Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Most expensive pizza ever ...

mood: lazy bum
music: birds singing
food: croissant and coffee

Dear readers ... (wow – I sound like an author)

spring has come and brought us back to our house in Point Pleasant, NJ.

We've been there the last time around New Year's Eve somewhen ... and had no time after. What a pity – there we have that lovely house – but hardly no time to use it. To our luck, Foreman and Chase had been very willing to use the house by and then ... and we were confident that they would clean it after they used it.

Please focus on were ...

Beginning of May then we packed all things into our car and headed off for PP.

The drive was annoying as usual – with Greg constantly playing 'little child wanna go wee' – he never ever seems to get tired of it I suppose.
Sure he changes his strategy by and then – not that I can get too used to it, for sure!

So I will spare you with the details of this drive and just inform you that we arrived save and healthy.

Greg's eyes narrowed slightly when I parked the car in front of the house.
„What now?“ I said while giving him a side glance when I heard his snort.
„Did you finally make pee?“ I grumbled and switched off the engine.

„Funny ...“ Greg muttered and was already opening the door.
I shrugged and got out of the car as well, „So?“ I asked him.

Gregory stood there and looked at the house.
„The windows are dirty“ he said and pointed at the house with his cane.
„Pardon me?“ I answered and for the first time this day I really looked into the direction he pointed at.

„See – they are completely dirty!“
„Well ... not that dirty I would say – but you are right they need a clean. Therefore we brought cleaning stuff.“ I replied and opened the trunk to get all the things out.
„WE brought cleaning stuff because you packed it in. But what I mean is – that those persons having used the house could have taken care of it as well!“

Gregory fumbled in his leather jacket and pulled out his cell.
„What are you doing now?“ I gestured askingly.
He was already dialing and giving me a stern look.
„Hey assholes! ...“
I shook my head as I did know by then that he called Foreman/Chase to call them off.

The automatic ear-closing function started (sometimes very helpful when being around Greg) and I began to get the bags to the house.
A quick glance over my shoulder showed me that Greg was pacing around and vividly talking into the cell.
I could not hide my smile when I opened the door to the house ... and then I froze.

The odor reaching my nostrils was unbelievably disgusting ... the first natural reaction was stepping back and coughing.

„What is the matter, hubby-bun?“ Greg asked wiith his rarely used caring voice.
I was unable to speak, 'cause I've been afraid that I would immediately vomit on the pavement – so I just pointed into the direction of the door.

Still muttering into the cellphone, Gregory approached me and looked at me with wide open eyes.
„Jim, you are green in the face. Are you fine?“
I still pointed at the house and straightened up again to move some more steps towards the clean air.

„Don't think I am finished – I will call again and you better pick up then!“
With these words Greg did hang up and stood there for a second – looking at me and back to the house.
„Fine, when you don't wanna tell me why on earth you react like someone who did sniff a rotten body ...“ - he turned and went to the door, which was still a bit open.

He stopped for a second at the threshold and then entered the house without hesitation.

You must not think that I am sissy concerning scents or so – but that really smelled like the disgusting thing you have every smelled – plus 10!

Some minutes did pass and now it was me pacing around the bit of green we have in front of the building. I heard some rummaging and a loud swear ... and then nothing more.

„Gregory?“ I yelled ... „Are you fine?“

... ... ...

Silence ... for another thirty seconds or so and then, „Bring a black garbage bag! Hurry“
„A garbage bag?“ I asked back.
„Are you deaf?!!“ was the answer ... I was not but wondered a bit although I could imagine that the odor must have been caused by something rotten – and I only did hope that it was no human body in there – or any other body.

The bag was found pretty quick – but I prepared a mask for me, so that I'd rather suffocate of Aqua di Roma Uomo than of that smell in there.

Prepared like that I stepped a few minutes later into the
house of doom.
All appeared clean – bit dusty – but clean ... till I came into the kitchen.

