Dr. Wilson

Notice

2009-11-20T21:50:00.002Z

Life is sometimes eating you up ...

Sorry, this blog is more or less closed until further notice

I am still alive

2008-10-14T10:22:00.002Z

Goodness - it is October yet and I cannot believe that I did stop writing (again) for such a long time.

I hope everyone is doing fine!

Let me tell you that our summer vacations were just awesome! We did not go to France, Italy etc - but did stay in Ireland for the rest of the time.

It was so gorgeous - although Greg nearly got arrested one night, because of starting a fight in a pub.

What did he tell me later: "Well, they should not tell it is a single malt if they do serve that rotten and disgusting pee they declare as single malt ..."

As you can see - Greg will surely never change!

We did spend a time in Yorkshire and I lost my heart in the moors - it is utterly beautiful, to say it with the words of Wilde.

From Manchester we then flew to Dublin and did start our Ireland tour there.

Fantabulous!
That is the only word coming to my mind now.

The next bit of my heart I lost at the Ring of Beara ... unexpected beauty.

It was there as well - when I got the chance for some fishing and lucky me - we had a great evening with fish, vegetables and an amount of stout (Murphys).

Arriving at home after those lovely weeks of doing nearly nothing but enjoying time and ourselves - was quite a bit of a shock. Hospital had us back pretty soon afterwards ... and we are still in the fangs of this sucking vampire.

Therefore ... again a little break - but I promise that I will at least TRY to write a bit what is going on here.

Take care (and don't forget to vote)

Europe tour - diary: Edinburgh / York

2008-08-09T10:39:00.002Z

First information: We left Edinburgh earlier than planned and are now in York (Northern England - Yorkshire).

What to tell about the days in Edinburgh ...

It was tremendously gorgeous! I have to tell that I do like the atmosphere of the town a lot. The little alleys, the old houses ... just as I would have already been there before. Gregory joked around a bit and meant: "Perhaps you've been here before ... in a past life!"

If he would not have looked at me with that typical "haha" look - I probably would have thought about it. However ... you never know, right?

Wednesday evening we went to the play - and we both really enjoyed it. Afterwards we had some pints of ale and a tiny little bit of single malt.

On Thursday we made a "hop on / hop off" city-tour and joined a ghost walk in the late afternoon. Should you ever be in Edinburgh - have a ghost walk as well. Sometimes it even gave me the creeps.

It was on Thursday as well when we made the decision to leave Edinburgh earlier than planned before. So we changed the tickets for the Military Tattoo from Saturday to Thursday evening - and had a terrific show! The music ... the location ... the atmosphere - brilliant!

Friday morning we then flew from Edinburgh to Leeds / Bradford airport in Yorkshire / UK. We have a rental car here and so we picked up the car and drove from Leeds to York where we currently are staying in Bootham Gardens Guesthouse.

Yesterday we made a boat trip on the Ouse (river flowing through York) to the archbishop's palace. After that very informative and nice trip (and some good Lagavulin - which was offered on the ship) we decided to see The Shambles.

Another trip back in time - and I had again the feeling of having been there before.

We bought some stuff there and it was not before 11 p.m. we left there. Of course, we did not shop the whole time ... the shops close there a bit earlier ... but we checked out some pubs!

Today - means pretty soon - we will leave for visiting the JORVIK viking center and make a trip through the town later. I want to see the York minster etc etc etc!

Tomorrow we will leave York and drive through the Yorkshire dales to the Tan Hill Inn! There we will stay for one night and then drive to the Lake District.

Stay tuned!
James

Europe tour diary: Edinburgh - Just about to leave ...

2008-08-06T16:09:00.004Z

... to see Greyfriars Twisted Tales

To the one wanting my mail address - check my profile out!
The visit at the Glenkinchie Distillery was really gorgeous
We arrrived there at 10 a.m. when they opened the doors. It is so funny to see what makes Greg "jump" out of the bed ... perhaps I should tell that Cuddy when we are back home.

