Thursday, March 29, 2007

Questioning or Asking for a consultation

Well, Gregory asked me to write my view of the consultation down he mentioned in his blog though.

I really had to think twice about it if I should do it or not.

But - well, here we are:

It was in January 1997, on the 11th to be exactly. I remember that date because - well, I wrote it down.
Yes, I did write it down - but No - I will not tell were the diary is.

I had a very hard case to solve here and really needed some help.Just have to admit that I had no clue what I could have done more with that patient. We've already made a bunch of tests - no results. Well, none counting!

So I asked Cuddy (yes she just got the position as dean here) if it might be possible to ask a very competent doctor for help.
"And who is that very competent doctor, Wilson?" Cuddy asked me.
"I don't think you know him. His name is Dr. Gregory House."
Cuddy looked at me with wide open eyes.
"You know House?" she asked me and I had the slightest feeling that she was a bit nervous.
"Yes, I know him. Well, we spent ... a few days at the same congress though." I answered.

"Really? Where is he working?"
"Working? In Baltimore" I told her and she smiled at me.
"Baltimore, hm? Well, go ahead and ask him and I might think to offer him a post here." Cuddy said with a smile and scribbled something down.
"Offering him a post here?" I asked and it was now me feeling a slightest bit nervous though.
Cuddy just nodded and waved me out of her office.

"Okay, call him then" I thought and went back into my office.
Fifteen minutes later I was still staring at the phone and holding his number in my hands.
With a sigh I put the number aside and stood up.
"Better doing it later, he might probably not be at home" I muttered to myself, changed into my coat, grabbed my bag and made my way out of the PPTH.

Approximately one and a half hour later I found myself sitting in front of the phone - this time at home - again.
I poured me some bourbon and sipped at it.
"Okay" I sighed and dialed the number.
Some rings later the call was anserwered with a barked "House?!"
I swallowed hard and replied "Wilson here".
"Wilson...", he said and my stomach stitched.

" do remember me?", I then heard me stammering into the handset.
"Not the boring gynecologist from Boston?"
I grinned broadly "Okay, okay. I see you do remember me!". Well, that was an insider joke between me and Greg and so I laughed (and was relieved as well - he did remember!).
"What can I do for you?" he replied and if I was right - he snickered a bit.
"You could do me a favor, House...You could come to Plainsboro and help me with a case I have here."
"You'll pay the ticket, I suppose?" Gregory asked.
"I do. And the hotel room. Well...PPTH will pay for it." I said with a nod.
"Is there a Four Seasons at Plainsboro?" I heard him ask.

A Four Seasons ... my thoughts raced and an idea just became very clear.
With a nervous smile I said "Hm...not Four Seasons...but another place with delicious food and good drinks. Wilson's Place nearby the hospital."
No sign of answering on the other side for a few seconds and my heart did pound against my chest.
"Did I really... I mean have I really asked that?" Thinking that I hardly recognized his question.
"Wilson's Place, hm?"
" case you..." I began and was interrupted by his "Okay!"
Suddenly my mouth felt dry like sand, so I grabbed the bourbon and downed it at once.
"Fine though! There is a flight in the early morning hours. Would that be fine?"
"Sounds good!" Gregory replied ...

We agreed that I will pick him up at the airport at about 9 am next morning - and so I did.
Although we've already met two times before and talked once in a while on the phone, I felt somehow nervous when I saw him.
The drive to the PPTH was real fun and I was happy to see him again. I enjoyed mocking him a bit and we laughed our asses off in the car.

It took us a while to reach the hospital and when we arrived I guided him to my office.
After he stuffed his bag there I showed him around the PPTH.
The time we spent together solving the case was really good and I enjoyed it very much having him around.
Cuddy talked with Gregory for a while about John Hopkins and their studies there.
I knew she made her exam at Hopkins as well - but hearing her calling Gregory a 'legend' was surprising.

On the way to my car I asked him though if he likes the PPTH. He agreed with a smirk and side glance and I told him that Cuddy is interested in offering 'someone' a job.

As I really was happy that he helped me with that case I invited him for dinner in a seafood restaurant.
The evening at the restaurant passed so fast and I did just enjoy it. The conversation with Gregory was so uplifting and I felt a lot more than comfortable around him.

When I parked my car in front of my flat (yes - not married I was)Greg looked at me and fluttered his eyelashes.
"Thanks a lot for the wonderful evening, Dr. Wilson!"
Oh he can be so funny ... I decided to play the game as well and gave him a flirty smile.
"My pleasure, Dr. House!"

I stepped out of the car,opened the door for him like a gentleman and then walked him to the front door.
My key in his hand - which I gave him before - he opened the door and hesitated a bit.
"What about my goodbye-kiss?" Gregory asked me and I tried to conceal the wobbling knees and the twisting stomach.
So I just raised an eyebrow and asked back, "You kiss on the first date?"

"Actually it's our third date. And if you know you'll see someone again after the third date, you are supposed to kiss then."
Oh, he looked so cute with the pretended thinking and touching his nose tip with his index finger. I really couldn't do anything else than approach him and place my lips on his.

I think that I now might tell, that it felt more than wonderful feeling his lips underneath mine. Really had to hold myself back not to open his lips with the tip of my tongue ...
Geez, I kissed him!

His silent moan brought me a bit back into the here and now and we parted.
I put a smile upon my face and hoped that he did not realize how this kiss affected me.
Gregory grinned and asked me "Fancy a coffee?"
I suppressed a giggle and looked a bit surprised.
" mean...I should come in?"
Greg nodded and played with his hand around the door knob.
"Mhm...yes...that would be nice." I replied and Greg beamed at me.
He opened the door to my flat and I followed him.

The rest of the night was packed with loads of alcohol and I stopped counting at some point. (I might just have been unable to count though)

As Gregory already told you we had some black and blue marks on our bodies ... the only thing I know is that I was half lying on the sofa and we laughed our asses off about a funny joke - or just because we couldn't look straight anymore ... when Gregory moved closer and looked me deep in the eyes.

My mouth suddenly became dry and I licked my lips.
"Did you just do that on purpose, Wilson?"
"Jim" I whispered and Gregory smiled.
"Jim? Well, I am Greg and as far as I can remember we have to seal that with a kiss..."
This time it was him who kissed me first and now I remember it clear while writing it down - we ended up snogging and cuddling on the sofa.

Not that it would be a big problem if friends cuddle (yes also men are allowed to cuddle and probably give the other a smooch) but ... ehm ...this cuddling was extended a bit and the night/morning ended in bed - Greg and I entagled up in each other.

No sex - as far as I can remember - just snuggling, snogging and cuddling ... nothing rude and nothing forbidden (not really). But believe me that this just came into my mind again...

This was my version of that day - better said that happening.

Poetry: Light

music: The Walkabouts ~ The lights will stay on

mood: in thoughts

Just a new poem I wrote today:

Although the rain is soaking you and you feel hollow and alone,
be sure that there is always hope and light waiting for you.

There is always love in the darkest hours of despair.
There is always a light shining in the cruel pitch black night.

No need to hide behind your fears,
No need to run away and drop everything you believe in,
No need to feel unsure when the truth is there in your soul.

You are an angel amongst the others,
You are a light in the darkest hours,
You are feeling the surety of love, the clarity of the truth
- so my little angel child, be sure that there is light, love and truth!

Just close your eyes and feel the warmth on your back.
Just see your wings illuminating your soul.

Don’t get lost in your thoughts,
Don’t get lost in the blackness around you.
You are light!
You are love!
You are the angel from up above.

This is the truth and the truth is in you,
You are the Light and this is but true.


The following words can be seen as a prose: Merely words and thoughts about - solitude!

In solitude I stand here on that open meadow, nothing than green can be seen and in some distance there stands a lonely tree ... in solitude.

With my head dropped down and staring on the muddy ground I walk towards that tree up the little hill.
Grayness is ruling today and a mysterious mist is hanging over the grass and sets a dimmed color upon the landscape.

My thoughts they wander back in time and I find myself in solitude again – this time standing on a cliff and staring out on the sea. Dark clouds give the sea an unearthly color, like blue ink it sparkles and whiteness of the spume stands in deep contrast to the nearly black sea.

There at the horizon a lonely ship is cruising ... in solitude.

