Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Not much time

mood: busy like a bee

music: Damian Marley - All night

Hello sick people ... oh wait that would be the wrong person telling this, right?

Okay fine - you might be right I am spending too much time with Gregory. But let me tell you what - I won't change it! Hehe

Reggae in da morn' - yesssss ...

Could currently listen to it all the day. Might have something to do with what happened while we listened to it - ehm... yesterday.

We were sitting in the living room and Greg was looking up from his notebook with a broad grin upon his face.
"Huh?" I asked and frowned.
"Oh, just got a nice idea!" he replied, stood up and searched through his CDs.

Next thing I noticed was some reggae music filling the air of the living roon and him approaching me.
I raised my eyebrow and started to grin because he reached out his left hand - well I took it and then we ... ehm ... started to move our hips to the beat.

I won't tell you what he all did - but let me tell you it was hooooooooooooot maaaaan!

Still have to grin and now I am listening to that special song again ... and I think I need to consult him during the day.

By the way, thanks to a friend from DA for that reggae idea ... Greg later showed me the "poem" he read before that.

Really a nice experience ...

Clinic duty for me now!

Sunday, January 28, 2007

I follow you into the dark

When you are sometimes feeling down
and you think there is no one around.

Just listen to the rustling of the trees,
get lost in the humming of the bees.

When you think there is no one there,
sniff some fresh and cold cold air.

Breathe in and out,
sing a song aloud.

You never walk alone through the night,
you are always followed and guided by my light.

Listen to me when I want to speak,
Listen to me when you are feeling so weak.

I will follow you everywhere,
over the hills of love and through the valleys of despair.

Breathe in and out,
sing a song aloud.

You never walk alone through the night,
you are always followed and guided by my light.

Listen closely and in you now trust,
this is the essential, this is the must.

You are the key to your destiny,
open your door and everything will be.


Poem by me ... song by Death Cab for Cutie

Friday, January 26, 2007

Pranks ...

mood: tired

music: Tori Amos - Winter

You know what HE did to me, do you? Of course you do know it, 'cause I assume you already have read his blog entry.

I did fall asleep on the sofa and was really fast asleep until ... well until I noticed that something was wrong. I opened my eyes and shifted slightly ...
'What the heck?!' I mumbled and my hand wandered to some delicate body place. My eyes popped immediately open and I jumped up.
"What..." I disbelieve I looked down on the sofa and the spot there, I checked my trousers and while looking down I saw the bowl on the floor.

"FUCK! You idiot!!!" I shouted and removed my pants.
"Bastard!!!" With this word I rushed into the bathroom undressed, put my clothes into the washing machine, put on a bathrobe, grabbed some cleaning tissue and moistened it.
"DAMN!" I tried to erase the spot from the sofa and my anger was even rising.
"Fuck it fuck it FUCK IT!!!" How embarassing this was ... I peed on the fucking sofa! And he - he was still asleep ... Gawd!

I went into the bedroom and looked at him - how he lay there ... innocently like an angel. HA!
'Be prepared, sleeping beauty!", I gnarled and grabbed me some clothes and his cane. He still had his eyes closed ... Good! I left the room with these things and went into the kitchen.

Under the sink I found what I was looking for - a rasp! So I sat there for approximately half an hour and filed half through his cane - always hoping he would be still sleeping ...and yes he was. After having prepared everything and having cleaned the saw dust away I tiptoed back into the bedroom, finding Gregory sleeping like a little baby and put the cane back to his old place.

This little menace ...

I bought me a bagle and a coffee at Starbucks and made my way to the hospital. As I had a lot of work in the morning I didn't saw Gregory and he didn't came by to see why I did leave without him ... for sure not!

It was somewhat around lunch time when I heard a knocking at the balcony door. I looked up and found Greg out there. I raised an eyebrow and hesitated, "Should I just let him stand there?" I thought but then stood up and opened the door.

"I really had to look whether you are here or not. Why did you leave that early this morning?" Gregory asked me when I let him in.

I just snorted and first refused to talk to him.
"What's up? Did I miss something?" he asked me with an innocent expression upon his face.
"What's up?! What's up?!!! Don't try to fool me!" I exclamated and pointed at him with a finger.

Greg backed off and even looked more innocently.
"I don't know what you are talking about" he said - but I saw the devil there in his eyes.
"You ... you ... you..." I stammered.
"I ... I ... I?"
"You ...TEASE!!!" I yelled and looked him deep in the eyes. "You IDIOT! You perfectly know what you did!"

"Nope" he said and shrugged.
A deep sigh emerged from my lips and I rolled my eyes towards the ceiling.
"Gregory House!" I moaned and rubbed my neck.
"James Evan Wilson?" he replied and looked questioningly.

I gestured in the air and after another sigh I said "Drop it! You will invite me for lunch now!"
He nodded and grinned "That is why I am here."
"Fine, fine. Let's go and don't think I've forgotten it."
"You make me curious now" Gregory answered and we made our way to the cafeteria.

We were walking side-by-side down the corridor and Gregory gave me some side glances from time to time.
"You are up to something, aren't you?" he suddenly said.
"Huh? Oh, I wouldn't do that." I said and then heard a little cracking sound.

I heard Greg swearing and just walked on without blinking, a few steps later I stopped turned around and looked at Gregory, who was laying on the floor with his broken cane.
"Wow. Looks like somebody filed halfway through your cane while you were sleeping" I said and looked at him with a blank expression.
He just lay there and blinked back his mouth slightly opened.

I turned around again walked away.
"HEY, James!" I heard him calling me but didn't turn around.
"WILSON!" he yelled when the corridor doors swung closed behind me.
Just then I allowed a grin appearing on my face.

Yes he was slightly pissed off after that - but he deserved it and he knew he did ... well there was a "making good" from both of us later that day.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Damn fucking nightmares

mood: tired like hell and totally feeling crappy

music: nothing - it is in the middle of the night

Geez, I had some damn fucking nightmare. I really dreamt that I fainted twice yesterday, that I got a gastroscopy at the PPTH, that I vomited my ass off and that I shouted at Gregory.

I really don't get it all together, but I acted so stupid (of course, as it was a nightmare). Believe me I did things I'd never ever do in my life!!!

This is horrible to watch because you know, you wouldn't do that - you would never hurt a person you love by doing such things. I woke up and felt totally crappy, I lay there in bed for a second or two just staring at the ceiling and to the window. Fine I was awake, damn awake by now, so I decided to stand up and go to the loo.

There I always told myself that I would never do that ... I know me by now, I would never do that.

