you know what it is, as you pass, to be loved by strangers?
Do you know the talk of those turning eye-balls?

Here is the efflux of the Soul;
The efflux of the Soul comes from within, through embower’d gates, ever provoking questions:
These yearnings, why are they? These thoughts in the darkness, why are they?
Why are there men and women that while they are nigh me, the sun-light expands my blood?
Why, when they leave me, do my pennants of joy sink flat and lank?
Why are there trees I never walk under, but large and melodious thoughts descend upon me?
(I think they hang there winter and summer on those trees, and always drop fruit as I pass;)
What is it I interchange so suddenly with strangers?
What with some driver, as I ride on the seat by his side?
What with some fisherman, drawing his seine by the shore, as I walk by, and pause?
What gives me to be free to a woman’s or man’s good-will? What gives them to be free to mine?

The efflux of the Soul is happiness—here is happiness;
I think it pervades the open air, waiting at all times;
Now it flows unto us—we are rightly charged.

Here rises the fluid and attaching character;
The fluid and attaching character is the freshness and sweetness of man and woman;

(The herbs of the morning sprout no fresher and sweeter every day out of the roots of themselves, than it sprouts fresh and sweet continually out of itself.)

Toward the fluid and attaching character exudes the sweat of the love of young and old;
From it falls distill’d the charm that mocks beauty and attainments;
Toward it heaves the shuddering longing ache of contact.

Allons! whoever you are, come travel with me!
Traveling with me, you find what never tires.

The earth never tires;
The earth is rude, silent, incomprehensible at first—Nature is rude and incomprehensible at first;
Be not discouraged—keep on—there are divine things, well envelop’d;
I swear to you there are divine things more beautiful than words can tell.

Allons! we must not stop here!
However sweet these laid-up stores—however convenient this dwelling, we cannot remain here;
However shelter’d this port, and however calm these waters, we must not anchor here;
However welcome the hospitality that surrounds us, we are permitted to receive it but a little while.

Allons! the inducements shall be greater;
We will sail pathless and wild seas;
We will go where winds blow, waves dash, and the Yankee clipper speeds by under full sail.

Allons! with power, liberty, the earth, the elements!
Health, defiance, gayety, self-esteem, curiosity;
Allons! from all formules!
From your formules, O bat-eyed and materialistic priests!

The stale cadaver blocks up the passage—the burial waits no longer.

Allons! yet take warning!
He traveling with me needs the best blood, thews, endurance;
None may come to the trial, till he or she bring courage and health.

Come not here if you have already spent the best of yourself;
Only those may come, who come in sweet and determin’d bodies;
No diseas’d person—no rum-drinker or venereal taint is permitted here.

I and mine do not convince by arguments, similes, rhymes;
We convince by our presence.

Listen! I will be honest with you;
I do not offer the old smooth prizes, but offer rough new prizes;
These are the days that must happen to you:

You shall not heap up what is call’d riches,
You shall scatter with lavish hand all that you earn or achieve,
You but arrive at the city to which you were destin’d—you hardly settle yourself to satisfaction, before you are call’d by an irresistible call to depart,
You shall be treated to the ironical smiles and mockings of those who remain behind you;
What beckonings of love you receive, you shall only answer with passionate kisses of parting,
You shall not allow the hold of those who spread their reach’d hands toward you.

Allons! after the GREAT COMPANIONS! and to belong to them!
They too are on the road! they are the swift and majestic men; they are the greatest women.
Over that which hinder’d them—over that which retarded—passing impediments large or small,
Committers of crimes, committers of many beautiful virtues,
Enjoyers of calms of seas, and storms of seas,
Sailors of many a ship, walkers of many a mile of land,
Habitués of many distant countries, habitués of far-distant dwellings,
Trusters of men and women, observers of cities, solitary toilers,
Pausers and contemplators of tufts, blossoms, shells of the shore,
Dancers at wedding-dances, kissers of brides, tender helpers of children, bearers of children,
Soldiers of revolts, standers by gaping graves, lowerers down of coffins,
Journeyers over consecutive seasons, over the years—the curious years, each emerging from that which preceded it,
Journeyers as with companions, namely, their own diverse phases,
Forth-steppers from the latent unrealized baby-days,
Journeyers gayly with their own youth—Journeyers with their bearded and well-grain’d manhood,
Journeyers with their womanhood, ample, unsurpass’d, content,
Journeyers with their own sublime old age of manhood or womanhood,
Old age, calm, expanded, broad with the haughty breadth of the universe,
Old age, flowing free with the delicious near-by freedom of death.

Allons! to that which is endless, as it was beginningless,
To undergo much, tramps of days, rests of nights,
To merge all in the travel they tend to, and the days and nights they tend to,
Again to merge them in the start of superior journeys;
To see nothing anywhere but what you may reach it and pass it,
To conceive no time, however distant, but what you may reach it and pass it,
To look up or down no road but it stretches and waits for you—however long, but it stretches and waits for you;
To see no being, not God’s or any, but you also go thither,
To see no possession but you may possess it—enjoying all without labor or purchase—abstracting the feast, yet not abstracting one particle of it;
To take the best of the farmer’s farm and the rich man’s elegant villa, and the chaste blessings of the well-married couple, and the fruits of orchards and flowers of gardens,
To take to your use out of the compact cities as you pass through,
To carry buildings and streets with you afterward wherever you go, 180
To gather the minds of men out of their brains as you encounter them—to gather the love out of their hearts,
To take your lovers on the road with you, for all that you leave them behind you,
To know the universe itself as a road—as many roads—as roads for traveling souls.

The Soul travels;
The body does not travel as much as the soul;
The body has just as great a work as the soul, and parts away at last for the journeys of the soul.

All parts away for the progress of souls;
All religion, all solid things, arts, governments,—all that was or is apparent upon this globe or any globe, falls into niches and corners before the procession of Souls along the grand roads of the universe.

Of the progress of the souls of men and women along the grand roads of the universe, all other progress is the needed emblem and sustenance.

Forever alive, forever forward,
Stately, solemn, sad, withdrawn, baffled, mad, turbulent, feeble, dissatisfied,
Desperate, proud, fond, sick, accepted by men, rejected by men,
They go! they go! I know that they go, but I know not where they go;
But I know that they go toward the best—toward something great.

Allons! whoever you are! come forth!
You must not stay sleeping and dallying there in the house, though you built it, or though it has been built for you.

Allons! out of the dark confinement!
It is useless to protest—I know all, and expose it.

Behold, through you as bad as the rest,
Through the laughter, dancing, dining, supping, of people,
Inside of dresses and ornaments, inside of those wash’d and trimm’d faces,
Behold a secret silent loathing and despair.

No husband, no wife, no friend, trusted to hear the confession;
Another self, a duplicate of every one, skulking and hiding it goes,
Formless and wordless through the streets of the cities, polite and bland in the parlors,
In the cars of rail-roads, in steamboats, in the public assembly,
Home to the houses of men and women, at the table, in the bed-room, everywhere,
Smartly attired, countenance smiling, form upright, death under the breast-bones, hell under the skull-bones,
Under the broadcloth and gloves, under the ribbons and artificial flowers,
Keeping fair with the customs, speaking not a syllable of itself,
Speaking of anything else, but never of itself.

Allons! through struggles and wars!
The goal that was named cannot be countermanded.

Have the past struggles succeeded?
What has succeeded? yourself? your nation? nature?
Now understand me well—It is provided in the essence of things, that from any fruition of success, no matter what, shall come forth something to make a greater struggle necessary.

My call is the call of battle—I nourish active rebellion;
He going with me must go well arm’d;
He going with me goes often with spare diet, poverty, angry enemies, desertions.

Allons! the road is before us!
It is safe—I have tried it—my own feet have tried it well.

Allons! be not detain’d!
Let the paper remain on the desk unwritten, and the book on the shelf unopen’d!
Let the tools remain in the workshop! let the money remain unearn’d!
Let the school stand! mind not the cry of the teacher!
Let the preacher preach in his pulpit! let the lawyer plead in the court, and the judge expound the law.

Mon enfant! I give you my hand!
I give you my love, more precious than money,
I give you myself, before preaching or law;
Will you give me yourself? will you come travel with me?
Shall we stick by each other as long as we live?