I liked the village Pencaitland - where the Distillery is situated - a lot. So very European ...
After the distillery we drove to Winton House and had a look there. We also did visit Fountainhall and the parish church of Pencaitland. We took the way back to Edinburgh along the shore and had a stop in Musselburgh where we had a typical lunch ... fish 'n chips!

I have to say that I do like my cod with brown sauce ... and I found out that brown sauce accompanying scrambled eggs just makes a breakfast going "woot".

Talking about the breakfast ...

Scrambled eggs and bacon for breakfast is nothing new - right? But scrambled eggs, bacon (and I do mean English bacon ... which is completely different from the US one), half a tomato, a square sliced sausage (yes) - I was told that this is called a Lorne sausage - is very different ... plus: black pudding (I don't like that), fried sliced haggis (... ... ... ...) and potato scones - really turn the breakfast into a miraculous event.

At least they have toast bread and cereals as well ...

Not that I don't like it at all - but ... well ...

Scotland - or at least Edinburgh - is really a new thing for me. I had to laugh so hard when I realized that the fish today did taste like ... nothing. You couldn't even taste the grease! The large amount of brown sauce made it then ...
Gregory did not eat his fish ... he took a bite and then went back to where we had bought it before. What happened there I don't know ... however he looked very satisfied and had that typical devilish grin.

So - this was my entry for today! I have to leave now!

Till then
James

Europe tour - diary: Edinburgh

2008-08-05T15:18:00.003Z

We left the United States on Sunday - now we are in Edinburgh, Scotland (UK) ... our first stop on our tour through Europe.

When we planned our trip I first wanted to stay in a hotel but Gregory told me that while being in the UK we would stay in B&B's ... so - we are now staying in a nice and cozy B&B near the "Royal Mile".
I have to tell you that Edinburgh is magnificent! I'm loving it!

Due to the festival season the city is crowded but nonetheless - gorgeous! The weather is "good" for Scotland. We already took a walk through the "city center" - enjoyed Princess Gardens and went to a fabulous restaurant yesterday evening "The Witchery". This restaurant is most atmospheric - the interior is stunning ... dining there was life experience.

Greg already booked a table quite a while ago and it was a surprise for me. Good we took some suits with us!

I am not sure if you are interested in what we had for dinner - but although you might not be, here the information!

My starter: Anstruther crab and Iberico ham with granny smith apple and baby mizuna (it was mouth watering!)
My main course: Grilled fillet of beef with savoury bread and butter pudding, celeriac puree and smoked garlic (I am still drooling!)
My dessert: Passion fruit and mascarpone trifle with pistachio biscotti (Fantasmagoric!)

Believe it or not - but I nearly had an oragsm (sorry - but true) during the dinner ... of course due to the FOOD (not what you might have guessed now). Although ...

Changing the topic - our bedroom in the the B&B is utterly beautiful and the bed is very very very comfortable.

The landlady is very friendly and was first a bit surprised when she did recognize that Gregory is not English (blame it on the kind of English accent he always has when being in GB) and that we are married ... after the first shock she totally freaked out (in a good way) - invited us for some single malt (16 year old Lagavulin) and had a looooooong chat with us (her son just had his coming out).

To my surprise Gregory was talkative and seemed to enjoy the evening with the lady - reason might have been the single malt and the offered (and accepted) Beamish.

During our stay here we will visit the Military Tattoo festival which is currently taking place here. The festival FRINGE did also start on the 3rd August ... and so we will have a lot to do while we are here. Tomorrow evening we will go and see Greyfriars Twisted Tales "Cadaverous look at some of Edinburgh's best stories. Totally true. Mostly." - sound interesting ... we will see!

I wanted to make some ghost walks as well - we will see when :)

Did I already tell you that the town is terrific?

Tomorrow morning Gregory wants to drive to the Glenkinchie Distillery - he already hired a motorbike to get there - and afterwards we will just be driving around, he said.