Now I am sitting here and thinking of going back to bed again. I am not quite sure, if I want to go to bed again.

Could this nightmare be just the mirror of fears I sometimes have? That I could loose him, that I could spoil it all by acting stupid, that I ... that I perhaps love him too much? Can you love someone too much?

When I am listening to my heart, my soul ... I clearly says yes and no at the same time. Love is such a weird thing - the weirdest thing in life, it makes us act stupid, it makes us act without thinking, it makes us act like complete idiots from time to time ... but it give us the most precious thing and that is light in the darkness, it gives us hope, it gives us a damn fucking good heart beat from time to time, a damn fucking good feeling running through your body when you feel the prescence, when you look into the eyes of the other person, when he holds you, when he touches you ...

Love makes you whole, love makes you forget the fears you have, love makes you forget all the nightmares in your life, its light enlightens your soul and brings light into every corner of the inner darkness.

Yes, I know I would never ever act so stupid in my life again - 'cause I now know that this is some real damn love. That this is just the love I ever wanted - although it is sometimes hard, although we sometimes have difficulties understanding each other, although we both know that we are not very easy persons from time to time ... but for me, it makes my soul whole, it gives me just what I need. HE gives me just what I need, the thrills, the pushes, the embraces, the good ... ehm... times, and even more.

He is not always there for me - how could he ... we both have our lifes as well, next to the other. But he does his very best he can and that is more than anyone else ever did for me. I do the best I can to be there for him when he needs me, although it is also not always possible ... but I do my very best and I hope he knows that.

I hope he knows that I really love him ... yes, YES I do that!

Now I'll be off again - back to bed, I need some snuggling now. Feeling all way cuddly wuddly at the very moment (and damn fucking tired).

See you around

Monday, January 22, 2007

Gastroenteritis ...and a bit more

mood: busy and sick

music: Queen - Who wants to live forever

I hope that everyone knows this more than genious piece of music! I love it anyway - hmm, would be a nice movie to watch again: Highlander!

Think I'll ask Greg if he wants to watch it today. Could do with some good music and a really good movie ... Queen rocks!


As you might have figured out due to the header - I am sick again. Yes yes I know! First the fish poisoning on Friday what ruined the whole evening and night, as well as Saturday until the late afternoon.

Okay I have to admit that we were out on Saturday evening and we really had a wonderful dinner in that Chinese restaurant. Geez! We laughed our asses off because they had a soya bottle with a pourer that looked like a ... ehm ... part of a human body.

At that time we already had enough of the plum wine and beer and we were so madly laughing.
"Gosh, James! I really have to send that to Foreman!" Greg said with tears of laughter in his eyes and made a photo with his cell of that hilarious bottle.
"Go ahead, go ahead" I giggled.

Foreman's response was more or likely as we already had foretold ... "How much did you have? You are drunk!" blablabla ...
Oh it was so funny - we really enjoyed it.

Aw and by the way, Foreman - YES is my answer to your question concerning the rumor!

The night was long, funny and extremely ... interesting. Perhaps Greg will tell about it. We got to sleep at about 5 am and you might be able to imagine that the Sunday was very very lazy.

My stomach problems returned and we first thought it still was due to the fish ... but when I started to sweat and shivered, felt shitty and totally sick - Mr. Differential Diagnosis soon figured out that it turned out to be a gastroenteritis.

I am at work though ... a bunch of paperwork to do and some clinic duty as well.

Not to mention the new case Danby got - a girl with probably Leukemia. Although she shows some typical symptoms I am not quite sure if it is Leukemia - we will have to wait for the results. If it is negative, Gregory will be having a new case.

Her current symptoms are: enlarged liver and spleen, she did loose weight, weak and fatigue and have headaches quite often.

So we will have to wait for the test results ...

I will now go to Greg and bring him a fudge with cream! He loves that ...

Stupid testings again

Greg just came in some minutes before and is now urging me to do those testings he already did and showed on his blog.

Okay then ... he is laughing his ass off.

Here we go:

Your Seduction Style: The Dandy

You're a non-traditionalist, not limited by gender roles or expectations.

Your sexuality is more fluid than that - and you defy labels or categories.

It's hard to pin you down, and that's what's fascinating about you.

You have the psychology of both a male and a female, and you can relate to anyone.

You Belong in Paris

You enjoy all that life has to offer, and you can appreciate the fine tastes and sites of Paris.
You're the perfect person to wander the streets of Paris aimlessly, enjoying architecture and a crepe.

You Belong in Fall

Intelligent, introspective, and quite expressive at times...
You appreciate the changes in color, climate, and mood that fall brings
Whether you're carving wacky pumpkins or taking long drives, autumn is a favorite time of year for you

You Are 68% Gentleman

You are definitely a gentleman. You're very considerate and you have excellent manners.
Occasionally, you slip and do something foolish... but usually no one notices!

Your Inner European is Irish!

Sprited and boisterous!
You drink everyone under the table.

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Windy ...on Saturday

mood: dizzy but relaxed

music: Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody

It was damn fucking windy outside! Sorry for the swearing but I am just frank.

On our way to the cottage we bought some stuff for it, some supplies so that we don't have to bring our things from at home every time we get here.

Greg's parents asked us if they could spend the first week in February here. Well, why not, huh?
I got my soup by the way ... the soup and some ehm - hot - ehm milk shake, I mean chocolate.

We had just brought in the food and clothes, when Greg turned around "Do you want some hot drink, honey?"
I didn't look at him and put the cleaning utensils underneath the sink, so I didn't see his expression while saying it. "Sure, I would love to have some tea or so."

"Or so?" I heard from behind before two hands grabbed my hips. "You don't move now!"
I swallowed hard, "Greg" I sighed.
"What?" he whispered and leaned over my back to place a kiss on my neck. "Hrrrm?"
A shiver ran down my spine and ... well ... ehm ... we ended up and had a relaxing hot bath.

After the bath we did need some break or should I say a nap?! Blood pressure can be getting so crazy when the bath is too hot ... especially when you are not feeling too good.

We were laying in bed lazily and Greg caressed my chest.
"Youuuu?" he said with a soft voice.
I slightly turned my head, "Yeeees?"
His index finger circled around my belly button, "Aren't you hungry?"
"Huh?" I asked and closed my eyes.

"Was that a purr?" I heard him whispering into my ear.
"Maybe?" I said with a grin upon my face.
"Maybe? Huh?" Greg softly whispered back. "Maybe? What about giving you a YES and then we go to that Chinese restaurant on the main street?"
"Sounds more than alluring to me" I whispered back when I felt Greg's chest upon mine.