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Late evening working hours ...

The following picture shows you how some of us might look like after a hard working day, too little sleep and ... well - 11 hours of work!

Sorry, my dear for posting that picture here - but I couldn't resist!

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Sweetest smile

(Artist: Black)

I still owe you the story about the new doctor in my department and about how I cut myself with a knife - so ... I will try not to mix things.

Cutting myself really does not fill a whole entry - althought the length of the entries is up to me - hehe.

Fine ... I took a knife, tried to slice something and then I cut myself... story over!

HA! Okay, okay - you probably want to know what I wanted to slice and this and that. Hmm, didn't you sometimes ask yourself when watching a movie why the heck they made it that complicated?!

Lord of the Rings - what an exquisite example for that. THREE parts ... story-filling ... etc. - and at the end, Frodo and Sam lying on a rock surrounded by a lava stream and being picked up by giant eagles.

Why the heck couldn't they have asked the eagles at the very beginning to bring them there - drop that damn ring into the stream and ... THE END
Not that I don't like that movie ... I bow before the persons having realized that enormous project - but - I just cannot avoid asking such things ;)

It would have been soooooooooooooooo easy! However, it is so that we see the best ending or the easier way at the end of the way with obstacles ... perhaps I should see it like that (and not to forget that the movie would have just lasted 30 minutes or so ;) ... for some movies this would be more than great sometimes!

Okay - back to the main story as we were not having a discussing about movies. I have that with Greg so many times.
It was in fact on DVD movie evening when I got my cut ...

Let's start at the beginning.

"Jim? Jimmy? Huuuuunyyyyyy?" It sounded from the kitchen on the Saturday of September, 8th.
I looked up from putting the laundry into the machine and raised one eyebrow.
"What now?" I thought as his voice and the way he called me did imply that

a.) anything happened - I would probably not find too good
b.) anything happened and it was his fault
c.) anything will happen (see a)
d.) anything will happen (see a + b)
e.) he was hungry and want something to eat (see a - d)
f.) he needs new Vicodin (as he is clear at the moment - we can drop that!)

"You address me, right?" I so shouted back into the kitchen.
"I only know one Jim and Hun' being here ..." Greg's voice came from the door.
I turned my head and looked at him.

Fine - at least no blood was to be seen and he did not look that guilty.
"Point here!" I answered and straightened up after I chose the right program.
"So what?" he replied and played with the phone in his hands.
"I ask you that as you did call me like: Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuny"

Greg smirked slightly and nodded.
"Ehm ... right!" He avoided my eyes for a second and looked back at me then (oh oh - he was guilty!)
"You know that ... ehm ... well, we planned to have a cozy weekend - right?" Greg began and put one hand in his jeans pocket.
"Mhm ..."
"Well, ehm ... a friend just called me - and ..."

I frowned and looked a bit surprised.
"A friend? What friend? I ... I mean - you do not have many friends around here, do you? I mean - the one I know is currently leaning against the washing machine." I replied and patted the called one.
Now it was Gregory frowning and snorting at me.
"Funny! I do have friends beside you, Jaaaames!"

"Oh stop pouting!" I replied and approched him.
"Tell me now ... who called you?"
"Chase called me" Greg said silently now and cleared his throat then.

"Chase? You call Chase a friend ... I mean - well ... you work together. You are his boss and to what I know you are not the nicest one" I said with a wink and squeezed me past him to go into the kitchen.
"Haha!" I came back from behind and I heard him following me into the kitchen.

There I stood and stared on the mess he left (he wanted to cook).
"Greg, this is not the truth - tell me that this bomb attack will be removed, right?!!"
From the corner of my eyes I did see him looking around briefly and then looking at me.
"Sure it will be removed!"
"Do not look at me like that ... YOU will clean this mess!" I replied and grabbed me some hot coffee.
"So, why did Chase call and what did he want? I thought they have their free weekend as well?!"

Greg poured himself some coffee as well and we both took seat in the kitchen.
"True! He called me to say that he is unsure if Foreman might be able to come back to work on Monday as he got a flue!"
"Oh ..."
He nodded and sipped his coffee.
"And? That was it? Therefore we had to talk?"
Greg looked over the rim of his coffee cup and our eyes met.

A sigh slipped out of my mouth.
"Sure not. So what could it be ... hmmm, let me guess!"
"Go!" he replied with a grin and leaned back.

"Okay - Foreman is ill ..." I took a sip of my coffee as well and started to think what Greg wanted to do now.
After some seconds I looked back at Greg and grinned.
"Easy? Tell!"

"It is their free weekend, it is Saturday ... they will have rent some movies yesterday and perhaps watched one or two. Means - there are two more to watch. Second: Foreman is ill and Chase called you - means you would want to go there and check if he is really that ill. Third: He probably told you what movies are left to watch and there was one amongst you wanted to see always but I did not want to. Am I right or am I right?"

Gregory looked impressed and smiled a bit.
"Geez, James - that was amazing! You could be a diagnostician, your brain seems to work! Woohoo ..."
A little snort escape and I put the mug down on the table.
"Easy I've said ..."
"Damn ... it was too obvious, hm?"
"Yeah and I know you too good I suppose" I answered and shrugged.

Gregory did still smile and it was his turn now to shrug.
"Sooo?" he asked me with the same melody I did ask him before.
"So what?" I grinned back.
"Sooo - will we go there?"
I looked around and then back at him.
"When you will have cleaned the kitchen - I might allow you to go there."
"Ooooooh ...thanks Mom!" Greg said while clapping his hands with excitement.

He dialed a number and just said, "We will be there at 8 o'clock and I hope there is something else than just tea in the house!"
Gregory did not wait for the reply and just hang up again.
"You are always sooo polite, Greg!" I grinned and stood up to place the mug in the dish washer.

I heard Gregory's chair being pushed back when I bent down to open the door but I did not look up until I felt a prominent bodypart poking me lightly.
"GREG!" I gasped, turned my head, placed the mug inside while looking at him and next thing I said was a loud: "OUCH ... damn FUCK!"

"I did intend that last thing ... right!" Greg said and then grabbed my hand to look at him.
There was long and bit deeper cut at the inside of my right hand and it was bleeding like hell (or what does look like that when you are suprised).
"What have you done?" Greg muttered while trying to stop the bleeding with a towel.
"I? You poked me and I did not look where I placed that fucking mug!"
He looked past me into the dish washer and nodded.
"I see the one who tried to kill you ..."
I turned my head as well and a sharp cutting knife was winking at me and I tell you that it did grin devilishly!
"The monster knife ..." I moaned when Greg pressed a bit too hard.

"Right ... and now - shall I stitch it or do you want to go to the clinic and let it done there?"
I did not think a minute and smiled weakly.
"Clinic please ... I don't want to look like a ragdoll!"
"Fine ..." Greg answered while helping me up. "But I am not Dr. Frankenstein, my stitches look good!"
"I bet they do!" I assured him on the way to the car.

Some minutes later we arrived at the PPTH and another 30 minutes later we were on our way back again.
He really did clean the kitchen and ... much more that afternoon and so we went to visit Chase and Foreman in the evening - accompanied by a "get well" present (my idea) and some weird B-movie (Greg's idea).

The evening was ... hmmm - interesting and perhaps Greg or Foreman will write about that evening.

By the way - I told you at the beginning that I took a knife, tried to slice something and got cut ... so?! Right! Never trust what is being told before you know the whole story ;) ... all the tension would have been non-existent if I really would have told you the truth.

Friday, September 14, 2007

Greg's first day at work

I am going back in time again - not that nothing would happen at the moment but to be up-to-date I just have to explain a few things ... otherwise you would be sitting there and staring on the screen like: flawh?

As I've already told you Gregory started working on the 1st September. He wanted to start the day as usual and so I went to work without him as he now goes for a run every morning.
Greg arrived at the PPTH in his jogging clothes and disturbed me and Cuddy while we were just talking about what new case might be good for Greg to start.

We discussed about the wheelchair guy the hospital just got in and Cuddy mentioned that Greg might love that.

I flipped through a file and answered, "He'll be bored. It's a great visual but it's diagnostically boring. What about post-hair transplant aphasia guy?"
Cuddy briefly looked at me and replied, "Infection throwing clots, House will shoot it down and call you an idiot."