I am standing in front of the weathered tree and its brownish green skin grabs my attention and my mind goes astray.
The brownish green reminds me of a pair of eyes I once knew. A lonely tear rolls down my cheek and I bare my heart – a lonely cry slips out of my mouth when I remember that I wasn’t always wandering alone down the road of life.

I remember solitude being a foreign word for me once … but now, here leaned against the weathered tree I feel like solitude itself. As I sat there and was in a brown study – a tiny little butterfly landed upon my knee and my puffy eyes absorbed his beauty, his fragility and his softness.

It just made my heart slop over and I closed my eyes anew. A light filled my heart and I opened my eyes – just to see the butterfly still sitting on my knee. The warmth I felt crawled up my stomach, reached my heart and made its way to my mouth – and a smile enlightened my face.

‘Solitude is only when you can’t see the beauty around you’ I sighed silently and admired the amazing colors of the little creature.
So I sat there – just me and the butterfly, leaned against a lonely tree upon a lonely hill in a misty landscape and we both enjoyed not being alone. Me and the butterfly united in solitude …


Insanity must have really hit me yesterday. I don’t really know what happend to me though.
I really do not know and I think I’ll have to apologize to Foreman though.

As you might probably know (or not), Foreman is on vacation at the moment. He stopped drinking coffee after 6 pm and well, he has some sleeping problems now.

I am really worried though. I was really worried and hm, I had a very bad day yesterday.

All started when I woke up in the early morning hours and found myself having a slightest bit of a hangover. Greg and I did enjoy the new Black Sheep delivery from Santa Monica a bit too much though.

So I straightened up in bed with a pounding head and a loud moan when everything turned a bit around me.
My side glance showed me that Gregory was still sleeping, wrapped up again in the cover like a silkworm.

I decided that it would probably be wiser to stand up and try to get rid of those nasty headaches.
My footsteps led me into the bathroom and I searched for some aspirin or migraine pain reliever… and I didn’t found any pills there.
“Fuck it” I muttered and leaned my forehead against the mirror.
Okay … what to do now? I thought and went into the kitchen.

Coffee … coffee is always a good idea as well as some breakfast.
So I just percolated some coffee and prepared some breakfast for me and Gregory.
Ever had a hangover? So you might know that on the one hand I felt like shit and not very hungry and on the other – I was starving and needed something really good in my stomach.
This starving feeling just let me prepare some bacon and potato omelette.

After coffee and some omelette (I kept Greg’s warm in the oven) I searched again for some pain relievers and only found Vicodin.
I stared at the bottle and really thought twice if I should use one or not.
I decided not to and just put the bottle aside again.

Fine – 8 in the morning and Gregory was still sleeping. I didn’t want to wake him up though so I tiptoed into the bedroom, grabbed my clothes, dressed and then went to work.
Before I wrote him a message that I couldn’t sleep anymore and didn’t want to wake him up though.

8.30h I started my rotten day at the PPTH.
The headaches did not vanish and they got even worse during the late morning hours.
I really felt like some kind of zombie in the early afternoon and the aspirin I did take – they didn’t work!

My thoughts wandered to Foreman and his sleeping problems and I checked some possible illnesses though.
Of course it really might just be the coffein detox that made him the way he was at the moment, but as he really looked a tiny bit … hm… bitchy and annoyed the last time we met – I was so worried it could be something else.

With my “not being myself” feeling I checked the blogs of the others as well and found that Foreman has already written about his sleeping problems in his own blog.
Fine I thought and started to read … after a while I got more than worried again and did write a comment. Well, I think I have to excuse for it as well though … not really me I was – and I thought my headaches would just kill me and make me going insane.

It was just like I was pushed out of my body and not being me anymore …
I am so sorry about it though.

It was around 2 pm when I decided that enough was enough and I went to the pharmacy and got me some “strong” (very strong) pain relievers.
I swallowed two of them down as soon as I was back in my office though.

The next thing I remember was that I woke up at about 8 pm, lying on the sofa and not knowing at first who I was and where I was.
I checked my watch when I realized that I was still in my office … Eight o’clock in the evening!

“Damn!” I spat out and stood up.
At least those headaches were gone –I changed into my street jacket and made my way out of the hospital.
As I did take a taxi in the morning to the PPTH, I hailed a cab to go back home.
On the way I got a text message from Foreman, where he asked me if I had forgotten the “date” with him, Jeanny (Chase’s cousin from Downunder) and Gregory.

I paid the driver when we arrived in front of our apartment and wrote a text message to Foreman that I will be there within a short time.
Within a bit of a hurry I changed my clothes from “job clothes” into “casual” – that means I did wear a black shirt (without tie), dark blue jeans and a black coat.

I grabbed the cell I bought for Gregory some days ago and let it slip into my jacket.
A pain behind my eyes made me hesitate and a sigh slipped out of my mouth.
“Not again” I murmured and searched for a pill when I remembered that nothing was in the apartment.

The Vicodin bottle on the piano grabbed my attention and I popped out one pill.
“Better then having a rotten evening” I whispered silently and dry swallowed it.
A few minutes later I sat in another taxi and was on my way to Foreman’s apartment or should I better say – where he spends most of the time, namely at Chase’s place.

What comes now can only be explained as a part of insanity or loosing my mind completely. Not that I just had swallowed a Vicodin and had two very strong pain relievers in the afternoon – not that I would just have known that alcohol should never be used with drugs like that … no I just didn’t think right.

One beer at Foreman’s place, a Mojito as a starter in that Mexican restaurant we went for dinner … and I began to see double, heard some voices and felt really somehow strange again.
I really am not right sure what happened all but I am sure that I really did upset Foreman and he must have had his reason though.

What I do know is that I came a bit to myself when I was at home under a cold – very cold – shower, pinned against the wall by Gregory’s cane and found me staring into two very very worried and upset blue eyes.

“You IDIOT!” Gregory yelled at me.
“Do you, by any chance, hear me now? Hello, James? Is that you again or still some little pill demon?!”
“Greg… it .. is … damn cold…” I stammered and shivered under the shower.
“GOOD!” he barked back and I was still pushed against the wall.
“Cold … may I … GREG!” I heard myself speaking with a trembling voice.

Gregory stopped the water and helped me out of the shower then.
“You are really insane sometimes James” he whispered and wrapped me in a big towel.
“What did you take and how many and for heavens sake … WHY?”

I told him all while I had to sit down on the toilet and he rubbed me dry.
After I finished he looked me straight into the eyes and I tried to focus on his pupils.
“You are totally stoned and not yourself” he sighed and supported me on the way to the bedroom.
“You sleep! Now! You need your energy back and tomorrow you should really apologize for what you have said.”
“Mhmmm” I murmured and felt all so dizzy again.

Believe me – I was really shocked when he told me what I’ve said to Foreman.
I already did apologize for my insanity though and I hope that he can forgive me being that idiotic.

I really hope that …

Does your name fit?

Greg and I laughed so hard about it - I just wanted to have you a laugh as well!

J: Freaking Rowdy
A: Gorgeous
M: makes dating fun
E: freakin` beautiful
S: great hugger

E: freakin` beautiful
V: Not judgmental
A: Gorgeous
N: One of the best damn bf/gf anyone could ask for

W: Very broad minded.
I: loves to laugh
L: REALLY easy to fall in love with
S: great hugger
O: Is a freak in bed.
N: One of the best damn bf/gf anyone could ask for

A: Gorgeous
B: loves people
D: Has one of the best personalities ever
E: freakin` beautiful
F: People wild and crazy adore you.
G: Never let people tell you what to do.
H: Easy to fall in love with
I: loves to laugh
J: Freaking Rowdy
L: REALLY easy to fall in love with
K: Really silly.
M: makes dating fun
N: One of the best damn bf/gf anyone could ask for
O: Is a freak in bed.
P: Popular with all types of people.
Q: A hypocrite.
R: great girlfriend/boyfriend
S: great hugger
T:is a great kisser
U: gets blamed for everything
V: Not judgmental
W: Very broad minded.
X: Never let people tell you what to do.
Y: Loved by everybody
Z: Lives life for fun

Monday, March 26, 2007

Stupid test...

I was forced to do it ...don't ask!

You have a sexual IQ of 130

When it comes to sex, you are a super genius. You have had a lot of experience, and sex interests you so you know a lot about it. You pride yourself on being a source of information and guidance to all of your friends.

