In the night I sit and wonder about the sounds down on the streets. Do they ever sleep?
Sometimes I fear I am living in a world that never goes to bed ... there is always a bustling and no silence at all.
I mean - sure there is a silent moment when you think you could hear a drop falling down to earth ... but ... isn't there always a tiny bit of a sound? Even the falling down drop would make a sound.
So? Is silence an illusion?
Is there a moment of complete silence?
And if such a silent moment exists - when you would not even hear a sound ... no falling, no beating, no nothing but ... ... ... ... ...
Would we go mad? Would we survive such a complete silence? Would that silence make us deaf?
I think ... yes!
We are not supposed to live in complete silence ... even a deaf person hears something - deep inside, feels the rushing of the blood running through the arteries and creating a personal sound. But complete silence ... complete silence would make us loose ourselves as we are souls in need for sound.
The sound of a heartbeat, the sound of the normal all-day around, the sound that shows us: We are! We live and life goes on.
I thought I would go crazy when I had to experience the momentary situation of a complete silence ... a silence followed by an enormous BANG!
I am speaking of what happened to me Saturday. Or should I better say - what happened to my car Saturday.
But at first let me tell you what happened besides that.
After the weekend party at Chase's place in Plainsboro we decided to drive home early as Gregory did not feel that good though. I asked Greg if he wants to sleep in our apartment for that night, but he insisted on driving back to PP. So home meant a little longer drive for me ...
We talked a bit about playing silly pranks to persons we know and had quite a lot of fun. Fun for Greg meant also telling me that I should drive a bit more faster.
After the fifth time or so I gave him a side glance, "This is a Volvo and believe it or not, it is no Shelby GT!"
"Ha! You could not drive a car going that fast!" Gregory said and looked out of the window.
"Pardon? Sure I could do that! But ... I don't want to drive faster, that is all!"
My statement just caused him to mumble something into his stubbles.
We remained silent for the last few miles until I drove into our street.
"Jim, I know you can drive very well. It was not meant like that, okay?" Greg said silently and patted my knee.
I stopped the car in front of the house and nodded.
"It is okay." I answered with a little smile.
Inside the house Greg changed into his red pjs immediately and while he already made himself comfortable, I changed into my light blue pjs as well.
He looked so adorable when I came into the living room and looked at him, that I could not resist approaching him and embracing him tenderly.
Gregory held me close and slowly pulled me down with him on the couch.
His hands slipped underneath my shirt searchingly and his tongue tip pleaded for entrance while brushing softly over my lips.
I could not resist and soon we kissed each other eagerly and our shirts were laying on the ground.
I felt Greg's demanding hand on my back and heard his alluring moan when I became aware what we were about to do.
My eyes popped open and I looked down on him. He did lay there with his lips slightly parted and his pupils already widened.
"Geez!" I thought and pulled back immediately with my hand still on his chest.
"Greg, we can't do that." I said and tried to control my breathing.
"Pardon?!" Gregory answered with a hoarse voice.
"We can't do that. Your wounds, dear." I replied and stood up.
"I don't give a shit to my wounds", he mumbled and looked more than sexy. My stomach twitched and my lower part responded even more on that sight.
"But I do! I care a lot, you know?" I managed to say and tried to think about some really ugly things.
Gregory gave me his typical beaten-puppy-look and I averted his eyes to grab my shirt from the ground.
"No, Greg!" I said with more effort - to convince myself as well.
When I looked at him he had that hug-me-look and a lightly quivering lower lip.
"Stop that...." I moaned and turned to leave the room.
"Pleeeeeeeeeze", I heard him begging when I stepped into the bathroom.
When I closed the door I looked upon my lightly shaking hands and cursed inwardly. God alone knew how I was longing for him and God alone knew that it was damn hard to resist him when he walked around like that.
Since a few days I had the impression that Gregory was acting that sexy - on purpose!
"Another cold shower should help!" I muttered silently and turned on the water.
The shower did help - like all the other showers helped before and afterwards. The physical thing was one part ... but the mood thing was another part of that teetotalism.
Seeing Gregory walking half-naked through the cottage, licking his lips after every meal like he would long for my intimate kiss ... hearing him sighing when we went to bed ... and waking up in the middle of the night with his legs wrapped around me and his hands on my naked skin - that really does not help to stay cool and maintaing the will - NOT to.
We both walked around there like gamecocks (and I am talking about the animals now!) - ready to fight and with too much testosterone in us. So it was no wonder that I was looking forward to driving back to Plainsboro. Plainsboro means - work! Work means distraction! Work means not being around him all the time, not seeing him and not having the urge to throw him on the bed to let him moan, squirm and sigh my name full of passion ... work means having other people around me, people who don't walk around sexy as hell ...
A few days before we could drive back home I had to bring the car into the garage as the turn signal did not work anymore when I wanted to drive to the supermarket.
"Damn it!" I muttered more than angrily!
Gregory looked at me with one raised eyebrow. "Are we a bit loaded?"