Well ... nobody wants to be called an idiot, or?

Cuddy suggested the "yoga girl" and I thought about just that when Gregory came into the office still wearing his jogging clothes and being a bit out of breath.

Our boss looked at him with an open mouth as she didn't know that he was running now every day.
Eight miles from home to the clinic - good way for his training.
Why I stared at him ... well this had another reason - but perhaps I do like it when his chest goes up and down like it did.

I don't want you to bore with our conversation then ... it was just exchanging "pleasantries" and a bit of chit-chat.
Greg thought all the cases - except the post-hair transplant aphasia guy - were worth to be new cases of the diagnostic department.

I didn't see Greg until the evening when I met him on the balcony of the second floor (although we did talk via phone twice). Gregory was leaning on the balcony overlooking the lobby and watching people walk in and out when I found him.

He looked as if in thoughts and first I thought of not disturbing his thoughts ... but it would not be me if I would have done so - hm ...
We talked about the cases and before I could ask him when we will be leaving and going home, Cameron disturbed us and some seconds later it was me standing on the balcony and watching the people walking in and out.

Greg had to go back to another case before we finally managed to leave the hospital at about 10 p.m.
Due to the late time we decided that cooking was cancelled and so we just bought us some pizza on our way back.

The rest of the evening we did not talk about the job but enjoyed the late nite dinner, the glass of wine, the voice of Amy Winehouse and some cuddling on the sofa and later in bed before we finally did fall asleep at around 1 a.m.

Well ... it was not THAT interesting but I wanted to tell you about Greg's first day at work and now I did it.

I am not sure when I will be able to post again as I have to work the weekend ... yeah, you read right - weekend shift for both of us, Greg is very happy about it!

Thursday, September 13, 2007

A bathing episode

I am currently sitting in front of my computer (oh wonder!) and sipping my early morning coffee.
You might probably have asked yourself why I stopped writing although I did say that I am back again ...
Well - some things happened here and due to those happenings I was a bit more busy than I thought I would be.

Greg started working (on the 1st September) ... a new doctor started working (I will tell later) and I had a little accident with a knife.

One after the other though ...

First let me tell you about Gregory's last night before having to work again - after eight weeks of being home.

We were sitting in our living room and I was listening to Greg singing to Nickelback - "If everyone cared" ... while sipping at some red barrique wine and just enjoying the evening.

The light was dimmed and the sitting room was only illuminated by a few candles ... the music filled the room and I lazily stretched out my legs on the sofa.

Greg looked up from his guitar with sparkling eyes and gave me one of those rarely to be seen "I do love you more than you would guess" looks.
My heart suddenly stopped beating for a second - as it always does when he looks at me like that - and a similar smile must have appeared on my face, as Greg stood up from his chair and approached me.

"You are looking way too good when you lay there like that, Jimmy" he moaned silently and kneeled before the sofa.
"Do I?" I silently moaned back and turned to my side to be able to look him in the eyes.
Our glances met and when you ever loved someone you might know what it feels like when you feel drawn to the other and sink deeper and deeper and deeper 'till you have the feeling your reached the bottom of his soul.

Despite any other meaning - Greg's soul is wonderful ... sensitive and tender - he is my little angel - although sometimes an angel disguised as a grumpy misanthrope.

I am getting lost in telling you how wonderful he can be.

Sooo ... well we were there in the living room, staring into the other eyes and simply getting lost in each other when a sound brought us back to real life. That disgusting and annoying sound was the sound of the phone ringing.

"Let it ring!" Greg muttered and slowly bent forward.
"What if it is an emergency?" I whispered and my look was focused on the soft lips coming closer and closer.
Greg started to fumble at the buttons of my shirt and placed little kisses on the skin revealed.
My eyes closed automatically and offered him the soft flesh of my throat. The ringing sound of the phone stopped in the very moment Gregory's lips touched my skin and a deep moan slipped out of my mouth.

The shiver of anticipation ran over my skin and the feeling of lust and longing filled my mind when his touches became more eagerly and demanding.

"Jim" he whispered hoarsely into my ear and my body reacted to the whisper brushing over my skin like a whiff of wind.
"Hmmmmmm?" I moaned back and shifted on the sofa.

"Shall we go into the bath?" Greg asked with a hushed voice.
I opened my eyes and found me looking in them. The blue blinked back and I could see the longing in the sparkling. The longing that nearly made me rip off his shirt at once ...
I swallowed hard down and just nodded slowly.
"Bath ... yeah..." I heard me answering with a croak.
Before Greg went into the bathroom he gave me a kiss that left me lying on the sofa for a few more minutes and feeling completely dizzy and dragged away.

When I came back to where he left me (and of course where I have officially been) - I looked around and blinked twice. The gurgling sound of the water filling the tube finally managed to wake me up. I sat upright and shook my head.
"Wooohoooo" I murmured and noticed that I was grinning like a Cheshire cat.

A rummaging coming out of the kitchen made me look towards that direction and I did see Greg opening a cupboard.
"Are you searching something particular?" I asked him and stood up.
"No! This shall be a surprise! And please don't go into the bathroom before I ask you to come in!"

"Want me to go outside or may I go into the bedroom and change into my bathrobe?"
"You may do whatever you want, Jim - but - don't come into the bathroom!" Greg shouted over his shoulder.
I shrugged, grabbed the glas of barrique and went on the balcony to watch the starlit sky.

I might have stood there for five minutes just enjoying the night, the atmosphere and the great California wine when I heard Gregory calling me from inside.
The rest of the wine was sipped down before I opened the door to the living room and went inside again.
"Change into your bathrobe before you come in!" Greg's voice came out of the bath.
"Okaaaaaay!" I yelled back and made my way to the kitchen to place the empty glass into the sink before I headed for the bedroom to change as wished.

Two minutes - a changing and a check into the mirror - later, I slowly opened the door to the bathroom.
"May I?" I whispered into the dim lit room.
"Sure" he silently replied and so I stepped in - and stopped two steps later - looking around with wide open eyes.

"Gawd, Greg!" I sighed and checked the room once anew.
The room was only lit by candles - maaaaaaany candles ... no - a bunch of candles! The air was filled with the scent of sandalwood incense sticks and some atmospheric music I really can't remember what it was ... but in that moment it does not matter - and it doesn't matter now - because what did count was the whole ...the complete picture of it that would have melted even the darkest heart of steel.
The light ... the air ... the music ... and the best - Gregory as God has made him ... waiting for me in the bathtub!
"You like it?" he asked me and looked soooo cute I could have just grabbed him and cuddled him to suffocation.
"I do ..." I croaked and then cleared my throat to repeat it with more emphasis.
Gregory smiled broadly and pointed into the water. "Come here, hun' - enough space for two!"

I did not want him to have it repeated twice - so I opened my bathrobe and let it glide over my shoulders while looking him in the eyes.
Greg's pupils widened when I approached him and a short whistle followed a second later.

I could not avoid the grin that wanted to come on my face nor the little move with my hips to tease him a little.
We both grinned broadly and I waggled with my eyebrows.
"I see you did not fill it to the rim!?"
"Mhmmm...!" Greg answered and reached out to grab my waist.
"Guess why?" he said and pulled me closer ...

A second later my head dropped back and I perfectly knew why the tub wasn't filled completely.
Nonetheless we had to clean the floor afterwards ... but that afterwards was quite a while later - not to say ... some hours later!

"Holy moly, Jim!" Greg moaned and rubbed over his face with his head tilted back.
"Uhu" I moaned and stared through the mist up towards the ceiling.
"I think we should leave the water now" he replied with a weak voice.
"Uhm ... yah ... we probably should ... it is cold" I answered with a similar voice but did not move an inch.
My head rolled over my left shoulder 'till I could look at him.
"You first ..." I gestured slowly.
"You ..." Greg moaned and nodded towards the door.

My glance followed his nod and then I looked back at him.
"No" I sighed and let my head drop back again.
"Hmmm... damn ... why not?"
"Easy ... I think if I would try now I might faint or fall to the ground as I am feeling weak like a baby!" I replied with a big sigh.
A twin sigh followed and Greg's answer made me grin slightly.
"See, Jim ... I know exactly what you mean - so ... we should stay here until morn', huh?"