Take this quiz at

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Playing the melody

mood: relaxed

music: Edvin Marton ~ Oda of Joy

Saturday now. WEEKEND! Oh what a pleasure this is ...
Gregory had to go to the clinic - yes, on a Saturday - some complications with his current case and his beeper went of this morning. Cameron needs his help ... so he did went. I kissed him goodbye and decided to lay down again after he was gone. Ehm... I really didn't want to sleep that long though... at about noon I woke up and felt totally dizzy.

So the first thing I did was percolating some good and strong coffee and jumping under the shower.

Now I am sitting here in the living room, listening to that gorgeous music and thinking about writing down what happened yesterday evening. The beginning of our weekend ...

So - hm ... why not.

The evening just started wonderful. I came home a bit later as I did buy some food for the weekend though and had to stay a bit longer as I had a meeting with Danby and my new trainee, Amy Weaving.
When I opened the door I was greeted by Oda of Joy played on the piano by Gregory. So I stepped in silently and watched him a while playing with his eyes closed.

He seemed to be so lost in the music that he didn't notice me tiptoeing behind him. When he finished the last accords of the play I bent forward and placed a kiss on his neck. Gregory leaned back and looked up straight into my eyes.
"If you wanted to give me an infarct, darling. Be aware that I noticed you the very moment you came into the apartment." me murmured and smiled.
I just smiled at him, caressed his throat and bent down to kiss him tenderly.

His lips felt so soft and tender I just could not resist to open them with the tip of my tongue.
Gregory moaned out silently and my hands just found their way down his throat and they unbuttoned his shirt magically.
I hadn't noticed Greg lifting his arm up until he did put his hand around my neck and forced me to kiss him deeper.

We both moaned out loud now and hand slipped under his shirt where it did find the softness of his skin.
"Why don't you come around my chair now?" Gregory whispered.
I felt my stomach twisting a bit and the only answer I could give was a "Mhmmm".
Slightly embarassed I came around his chair - as it was clearly to be seen what his kiss caused though.
Gregory pulled me down on his lap and started to unbotton my shirt eagerly.

"Oh Greg" I murmured and I opened his shirt now completely, placing kisses upon his naked chest.
He pulled me closer and I looked him straight into his astonishing blue eyes.
Greg brushed over my cheek with his own and bent down to kiss my neck.
I couldn't do anything else then letting my head roll back a bit and offering him my neck and throat.

Greg grunted and bit my throat and a moan slipped out of my mouth.
While unbuttoning my shirt he kissed every exposed inch of my skin and a deep sigh emerged from my lips.
He did let my shirt slip over my shoulders and losened my tie.
I looked him in the eyes and asked "Wanna have me with my tie?"

Gregory grabbed said tie and pulled me closer with it.
"Maybe..." he murmured and kissed me passionately.
I got totally lost in his kiss and forgot the world around me when he touched a very dominant part of my body with his free hand.
"Oh GOD!" I heard myself speaking.
Greg smirked a "Mmmmh?" and opened my pants ...

"What about playing another melody now?" he asked me while his hand slipped deeper.
I was unable to answer and just nodded.

What happened then is just for your imagination now ... did you really think I would tell you what happened?
C'mon guys ... pity for you!

The melody we played was a mixture between classics, rock 'n roll and a tiny bit of reggae.
After the last tunes of the melody vanished in the air, I turned towards him and a smile appeared upon my face.
"You are really good in playing melodies, Greg" I murmured.
Gregory just grinned and reached behind me to grab his Vicodin bottle.
While he popped out one he looked at me and after dry swallowing one pill down he raised an eyebrow.
"You, Jim, are good in pulling the right strings to let me just play that very special kind of melody."

I blushed slightly and straightened up again.
"Pulling your strings is always a pleasure for me, House!"
"House? Huh?" Greg said and straightened up as well.
"Yepp, right, House!" I answered and winked at him.
"You ... TEASE! Wilson!"
"What?" I asked and shrugged "You said that I am good in pulling the strings. So?"

"Hmph" Greg grunted and stood up.
"But I did not mean that you should call me House now!"
"Aw, c'mon Greeeg. That was just a joke" I yelled after him as he was limping into the kitchen.
"Funny joke, Wils!" I heard him muttering aloud.
I jumped up and picked up my clothes and followed him into the kitchen.

Leaning against the door frame with my arms crossed before my chest I smirked at him.
Gregory gave me a side glance while grabbing two glasses out of the cupboard.
"You really find that funny, huh?" he asked me.
I raised an eyebrow and answered with a slightest hint of a smile "Why not?"
"Because HOUSE is so ... so... so very cool and clinic-like, WILSON!"
The slightest hint of a smile became a broad grin now and I approached him.

Letting my index finger run over his still bare naked chest I looked him deep into the eyes.
His eyes closed for about a second and popped open again when I placed a tender kiss upon his nose tip.
"Pulling the strings the baby, doesn't mean I have to be nice all the time, right?" I said with a deeper voice.

"You are a mean, Jim! You really can be mean sometimes! What a pity the others don't know what kind of little devil you can be" he muttered through gritted teeth while he pulled me closer.
"I think there is no need that the other know me like that. Let them just think that I am the handsome and kind James Evan Wilson" I answered with a little devilish smile.

"So, what about playing another melody now? I have something more devilish in my mind for you, Mr. Devil Wilson" Gregory whispered into my ear and his look fixed the kitchen table.

It was me swallowing and I tried to step back a bit - but without success.
Gregory pinned me against the kitchen unit and began to play a devilish melody with his fingers ...

Thursday, March 22, 2007


I am lying in bed and my thoughts are wandering to you. Miles away you are now, miles away and I am feeling home all alone.
There is no one here in the apartment, no one but me and probably some little creatures I don’t even want to think about ... they don’t count.

No visitors count ... no one counts but you.

You are gone and I am here all alone. With a sigh I grab your pillow and can still smell the scent of your perfume. The perfume fills my nostrils and sinks deep in ...deep down into my soul it sinks – the key to my heart is turned and the door opens.

Oh, I miss you so much. So many hours without you, here in the cold and dark bedroom of ours. Everywhere I go, everything I see, reminds me of you.

My eyes wander to the alarm clock standing on your nightstand – it is three in the morning. Normally you would be lying there, sleeping like a baby wrapped up like a silk worm in its cocoon ... but not now, not tonight ...

Tonight I am alone here – and so I close my eyes and dream me to you. First there is only blackness and then suddenly the blackness is lifted up and there you are. Miles away sitting in an empty hotel room, staring into the amber liquid of a single malt. I can see that you are thinking and a sigh slips out of my mouth – suddenly you raise your head as you would have heard me ... but how could that be.

Closer I come and now I am standing in front of you, looking at you and kneeling before you. I have the imagination that I can smell the scent of your perfume – how could this be, this is just my imaginary journey.

My hands want to touch your beautiful face, my lips want to kiss your sweet and soft lips but the only thing I do is to look at you. Your pupils widen as you could see me, my eyes sink into yours and deep deep down I sink.

Drowning in your eyes I am ... your soul tears me deeper downwards until I’ve reached the bottom of your soul. Gently I touch your lips with my finger tips and I hear you whispering my name. Slowly I bent forward to kiss you with all my love -only millimeters away my lips are from yours, I already can feel the warmth of your body...

My lips slightly open and I hear you whispering my name again ... just then our lips meet – and the telephone rings…with a moan I pick up and answer the call, my eyes are still closed and I am still trying to hold you there … but you are gone when I hear you whispering my name – “James”.

Eyes now open I stared at the phone and with a whisper I asked “Greg? Am I dreaming?”
“No, darling, it is me. I was sitting here in my hotel room, staring into a glass of single malt and was thinking of you…I miss you so much my love, I just had to call you.”
“Oh dear” I answered silently and straightened up in bed “I miss you as well!”

“Will you come here? Will you come here?” Gregory asked me and I could just nod.
“Yes, tomorrow I’ll be in Boston as well. Tomorrow I’ll be with you.”
“You’ll be with me in a few hours, Jim” Greg murmured and I checked the watch again.