Oh YES - he became the YES and we went to the restaurant.

I will tell later what happened there - I have to go now.

Troubled water ...

I love it - I just simply love it!

What a week

mood: starting to relax

music: Greg's voice humming in the bathroom

This week really was packed with work. Sorry for not having written but I really had a lot of work to do and was not in the mood to write in the evening - well, sometimes it is like that when you are a doctor.

Julie never got it but I hope you, dear readers, do get it. Just busy you know ...

Of course I could tell you about all the boring clinic duty, all the boring appointments and all the damn boring paper work. However, I won't tell you about it. Are you relieved now? I would be if I were you ... hehe.

I am currently sitting in the living room, notebook on my lab and have a cup of tea standing right before me. Tea? Tea exactly ...

I am a bit sick - again? Again!

I felt pretty good all the time - until the lunch break. Okay, well until somewhen in the middle of the afternoon. I was having lunch in the cafeteria ... accompanied by Greg and Danby. They talked about single malt whiskey and I enjoyed my halibut with rice and spinach and did just listen.

I like single malt but I don't know that much about it, Greg is the nerd with it. Gregory had a salad (with steak underneath) and Danby had some pasta I think. Yes, pasta mista he had, right I remember now.

The lunch break was fun and I really enjoyed it just sitting there, watching and listening to Gregory. I can do that for hours and hours ... ehm yes, I just sighed, right. Fool in love? Is that what you thought now? Hm - could be, could be.

After the lunch break Greg had to rush back to his ducklings for the test results etc., and so Danby and I made our way back to the oncology department.

"Are you okay, Dr. Wilson?" he asked me.
I gave him a side glance, "Ehm, yes why do you ask that?"
Danby shrugged, "You were very quiet during the lunch. I hope it was not because of me?"
"No, no it was not because of you. I just ... just... just don't know what to talk about single malt and all the weird movies you also talked about" I replied.
He stopped and looked at me "But you could have said a word? We could have ..."
"No, no" I waved at him "I enjoyed the lunch."

"You really did?"
"Yes, I really did" I said and gave him an assuring smile.
"Oh ... oh ... okay" he said and beamed at me.

We talked then about a new patient of his and I followed him to the said one afterwards. It was another afternoon packed with work. I just sat above my paper work when I felt the sensation of a hurting stomach.

"What the heck!" I mumbled when I felt the first cramp. The spasm was followed by the urge to run as quick as I could to loo. It was damn necessary to run ... I vomited my soul out afterwards. Not only once - believe me. I had a really shitty afternoon and evening as well.

Fish poisoning! Of course I was not the only person having this problem as many others had halibut as well. Hm, as far as I heard two other staff members of the hospital got poisened with it. Lucky it was not the complete fish delivery that was rotten.

The nice and cosy evening at the Indian restaurant, Gregory had planned, was now rinsed down the loo - in every sense of meaning!

Gregory was such a good companion in the evening - he brought me new tea, warming flasks and even held my head ... ehm ... yes - well he was loveable and I looked like crap!

We are close to leave to Point Pleasant now - this I really don't want to spoil although my stomach still is a mess. Tea and zwieback for me today and if I behave I may have some soup later. Fun - yes - really fun!

So I might tell you later that day if I had my delicious soup or not.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Point Pleasant - evening plans

mood: relaxed

music: Razorlight - In the morning

As I told you yesterday we went to Point Pleasant. Our house was already waiting for us ... (sure it did) - Gregory stood before it several minutes and looked at it.

I was leaning at the car watching Gregory carefully - after some minutes he turned around beaming. "James, I am stunned, this is ours! Ours!"
I smiled and nodded "Yipp! Ours!"
He nodded as well and winked at me. No words were necessary now ... we pretty much understand each other without words.

We brought the things in and first checked the house ... Mrs. Acklewood had cleaned everything and even placed a welcome gift on the table. A bottle of fine 16 year old Lagavulin. Gregory was more than pleased about it.

We will meet her before driving back home.

The afternoon we spent with ... ehm ... making ourselves comfortable with the house. It really is a nice little cottage.

We were laying on the sofa and I was reading a bit in Shakespeare's Macbeth when Gregory asked me "What are your plans for tonight?"
I looked up and frowned "Ehm, I have no plans yet. Something in your mind?"
Gregory straightened up a bit and grinned "I saw an Irish pub in town. What about going out tonight?"

I couldn't avoid raising an eyebrow "You? You want to go out?"
He shrugged "Why not? I am not always wanting to sit on the sofa although we could of course..." he paused and waggled with his eyebrows.

A giggle slipped out of me and I shook my head "Unbelievable you really are. Let's go out then. What about having supper there as well?"
"Sounds more than good for me. Could do with some fish & chips" he answered.
"Yes, fish and chips sounds good. Best served with tatar sauce!" I replied and we both grinned.

"So this is cleared now" Greg said and I looked down again to continue my reading.
"But I have something else in my mind now" he murmured and before I could look up again, he grabbed my legs and pulled me down.
"Greg" I hissed - but I wasn't able to say more as my lips were sealed with a passionate kiss.

The rest of the afternoon just flew by ...

I'll continue writing about the evening - tomorrow. Too tired and distracted now... Greg is playing piano.

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Driving to Point Pleasant

Hello readers!

If there are any ... what I really doubt from time to time. Nonetheless I will bother you with all the things going on here.

So what's up?!

We will be driving to PP today. Greg is on tenterhooks and he wants to see our house now. For sure he knows it already but he said that it is now different because it is ours.

Ours ... yes - right!

Sometimes I think that this must just be a dream and I find myself often enough twitching my arm. Not waking up ... it is real!

We are packing some stuff for today and tomorrow, as we will stay overnight.

Just entered some pictures I made into DeviantArt and I will have to carry the box of Black Sheep into the car now (YES - I ordered some from Santa Monica ... hehe).

See you around (Greg is currently carrying his notebook to the car).

Friday, January 12, 2007

Poem: Memory

Memory is fading,
just able to catch a glimpse of the shading.

Your tender touch on my skin,
your voice speaking of lust and of sin.

Ghost-like touches and a voice in my mind,
this it was and much more of that kind.

No one would ever believe me,
no one would ever see.

You are nothing than a glimpse of memory for me.
A lie it is, now I can see.

You are much more than this,
it was much more than just a simple kiss.

Our souls became one, our hearts they belong.
Through the mist of fate I can hear your enchanting song.

I follow its path through the darkness and light,
only the Goddess above knows what might.