We both thought about that suggestion for a while but obviously didn't find it acceptable as we both tried to stand up simultaneously.
"You first - bunnybum!" Greg gestured me with a brief nod and let himself sink back into the clammy water.
"Okay ... okay" I moaned and carefully stepped out and on the lightly wet floor. "We have to mop up later!"

"Everything what you want, dear - just gimme a few moments to recover, 'kay?" Gregory muttered and looked at me with a "Geez-I-feel-dizzy!" expression.
"Sure!" I said while wrapping me in the warm and cozy bathrobe.

Gregory now stepped out of the tub and I grabbed him firmly when he nearly slipped out on the wet ground.
"Damn!" he growled and pulled me closer. "You are impossible man! What are you doing with me, hm?"
"I ... I ..." and before I could stammer what he did mean - I noticed by the reaction of his body and the kiss he gave me.

Amazing how quick you can be in the bedroom and cuddling underneath the blankets if you just want it!

I must say that this very last evening of being at home was ... hmmm ... inspiring, uplifting, cozy, romantic and full of love! The cleaning we had to do in the late or early morning hours really was worth all of it!

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Ave Maria ...

The world misses a great singer - Luciano Pavarotti died today after suffering many years from cancer ... may he be now where there is no pain, no suffering ...

May the light have guided him through the darkness and may his friends and family always remember him as the person he was.

Luciano Pavarotti was one of the best tenors in the world and to honor his voice - Ave Maria:

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

A saturday evening and a stroll

Life during the last few weeks wasn’t that boring for me as you might have thought it was. As I already told you – I had no computer at home (if we don’t count Greg’s) and therefore the evenings were filled with TV, dinner, talks, laughs and some strolls.
Gregory wanted me to join him for a jog by and then – but as I had to work double clinic hours most of the time and really had a lot to do at work – I felt more or like exhausted when coming home late at night.
So it was no wonder that Gregory often found himself alone until 9 or 10 p.m.
In order to balance out the time we had not – we used the time we had more intensively.
It was last Saturday when Greg looked up from Calvin & Hobbes while I was trying to get familiar with my new notebook.

“Jim …”
“Hm?” I asked him and looked up from the manual.
“How long do you want to brood over that handbook?” Greg asked and took a sip from the coffee I had made a while ago.
“I dunno”, I said with a sigh and put the manual away. “Somehow I don’t have a clue how I can get into the Internet …”
Gregory raised an eyebrow and smiled slightly. “You know that you are way too cute sometimes, hm?”
“Pardon?” I asked him with a smile.
“Do you do that on purpose or don’t you know how to do it?”

“I … … I … … Huh? What do you mean?” I asked him and rubbed my neck.
Greg shook his head and stood up. “What about having a walk and I will later take care of it?” He said while approaching me.

“A walk…?” I said and the rest was mumbled into a purr as Gregory started to fondle and kiss my neckline.
“Mhmmmm … a walk!” Greg muttered into my ear before he started nibbling at it.
My eyes closed automatically and enjoyed the touch of his soft lips upon my skin. The kissing continued a bit and my hands found their way to his hair, while he drew me closer and searched my lips with his mouth.
I felt a shiver running over my body when he touched my lips with his tongue tip. Pleasant anticipation made me moan and shift on my chair.
“Sooooo?” I heard him whispering softly and his fingers were caressing my throat tenderly.
“So what?” I whispered back and had no clue what he did mean.
“So what about the walk now?” Greg replied and the little smile I heard in his voice made me open my eyes finally.

Gregory’ s shining blue eyes were examining me carefully and I could not resist raising an eyebrow and pouting a bit.
“Oh… that walk! I nearly forgot now … Can’t we … … I mean …”
My fingers played their way up to his shaved (!) chin and I gave him a Greg-like puppy look.
A soft and deep “Hm?” and a little devilish smile was all I got.
I moved the chair backwards and pulled Greg on my lap then. “You know exactly what I mean!” I whispered and started to unbutton his shirt.
“I might … I might …” Greg answered but was not willing to give in. He leaned back a bit and still looked into my eyes.

A sigh slipped out of my mouth and I raised my eyes towards the ceiling …
“Okay, I got that … You want to go out and on a walk – you have already something in your mind, right?”
“Right!” Greg answered, fondled my hair and stood up then.

Another sigh filled the room – and again it was mine. I closed my notebook and stood up as well to follow Greg into the bedroom where he did go to change into street clothes – as we still had been in our “home clothes”.
I opened the door and found me staring on a more than alluring scene …
“I … I … thought we go on a walk?” I finally managed to say (more than just a bit hoarsely) while still eyeballing the scene in front of me.
Gregory lying on the bed in his birthday suit – arms and legs spread open and the only light were two candles on the nightstand. The light of the candles painted soft patterns on his skin and my body reaction was more than clear.

“Stop thinking and come here …” Greg moaned with closed eyes.
That was a thing he did not have to repeat twice and so I closed the door silently and slipped out of my clothes more than hastily while approaching the bed.

My eyes met the red rose I did buy two days ago together with some Chinese food for dinner. I grabbed it tenderly and crawled beside Greg then.
Gregory did not open his eyes and did not move … slowly I took the rose and started to caress his skin with its velvet-like bud.
A deep moan slipped out of Greg’s mouth and his eyes popped open.

“Shhhh …” I whispered as I was unable to speak – my throat felt dried out and my heart did beat like it would want to run a marathon.

Greg moaned again when the rose bud tenderly stroke over his side. He opened his mouth and I felt my lower parts wanting and pleading for more.
The rose soon found the way to the floor and my lips the way to his mouth … and the walk was soon forgotten for quite a while.

One hour or so later, Greg turned around lazily and gave me his brightest smile.
“Back to the topic now … what about a walk?”
I stretched lightly and nodded.
“Yeah, why not – looks like it would be a nice evening to go for a stroll? Already some place in your mind?”
“Hmmm … I thought about the golf course!” Greg replied and crawled to the edge of the bed.
“The golf course?” I answered and straightened up. “Isn’t it forbidden to have a walk there?”
Gregory’s smile became even broader and now there was a hint of a devilish grin in it.


… ... …

“Well, I just heard that it is very nice there and in the night it must be silent and … no one around – five miles away from the center of Plainsboro …”

Greg gave me a side glance and waggled one eyebrow.
“Oh …” I said and the realization dawned what he wanted to tell me between the lines …
“Mhmmm…” was his reply and with a grin it was me now crawling out of the bed and jumping into jeans, t-shirt and sneakers.

Greg said nothing but he checked what I did choose to wear and nodded then as if I had passed a test without knowing it.
It was in the car to the golf course when I asked him why he did nod before.

“I just noticed you did choose clothes you can get easily in and out …” he replied while looking on the street.

“Right … right …” I just answered with a grin.

What happened now on the golf course is just a thing of your imagination … it was a … nice walk there – very very silent …

Monday, August 13, 2007

Still alive ...

The reason why I did not write for that long time is fairly simple: my own notebook broke down lately and that is why I could not write ...

Still having no new one but having a bit of a spare time here at work and using my PPTH computer for giving you a short life sign.

Work really made a busy bee of me lately - as summer is here many family "docs" are away and so there is a lack of doctors for clinic duty. My normal day schedule consist of a bit of my ward round in the morning - some appointments and then clinic duty ... clinic duty means sometimes I am out of here at 10, 11 or later in the evening.

Greg is doing good and as he is eager to win a running competition he trains his leg every day now ...

When I am coming home there are other things to do then sitting in front of the computer and informing you about my all-day bustle ... sorry if you did miss me though.

I will try to update you from time to time ...but please understand that I can't dance on every wedding (if you know what I mean).

Things between me and Greg are back to normal and it is good to see that his grumpiness vanishes from day to day his leg is working better.

Now I have to go back to work again ... see you around!


Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Tuesday ... part III

The slamming of the door reached the bottom of my soul and I startled a bit.
"ASSHOLE" I yelled and I have to admit that I wasn't sure if I said it to myself or to Gregory.
I stood there for a second and looked down on the shardes of the mug.