It was 5 a.m. and I must have slept, must have dreamt it all.
“Yah, in a few hours we will see us again. Let us sleep now, dear, hm?” I replied.
“James … I … I had the feeling that you are here, I just had the feeling that we kissed and for a tiny bit of a second I thought that I did see your brown eyes. Am I going insane?”
A smile of disbelief appeared on my face and I rubbed my neck.
“Well, perhaps we are both going insane because I dreamt exactly that, hun’”
“I did dream that I was in your hotel room and looked at you … and then we kissed”
“Oh, right” I replied and became aware that I was still snuggling with his pillow. A bit embarrassed I put it aside and thought about the happening.
“So, Greg… do you think that was some kind of … ehm …magic or did we just have a weird dream or so?”
“Magic? Huh? Oh common, Jaaames! Magic that is just ridiculous. But well, we should perhaps ask Foreman about that phenomenon.”
“Oh… okay…”

“I am tired. I’ll go sleeping now…” Greg murmured with a very sleepy voice.
“Do so, honey” I answered and listened to his breath then.
A few moments later without an answer, I asked “Greg? Darling?”
The only answer I got was typical sleeping sound …

Still smiling I did hang up and looked at the ceiling.
Was that now some magic? … Well, we don’t know what it was – but I know that I decided to stay up and a few hours later I took the flight to Boston.

Monday, March 19, 2007


Careful readers might remember that Gregory and I decided to spend the weekend far away from the PPTH, far away from anyone who might probably have seen that video tape, far away from being disturbed ... and so we packed our things and drove to Point Pleasant on this Saturday morning.

„I’ll be driving!“ Gregory said while we were just putting our coats on.
„Fine“ I answered and grinned „Here are the keys“ I said and pointed at them.
„Keys for your car, right! Driving means driving you know. It would not be driving if we would take your escargot.“
„My what?“ I said and looked at him. ... ... „Escargot ... „ I thought – there was something ...

Gregory smirked „Yes, es-car-go-t“
„Oh common, Greg or should I say Axel Foley?“ I answered and rolled my eyes.
„Do I look like Axel?“ Greg replied with a grin.
„No, but sometimes you behave like Serge.“
„You ... you ...“
Just grinning broadly I packed my bag and made my way out, not without waving with my hand „C’mon Serge ...“
„You’ll get your Serge and the lemon as well“ he muttered behind me and I could not resist to look back and grin my ass off.
„Aaw, don’t be pissy, Greg. Sure you do not behave like that Serge. Let’s go now and if you want to, we take your midlife crisis car.”

Gregory snorted, grabbed his bag and closed the door behind him.
“Midlife crisis car is better than that booooring Volvo.”
“Hey, a Volvo is a good car!”
“Sure…” he said and we approached his car.
We threw our bags in and took seat.
“You” Gregory said “you will just not complain about my driving now.”
I decided to say nothing at all – there are even better ways to complain …

The drive to PP was pure fun – and not only because I did ask him every now and then if we are about to arrive … no, it was really funny.

Can you believe what idiots are driving on open streets? Can you imagine? No?
Let me tell you about some happenings on our way to PP though.

Greg did take the road out of town and we had to wait for „green“ when Greg nudged my left knee.
„Kks, kks, look at that Indian in the other car. He is definetely looking at you.“
I was just eating some bagel for breakfast and turned my head towards the direction Greg showed me.
And really, there was a man sitting in the car (Indian for sure) and grinning at me.
This grin became a broad smile and he gave me a "thumb up".

I just nodded, smiled a bit and turned my head to Greg.
"Heck, did he flee from the 6th floor, or what?"
Greg giggled and shrugged. "Perhaps he did find it sexy how you ate the bagel, Jim."
"Bollocks!" I muttered and was still flattered.
Gregory to the contrary began to laugh and after a while I just had to laugh as well.

This was the start of our drive to PP though.

Some miles out of town and at least five questions of "Are we there yet?" later (asked by me) - we were passed by a greenish pick up (you know that Army green).

Our eyes popped open when we just looked out of the window simultaneously while the car passed... behind the steering-wheel sat a typical "redneck" with - believe it or not - a tissue on the head. You know - a bigger handerchief with four knots ... and not if that had been enough ... at his side sat a young, ehm, woman with hydrogen peroxide blonde hair that was teased so much, it looked like she just got an electric shock.

"Did ya ... did ya see that!" Greg asked me and pointed at the passed car - now in front of us.
And now we saw a big Rottweiler on the loading area of the pick up ... and he stared at us! Yes, he stared at us.
I nodded, "Yes, but I don't know if we are just having a mutual hallucination or so, 'cause this really must have jumped out of a freaking nightmare or a very very very bad B movie."
"That dog did stare at us. Do you know 'Cujo'?" Gregory asked me with a blank expression.
Still nodding, I pointed at the sticker. "G'sus! That really must be a nightmare, Greg!"


Gregory nodded, looked at me, looked back at the car, which did take another direction now and then he looked back at me...
I looked at Greg, looked on the empty street now, looked back at Greg again ...
and we both errupted in such a laughter that Greg had to take the next way off the road and stopped - where we just laughed our asses off.

"Oh my freaking GOD! That really is ... unbelievable!" Gregory snickered after a few minutes and I was just giggling madly, trying to catch breath again.
"Yeaaas" I said and copied a South accent "prrroud ta be an Americaaan, ya know paaal!"

Good - that cause us another fit of laughter that lasted a few minutes ...
About three minutes later and with hurting abdominal muscles we got on the road to PP again.

Without another 'incident' we arrived in Point Pleasant in the early afternoon ... WEEKEND here we were!

A more than pleasant drive though and full of laughter and fun ...

Friday, March 16, 2007

Poetry: Mother Nature

I close my eyes and draw a circle in my mind,
fire is rising up high – making all the negative creatures blind.

Slowly I feel my feet sinking into the ground,
my ears they hear a gurgling sound.

The sound I hear is nothing to wonder about,
it is a sound you sometimes hear also aloud.

The rain that normally clutches on Earth,
has now sunk into Mother Earth.

Mother Earth or Mother Nature as you might call,
she is waiting in the entrance hall.

The entrance hall of the world I go now,
I greet her and make a deep and silent bow.

Her beauty is so strikingly true,
with a body of green, grey, brown and blue.

She awaits me there with a stretched out hand,
„Come my angel, follow me into the Otherland“.

I smile at her and my wings they fold,
„You better grab my hand and get a hold.“

So I obey and hold her hand,
and off we go into the Otherland.

Many things she is telling me,
many things that I will learn to see.

And when I open my eyes again,
standing there in my room – just a normal man.

I still hear her words in my mind:
„Open your eyes and don’t be blind!
You are the Earth. The Earth is me.
You are my Child – start to see.“

Mother Nature now is gone,
and again I am here ... apparently alone.

But deep in my soul I feel the ground,
deep in my soul I hear the gurgling sound.
I know, I know ... this is a bit spiritual though. But I did listen to some special music and those words just had to be written down though.
Hope you like it nonetheless.

Hold my hand

mood: in love

music: The lights will stay on - The Walkabouts

I woke up in the middle of the night, after some kind of nightmare. Still panting I lay there and stared at the ceiling. Only a grey something up there and I felt a bit alone in the afterglow of my dream.

Tears did wet my cheeks and a deep sigh slipped out of my mouth. Suddenly I heard a moaning and felt a warm hand upon my bare-naked chest. Another sigh emerged and I turned my head slightly.

Gregory was still there, he was still lying there and in the second I looked at him he opened his eyes a bit.
„Did ya have nightmare?“ he mumbled.
I just nodded a bit and turned to the side to watch him. Sleepy head he is and looking so cute in his grumpiness.
Greg moaned again and closed his eyes. „Severe?“

„Mhm“ I managed to moan as well and tried to forget the dream.
„‘Bout what?“ he asked and opened his eyes again.
„You were gone, we had a brawl and you went. We had a severe dispute though and you then threw me out...“
Greg now straightened up a bit and looked at me with open eyes.
„You did ignore me. I was sitting on a bench and waiting for a bus or something like that“ I shrugged and continued „and you just drove by on your motorbike and did ignore me. God! That was so horrible!“
„Oh James, darling, honeybunny... come here...“ he whispered and lifted up the cover a bit.

I crawled to his side and he took me in his arms.
„You know that this will never happen, right?“
I breathed in and out and gnawed on my lower lip.
„You know that...?“ he repeated with a bit deeper voice and caressed my chest.
„I ... I...“
„James Evan Wilson...“ he said and turned me on the back.
I looked at him when he bent over me and studied my face.
„Oh, you ... you cried?“ he asked and gently touched my cheeks.
„I must have cried in my dream“ I murmured and looked away.