I gave him a side glance and decided that snorting was the only correct answer.
"Yah, let it out, baby!" Greg sighed and caressed my knee a bit.
Believe me - it was so hard not to push him into the seat and just do what he wanted me to do.
A moan slipped out of my mouth nonetheless and from the corner of my eyes I saw Gregory shifting in his seat before he pulled back his hand again.
During the drive to the garage we both kept the silence.
The owner of the garage asked me if I want to make the annual inspection as well, as according to the car book it was time for it.
"Why not?" I said with a shrug and so we left the car in the garage and took a taxi back to the cottage.
"When do you want to drive back to Plainsboro, Greg?" I asked him two days later during breakfast.
Greg looked up from his coffee and straight into my eyes.
"Hmm...why not tomorrow? Either in the early morning hours or later at night, as the streets will be free then and we so wont spent that much time in the car."
I nodded slowly, "Sounds good! The car is ready today and so we could leave tomorrow. What do you prefer? Morn' or evening?"
Gregory buttered his toast and thought about it for a second.
"Evening I'd say. We could walk down to the ocean a last time then." He said with a smile that made my heart jump a bit.
"Mhm ... why not." I replied and so it happened ...
The drive back home started "normal".
Normal means that Greg started with his questioning ten minutes after we left Point Pleasant behind us.
In general, I can handle that quite well - but as I mentioned before my nerves aren't the best lately and so I bawled him out after the third question of "Are we there yet?"
Greg looked a bit surprised and narrowed his eyes then.
"You did not just say that to me, did you?" He asked me silently and narrowed his eyes.
"Oh YES I did!" I replied with a very grumpy voice and looked on the nearly empty road.
"You called me an annoying cheeky brat!" Greg said with a calmer voice now.
I nodded before I answered, "I perfectly know what I did call you!"
That silence lasted for the next twenty minutes and I had time enough to choke on my anger and swallow the feelings down.
I was about opening my mouth and tell him that I feel sorry, when Greg looked at me with a little devilish smirk.
He reached with one hand behind my seat and looked at me.
"You know, darling ... you are perfectly right!" he said and I heard a klick.
My look was fixed on the empty highway and I was about asking him what that sound was ... when suddenly there was silence.
"Wha..." I started and then there was that enormous BANG!
That sound was accompanied with a sudden speed-up and a second later we found us being pressed into the car seats due to a breakneck speed.
I tried not freak out when I grabbed the steering wheel harder not to loose control over the car while we bombed down the highway.
The landscape rushed by and Greg sat in his seat and yelled a deep-voiced "Woooooooooohoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"
"Damn you!" I screamed out and tried to slow down the engine.
"Fuck it, Greg! Turn that thing off!" I yelled at him when the steering wheel began to totter alarmingly.
"Yeeeehaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" Greg screamed out again but reached behind my seat. Another Klick ... and nothing happened.
"Greg!!!" I said through gritted teeth and tried to keep the Volvo on the road and the tottering began to increase.
"I already switched it off!" He replied and now became aware that the car did respond a bit odd.
Several not to be repeated curses slipped out of my mouth until my cursing was silenced with another loud BANG.
We both startled in our seats and now the car responded to my attempts to slow the car down.
I managed to slow it down and direct it to the shoulder where I finally stopped the car.
The adrenalin vanished and my knees turned into jelly, when my forehead met the steering wheel.
"Keep cool ... keep cool ..." I muttered inwardly and tried to breathe in and out, in and out ...
Gregory cleared his throat a bit latter and I stopped him from saying a word, when I raised my hand up.
"No ... single ... word!" I said very silently.
"B.." he started and choked down the rest of the word.
I straightened up and dropped my head back on the seat then.
"God!" I sighed aloud and shook my head.
"J..." Gregory started anew and was silenced by the look I gave him.
"If you would not be hurt I would throw you out of the car, believe it or not!" I said aloud and gestured him to remain silent.
"Did you loose you mind or what? Huh?! WHAT THE HECK DID YOU THINK ABOUT? DID YOU WANT TO KILL US? WHAT WAS THAT?!"
Greg's jaw dropped lightly and he shifted in his seat lightly.
"NOW?!" I asked him and gave him a "talk to me" look.
"Nitrous oxide" he said silently and his facial expression turned from "I am sorry" to "I will get stubborn".
"And I did not want to kill us! I knew that you could handle that! So stop yelling at me!!!"
"You are getting angry now? YOU?" I said and shook my head.
"I don't ..."
"You don't - WHAT? Huh? I bet my heart it was you who let it install - so it is your fault. I have a damn reason to be pissed off!"
Gregory crossed his arms in front of his chest and stared out of the window.
"Fine ... fine!" I said and started the engine again. "So you are huffy now ... FINE!"
Greg just snorted and since then we haven't spoken a single word!
I fail to see that I will break the silence ... so I will just wait for him breaking it.
However, he has a strong will not to ...