I know this sucks ... it is really not one of my bests. Nonetheless I wanted to share it with you - comment if you want.

I am aware that it sucks!

Point Pleasant - the last part

mood: creative

music: Howie Day - Collide

Yes I know I owe you the last part of how the cottage get bought. MySpace distracted me a bit as it is very funny there. Geez, so many people around ... fascinating. I promise we behave ... ehm ... most of the time.

By the way, I love this song! I just love it!

Now here we go ... where have we been? Aw, I see ... the talk with Arnello. I don't have to repeat every single word said, do I? No? Good!

Just let me say that he found out why I was going to Point Pleasant. What more? Nothing
Did he buy us the house? Sure not!
Did he do anything for it? Well, not exactly

Okaaaaay ... It must have been a coincidence (are there any?) that Mrs. Acklewood is the mother of a friend of a cousin of Arnello's sister. (Did you know he has a sister as well? No? Nor did I)

When I arrived in Point Pleasant after having visited Gregory who was fast asleep when I came to the clinic - so I just placed the Macchiato and the flowers on his nightstand with a silly post-it on it and off I was again - I was greeted by a smiling Mrs. Acklewood.

"Dr. Wilson, I did not know that you are a friend of little Joey" she said while handing me some scones.
"Ehm... friend is too much to say. Gregory, Dr. House, saved the life of his brother" I said while grabbing the jam and the clotted cream. (She is British)
"I see" she said with a smile.

We drank our tea and after a while she patted my knee and said "For friends the house is only $ 200,000".
I swallowed and must have looked puzzled a bit, as she was beaming then.
"Mrs. Acklewood, I don't know what to say..." I stammered and noticed blushing slightly.
"What about: Jesus then I will take the house without hesitation!" she answered with a little wink.

A little laughter slipped out of my mouth and I nodded.
"Jesus, then I will take the house without hesitation!"
She has such a warm laughter the little lady ...

We talked some more hours and did not notice how the time passed by. She did send the contract to my Mom by fax, as she (my Mom) had to fill in the data for the bank. (I already told you that she is the money keeper)
Our little talk was accompanied with some tea and rum now ... and the final signature was celebrated with a bottle of champagne. She insisted on it!

Of course I was unable to drive back and so she handed me the keys for the house (OURS) and said "You better stay here overnight, Mr. Wilson, James". (Our spelling wasn't that clear anymore)
"Thank you, Elisa!" I answered and then we said good-bye.

Our house ... our house!

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Kissing disease

mood: tired and I want to go home

music: Tool - Push it

"But what? You're my husband, I love you and I wanted to kiss you", Greg said plainly and took a sip of his Macchiato.
I nodded. "Right."

We were standing outside of Starbucks clinging to our Macchiati and looking at each other. Greg smirked and came closer.
"You should stop it!" he whispered and I must have looked puzzled when I asked "What? I am doing nothing!"
"You are looking way to sexy and cute, my dear" he whispered, grabbed my tie and pulled me closer.
"Greg" I could only hiss before he sealed my lips with a deep and passionate kiss.

I got nearly lost in this kiss and everything else was forgotten, so it was no wonder I agreed when Gregory asked me after this kiss "Let us go home yes? If not we could end up in jail."
Still panting slightly I nodded and answered "Hurry then or I'll rape you in public, dear."

Gregory grinned and we both hurried to the car in the parking lot. We were nearly there when Gregory grabbed my coat, I turned and was pinned against the beton wall. He leaned against me "God, do you know what you are doing with me?", Greg whispered in my ear and let his hand wander to my belt.
A moan slipped out of my mouth when he touched some delicate part of my body and a shiver ran down my spine.
"Please" I mumbled and my knees wobbled like jelly.
"Please, what?!" he murmured in my ear and slightly sucked my earlobe afterwards.
"Not here" I managed to say and gasped when his teeth brushed over my neck.

"Why not?" he whispered and pushed me a bit harder against the wall.
"Because ... because I will make you scream through the damn neighborhood" I said and looked straight into his eyes.
A broad smile appeared on his face and he let me loose "Off we go then! And keep your promise!"
"Believe me I'll won't forget it!" I said when starting the engine.

I didn't forget - let me just say that - aw, c'mon guys don't make such a disappointed face now. No pouting allowed - hehe.

Afterwards we lay entagled up into each other on the bed and Greg gently caressed my chest.
"We should far more often go to Starbucks, Jimmy" he said and grinned.
"Mhmm. But it would cost us our jobs" I mumbled with my eyes still closed and stretched a bit.
"Damn it, James! You did that on purpose!" Greg hissed and before I could turn to him with a grin, I was pushed into the linen.
"No, no ... YES!"

Ehm ... well - some time later my beeper went off. I turned lazily around and searched my trousers on the floor.
"Jaaaaaames!" Greg said and before he could grab me again, I jumped out of the bed and laughed.
"Hands off now! Geez, Gregory, I have to go back to the clinic!" I said while looking on the beeper.
"Noooo" he gnarled. "You stay here, let the patient die or so."
I frowned and gave him a stern look.

Gregory sighed and let him drop back into the linen.
"You are too good to be true, Dr. Wilson" he muttered and stared to the ceiling.
I slipped into my boxers and trousers and searched for a new shirt. My decision fell on my college jumper and the chucks.
"I know, dear" I said then and bent over Greg and kissed his forehead. "I'll be back soon" I said and off I was.

Soon is relative isn't it? Yes it is ... two hours later I was still in the clinic. The patient didn't make it ...

I was sitting over the file and made the final paperwork when I heard a knock at the door.
"Come in!" I said and lifted up my head to check who was it.
"Dr. Wilson" Foreman greeted me and came in.
"Foreman" I said with a smile and gestured him to sit down. "Still here?"

Foreman nodded and sighed. He held a file in his hands and with the sad look upon his face I didn't have to think hard. "Chase?" I asked.
Another nod and he took seat. "Yes, could you please check the data, if it could be a tumor?"
"Sure" I said and grabbed the file.

A short time later I looked up and shook my head. "It is none tumor, no cancer!"
Foreman sighed in relief and let his head drop back. He really looked more than tired and worried.
"Let me see again" and I opened the file anew.

Depression, headache, weakness, dizziness or disorientation and fatigue ... not to forget his sore throat and cough.
"Geez, Foreman. Was he checked on mono?" I asked him while checking his test results.
"Ehm, no not yet" Foreman mumbled and I looked up.

"He was not checked on mononucleosis?"
"Shit! You are right, this would explain all symptoms" Foreman said and I was not sure if his head would hit the desk because he was so pissed off.
Foreman immediately went and made a monospot ... yes it is infectious mononucleosis or "kissing disease".