For now it is time for me to finish my first little "blog travel diary". I hope you did enjoy it so far - however, the bathroom is calling for me now.

Funny thing - the tub is able to speak. Wording was like: "Move your cute little ass here - NOW!"
I am a good friend / hubby and lover ... and so ... bye bye and till then!

James

It is August ... gosh!

2008-08-02T13:50:00.002Z

Goodness it is August already - and I forgot to write for nearly two months.

I am awfully sorry - but I had so little time. The work in the hospital did not stop and then - well, you know that I suppose - family wants time as well.

My last entry was on the 9th of June - and now it is the 2nd of August ... geez! Time is running away.

As you know I am not the one who wants to talk about business here - and wouldn't it be boring if I would tell you about all my cases or all patients at the PPTH? Anyway - I am not allowed to inform you about such cases.

We did spend the bit of freetime in our little house at Point Pleasant - but unfortunately that time was more than just rare!
Gregory is so busy and really, really needs a break ...

But let me tell you something: We will spend our summer vacations in Europe!
So looking forward to it - and for sure there will be something to tell.

So - please keep checking my blog ... there will be a few entries (lets hope) in the next time!

Oh - before I forget it: Vacations will be England, Ireland, Paris, Rome, Venice and Gibraltar!

I bet it will fucking gorgeous!

June already

2008-06-09T10:24:00.004Z

Hello again!

May did come and go ... and it is already June yet! Holy moly ... how time does pass!

I still remember our trip to London in last year's June ... this was a wonderful time. Really gorgeous and I would have so wanted to repeat it – but unfortunately Cuddy doesn't think that this would be a wise idea!

Well ... so this year the birthday coming up very soon (just a few days left) – will be spent nearby – at the beach of Point Pleasant to be exactly. At least we both got a day off on Wednesday so that we will drive to PP directly after work.

Our little and cozy retreat is clean and awaiting us ... and nearly all presents are bought yet.

But you are surely interested what happened until now ...

Fairly easy: A bunch of work, some weekend trips to Point Pleasant and in the last week of May a short visit of Greg's parents – just saying: Hello.

Gregory wanted to leave it like that ... but I convinced him that it would be very impolite to just let them drop in the hospital – going to the cafeteria there and having a short coffee break.

'Why on earth should that not be enough, Jim? It was enough for the past years ...and now ...'
'Exactly – and now it is different, because now I am here and I don't want that ... and don't start pouting now, Greg!' (he is so good with that)

His lower lip started quivering a bit and he gave me his little puppy glance.
„But ... but ... I don't want ...“
I shook my head and stood up to open my office door: „Dinner at seven and I will pick you up in your office – so you won't forget it. Now, excuse me ... I have an appointment in five minutes and I need a bit of preparation time.“

Greg grunted a bit and poked me with his index finger, „Fine then, Mr. Stubborn! Fine ... but you will have to make up for it“, he said before leaving my office.
„I am looking forward to that“ I hummed and closed the door behind him.

Point six I went into his office to pick him up ... but no Gregory House there.
„Where is he?“ I asked Foreman who did pour himself a coffee.
„Who? Chase? House or Santa Claus?“ he asked me back.
„Funny mood today? Sure I meant House! He was supposed to be ready at six ...“
Foreman shrugged and told me that I should try my luck at home as House has left the building one hour ago.

„He did WHAT?“
After briefly checking the clock again – Foreman replied, „Gregory House – my lovely boss – left the building, means the PPTH, at around 500, SIR!“ A little salute made his announcement complete ...

„Obviously in a funny mood ...“ I grunted back and nodded at him.
„Did he say that he would go home?“
„He did say nothing at all – just grabbed his backpack and off he was. We just assumed that he'd be going home with you ... and obviously he did not ...“
A sigh slipped out of me and I combed through my hair.
Slightly absent minded I thanked Foreman for this information and pulled out my cell.

Sure his cell was not 'on' and he did not pick up the phone at home ...
„Damn ...“ I moaned and made my way to the car.