He turned my head again and tenderly kissed my cheeks.
„There is no need to cry, Jimmy. Really! I would never ever do such thing.“ With these words he looked me deep into the eyes and my heart started to beat like a drum.
„I ... I know that. But it was such a dark feeling inside. I thought my heart would break into pieces and I felt so alone.“
Greg took me in his arms and held me closely.
„You know, Greg, it really felt horrible and I just woke up with that feeling. So cold, grey, lost and alone.“

„Mhm“ Gregory murmured and snuggled closer. „But you know“ he whispered into my ear „you know what? I am always there for you. Even if we should some time have a fight, believe me you will always be the greatest part in my heart.“
I took his hand and caressed it with my thumb.
„You know what?“ I whispered back „I believe you“.

He placed a kiss on my neck and move so close that no paper sheet could have been placed between us.
„Greg?“ I mumbled sleepily.
„Hmmm?“ he murmured back.
„Will you just hold my hand in the night?“ I asked and already felt myself drifting apart.
„I will hold your hand...,“ he whispered back ...

I am not sure but I think that he also said something like „and I will hold it until our deaths and beyond.“

When I woke up again some hours later, Gregory had prepared some breakfast for me and has written a note that he had to be in the clinic early but that he is there for me, if I need him.

A smile appeared on my face when I read his note – he has written it on a white paper sheet and painted a hand on it as well.

Despite that nightmare my day started pretty wonderful though.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Broken pieces

mood: remembering

music: Tindersticks

Gregory and I had some talks and also about the past ...and well, this is a story from the past. He said it might be nice to tell you this.

So here we go:

The door closed and my world got a little crack...

It was a cold rainy night somewhat in fall 2000. Such a night no one really wants to be outside, a night you would not send your doggy outside, a night everyone wants to be in his warm and cozy little apartment or house.

A night in which I stood outside with a backpack in my hand and a suitcase down to my feet.
Fine“, I thought, „really fine!“
I grabbed the suitcase, put the backpack on my back and made my way to my Volvo.

„Where to go now?“ I muttered to myself when I opened the car.
Karen my second wife has just thrown me out of our flat and there I was in my car, it was raining and it was about 11 pm.
I turned on the engine and parked out, „I could go to Greg...“ I thought and turned left at the crossroads.

What happened ... What happened?

Well, Karen wasn’t happy all the time that I did spend so much time with Gregory and with my work. She couldn’t understand that I had to work sometimes until late night and that Gregory was my best friend though.

Gregory and Karen – two persons absolutely not compatible though. He didn’t like her though.
Greg always said something about „Needle eyes, thin mouth and far too skinny to be a warm and tender person.“

I liked Karen – of course I did – I wouldn’t have married her if not. Yes I liked her pretty much. We just got married one year ago, a few months after the divorce from Susan (my first wife).

A sigh slipped out of my mouth when thinking about that, a movement on the street captured my attention again – just a paper bag – and the rain was still coming down like a waterfall.

Karen ... yes, she did throw me out when she found out that I knew about her little „singing lessons“ and that I searched some distraction in the arms of a very nice young nurse. I told her that I did betray her though – but she couldn’t cope with it. I mean ... it was not me betraying at first!

I was just so ...well, yes – hurt! I was hurt at that moment and the nurse just wanted to ...hmmm... talk ... and well it ended up in bed though. Yes, I feel ashamed! I know that I did wrong and I am feeling very sorry about it.

My mind turned back to the here and yet when I noticed that I just arrived in front of Gregory’s apartment.
A deep sigh emerged from my lips and my thumbs were drumming on the steering wheel.

Should I really go in there? Should I really go to Greg?

The lights were still on and so I just shrugged, jumped out of the car and got totally soaked on the way to the front door.
My world got another little crack when the door was opened by ... Stacy.

I do like Stacy and I did like her at that time as well, but seeing her at that very moment wasn’t the thing I wanted to see, you know.

„Oh, hello James!“ she said with a smile.
„Who is it Stacy?“ Greg’s voice came from inside.
„It is James, darling!“ Stacy yelled back.

I stepped from one foot to another and shivered slightly.
„St...sta...stacy. It is cold and I am soaked to the bone.“ I managed to stammer.
She looked at me, „God, James I am so sorry, come in!“
Greg looked around the corner and frowned „Wilson ... You are wet!“

I got out of my jacket and looked at him.
„House" I said and nodded "You were always such a fast one“ I continued and looked down on my soaked trousers.
Greg approached me „What are you doing here anyway?“
„Greg, just let James come in. You could offer him some pants or so, he is soaked!“ Stacy interfered and looked at me.
„Really, James you look awful!“
„Thank you!“ I muttered and still kept Greg’s look.

"So? Need a dry trouser?" Gregory asked me and turned towards the bedroom.
"Ehm... yes, that'd be great" I answered and followed him.
"Close the door behind you" he said and threw a jogging trouser on the bed and a towel in my face.
"Hmph" was the only thing I was able to answer but did close the door behind.

"So, Jim! She did throw you out, right?"
Steal blue eyes met mine and I kept his glance for some seconds before I started to rub my hair with the towel.
"Okay, what have you done? Thought it might be a good idea to cheat a bit?" Greg asked and still tried to look into my eyes.
I hesitated for a splint of a second and then started to rub my hair again.
"Gosh! Wilson! Why the heck did you do that? And stop drying your hair, the towel was meant for your body and not for your hair."
My hands stopped rubbing and I looked at him.

"Why? Well, after I did find out that her singing lessons with that French teacher were not only singing lessons, I went to a bar and got pretty much drunk!"
I removed my jumper and my jeans and looked at Greg, who had flung himself on the bed and was looking at me like I'd be an interesting case.
"Rub yourself dry!" he said and I really blushed a bit.
"You ... you want to watch me while doing that?" I asked.
"C'mon Jim, it is not so that you are doing something very, hm, sexual, right?"
"Right" I murmured and just rubbed myself dry then.

"Okay, so she had an affair and you got drunk - and where is your cheating now? Hm?"
A sigh slipped out of my mouth and I grabbed the trouser laying on the bed.
"I met Sandra in that bar and ..."
"Sandra? Who is Sandra?" Greg interrupted me and straightened up a bit.
I slipped into the trouser "Sandra is a nurse, who works in the emergency room and well, we started to talk then."
"Talk? If it would just have been a talk though you wouldn't be standing here in my bedroom, James! Do I have to ask you every single bit or will you tell me the complete story now?"

I rubbed my neck and looked at Gregory.
"Will you give me a jumper or do I have to stay that way?"
Gregory smiled "You could stay like that" he said with a devilish grin.
I grinned back "Sure and soon you will be kicked out by Stacy cause she thinks we are gay."
Greg winked at me "Would that be that bad?"
"Menace" I said and shook my head while laughing.

He stood up, went to the cupboard and gave me a jumper.
"Here and now you will tell me the story. Wanna have a beer or do you prefer a malt?"
"Both?" I said and put on the jumper.
I thought I did hear Greg sighing but when I looked at him, he was just opening the door.
"Do you want to tell Stacy as well, or should I send her to her place?" he asked and looked back at me.
"I ... I ... "
"Okay, wait here or dry your hair in the meantime."

I just nodded and felt a bit unsecure. Was it right to hope he would send her away?
Still thinking I rubbed my hair dry and just looked up when the door opened again after a few minutes.
"You can come out now. She is gone."
My jaw dropped down "You ... you really did send her away?" I asked.
He shrugged "Sure, why not?"
"Ehm... " I said still stunned and unable to say something else.

Greg turned and went into the living room. He did switch on the HiFi and some music filled the air.
I leaned against the door frame and listened for a while.
"What is this?" I asked him.
He looked up from pouring malt into two glasses.
"The malt or the music? The malt is Aberlour and the music are the Tindersticks."
(yes the CD I am listening now!)
"Sounds great" I murmured when he gave me the glass.
"Sla├Čnte!" Greg said and I raised my glass as well.

Let me say that it didn't stay with just one glass. We had several glasses and several beer as well while I told him the whole story.
After I had finished my story Greg looked deep into my eyes.
"So Jimmy, how do you feel now?"
"Like my world just got a bigger crack though" I mumbled.
"Hmmm... So what now? Divorce?" he said and poured another drink.
"I dunno, Greg, I dunno."