I recommended Foreman to make a monospot of his blood as well - hehe. It was negative though.

In a small percentage of cases, mono infection is complicated by co-infection with streptococcal infection - like it is in Chase case. Antibiotic will be administered to treat the strep throat, but will not be effective against EBV resp. the mono. The rest is treated normally ...

No sports, no heavy physical activity (believe I am grinning) ... and then our Down Under Hair Wonder will be back again!

DeviantArt ID

Image Hosted by

This is my DA identity at the very moment. I thought it might me more interesting not to have a picture.

What has Arnello to do with it ...

mood: relaxed and still ... pleased

music: Coming home - Sasha

Before driving to Point Pleasant I decided to buy a bunch of flowers (yes I am a romantic sometimes) for Greg accompanied by his favorite Caramel Macchiatto from Starbucks. It was at Starbucks where I felt a tapping at my shoulder.

"Eh, Mr. Wilson! Buon giorno, how are you?"
I turned around and looked into Joey Arnellos eyes.
"Oh, Mr. Arnello, good morning to you as well. I am fine, thanks. How are you?" I asked him and grabbed the two coffees.

He looked at me and smiled. "Aw, I see you are fetching coffee for you and House. Is he fine?"
I cleared my throat "Well, not currently. He is in hospital as a patient."
Arnello's eyes hardened "As a patient? What happened? Did anyone hurt him?" he asked and then came closer to whisper in my ear "Just tell me his name".

I really have to admit that Allenby's name appeared in my head - but I didn't tell his name though. It would have been a lie - and I am not that mean.
"No, no - he had an anaphylactic shock due to Cashews. That is why he is in the clinic now" I replied and shrugged.
"I see" Arnello said and nodded. "And you are bringing him flowers and a coffee" he said with a grin and pointed at the bunch of flowers under my arm.

I felt myself blushing slightly and nodded.
"Ehm, right. I just peek in there and then I have to ..." - "Why telling him that?" I thought and decided to keep it for me.
But it was too let - he already was curious now and looked at me enquiringly.
"You have to ...? You will have to go where?"
"Oh nothing" I said and slightly shook my head, I followed Arnello out of Starbucks as his Latte was ready as well.

"Aw, Mr. Wilson, you know I can find it out" he said with a grin.
Geez! Right ...
So I just sighed and said "Point Pleasant".
Arnello narrowed his eyes "You are going to Point Pleasant without House? You are not betraying him, are you?" he said and pointed with one finger at me.

"Damn! No! Of course not!" I answered a bit pissed off.
"I see, this annoys you. You are a good man!" he replied and gave me a pat on the back.
I rubbed my neck and gave Arnello a side glance "Of course this annoys me. I am not betraying him!"
We approached my car and he rested his hand upon it "I am really sorry, Doctor. Can I make good for it?"
I placed the two coffees on the car roof and opened the passenger door.
"No, there is no need for it Mr. Arnello. You already did enough for us" I said and placed the bunch of flowers and the coffees on the passenger seat.


Sorry, have to go to lunch with Gregory now ... will continue later!

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Another poem: The prize to be paid

Yes I know - another poem. If you don't wanna read it - just ignore.

There is shelter, there is pain,
there we all go through the everlasting flame.

We go and go and never stop,
we go until we reach the top.

There we bow,
we make our vow.

Our lives we put into your mighty hands,
although it might only be you, who really understands.

We pray to you and tears we cry.
Far away the others hear our screamed out "WHY?"

The answer to this question is:
"It is what it is - and none can change this.

Accept your destiny and reach out your hand,
soon my dears you will understand!

Keep you vows and don't be afraid,
there will be a precious prize to be paid!"

I know, I know ... it is very spiritual - but hey - let me just be, okay! Ehm .. written by me, again.

Point Pleasant 2nd

mood: pleased ... extremely pleased

music: Scissor Sisters - I don't feel like dancing

By now Gregory knows what happened in Point Pleasant at the very Saturday and why just came back on Sunday.

So now I can tell you as well - dears!

"How much would it cost then?"
I nearly could have heard her clapping her hands in excitement ...
"I thought about selling it for $ 220,000" she said and paused.

$220,000 - GEEZ! Okay it is not so that I don't have the money on my account ... ehm ... we don't have it on our account. We do have that money - that is for sure. But wooosh ... it is still a lot.

She noticed my hesitation and said "I know, I know ... it only has 2 bedrooms and one of it is really tiny. The price is not fixed yet. What do you think about it?"
I scribbled some notes down and then cleared my throat.
"What do you think about having coffee or tea together and we can then talk about it, okay?" I heard myself speaking and really thought "James, are you sure about it?!"

"That sounds really fantastic, Mr. Wilson! Will you both come here?"
"No, no ... it will just be me coming, as my husband is in the hospital at the moment."
"I see. A lot of work ..." she answered and I didn't correct her as I though it might be not Gregory's wish that everyone would know he is not feeling that well currently.

So we fixed the date for 2 p.m.
After hanging up the phone I sat there for a while and thought about it.
Greg had mentioned before he would love to have a house there. He said he would love to buy that house if it would ever be possible ... so ... why not?!

Okay there is the point that most of the time the house would be empty, as we wouldn't have the chance to spend every weekend there - we are still working as doctors and this means ... a lot of work (although you might probably think we don't work a lot ... wrong!) and there is already the little fishing hut up in Canada. Good the hut is a family hut - but it is mostly me using it - me or my sister if she wants to be alone from time to time.

Did I really want it ... Did I really want to buy it?! Yes and No - I really have to admit it.

Yes - because it would just be wonderful having an own house with Greg.
Yes - because it is "our" cottage.
Yes - because it would make him more than happy.
Yes - because he would just not believe me and be more than showing me later how he loves me for that ...

No - because it is a lot of money
No - because we won't have much time to use it
No - because ... well that was it.

I picked up the phone again and called my financial adviser ... my Mom. Don't laugh now! She is pretty good in it - and she knows if it is right or not. Say it is her instincts, okay?!

Some blahblah later (about 30 minutes), we came to the point and it took another half an hour 'till we finished the phone call. Why do mothers always talk that long?

Wanna hear (read) what she said so? Thought so - hehe.

To shorten it down:
"Oh dear! Of course you should do that. ... Why not doing it? ... That is no reason ... Uhu ... No we can also use it, if we are allowed to. Yes! See ... it would be great! And sure we would ask you before. James don't be so realistic - you do have the money! Take the money from the heritage. Which one? The one from grandma Wilson."