The kitchen was a complete mess and the fridge door was open, Gregory stood before it – having his shirt wrapped around his face as a protection – and he just stared into it.
„What?“ I started and stopped when Greg stepped aside and I had a free sight to look at what he did find in there.

I swallowed hard and looked at Greg then.
„Poor thing ... must have succeeded going in there and then was locked in when the fridge door closed again“, he mumbled through the fabric.
I nodded and looked at the apparently dead raccoon in our fridge.

„Those idiots forgot to remove all the food and so the coon must have smelled the remnants.“
The remnants were two boxes of pizza ... and we assume that there must have been some pieces left.

„We should call someone for dead animal disposal, Greg!“
„We can do that as well ...“ he said but looked a bit unsure.

„We could but I wont! Come out of here ...“
I turned and in the little hallway I grabbed the yellow pages and without looking back but knowing that this time Gregory was following me without any argument – I stepped outside again.

Back at the car I removed my mask, opened the trunk and then a bottle of water – cleaned my mouth with a bit of it – handed the bottle to Greg then and started to search the pages for someone who would remove the corpse out of the fridge.

Some minutes later I've found someone and was lucky as well.
„He'll be here in a few minutes – he just had another client five minutes away!“
Gregory nodded.
We both leaned against the car and let the minutes pass without speaking.

Some time later a car stopped next to ours.
„That's it!“ Greg said without looking up.
„Yah“ I answered and nodded at the man just getting out of the car.

We exchanged a few sentences and explained the situation inside the house – and another few minutes later the dead coon was removed and we a bit poorer.
„You should either get a new fridge or let that one disinfect!“ Geoffrey (the wildlife man) advised us.
„Thanks!“ I nodded and gave him a weak smile.
„No problem, you are welcome!“ he smiled back and drove away.

„Fine then!“ Gregory nodded into thin air, grabbed his cell and pushed re-dial.
„Common Greg ...“ I started but was silenced with a don't even think about it-stare.

„You had pizza!“ Gregory started the conversation.
„Great ... I hope it was good, Chase! Because it was the costliest pizza you ever had!“
... ...
(I assume that on the other end was first silence and then some babbled words)
„I don't want to hear a thing! You owe us at least ... at LEAST $500!“
„$500 ... and don't come now with – I am no rich boy! You forgot to remove the dirt ... you are guilty of a dead animal ... in our house ... you will pay for the animal removal and for the new fridge! Start saving money if you don't have it!“

Gregory did hang up and looked at me again.
„Shall we go and buy a new fridge now?“

My mouth slightly opened I nodded at him.
Greg approached me, placed a smooch on my forehead.
„I know you love me ... and I know you would have grunted and moaned and started cleaning the house ... and perhaps – well for sure, you would have bought a new fridge – but – it is their fault and they have to learn of it.“
Still unable to reply I nodded anew and felt myself being directed to the car.

When we reached the car I was able to formulate words again.

„You know what, Greg?“
„You probably are right ...“ I said and frowned slightly.

Greg opened the door for me.
„Mhm ...“
„And you know what?“ I asked him again and gave him a deep look.
„What about a fridge with an ice crusher and enough space for some plates or so?“

A big grin appeared and enlightened his face ...
„You know what, Jimmy?“
„I think that will really be a damn expensive pizza!“

My reply was just a wink and then we drove off to buy a new fridge.

To your information ... the house got cleaned – but not by us ... Chase and Foreman arrived in the afternoon and cleaned the complete house.
After they did smell and see the mess (unfortunately not the dead coon) – they willingly (to our big surprise) gave in and wanted to pay for the mess and consequences.

To my surprise, Greg gave in a bit and just let them pay half the fridge – what was still $600 plus the fee for the animal removal.

The weekend of course was rotten and after Chase and Foreman were finished and we did spend the time at the beach, we decided to drive back home.
Last weekend then we officially arrived at PP again – and celebrated Mothers Day there (without mothers but with our gorgeous new fridge!).