The remnants gnawed at my conscience and I felt my anger vanishing at once.
How silly and dump we both were ... I opened the door and heard Gregory muttering aloud, "DOUCHEBAG!"
A sigh slipped out of my mouth when I did see him sitting there on the steps down to the sidewalk.
I stepped out of the appartment, made sure I had the keys in my pocket and drew the door close behind me.
"Greg ..." I started silently and looked at his back.

He stiffened and turned to me slowly.
"What now? Wanna ruin my bike as well?" he asked me with a monotone voice.
I approached him with wringing hands, "I am sorry! Okay ... I ... "
"It is one thing destroying something due to an accident or destroying something due to will!" he barked at me and swallowed down hard.
I walked passed him as I wanted to look him in the eyes and while doing so, he suddenly stretched out his leg and I nearly found myself kissing the pavement.

"Are you insane?" I asked him aloud after I tumbled lightly and could find my balance back before falling down on my knees.
"You ask me, if I am insane? After what you implied with the mug? You did say that on purpose after all you know what happened to me as a child ..."
My jaw dropped down and I must have looked more than blank.
"Greg, I never thought about that ... believe me!"
"Fuck you, Jim or no ... go and fuck someone else - that is what you can do the best, huh?" he spat in my face.
I startled and felt a fist squeezing my stomach and another fist trying to rip my heart out.
Gregory looked at me and I could see in his eyes that he slowly recognized what he had said ... before he could say even more I slowly nodded and stepped back.
"Yah ... I got that!" I said silently and turned around to walk away with fast steps.

"JIM, wait!" I heard him shouting after me a few seconds later.
I hesitated in my steps but did not stop but walked further on.
"JIM!" I heard him again before I heard his steps following me.
Slowing down my steps a bit I thought about what we both did say and why we did say it.
"God, how stubborn we both are!" I thought and wondered if he still did love me.
One thing was sure - I still loved him dearly, deeply and with all my heart.

Why is it so, that we often hurt those the most - we love the most?

I nearly stood now and could feel his presence close behind me and then I felt his hand grabbing my arm.
"Jim" he said with a softer voice that made my heart jump.
I turned around and looked at him - straight into his steel-blue eyes.
Gregory eyed me and sighed deeply then.
"I am sorry" he whispered and looked down on his sneakers.
"I am sorry as well!" I whispered back and looked upon my hands.

"Really?" I heard him asking silently and saw his feet moving a bit.
I lifted up my head again and found me staring into his concerned looking face.
"Really!" I answered with an underlining nod and raised my hand to caress his cheek briefly.
Gregory stiffened underneath my touch and I did withdraw my hand at once.

"Oh god, is it that severe ... he did stiffen!" I thought and gnawed upon my lower lip.
"Believe me, Jim, I never meant that ..." Gregory continued then and touched my hand lightly.
A shiver ran down my spine and I felt a heat rushing through my entire body.
I would have so wanted to drag him into my arms, hold him tenderly and telling him more than anything else that I still did love him - but I did not find my guts to do so.

"I ... I never really wanted to hurt you like I did. You are right ... I am a douchebag!" I said and felt more than sorry.
Greg smiled lightly and looked earnest again a few seconds later.
"Perhaps a little one sometimes ..." he replied and winked at me.
"I suppose we both are - sometimes, hm?" I answered silently and stepped a bit closer.
"Mhm" he said with a nod and stepped closer as well.

Only a few inches parted us now and I looked up into his eyes.
I felt his breath upon my skin and his eyes wandering down to my mouth where they rested for the hint of a second and wandered then back to my eyes again.
"What about ... going out for dinner?" Gregory asked me silently and his eyes caressed my face.
A sigh was about slipping out of my mouth under his look and it was pure will I could surpress it.
"I would love to ..." I answered as silently as he asked me before, "But I do have an appointment this evening."
Gregory blinked for a second and stepped back then.
"Oh ..."
"DAMN FUCK!" I thought and rubbed my neck.

"An appointment, huh? So ... you wont be at home this evening ..."
"Right ... I ..."
"No, if it is important ..." he said and looked up and down the road then.
I looked at him and felt the urge again to take him into my arms and not letting him go for the rest of time.
"Well, I could ask my colleague if she would mind cancelling it ..." I answered and tried a little smile.
He gave me a questioning look and raised an eyebrow then.
"A colleague ... oh ...well, then ..." Greg said and waved aside. "Sounds important ..."
Again I gnawed on my lip and rubbed my neck.
"I am sure she will understand it ..." I answered and searched for my cell.
"Damn I think I left my cell at home" I said - "Would you mind going back?"
"No no ..." Greg answered in thoughts.

"Oh please, Lord! Let us solve that problem!" I prayed inwardly and walked back towards our apartment.
Greg accompanied me and we both gave us side glances in return.
We reached the house a short time later and I opened the door for him with a little smile.
Gregory stepped in an brushed my chest with his arm slightly.
I inhaled sharply and again felt a fist around my stomach, but this time it was more longing for his touches than fearing the marriage break up.

Gregory looked back over his shoulder and for a tiny moment I thought that he as well had problems fighting against his feelings.
I shrugged that thought off again and went to my bag to pull out my cell.
A minute later I cancelled the appointment and postponed it for tomorrow.
"See you tomorrow at lunch then!" I finished the call and hang up.
Gregory was sitting on the armchair in the living room and looked through a magazine.
"I cancelled it .... so, if you still want to go out with me, I would be honoured!"
He looked up and nodded.
"You did not have to cancel it, you know" he said and put the magazine aside.

"I think spending the evening with you is much more important than that ... appointment", I said and combed through my hair.
A little smile enlightened Greg's face and he nodded.
"Okay ... I will change into something more fitting them, hm? Where do you want to go?"
"Why not going into the restaurant she did suggest? The table is still booked, though."
Greg hesitated and then shrugged.
"Yah, why not ..."
"Great ... do you need to go into the bathroom?" I asked him with a smile.
"Ehm ...yes!" he nodded and walked towards the bedroom first.
"Okay" I said and from the corner of my eyes I did see the shardes which were still spread out on the floor.

Gregory went past me and I bowed down to pick up the remnants of my furious anger.
"Silly damn idiot" I muttered inwardly and threw the shardes away then.
Greg rummaged in the bedroom and so I went into the bath for a second to wash my hands and comb my hair.
"You are always looking good" I heard his soft voice from the door though and my heart started to race.
My head turned and my eyes wandered up and down his body to inhale his appearance with my eyes.
He did wear black jeans, a red shirt, black Converse and a black suit jacket.

"Wow" I sighed and whistle shortly. "Now who is looking good, hm?" I asked him and stepped closer.
The scent of Eternity reached my nostrils and I swallowed down a lump in my throat.
"I ... I beter change as well", I whispered and he stepped back to let me pass.
"You don't have to" he said and his breath tickled my neck so close we were.
A shiver ran over my entire body and I closed my eyes for a milisecond.
"But I want to" I whispered back although it sounded more than a sigh of anticipation.
Gregory blinked and nodded slowly then before he cleared his throat.
"I will wait in the kitchen then" he said and sounded a bit hoarsely.
I just nodded and went into the bedroom then.

I hastily changed into a dark blue jeans with a black leather belt, a white shirt with the first two buttons opened, a black suit jacket and black leather shoes.
"That must do" I said to my reflection in the mirror and stepped out of the bedroom then.
"Shall we go?" I asked from the hallway and peeked into the kitchen.
Gregory turned his head and nodded slowly, "Yah ..." he said.
"I called a cab ... I got the allowance to drink alcohol again, so I thought ..."
"That is fine" I answered and gave him a warm smile.
"Wonderful ..." he replied and opened the door for me.

The cab was already waiting for us and after I told the driver where to go, we sat on the backseats like strangers who did not know what to talk about.
"So ...the restaurant is near the river?" Greg asked after a unpleasant silence of a few minutes.
"It is down at the river, yah. I've never been there though but I heard of it and they are famous for their fish plates."
"Fish ..." Greg said and beamed at me.
I nodded and beamed back.