Oh yes - the heritage - right ... there still was money left. Well, okay I have to admit there was enough money left to buy two houses. No wife did know that - why not? Because it is not belonging to me ... it is under the hands of my mother (I told you she is the financial boss in the family). She never wanted to give it to me until she was really sure that it would be for a good purpose...

"You want to give me the money for it?" I asked her slightly taken aback.
"For you and Gregory? Of course I would do that!" she replied.
"Aw, I see. You never wanted to give it to me when I asked you for one of my wives. Why?"
"Dear! For heaven's sake it was so clear that you wouldn't have them for the rest of your life!"

I gnawed my lower lip and rubbed my neck.
"I see! And it is now clear?"
"Sure it is - you two are belonging to each other. You sure give each other some hard times as well - but you belong to. A blind man could see that! You can have the money if you want to buy it. And it is such a cosy little cottage!"

Yes sure - I nearly forgot - they already knew the cottage as we celebrate Thanksgiving there together. So I nodded and a broad smile appeared upon my face.

"Fine then ..."
"Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooh you will do it?" she screamed out.
Nearly deaf now I answered "Yes I think I'll do it!"
"Oh my son, I am so proud now! So proud! Don't forget to bargain!"
I had to shake my head ... buying something without bargaining - impossible for my Mom.


To be continued - have to go shopping for dinner now! It will be home-made pizza!

Why Point Pleasant?

mood: in need for another coffee break

Some of you might already have asked yourself why I did drive to Point Pleasant on Saturday. Okay I've already stated that I've booked some nice little house for us ... yes an it is our little cottage there.

Just booking I said ... did you really believe me? GOOD!

I got a phone call on Saturday morning from the land lady there - she is a really nice elderly woman and she noticed that we love the little cottage. It is really cosy there and a perfect hideaway for a couple you know.

It was about 8.30 a.m. when the phone rang, I was sitting in the kitchen and drinking my cup of coffee and soon wanted to go to visit Gregory as he had to stay in the hospital. I picked up the phone and grunted a "Wilson".
"Mr. Wilson this is Elisa Acklewood speaking from Point Pleasant. Do you remember me?"
"Of course I do remember you Mrs. Acklewood. What is the matter?" I asked her and tried to rememeber if we broke anything or did make a reservation or so ... but I had no clue why she did call.

"Well, Mr. Wilson you might perhaps no be surprised but I noticed that you and your ..." she paused and I continued "...husband".
"aw... right - your husband. I wasn't quite sure you know. You are a wonderful couple!" And I really heard her beaming. I couldn't avoid a grin appearing upon my face and listened carefully.
"But I am getting off the track. Well, Mr. Wilson you see I am not becoming younger and I am about to sell the little cottage at Point Pleasant."
"Oh" I said with a bit of disappointment. "Why is she calling?" I thought...

"See and I thought I might just ask you, if you'd be interested in buying the cottage. Because I know you really like it there and I'd rather give it to someone I like."
I stared into the coffee mug and swallowed hard. A house ... a house with Gregory ... a house in Point Pleasant ... a little cottage there. Geez! My thoughts raced and I checked our financial status in my head and then cleared my throat.
"Mrs. Acklewood, I am stunned now."
"Oh" I heard here saying with a clear disappointment in her voice. Before she could carry on I said "How much would it cost then?"


The rest I will write a bit later ... now I have an appointment with Gregory!

How I got rid off ...

Mr. Louis Allenby - oncologist at the PPTH

So many people asked me how the heck I got rid off Dr. Allenby - yes careful readers might have figured out that he wasn't mentioned in any of the blogs around.

It is so very easy dears. Didn't Cuddy say that the slightest hint he would have not forgotten what he did and would show any signs of violence etc. again - he'd be off? Yes she did ... and here we go.

I got rid off Allenby last week. I had a very very busy week as you might have seen on the lack of entries here. Sorry for that - but it was not possible for me to write.
First of all I had one appointment after another, clinic duty every day, meetings and when I finally got out of the hospital I wanted to spend the rest of the evening/night with Gregory. Don't ask how the flat looks like ... Geez! Thanks I had a bit of the weekend for doing the cleaning.

But I am drifting apart again.
I've seen Allenby on Wednesday during the ward round, on Thursday during the ward round and the lunch break ... and it was on Friday he came into my office.

I was sitting over my paperwork and checking some files when I heard the door opening without a knock, so I did not look up as the only person entering without a knock is Greg. I scribbled some notes down and murmured "House, what's up? Need a break?" and then I looked up with a smile upon my face. (He gets grumpy a bit now when I call him House)

My smile vanished when I saw Allenby leaning against the cupboard and watching me carefully.
"What do you want here?" I grawled and stared at him.
"I wanted to ask you why I am not working with you anymore, ... James."
"Don't dare calling me James again, it is no longer James for you, Allenby!" I snapped back and pointed at the closed door. "Out of here! I don't want to have you near me."

"Oh I see now! You are afraid." Allenby said with a soft voice. I felt the neck hair rising and where my stab wound was I felt a phantom pain.
"Out" I gasped when he approached slowly.
"No! I first want to know why I am not allowed working with you anymore. Why do I have to work with that Scotsman?"
I really tried to stay calm and took a deep breath in "Fine, I'll tell you and you freeze there!"

Was that a satisfied glance? Was it? The look I thought I'd seen was already gone ...

"You perfectly know why we don't want you to work with us. Neither I nor Gr... House want you around after what you have done and NOW - GO!"
Allenby shook his head and came some steps nearer again. I felt the sweat on my back and my stomach turned slightly. Only too good I remembered me laying on the cold ground in the Canadian wood ... with the darkness becoming part of me. It was only to fresh when I saw Gregory sitting in his living room surrounded by the police men.
"Is said freeze" I gnarled now and arose. Allenby first smiled and then his smile froze upon his face now and he stopped dead.
"You'll gonna kill me" he gasped.

I supported myself at the desk and fixed his eyes.
"Oh I could really do that you know ... Louis!" I spat out his name and then continued with a very bitter and cold tone.
"You won't do that!" he said and now he looked somewhat unsure.
I shrugged and laughed bitterly "Are you really sure about that? Don't you think I would have any right to do so?"

He shook his head slightly as though he wanted to become his mind clear again. "No ..."
I just nodded "Be sure, there are so many ways in my mind to do the most horrible things with you, you filthy bastard!" I now whispered.
Allenby perfectly understood every single word and he went pale. I could see him swallowing hard and he fumbled at his coat nervously.