Gregory sipped at his malt and then murmured "Perhaps I should think about that marriage thing again though."
I nearly spat out the malt and starred at him.
"The what?"
"The marriage thing" he answered and his eyes met mine.
I felt my stomach turn when I asked him "What marriage thing?"

Gregory leaned back in his chair, played with his glass and watched me.
"Well, we just got engaged today."
" Engaged?!!" I stammered and I must have looked a bit shocked though.
"Shocked?" Greg wanted to know.

Shocked ... was I shocked? To be honest now ... my world got another crack and shattered into broken pieces.
"Shocked?" I answered after a while. "No ...yes ... no ... I mean" I took a deep breath "I ... geez, TODAY?"
Gregory still looked at me and nodded.
"Today and you send her away? I should go now..." I said and wanted to stand up.

Not only that my world was shattered into pieces - no it did just turn upside down now and the last thing I knew was Gregory leaning over me.
"I think you wont go anywhere now, Jimmy" he murmured and his blue eyes sparkled like a mountain lake in the sunlight.

Poetry: Two roads

Wandering through the woods I am,
striding lonely, like a lonesome man.

Trees and clearings I do pass without a glance,
their beauty can’t reach me, they have no chance.

Suddenly my feet they stop in their move,
there is an old barn with a shattered roof.

A shelter to sleep for the night,
a place of comfort, a place to hide.

Through the broken planks shines a warming light,
giving the surrounding an orange color in the pitch-black night.

Lonely I sleep in the hay,
my dreams they bring me back to where my people lay.

Once upon a time I had the choice of two roads to walk,
one would have led to death and the other ... to walk and walk.

I took the right one – the walking way,
and this is where I am now ... but sometimes my mind is just going astray.

What would have been, if I had chosen the other one?
Would there be a moon, a shining sun?

Would I have met the one I loved and miss so much...
Would I have been able to feel his tender touch?

An answer that is still in my head,
and I turn and turn each night in my lonesome bed.

Two roads, I can go again...
Will you be there – or will I still be the lonesome man?

The end of the way – the answer will bring,
so I’ll pack my things, stride and sing.

Wandering through the woods I am,
striding lonely, like a lonesome man.
The first poem written since a while though. I hope you like it!

Introduction ...

mood: in a writer's mood

music: nothing at all

The Introduction ... what is an introduction?

According to a dictionary introduction has the following meaning:

1. The first section of a communication.
2. The act of beginning something new
3. Formally making a person known to another or to the public.
4. A basic or elementary instructional text.
5. A new proposal;
6. The act of putting one thing into another.

So ... what kind of introduction will you get now? I think I will take point three – making a person known to another or to the public.

Who I like to introduce? Well, I think I could just talk about myself a bit, right? Some of you might ask yourself - Why the heck is he making an introduction now? And I will reply: Because I am just in the mood to!

James Evan Wilson is my name – some know me as Dr. Wilson as well. I am head of the oncology department at the Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital in New Jersey.
Born on the 28th February 1969 somewhere in New Jersey. My Mom always says that I was a cute baby and I had shiny blue eyes and light blond hair.

Well, the blond turned into brown and my eyes turned into brown as well. Isn’t that fascinating that most of the babies are born with blue eyes. Not only humans though ... in the animal sector it is the very same.

My childhood was wonderful – I had absolute perfect parents and they really loved each other. However this wonderful childhood turned a bit into a horror scenario for me when my father died due to cancer.
My uncle ... well, he was not a very nice man then. Some of you might perhaps already know that he abused me. Not in a sexual way, for heavens sake, but well – he did hit me and it just stopped when my Mom found me on the floor on fine day.

Vernon decided to finish his life after this story came to daylight though. It was ... not a good time for me. I spent most of my free time in my father’s fishing hut in Canada. I love being out in the nature though.

Youth passed by and my decision becoming a doctor still stayed and well the urge to specialize in oncology was there as well. Not only because my father died due to cancer, no another uncle died of cancer as well. However, I don’t want to shock you though.

I am a pretty normal person, although Gregory would tell you something else perhaps. He often thinks that I am too caring; that I tend to see all the good in the persons and that I just am too nice most of the time.

Three marriages and well, some cheatings may really tell you the truth though. I did hide in them – I didn’t want to see what really was inside – what I really was longing for all the years.

So this is me now, a 38-year-old man, and married to a man – absolutely happy now, I like some special kind of music, love poetry (yes, I am a nerd sometimes) and some persons call me even romantic.

I can be mean as well sometimes though – I like playing pranks from time to time and I’d say that the only person knowing me to the bone without needing a word – is the person I am now married to.

So this is my introduction – this is me ... this is just a glimpse who I really am.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Oh Captain! My Captain!

mood: still dizzy

O CAPTAIN! my Captain! our fearful trip is done;
The ship has weather'd every rack, the prize we sought is won;
The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,
While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring:
But O heart! heart! heart!
O the bleeding drops of red,
Where on the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.

O Captain! my Captain! rise up and hear the bells;
Rise up-for you the flag is flung-for you the bugle trills;
For you bouquets and ribbon'd wreaths-for you the shores a-crowding;
For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning;
Here Captain! dear father!
This arm beneath your head;
It is some dream that on the deck,
You've fallen cold and dead.

My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still;
My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will;
The ship is anchor'd safe and sound, its voyage closed and done;
From fearful trip, the victor ship, comes in with object won;
Exult, O shores, and ring, O bells!
But I, with mournful tread,
Walk the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.

Walt Whitman

Got a poem book of Whitman as a present from Gregory. Just wanted to share this piece of art with you.

James - Home Alone

mood: grumpy and having a migraine

music: nothing

I am at home. Cuddy sent me home after a few hours work though.

Feeling more than shitty and that pill just knocked me out for hours! Normally I would have had no problem at all being at home... but home feels alone.

Alone because Gregory is gone again!

Yes I am grumpy! He had to go to Boston last week as well - until now he didn't tell me why!

Just some ominous sentences about a consultation and the duty to treat medical records confidentially.
This is a bit supicious ... as well as a doctor from Boston was on that spring party as well. Greg and he talked for quite a while though (before the disaster happened).

Last week was horror-like as I told you. Not only because of the hitting on Greg and me - no he had to go to Boston as well and just came back Sunday evening. Surprise he had to fly to Boston again yesterday!!!

C'mon ... do you know now why I am suspicious, curious and grumpy?!

I spent my day and half of the night in the clinic above some files and had a late night talk with Foreman who just came in at about half past eleven.

"Foreman" I greeted him when the door opened after a knock and he peeked in.
"Wilson, still here as well?" he asked and entered when I gestured at him.

"How are you, Foreman?" I asked.
"I am fine and as you can see I am still not having a few days off" he replied and flung himself into the visitor chair.

"Mhm... I can see that" I replied while flipping through the last file and closing it then.
"Do you know why Gr... House is in Boston, again?"
Foreman looked at me and shrugged "Nope, sorry, I don't know that. And if I had known it before I would have asked him for a few days off, before he left."

A sigh slipped out of my mouth and Foreman continued.
"I really could do with some vacation, you know?! My last vacation was around X-Mas!"
"X-Mas?" I asked and looked at him.
"Yes, 24th of December and the following days..." he looked at me like I would be a patient from the 6th.
"I know when Christmas is, Foreman. Being Jewish doesnt mean I dont know that!"
"Woohoo, is there someone grumpy?" he asked and leaned back in the chair with the typical "This could be interesting" expression upon his face.

"Am I grumpy?" I asked him - what was replied with a nod.
"Well, I am just tensed and having a headache." I said to Foreman, who was still nodding and just looking at me.
Another sigh slipped out of my mouth and I arose.
"He is not answering my messages, you know."
I started pacing the room "He ... I ... I am a bit concerned. We ... we ... we..."
"You ...?" Foreman continued when I stopped - unsure about I should and could really talk about that with him.

"I ... he just fell asleep when you left the night before, you know."
Foreman raised an eyebrow "And that is ... not usual?"
"Hmmm...well, we ... ehm... we" I stopped walking and rested my arms upon the desk and looked down on the floor.
"You what?" Foreman asked again.
"Since Cuddy's party" I felt myself blushing slightly "since then ... we... we ..."
"I am listening, go on ..." Foreman answered and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

I started walking to and fro again, combing with the fingers through my hair and then stopping to look at him.
"We had no sex since then..."
" ... since two weeks though?" he asked and frowned.
I just nodded.
"I know that this is not that grave in a partnership and I know that it is just normal ... but well ... I am just ... unsure."