The ride down to the river did not last that long and soon the taxi driver stopped the car in front of a very romantic looking restaurant with cozy lightning.
Gregory looked outside and whistled silently through his teeth.
"Now that is what I call a perfect place for a date!" he said while getting out of the car.
I paid the driver and then got out of the car as well.
"Yah, looks nice" I replied and looked at Gregory then.
He was still looking at the building and frowned a bit.
"Shall we go in?" I asked him and shortly touched his back ... and there it was again - that stiffening underneath my hand.

My hand dropped down at my side and without waiting for his answer I stepped up the stairs and opened the door for him.
"Sir ..." I said with a beam and waited for him to step up as well.
When passing me he smiled and thanked me silently.
At the reception desk we waited a second for the waitress to guide us to the already booked table.
"Good evening, I booked a table for Dr. Wilson this noon."
She checked the book and nodded then.
"Follow me please, Dr. Wilson" she said with a smile and guided us through the restaurant to the panoramic window.

The table we had was really a wonderful and romantic place situated in a little niche and decorated with candles and flowers.
"You said what, when you booked the table?" Gregory asked silently when taking seat.
"I just booked a table for two ...why?" I asked and looked around to check the whole restaurant.
"Do you see someone you know?" he wanted to know with a lightly pressed voice.
I turned my head again to look at him, "No ..." I said and smiled again.
"Could have been ..." Greg replied and now it was him looking around.
"What about that lady there, apparently waving at you?"
"Who?" I asked and looked who he meant.

A little laughter slipped out of my mouth when I turned my head to see at who that woman was waving at.
"I guess she means the other woman behind me who is waving back eagerly and now approaching her table!"
"Oh ... yah ..." Greg answered and blushed lightly.
"Gregory, you don't think that this was a date, right?"
He opened his mouth to reply but before he could do so I continued and explained him who wanted the appointement and why she wanted it.

After I finished my little explanation he sat there and looked down on his hands for a second.
My hand reached over the table automatically and I squeezed his tenderly.
Greg looked up and gently brushed over my palm with his thumb.
"I think I ... I thought for a second that it was a date", he then said silently and gave me an apologizing look.
"Never mind ... Greg" I said and swallowed down the darling that wanted to slip out.
He nodded and we drew our attention to the menu card.

"Mine has no prices" Greg said a second later and I grinned.
"But mine has ... so feel invited."
Greg grinned back, "You know that reminds me of the evening when I gave you the roses ..."
I nodded and thought back ...
"Mhm ..."
He nodded as well and looked on the card again.

I watched him for another moment and checked the card as well then.
"I think I will take the fish plate. Do you fancy a starter?" He asked me and put the card aside.
"Yah ... I think I might take the clamchowder as a starter and the Red Snapper as main course." I replied and put the card aside as well.
"Hmmmm... clamchowder sounds great. I will take that then as well. What about a rosé?"
"Great!" I said and looked at the waitress approaching us.

A bit of a time later our meals were ordered and I excused myself, as I wanted to go to a private place.
Greg nodded and looked out of the window after I stood up and made my way to the toilets then.
On the way back to the table I secretly went to the waitress and asked for a bottle of champagne and if they had some flowers here which they could sell me.
She grinned at me and replied that she could offer me some roses left from a wedding the day before.
"Perfect!" I answered and gave her a little extra tip. "Could you please serve the champagne and the flowers after dinner then?"
"Of course!" she answered and winked at me.

With a smile on my lips I went back to the table again and took seat.
"Really lovely here!" Greg addressed me and I looked out of the window as well.
A little ship with party lights on it just floated down the stream and I nodded slowly.
"Mhm ... would be the perfect place to celebrate our wedding date in November."
Greg looked at me and now it was him grabbing my hand for a second.
"That would be very nice..." he said tenderly and I caressed his fingers.
"Yes ..." I returned and leaned back in my seat then when I saw the waitress approaching with our soups.

The dinner passed and we tried to talk normal again ... it felt weird when we had to asked what happened the last few days and it felt weird as well, feeling that I really have missed talking to him that much.
When our main courses were served my conscience was tested anew as Gregory celebrated his fish with a lot of moans and sighs.
To my shame I have to admit that I started with the moaning when I tried my fish.

I closed my eyes and really could not avoid sighing out loud as the crab sauce was more than awesome!
"Aaaaaaaaaaaw....hrrrrmmmm" I sighed and took another bit of the fish.
"Gaaawd ...the sauce is so great!"
A klonk made me open my eyes again and I found me looking into Greg's stunned face. I searched for the reason of the sound I heared before and saw his fork laying on the plate.
"Are you okay?" I asked him and had to surpress a grin.
"Oh yes ... are you okay?" Greg asked back and looked at me as if I was about to faint.
"Mhm" I answered and offered him a fork with some fish and that delicious crab souce. "Wanna try?"
He shrugged and tried it ... what a biiiig mistake!

Greg closed his eye and a deep moan slipped out of his mouth. My fingers grabbed the fork stronger and I muttered inwardly as my body clearly responded on that sight and sound.
"No showers around here!" I thought and took a deep sip of my wine instead.
"Delicious!" Greg said then and nodded at me.
I swallowed down the lump in my throat and focused my concentration on the fish again.
It did not last for a long time as Gregory continued by and then to comment every new fish sort with noises of pleasure.

The bottle of wine was empty much too fast and it was not Gregory who emptied it ...
When the main course was finished I already felt more than tipsy.
The idea slowly arose in my head that his wounds could really cope with some cuddling, moving and other funny things ...
I licked my lips at the very thought of it and was not aware that Gregory was watching me at that moment - not until he sighed deeply.
My eyes found his and before I knew what happened I leaned over the table and placed a tender kiss on his lips.
"Jim" he sighed when I leaned back again and we both had our mouths slightly opened and were breathing a bit faster.

I stared into his eyes and so did he ...both completely lost in thoughts and feelings so that we did not notice the waitress standing at our table with the bottle of champagne and some beautiful red roses in her hands.
Only her polite coughing brought us back into the here and now I we both turned our heads to look for the source of disturbance.
Greg's eyes widened and a smile enlightened my face.
"I thought it was time to break the stubborness" I whispered silently.
Greg nodded and looked from roses to me and back again.
"Fancy a dessert?" I asked him and again he nodded.
"Yah ... but what about taking it at home?"
Now it was me nodding speechlessly and we both did not notice that the waitress was already gone and only the bottle of champagne and the roses were standing at the edge of the table.

"Would be great ..." I said after I had swallowed down hard.
"What about taking me as a dessert?" Greg asked now with bright sparkling eyes.
"Hmmm... would you take me?" I asked back and held my breath for a second.
"Bet your ass I will ..." he moaned silently and his eyes told me more than every word could do.
Before we could ask for the bill the waitress was back again with the very same in her hands.
She smiled when we looked at her with asking eyes.
"I thought you might want to pay now."
"Ehm...right ..." I stammered, looked at the bill, payed and handed her another tip.
"May we take the bottle of champagne with us?" Greg asked with a smirk.
"Sure, sirs!" the waitress answered and handed Gregory the bunch of roses wrapped in a paper.
"Perfect!" Gregory replied and took the roses.
I grabbed the bottle of champagne and stood up.

Some cabs were waiting in front of the restaurant and so we found ourselves sitting on the backseats a few minutes later - on our way home.

Tuesday...part II

The key turned in the lock and I opened the door.
"Are you at home?" I asked before and immediately cursed inside.
"Shit ..." I thought and threw the bag in the corner.

"Was that YOUR voice I heard?" Gregs familiar voice sounded from the living room.
I just snorted and went into the kitchen to pour me a coffee.
Greg looked at me from the couch.
"I would not drink that ... it still is from the morning."
"I bet one can drink it" I replied and took a sip.

"One can but not you or me..." Greg answered and I now knew why - but stubborn as I were I downed the nearly cold coffee and said that it is still good.
Gregory just shrugged and looked at me questioningly.

I played with the mug in my hand and gnawed on my lower lip a bit.
What now ... what now ...
"So ... we talk now?" Greg asked and leaned back into the cushions.
"Seems so ..." I said silently and looked at him.

He shrugged and threw the Calvin & Hobbes on the TV table.
The anger was rising again inside of me and I grabbed the mug a bit harder.
"I bought a new car ..." I said silently and watched his reaction.
"You ...what?" Gregory replied and looked at me with an open mouth.
"I bought a new car as you did ruin mine!"