"Don't let you hands slip into your pockets" I said - "I want to see them! ... Fine!"
He didn't know what to do and he looked very uncomfortably around.
"James ... ehm... Dr. Wilson" he started.
"Hold your tongue island monkey!" I barked at him. (sry to the British readers) "Arnello should have got the right to kill you. We really should have allowed that! I don't want you to work here! I don't want you to come close to us anymore! I don't want you in New Jersey! I don't want you in America! You nearly killed me, Chase and you tried to rape Gregory", I yelled at him.

Allenby looked stunned and he wanted to let his hands slip again in his pockets.
"Freeze! I did say, can't you listen?!" I grunted and thumped my fist on the desk. My monologue was interrupted by a shy knock on the door and a redhead peeking in.

"Everything fine?" Mrs. Granger asked and looked from one to another.
"Of course not!" I barked and she looked taken aback. Her jaw slightly dropped down and somehow this satisfied me. Yes not many people ever see nice Dr. Wilson in rage. Believe me the fire in me was burning all so high.

"Go and get Cuddy here! Immediately!" I said to Ginger and waved her out.
She nodded and I could have hugged her as she let the door open a bit. Sure I didn't not reveal my relief. I didn't want to let Allenby think I was afraid. But afraid was no expression, I was shocked and I was so pissed off!

"Cuddy? Why?" he asked me a bit weak.
"Why? I will tell you why! This never will work. You can't stay at the hospital as a doctor!"
"I changed ..." he replied and he gave me that watering puppy eye look. God! I hate that ...

"You did not change! I can't see you've changed!" I spat out again and tried to calm down afterwards. "How do you think this could work? As long as nobody knows what you did it will probably work somehow. But not for me! Not for Greg, not for Chase, not for Foreman and not for Cameron! We all know what you did! We perfectly all know it!"
He nodded hesitantly "I see ..."
"Fine you see it now! Why haven't you seen it before? Before you stabbed my side, before you nearly cut Chase throat and before you nearly fucked my husband!" I shouted again.

Allenby backed off and his face became even paler.
"Don't play the fool now! You know you were sooo close to do so. So damn close!" I felt myself shivering a bit and I tried to calm down, tried not to jump over the desk and beat him up until there would nothing more left of his face.

I really don't know if I would have done so. If I would have been able to do so - but I must admit, yes I fear I would have done so. I can be so very jealous and if he wouldn't have nearly killed me with that stab wound, I think I'd probably done it in the woods already.
It shouldn't be my time this time as well - as Cuddy chose the very moment to rush into my office.

"What is going on here?" she barked and look at me and then Allenby.
"It won't work, Cuddy" I said bitterly and pointed at Louis.
"Why not? He has changed. You can do with it! Try it!" she said in her typical tone.
I narrowed my eyes and stared at her. Try it? Try it?! Was she insane? TRY IT?

"Try it?" I asked very calm now. "Try it, huh?"
"Yes, try it for heaven's sake!" she snapped and gestured.
"Are you insane? Don't you know what he did?" I replied and shook my head slightly. I couldn't believe that! Try it!
She shrugged "Yes I do... well ... I think I know most of it. You had some little brawl and were accidently stabbed and so was Chase cut when he tried to help you. And House got kidnapped by him ... or perhaps they had some drug party or so."
My look must have been more than stunned and I let myself sink into the chair, rested my head in my hands and started to laugh madly after a few seconds of desbelief.

"What?" she wanted to know.
I looked up again and I don't know how my eyes must have looked like when I started to tell her what really happened! She went more than pale and had to sit down. Allenby stood there in shock and did not move (better for him).
After I'd finished the damn whole story, Cuddy swallowed hard and whispered "I ... I ... I didn't know that! Oh my goodness!"
Her look went from me to Allenby and her eyes narrowed. "You will come into my office now, Dr. Allenby!"
Allenby was only able to nod and both went out.

When they closed the door I felt my heart racing, felt it rushing through my veins and I was so glad sitting already as my knees went to jelly. Geez!
I needed a while to recover and my mind made several loops when I recalled what happened. I told him out! I told him out - and he will go! I saw it in Cuddy's face that he will have to leave now.

Yes, and I was right ... he had to leave - and as far as I know, he is abroad in England now. Good for us - bad for the Brits. I don't know if he will come back - but I pray to the God above that he will stay where he is.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Poem: For you

moody: somehow relaxed but worried
music: Lordi - Devil is a looser
I've written this poem yesterday - although I just can say it was somewhat around midday. Perhaps Gregory can help me to get my damn memory back. Shit - I should have slept more this weekend I suppose. Perhaps this is only the damn fucking problem (sry for swearing).

Here is my poem for you:

The light is shining there so bright,
no darkness fills your Godess-like light.

I see the sparkles in your eyes,
no shadow is dimming the truth inside.

I see it now all so clear,
thine is my way -I am yours, my dear.

We go together in the night,
We kiss each other under HER guiding light.

Mother and Father are watching us,
We are here - no one but us.

Believe me it is all in you,
Believe me this is oh so true.

I also stumbled in the night,
I also feared there'll be no moe light.

In despair I stood underneath her cloak,
crying her name - me, just a lonesome bloke.

Now I am believing, it is all in me
I'll give you strenght and power to thee.

You are my light - my everything
I'll be your hope, your love, your sin.

Look inside my sweetheart now,
Look carefully and for Her we bow.

We drop our head and honor Her will,
It is not us - we just fulfill.

Into the sand we fall and kiss,
This is no dream, it is just what it is.

Comfortably numb

Dears ... Hello,

I think I have some problems with my mind. Some lack of memory I would say. Geez! I really miss some information in my damn head what was going on on the weekend. I somehow have the feeling that something was erased in my mind.

How could this be possible? I don't drug ... no way I would ever do that! God knows that I don't do that.

Really this is annoying me ... perhaps I should let my mind check. For what am I working at the PPTH, huh?

I had this song in my mind ... so here - you have it. Enjoy!

Monday, January 08, 2007

Nursing Greg

Dear Readers,

I had some days writing break because I had to look after Gregory a bit. As you might have read on his blog - he was sick and had to stay in bed.

He had an allergic reaction against Cashew nuts - really a damn pity he had to eat the cookie with them in it. It is the only allergy he has.

Well, we spent a few hours in the clinic with him - he had to recover there in the sickbed. Few hours is not right it was nearly the whole weekend. I knew he was so pissed off it - that I wanted to make him a little surprise.