"Hmmmm..." Foreman leaned forward and looked at me carefully.
"Does it have any impact on your marriage? Has anything changed?"
I rubbed my neck and thought it over ... has anything changed ...
"I have the feeling that he is avoiding me. Avoiding being alone with me. He comes home late, he suddenly has to fly to Boston - TWICE now! He doesn't answer my messages, he refuses to tell me about the reason he has to fly there ..." another sigh ... "and he thinks I slept with the nearly all nurses! What is just not true!"

I let myself fall down on the sofa and stared at the ceiling.
"Do you think that he is betraying you?" Foreman asked silently.
My eyes found Foreman's - "NO!"
"Do you think you are no longer attractive for him?"
I stared at my fingers and became aware I was playing with my wedding ring - I immediately stopped that.
"Perhaps" I whispered and looked back at Foreman.

Foreman rolled his eyes "Aw, c'mon! You are married since ...what ... three months now or a bit longer! And it was yesterday when he told that he will hit everyone with his cane who dares touching you in a sexual way."

Another deep sigh ...

"I am just having thoughts. It is allowed to be worried though, or? After three rotten marriages I think I am allowed to have worries..."
"Wilson, he is not betraying you and he still is in love with you. Perhaps he is just a bit embarassed you know?!"

"Embarassed? Foreman, it was me as well on that ... that ... that tape!"
My head dropped back and the ceiling really looked gorgeous. Foreman thought it would be wiser to say nothing at all and so we remained silent for about two minutes.

"I was kissed" I murmured silently.
"You were - what?!" Foreman answered and I looked at him again.
"Kissed" I murmured again and gnawed on my lower lip.

"When ... last week. Who ... the black haired doctor from the gynecology department. How ... in the elevator. She just asked me something, I replied and suddenly I found myself being kissed on the mouth."
Foreman grinned and shook his head "This is ..."
"This was disgusting, Foreman!" I muttered.

"So it was a kiss ... not more."
"Well, there was on more kiss though." I murmured and gave him a side glance.
"You kissed her back?!!!" A shocked expression came on Foreman's face.
"Of course NOT! I was kissed by a cancer patient though. She murmured something about youtube ... and then I was pushed against the wall - too perplex to react and ... well ..."
Foreman shook his head in absolute disbelief "That is ... gawd, are they all insane in here?!"
"That! Is exactly what I was asking myself as well, Foreman."

"I mean, Gregory and I are married - I do love him. He is not always a nice person I know that. He is not easy - I know that. But - heck - I really do love him deeply! He is making me complete though. Is that that hard to understand? Why can't they just accept that?"

Foreman looked at me with a slightly opened mouth, he then stood up and approached me.
What? I thought ...
He then patted my shoulder "Wilson, you really are deeply in love. You are jealous and you miss him like hell. Have you ever told him what you just told me?"
"The kissing thing?" I asked and frowned. "Geez, no, he would go mad!"
"No, he would not! And no, I meant everything."
"I ... I ... I - no" I said and dropped my head.

A soft nudge against my shoulder made me look up again.
"Then you probably should do that as soon as he is back again from Boston."
I shrugged "Probably..."
Foreman looked at me a bit ... questioningly.
"Yah, perhaps I will do that."
"Hmmm, perhaps I should write him a mail" he mumbled.

"What?" I asked back. "Did you just say you will write him an e-mail?"
"I... No I wont do that" Foreman said and smiled.
Another sigh ... "Do so if you feel better then. I should go home now. It is midnight."
"Right you are, Chase is probably waiting as well." Foreman said and helped me up.

"Good night then, Foreman and ... thanks for listening."
He smiled and nodded "Anytime, Wilson."
I just nodded back and looked at him leaving my office.

I packed my things after that and made my way home ...
At home no one was waiting for me ... no music filled the air, no coffee odor, no Greg ...
My headache was getting worse and worse - and so I took an aspirin and went to bed - where I woke up this morning with a severe migraine attack.

I managed to get dressed and to hail a taxi to the PPTH - two hours later and a damn hard migraine pain reliever - I was sent back home, where I slept nearly the whole day.

I will now get dressed and have a walk - fresh air can only be good for me. I am still feeling totally dizzy and standing next to me.
Gregory is still not around - but answered to my short message. He will probably be back this night.

Probably ...

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Sins and the repay ...

mood: still embarassed
music: Dark Angel by Edvin Marton

I've started this entry some days ago and well ... I saved it as draft all the time though. Not sure if I really should post this slightly embarassing episode of my clinic life here where everyone can read it. Well, I am following the "you have to make up for it" advice given by a close person (not Gregory for sure!). So this is my view of Cuddy's spring party:

Cuddy's spring party ... well it really sounded like fun first. Good weather, good music, good food and some little distraction. Really sounded like a pleasant event.

Pleasant it might have been for other persons than us.

It actually began nice ... after the usual "welcome round", greeting Cuddy and thanking her for the invitation, we proceeded with drinks, a Cohiba and me watching Greg torturing Danby. It was really fun watching Danby squirming and giving me some side glances - Greg wasn't mean though but I finally decided that enough was enough and nudged Greg's side. A friendly hissed "Greg!" made him stop it and grinning at me. So typically him ... So far it was the beginning of a perfect spring evening.

Some of Cuddy’s single friends (those with more cleavage than brain - Greg said) wanted to dance with me and well, I did dance with some of them though. Of course they stopped "lining up" when Gregory made it clear that I am not a single doctor and not - well - interested in them.

He can be so directly sometimes. A demanding kiss really can tell everything though. After that said kiss I had enough time enjoying the evening without having to avoid looking at enormous cleavages. I spent most of the time talking to colleagues and to Greg as well by and then. He did enjoy that part of the evening though - we both did ...

Chase and Foreman I did see in the winter garden (close to the buffet) talking to Dr. Reid and Dr. Dorian.
Cameron did enjoy the evening with another woman - and what I heard when passing by they just talked about men ... so I did not stop then. Some pleasant time later, Cuddy asked us all to join in the large tent - the time for speeches! She thanked all guests for coming ...

"Heck, Jim, did you see that she looked at Vogler? What the mighty god is he doing here?" Gregory hissed and narrowed his eyes.
I just shrugged and answered "He has money".
"Hrm, good point" Greg murmured. "Geez, I really didn't notice him before. What is very interesting as he is not to be overseen."
"He probably was in another tent?!" I replied.
"Yeah, alone I bet" Gregory answered and we both grinned.

Her speech lasted for a while and we both stood in the back of the tent (our luck as you will see soon!). Foreman and Chase stood near us and were looking at each other (they really are a cute couple though) - obviously they wanted to be somewhere else - but hey, who not! Cuddy then started to talk about criminal happenings in the PPTH - of course NOT about what Allenby did (that was kept all silent though). She talked about patients hitting doctors and even doctors terrorizing fellow docs.

Greg grinned at me "Who the hell would terrorize his own colleagues?" he said with an utmost innocent smile.
"Let me think about that ... " I said with a raised eyebrow.
Gregory nudged my shoulder and then pulled me a bit closer and whispered into my ear.
"What about being terrorized later?"
"Sounds alluring" I whispered back and we both looked completely innocent.
Cuddy did carry on - telling that this is now the past etc. etc.

The new project „Security 3000“.
"Security 3000?" Greg said and snickered. Well the grins upon our faces vanished when it was told that cameras had been installed (without knowing) weeks ago ... CAMERAS in the whole building!

"Cameras?" I whispered and looked at Greg.
His eyes were wide open and he was staring on the screen.
Entry hall, pharmacy, cellar, parking lot, floors and then ... there it was ... the sign of the Diagnostic Department.

My eyes popped open when I noticed Gregory's office ... Grey laying on the sofa with his shirt half open and moaning „Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze!“.

We both stood there, our mouths slightly opened and staring in disbelieve on the LCD screen.
Now I came into sight, murmuring "Come here, babes" ...
Gawd it was sooo embarassing what came next.
I ... I ... well it was shown how I kissed Gregory, licking over his lips with the tip of my tongue.
"I want you, darling!" I whispered silently. "I want you - here and now!"