"Damn it, James! I did not ruin your car! I told you that I knew you could handle it and it was just a JOKE!"
"Hah! Your jokes are not always funny, Gregory!" I exclaimed and tried not to raise my voice.
"Fine ... fine" he muttered "Anyway it was a lousy and boring old wrack!"
"Pardon? I loved my car ..."
"Just because you fucked Bonnie on the backseat the first time, I suppose!" Gregory grunted back.

I thought I did not hear right and nearly dropped the mug.
"What did you say?" I asked him silently and narrowed my eyes.
Gregory said nothing and looked at me with his typical "blockhead" expression.
"I can't believe what you said now, Greg! And if so ... that is not your business!"
"HAH! Now it is not my business, hm?" he barked back.
"Right ... and if I would have taken all the nurses of the PPTH there, it would not be your businees!"
Gregory opened and closed his mouth now and stood up then.

"FINE!" he said, squeezed past me and grabbed his jacket.
"Now you are running away again? Hm? Always the same you cannot face a discussion ..."
"I am NOT running away ... damn I told you it was not meant that way."
The anger gnawed at me and I looked down on the mug I was holding. Greg's mug ...the mug he had since his childhood ...
I don't know what devil did bite me but I opened my hand and let it drop down to the wooden floor where it smashed into pieces.
Gregory stepped back and looked at the shardes of his beloved mug.
"You did that on PURPOSE!" he yelled at me and pointed at the remnants.
I shrugged, "It was an accident! Sorry, I did not mean it!"

"God, I loved that mug ... I had it since my childhood! It is from England!"
"You only loved it because you have used it for other contents I suppose ..."
... ... ...
Gregory narrowed his eyes and I saw that I overdid it.
"What do you want to say with that?" he asked me silently.
"I ..."
"Sod it, you asshole! You wanted to imply that I used it for WHAT?"
"I don't know for what you might have used it ... but who knows, perhaps when you couldn't get a professional ...!" I barked back and shrugged then.
"You ... you ..." he said with a shaking index finger and pointed at me.

I knew it that it was too much but ... I was unable to swallow it down. All the anger and all the cold showers I had to take - all was too much at that moment.
"Wanna deny now that you called some, huh? Aw, c'mon don't play the choirboy now!"
Gregory stepped back with a clenched fist and through gritted teeth he pressed, "Fuck YOU!" before he turned and rushed out the appartment.

... to be continued

Tuesday... part I

Tuesday started as rotten as Monday ended!

First I awoke with Gregory's hand slipped into my pj trousers ... not that it would be that bad to wake up like that. Normally that would have meant a very very pleasant morning - but under those circumstances it meant a silent inward cursing and a very careful withdrawing, just to stand up and rush under the cold shower again.

Gregory slept in this morning and I did not wake him up as there was no reason for it. With my high-spirited mood I approached my car and looked at it.
"All because of you!" I muttered while opening the door and getting into it.
I started the engine and like the car would now want to pout as well - there was no noise. I tried it several times and had no success.
"Nice! NICE!" I cursed and hit the steering wheel.
Several curses later I dialed the number of the garage and asked to pick my car up as it did not start anymore.
They promised me to be around in half an hour ...

"Half an hour" I thought and decided to go back in and have another coffee.
Greg was still sleeping and did not wake up - so I let him sleep as it still was early morning.
To my surprise the breakdown van was there 25 minutes after I had called.
The mechanic checked the car and shook his head afterwards.
"I am sorry, Dr. Wilson, but I have to take it with me to the garage!"
I nodded, "Yes, I already thought so!"
"I did see that you pimped your car a bit ..." he said silently with a wink.
My face got red and I rubbed my neck while looking inside the car.
"Ehm ... well ... that was a joke amongst friends!" I replied and shrugged then.

"A joke? Well, that joke might have ruined your car though. It is not ... hmm ... supposed to race that old little vehicle here", he answered and patted my little darling softly.
"Yes, I fear you are right" I said with a deep sigh and handed him the car keys.
He took it with a nod. "We will call you within the day, Dr. Wilson!"
I thanked him and walked to the crossing then to hail a taxi.

Another twenty minutes later I stepped into my office.
The red light on my phone was blinking and I could not avoid a sigh slipping out of my mouth.
I first placed my leather bag in the sideboard and went to Greg's white board office to pour me a cup of coffee.
Foreman was brooding over a file and Chase bit on his pencil, like nearly always when he has nothing to eat around.
Both looked up when I entered the room with a "Good morning!"
"Hey Wilson! No coffee in the oncologists department?" Foreman asked with a smirk.
"I did not check it. I thought why not looking what house's gang is doing ..." I replied, grabbed me a red mug and poured some coffee.
"You might find it interesting that we really can work without House!" Chase mumbled while sucking at his pencil.
The mug in my hand I turned around and looked at both.
"Yeah, I am sure you can. Something to do?"
Foreman showed me the content of the file and I nodded.
"Well, this looks like a big problem, Foreman!" I said with a earnest voice.
"Thought so, too. Any ideas?"
"Let me see ..." I checked the content again and pointed with my tea spoon at it.
"Paris!" I said and nodded.
"Are you sure?" Foreman asked and raised an eyebrow.

"The city of love with five letters ... yes, that is Paris!" I replied and threw the spoon into the sink.
"Oh, well! Thanks ..." Foreman said and scribbled it into the crossword puzzle.
On my way out I turned again and looked around, "By the way - where is Cameron?"
"She is in the lab and doing some tests." Chase mumbled while still biting on his pencil.
I couldn't avoid grinning a bit and waved them a good-bye then.

Not nice ... but she surely wanted to make the tests on her own. At least they had a job and were not just hanging around ... ... ... or?
I shrugged the thought off and proceeded to my office.
In thoughts and with the mug in my hand I opened the door and was greeted by a female voice, "Dr. Wilson?"

A woman and according to her dress code - a doctor - was approaching me in the hallway. I waited for her at my door and gave her a smile.
Now I recognized her. She was a gynecologist and working here at the PPTH as well.
"Do you have a minute for me, Dr. Wilson?" She asked with a smile.
"Sure I do have ... come in."
With those words I held the door open for her and she passed me with a little cloud of rose perfume.

I closed the door behind her and then took seat behind my desk.
"Have a seat, please" I said and pointed at the visitors chair.
"How can I help you?"
She first looked down on her hands and then up into my eyes.
"I ... I ... I would like to talk with you about ... ehm ... something", she stammered and I promptly knew about what she wanted to talk with me.
"Go ahead" I said warmly and gave her an encouraging look.
"Oh ... no ... not now. I ..." she checked her watch "I don't have time now ... what about this evening? Outside the PPTH?"

Patients coming to me and fearing that they might have cancer are always very very nervous and it costs a lot of patience and time to talk with them ... but doctors having this problem are even worse as most of them hate going to consultation hours, so it was not unusual for me that colleagues preferred "off-time appointments".

"This evening?" I asked back and thought about Gregory being alone at home ... I hesitated but then I thought about how we did spend the last evenings and nodded at her.
"Why not ... I have no plans for tonight!" I said with a smile. "Any suggestions?"
She suggested a nice restaurant down at the river where she got married a few years ago. We small talked a bit about her marriage and she relaxed while telling me about her husband and her little daugther.
15 minutes later we said good-bye and I promised to give her a text message on her beeper, if a table for two was still available.

Another ten minutes and a call at the restaurant later, I beeped her an OK.
So I would spend the evening outwards ... I had mixed feelings about it and I really was unsure how Greg would react when he was confronted with the fact that I would not be at home in the evening.
My thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of the phone.
The display showed me that it was an external call, I cleared my throat and answered the phone.
"Oncologist department, Dr. Wilson?!
"Dr. Wilson this is Larry from the Carson garage ..." I was greeted by a loud voice.
"Hello ..."
"Yah, Dr. Wilson ... we are sorry but the engine of your car is a total loss."