So I made my way to Point Pleasant on Saturday. He was so pissed off about that becuse I left him alone there. Why I did drive to Point Pleasant? Easy to answer ... I rent a house for us over my birthday at the end of February. It should lift his mood up a bit - although I assume he will pout a little - too far away until the end of February, you know.

I see I am not in a writer's mood today. It is late though - I will see after him. He is at home again now. I really missed him here.

See you around guys! Yeats for you ...

William Butler Yeats (1865-1939)

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all convictions, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.

Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: a waste of desert sand;
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Wind shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Poem: Like a flying dove

This one was written a few minutes ago ... I dedicate it to my ocean, my water element ...

Your eyes are like an ocean so deep and blue,
I can see the love inside and it feels all so true.

Thy words are like water for my soul,
thy touch makes me feeling good and whole.

You are my sun, my everything.
you are the lake I want to be drowning in.

So I close my eyes and open my arms,
slowly I fall and succumb your charms.

My fire now sinks down under your skin,
thy love is the water I am now swimming in.

Both we drown in the ocean of love,
upstream we swim easy like a flying dove.

Poem: Dream and Wish

mood: balanced

doing: drinking coffee

I had a very pleasant lunchbreak with Gregory. We've been at the Italian restaurant around the corner. It was good being out of the hospital for some minutes. I enjoyed the Lasagne there and Gregory had some Tortellini a la panna.

Although he had read my entry about the meeting he wanted to know every little detail about it. So I just told him.
On our way back he asked me what Edward might have meant with 'nearly being stupid' ... I dunno. I just know that he bent over to me and looked into my face and the straightened up again. It was a bit odd ... but he behaved a bit odd in that night. I think he might have missed Fayt very much!

When we talk about missing a person very much ... I've found this poem I've written quite a while ago:

I can feel you,
I can hear you,
Although you are not around.

Is it real?
Am I dreaming?
Was this really your voice in my head?

You can touch me,
You can kiss me.
Is it really you being with me?

So many questions are spinning around in my head,
so many thoughts are teasing me while I am laying in my bed.

Was it true? Was it real?
Do I really believe what I feel?

No one around, no sign of you.
Just a dream a fantasy – or simply so true?

The time will show what really is
and ‘till then it is just God who knows that it is just like this!

So let us close our eyes and open our hearts to pray:
Please, my sweetest dream and wish, don’t go away!

Perhaps you like it. I think I am having another cup of coffee now or I will ask Gregory if we can leave in time.

The oncologist meeting

mood: tensed and pissed off

location: back in my office

No one died! Well, if glances could kill – there would be someone laying on the floor as a corpse.
It wouldn’t be me though.

Let me tell you what happened. The meeting started at 2 p.m. as announced and I got there in time. I was just talking with Dr. Meyers and pouring some coffee when I heard his voice. My hackles raised and I tried to stay calm but Dr. Meyers must have noticed something, as she bent over and asked, “Dr. Wilson, is everything fine. You got a bit pale?”

I just nodded and stirred my coffee (I always drink it black). My hands wandered automatically to an oncologist paper and I flipped through the pages pretending I didn’t notice You-Know-How (and no, I am not talking about Voldemort) but I was prick-eared.

Apparently no one of the colleagues knew what happened and Cuddy must have told something like he had a burn-out syndrome and had to have a time off. I must admit that I didn’t care about what she might have told – I had other problems shortly after what happened.

So I could just hear them greeting Allenby like a long lost son – gawd, I had to bite my tongue not to talk Billingsgate. I just sipped my coffee and pretended to be reading, when I noticed Danby watching me carefully. He is not dumb and I could see in his eyes that he must have seen something in my behaviour that was odd. Sure it was odd – a colleague was long gone and when he comes back the head of the department pretends reading and doesn’t want to greet him. Then there is also the fact, that this deal was made … but we refused to tell Danby what really happened, just that I didn’t want to work with Allenby.

Allenby … well I couldn’t pretend reading all the time and then there was the time I had to face the evil. “Dr. Wilson” another colleague addressed me and I looked up with a surprised expression upon my face, as I would have been miles and miles away.
“Huh?” I asked and raised an eyebrow.
“See, Dr. Allenby came back!” (this colleague is really an idiot and I cannot stand him very well) – I put a false smile upon my face, which never reached my eyes and forced me to look at Allenby who was standing by the side of Dr. Rickman.

“I see” I mumbled and forced me to nod. Allenby wanted to approach me but I think he was so clever noticing that this could have caused his death – but Danby was my saviour this time as he just stepped into Allenby’s way and shook his hand.
Louis looked at me with an indefinable expression upon his face – it was somehow blank and this is the worst thing at all. He scares me …

The last time I’ve seen him there was hate in his eyes but now it is just blank and indefinable … it is hard for me to read in his eyes now. This really scares me!

Danby introduced himself to Allenby as his successor and this might have interested Allenby as he drew his full attention to Danby right then. I placed myself at the other end of the table and was glad to see that Louis decided to stay where he was.

The whole time he didn’t really look at me, but I noticed that he gave me a weird side look when I pretended to rest my head in the hand. He looks pretty normal to me, except from the blank and lifeless eyes. Brrrrrrrrrrrr…

I don’t want to think about it – that gives me the creeps. When the meeting was finished it was Danby again who saved me from being confronted with Allenby, as he (Danby) hurried towards me and dragged me out of the conference room, starting a discussion about his new patient a 16 year-old cheerleader with breast cancer.

We talked about the case until I found myself back in my office, I must have looked thankful and puzzled at the same time because Danby just patted my shoulder and said “If you want to we can talk about it sometimes, if not then not” then he just nodded and was off.

Nice … I should thank him with a good pint some time.

So this was my first “meeting” with The-One-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.


mood: tensed

music: nothing - but I could do with some hard rock now!

location: my office

Happy New Year blablabla ... all the same the whole morning.

I am about to leave to the usual oncologist new year's meeting - thanks God it is just about to last one or two hours. Normally it is okay, we have coffee and donuts and talk about different cases we have and what investions are needed in the new year, but this time I am not looking forward to it - I will have to meet Mr. Who-Nearly-Killed-Me!

My muscles are tensed, my stomach twitches and I am really pissed off! How could Cuddy do that?

I will have to go now. The one coming too late will have to scribble down the minutes ... I am really not in the mood to do that.

For the normal work I made a deal with Dr. Danby - he will be working with Allenby some times and he will report his work to me. I refused to work with him and will only meet him, if there is no other opportunity.

No way!

I can still see me laying on the ground in that Canadian wood - bleeding and nearly loosing my everything for ever. How could Cuddy do such a cruelty?!

See you around - I will report later about what happend.