Oh my GOD - the audience stared on the screen and the next thing I noticed was - me on the ground, Gregory by my side.
"Oh my fucking god" we both whispered simultaneously.

We were so happy that no one was looking in our direction and that no one stood there - no one saw us crawling to Foreman and Chase - hiding behind some chairs.
Cuddy must have managed to switch of that damn screen - we noticed the people started to discuss and that was our chance.

"Kss, kss.." Greg hissed.
Neither Foreman nor Chase showed any reaction.
„Foreman!“ Gregory whispered.
Foreman turned his head and looked down.
"Please tell us that you are still sober and your car is waiting in front of the house!" Greg asked.

Chase and Foreman both frowned and I had the feeling they were grinning their asses off inside.
„I am still sober and my car is outside“, Foreman answered.
„Would it be possible that ...“ Greg asked and we both must have looked like wounded animals.

Foreman raised and eyebrow „That we get ya outta here and save ya ass?" he asked with a slang.
„Yeah!“ I answered.
He sighed and made a little movement with his head towards the entrance of the tent.
"Outta here then. My car is standing in front of the house. We are there in a few minutes."

Greg and I managed to flee without notice. The two figures hiding behind the tents and bushes... well - no burglars though ... just us.


So embarassing - and the week was like HELL!

More about that later ... perhaps.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

The music of the night

mood: too busy


This entry is a look back in time though.

Wednesday, 28th February 2007

For those not knowing it - it was my birthday. 38 years ago I was born ... a little baby boy - wrinkles and well a baby.

So at that Wednesday last week I arose with the smell of freshly brewed coffee in my nose, some humming tunes coming from the kitchen and the odor of fresh rolls etc.

A smile appeared on my face and I strechted and yawned.
"You did that on purpose, now, right?" Greg moaned from the door.
I straightened up and grinned at him.
"I didnt even know that you were standing there, Greg" I said and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes.

"Hmmmmm..." he said and approached me.
"Happy birthday to you, sleepy head" he whispered and did one thing that really no one ever expects from him (as long as you dont know him really good) - he took me in his arms and placed a soft kiss upon my nosetip.

I fondled his hair and whispered a "Thank you" back.
A bit of a hugging time later, Greg stood up again and smiled at me.

"Under the shower and then having breakfast, darling."

Still unfamiliar he calls me all those little nice names though ... it feels good but really is unfamiliar.

Before that it was always Wilson or James, Jim or even Jimmy!
Sure he still calls me that (except the Wilson part - that is really not that often) but I know have names like: cuddly wuddly, darling, hun', buttercup and ... ehm ... bunnybum (this is embarassing somehow, isnt it?).

But in fact I dont want to talk about pet names now, I wanted to give you a report of my day - or better said my little birthday present.

The day was ... well ... work!
After breakfast we went to the PPTH where I was greated with a second breakfast from my colleagues and some flowers and a card from Cuddy though. The rest of the day was pretty normal work.

Cuddy told me that I may leave at 3 pm and that I have a few days off until Monday.
That sounded really really good and I though about hiding in Point Pleasant or even flying to Canada for a few days. Would have been nice as well.

It was 3 pm when Gregory stood in the door frame.
"Ready to leave, Jim?" he asked me with a big smile.
I looked up and nodded "Yes in a minute, Greg. I just have to finish that..."
After I did finish my email I got up, changed my coats and off we were.

"So what are we doing now?" I asked him and whistle a tune afterwards.
"Hmmm... It is your birthday, what do you want to do?"
I frowned a bit and thought it over. Canada was too far ... but Point Pleasant sounded more than alluring.

"Do you have a few days off as well? If so, we could drive to PP for example and just spend the days there. You and me ... some good drinks at hand and a nice and biiig bathtube."
Greg grinned and opened the car we had reached in the meantime.

"That sounds really good for me though. By the way, I am driving now."
I just shrugged - having a chauffeur is birthday-like, isnt it?

I didnt notice where we were driving to until I saw the sign leading to "NEW YORK".
"Ehm Gregory, this is not the way back to our home. Where the heck are we going to?" I asked him and must have looked slightly puzzled.
"Oh, did I forget to mention that I have a birthday surprise for you?" he said beamingly.
"Yeees, you did forget to tell me. So ..." I answered and looked curious "where do we go? Why didnt you tell me and do I have to change my clothes?"

"Sooo many questions at once. First, we go to a nice place. Second I did not tell cause it is a surprise and third, yes we both will change clothes and before you ask again - there are two bags in the back of the car."
"Oh okay" I said and looked out of the window.
"We are defintely driving towards NY. Shopping? Tourist tour? Broadway?" I asked but didnt get an answer though.

Okay I thought - then I will have to wait.
I gnawed on my lower lip and looked out of the car ...
"Are we there yet?" I asked.
"No not yet" he replied.
Some minutes later "Are we there yet?" ... "No" ... "How long will it take" ... "Some time" ... "Are we there yet?" ... A sigh .... "Are we there and what is my surprise" ...

I shrugged, grinned and looked out of the window.
Gregory turned on the music and the sound of a violin filled the car. Edvin Marton I do really like though.

Another half an hour later (yes, I can be patient) ...
"Are we there YET? I have to pee and I am hungry!"
Greg gave me a side glance and the edges of his mouth twisted. I looked at him and we both started to laugh then.

We were still laughing when we passed the New York border and some time later (I hate the traffic in town) we arrived in front of The New York Palace Hotel.

A whistle slipped out.
"Woohooo, Gregory!"
The named just smiled all the time up to our room. Well, it was a suite though - spacious bathtube and a wonderful bed ... ehm - those things I really can remember.

We rested a bit and at 6.30 pm Greg murmured something like "We should get ready soon. We are supposed to be somewhere at 8 pm."
I looked at the watch lazily and nodded "Fine, I'll be in the bathroom then."

He still didnt tell me where we were supposed to be at 8 pm when I asked him after we both got dressed up.
By the way, he looked gorgeous!

He hailed a cap and whispered the destination into the driver's ear.
"Oh c'mon Gregory. Tell me now where we will be going. Pleaaaase" I said and stick out my lower lip a bit and quivered.
"Nah, Jim and stop that - I am better in it."

I stopped and watched the traffic and passing by buildings instead.
"Hmmmm..." I just said and checked the streets.
"What?" Gregory asked.
"Nothing" I answered and just did notice that we were taking the direction towards the broadway.

247 West 44 Street ... Majestic Theater was our stop though.
"The Phantom of the Opera" I whispered and looked at Gregory with a smile and open eyes.
He just nodded and grinned. "Yah, let' enjoy the music of the night though. What do you think?"
"Sure" I stammered and we entered the building.

The musical was fantastic! It was quite a while ago I saw that musical the last time. So I really was more than surprised! It was great. Absolutely stunning!

Howard McGillin as The Phantom was perfect and not to mention Rebecca Pitcher as Christine Daae - she was amazing! Really amazing!

2h 30min and one intermission with champagne later ... I sat there and leaned back in my chair. The bustling sounds around didnt reach my mind and I looked at Greg.
"That was a wonderful surprise, darling." I managed to say after a while and took him in my arms.
"Thank you" I whispered and kissed him.
He really did blush a bit and so did I.
"No need to thank me" he murmured.
"But I want to" I insisted and was still grinning like a fool.

"Hmmm... what about thanking me after dinner?" he asked and stood up.
I followed him "Dinner? Oooh... now as you mention it. I am starving!"

The dinner at Aureole, 34 East 61st Street, was another highlight of the evening. The restaurant is nestled in a sophisticated brownstone on Manhattan’s Upper Eastside. It was very elegant there - fresh cut flowers, soft music and a perfect atmosphere.

We really enjoyed our delicious dinner and the superb wine.
"Do you want to go in a bar for a good night malt?" Gregory asked me when we left the restaurant.
"Hmmm... wasnt there a bottle of Talisker blinking in your bag?" I asked back with a smile.
"Ey, you have a good eye, Jimmy" he said with a wink.
"So, if this is a yes - I'd prefer to spend the rest of the night in our cosy hotel room, Greg."
"This was a yes, right." Greg answered and hailed a taxi, which brought us back to our hotel.

The bottle of Talisker was nearly emptied in the night and we ended up snogging ...

What a birthday I say - and should you every be in New York - go and see the musical there! It is really worth it!