A sigh slipped out of my mouth when I combed through my hair.
"Damn!" I thought and thumbed my fingers on the desk.
"Are you sure?" I replied with a bit of hope sign in my voice.
"We are awfully sorry, sir. But - yes - it is not repairable."
Now my damn was spoken aloud and I leaned back in my chair and looked up at the ceiling.
"We have some nice new cars here, you could come by if you want and we will give you a big discount, Dr. Wilson!"
"I need a new car anyway" I said with a low voice and felt like having lost a long friend.

My car ... my square and boring car - like Greg used to call it ... well, it might have been boring but I loved it anyway.
We agreed that I would fetch my things out of the car and come by later.

Tuesday really seemed to be that rotten like Monday.

I finished my ward round, called Cuddy and explained her that I had to leave early. Of course she wanted to know why and I just told her that my car was a total loss and I had to buy a new one.
She did let me go earlier - and so I walked out of the PPTH two hours later after I had met a few patients of mine.

The next hour I spent with searching a new car and finally found one - a silver Volvo S80 caught my eye and in a few weeks I can call it mine though. Until then I am driving a rental car - a VW Golf R32.

I drove slowly home and tried to make myself familiar with the new car. The R32 is a big difference to my old car and not only because of the higher PS ... it is just ... well, different. I parked the car in front of the house, locked it and stepped up the stairs to our appartment.

... to be continued!

Monday - rotten to the core

Monday started rotten - Monday ended rotten ...

The fact that Greg and I did no longer talk to each other made my already superb mood not even better. Sunday was a disaster as we walked around here like zombies - no touch, no kind word ... no nothing! What a difference to the weeks before ... sure we had not more than hugging and cuddling and a smooch from time to time - but at least we had lovely hours with talking, walking, laughing and just enjoying each others - but now ... there was nothing but silence!

It took me a while in the night to fall asleep and I stared out of the window into the night until my eyes started to hurt and I had to close them.

Monday morning started with the ugly and horrible noise of my alarm clock ...
With a moan I turned around to switch the alarm off and with another moan I turned back into my former position ... softness awaited me and I slowly opened one eye.

There he was, laying in my arms and his lips so close it would have been easy to kiss him - to forgive him and to let my heart rule over the stubborness ...
Silently and without waking him up I crawled back a bit and then stood up with a little silent sigh.
"How lovely" I thought when I looked down at him.
Gregory did lay there one hand underneath his pillow, one leg on my side and his lips relaxed, ready for a tender kiss.

The heat crawled up my spine and with an inward mutter I made my way to the bathroom to take another cold shower.
The cold water woke me up instantly and after a few seconds of shivering I cooled down again and turned the water to warm. Another few minutes later I stepped out of the shower and wrapped me in my bathrobe.

Next step lead me into the kitchen where I prepared some coffee and placed a plate and cereals on the table when I heard some steps behind me.
I slowly turned around and already wanted to greet my sleepy head with a little mocking when I remembered the self-imposed silence.
I squeezed past him and for a tiny bit of a second I had the feeling he wanted to pull me closer ... but it was just a feeling and nothing happened.

After I got dressed and had my hair dried I walked back into the kitchen to have my breakfast and coffee.
Gregory was already sitting at the table and sipping his coffee slowly.
My heart slopped over and again I wanted to break the silence - but I didn't do it. Instead of talking to him I scribbled down a post-it note to remind him of his appointment with Dr. Featherstonhaugh.
Greg's reaction was a snort and the act of drowning his cereals in vanilla milk. I really could not blame his reaction and I felt silly and childish ... I opened my mouth to say something and looked at him - he looked so stubborn and grumpy that I closed my mouth again and drew my attention to my coffee instead.

After that lovely breakfast I packed my bag and fetched my keys -off I was to the PPTH. My car really did not like me - but is it a wonder after what my old little Volvo had to suffer on Saturday? No, it is not!

The anger came back and so I arrived at the PPTH with a more than "perfect" mood. My mood even got better when I walked into my office and was greeted by an overflowing desk full of paperwork.

I smashed the bag on the sofa and let me sink on my chair.
"Fuck" I muttered and stared on all the files and letters.
Pity that Dr. Danby chose that very moment to knock and enter my office.

I looked up at him and greeted him with the words: "What the heck is that? Have you forgotten to do the paperwork or is that a special kind of "Welcome back"?!"
Danby's jaw dropped down and he stared at me.
"I ... I ... I thought you might do it on your own, Dr. Wilson!"
"Think is not your strength, is it?" I barked back and pointed at the paperwork.
"I ... I am sorry, Dr. Wilson" he stammered and decided then to leave the office.

There I sat ... my desk flooded with paperwork and - a ringing phone.
"Who the heck" I muttered and checked the display.
Cuddy ... fine!
"Wilson" I barked into the the handset.
"Lovely to have you back, Wilson. At least one doctor who is always willing to do clinic duty!" She greeted me with an alluring voice.
A sigh slipped out of my mouth and I rubbed my temples. It was always a bad sign when she started to use that voice.

That voice normally means a lot of work and ... well - it meant a lot of work.
She saddled me with extra hours of clinic duty as - according to her own words - There was a lack of personell due to illness, vacation and cronical unwillingness ...
FINE - and the nice Dr. Wilson was there again ...

I hung up the phone and burried my face in the hands.
"What a start" I murmured and thought about the sunny walks at Point Pleasant - not a great idea as it made me even more grumpier.

I missed him ... I missed it like hell not being able to talk to him, not being able to hold him and not being able to ... well ... to made his mind clear again with some special actions.
"Damn it" I sighed and started to work off the bumf.

After my ward round together with Dr. Danby who avoided any provocating questions for his own health I suppose I spent the rest of Monday morning over the paperwork and just stopped to fetch me some coffee by and then.

My superb afternoon was crowned with meeting Dr. Fornara (or TenaciousM) during the clinic duty.
"Ciao, dottore Wilson!" I heard his slimy voice behind me when I was about to enter room no. 4.
I slowly turned around and eyeballed him.
"Hello, Dr. Fornara!" I greeted him coldly. He looked like a gigolo again and the urge to smash his sunnyboy face against the wall really became big.

"How is Dr. House? Is he fine? When will he come back?"
Wow ... three questions at once - and try to imagine him standing there like a little school girl and smiling at me like silly and dumb idiot!
I raised an eyebrow and replied with a brief nod, "He is recovering!"
Before he could ask me more I opened the door and entered the room.

"Jerk" I spoke silently to myself and looked up then.
The patient - a young man looked at me with popped open eyes.
"What?" he asked and looked like being able to rip my kidneys out with his little finger.
"I did not mean you!" I answered and grabbed his file then.

"How can I help you?" I asked him after I couldn't find any entry of interest.
He stood there and blushed lightly now.
"I have ... pain!" he stammered and did not look very comfortable.
"Pain ...aha ... and where do you have pain?" I replied slowly. "Jerk would have fit as well" I thought and eyeballed him.

"Ehm ..." he said and clenched his right hand to a fist.
"Okay ... okay!" I nodded slowly and really had to control myself not to put a devilish smile upon my face.
Such a behavior was normal for very embarrassing things.
"Do you want me to look at or do you first want me to explain what it is" I asked him and leaned against the desk.
"What is what?" he replied and gnawed on his meaty lower lip.
"The object ..." I said and pointed at his buttocks.

He swallowed down hard and started to stammer a little nice story.
According to him the object had been a coke plastic bottle ... and it had already been removed - but now it was all sore and did hurt and everything.

Unfortunately I had to look at "it" and well - believe me that hairy body part was another Monday highlight!
I scribbled down a prescription against his pain and rummaged in the shelf for a lube.
With a smile I place the lube in his big hand.
"Next time, use that and tell your lover he should be more tender!"
To my luck he was too perplex to answer and so I shoved a deeply blushed human meatball out of the room.

"Gregory would love that story!" I thought and looked forward with a grin to tell him about this idiot. The grin slowly faded when I remembered that I couldn't tell him that - as we did not speak to each other.

The afternoon continued and soon the quitting time arrived.
I opened the door to the appartement with a lumb in my throat, placed the bag in the corner and stepped towards the bedroom to change into more comfortable clothes.
Gregory was sitting on the couch and looked up when I passed the room.

I so wanted to tell him about the day and what all happened ... I wanted to drag him into my arms, kiss him and say "Sorry" - but I just nodded at him silently and another evening of silence started.