I reached the spot where the car should have been ... but I stood in front of an empty space.
„Gregory House I will surely kick your ass, when I will find you!“ I said aloud.

On my way to the taxi rank and still thinking about some nice torture methods I would use on Greg ... I was pulled back into the here and now by some hooting.

„Hey Dr. Wilson!“
I turned my head to find me staring into the bluest eyes I've ever seen.

My eyes narrowed slightly when I looked at that beauty of man ...
„Yes?“
„Fancy a ride?!“ I was asked with an explicit gesture.
I stood there gnawing on my lower lip for a second and thinking over that.
„Well ... I am not sure ... I was waiting for my love ... you know!“
„Drop that idiot ... take me instead, hottie!“
My head went from left to right – to check out if someone would see me and then I nodded.
„Fine then ... but I have not much time left ... a quick ride must do it!“
The man in the car did eyeball me and nodded then.
„Perfect!“

He reached over the passenger seat to open the door for me.
„Jump in, hotness!“
With a sexy movement (or rather what I hoped that it would look a bit like that) I let me glide into the seat.
„Where to now?“ I asked him while caressing his right leg.
„You are a fast one, huh?“ that dark-blondish man said and gave me a side glance.
„Mhm ...“ I answered and let my hand glide a bit higher.

„Wohooo... wait till we are at my apartment, sweetheart!“
„Fine, sugar!“ I replied and leaned back in my seat.

The man drove fast and secure ... and lucky us there was no traffic so that we arrived at his place at around 6.20 p.m. .
„Come on, loverboy ... you told me the time is precious! Lets go inside“ he said and pointed at a door.
„Here?“ I asked him and looked around.
„Exactly!“

Some seconds later we stood in the apartment and I gazed around when I heard the click of the closing door behind me.

The man, dressed in blue jeans, sneakers and a t-shirt pushed me hard against the wall.
My bag dropped on the floor and my tie was loosened with a quick movement.
„It is not the first time you are doing this“ I mumbled silently while he pulled my shirt out of the trousers.
„No“ he answered throatily, opened my trousers and pulled them down with one quick movement.
„Turn“ he moaned and fumbled at his zipper.

I did as I was told and with a shivering anticipation I rested my hands at the wall. The rustling of his clothes was the only thing I heard and then I felt his presence – hot and wanting skin rubbed over skin.
„I told you that you would have to pay for it“, Gregory moaned into my left ear and before I could answer him, he made us become one with one single, deep stroke.
The only answer I was able to make was a loud moan.

Quite some minutes later I found myself panting on the floor, still shivering a bit but full of satisfaction – I was able to answer him that I was glad being able to pay for it.
Gregory, who was leaning against the wall with his eyes shut – opened them lazily and grinned slightly.
„This was just the beginning!“

Most expensive pizza ever ...

2008-05-14T07:58:00.003Z

mood: lazy bum
music: birds singing
food: croissant and coffee

Dear readers ... (wow – I sound like an author)

spring has come and brought us back to our house in Point Pleasant, NJ.

We've been there the last time around New Year's Eve somewhen ... and had no time after. What a pity – there we have that lovely house – but hardly no time to use it. To our luck, Foreman and Chase had been very willing to use the house by and then ... and we were confident that they would clean it after they used it.

Please focus on were ...

Beginning of May then we packed all things into our car and headed off for PP.

The drive was annoying as usual – with Greg constantly playing 'little child wanna go wee' – he never ever seems to get tired of it I suppose.
Sure he changes his strategy by and then – not that I can get too used to it, for sure!

So I will spare you with the details of this drive and just inform you that we arrived save and healthy.

Greg's eyes narrowed slightly when I parked the car in front of the house.
„What now?“ I said while giving him a side glance when I heard his snort.
„Did you finally make pee?“ I grumbled and switched off the engine.

„Funny ...“ Greg muttered and was already opening the door.
I shrugged and got out of the car as well, „So?“ I asked him.

Gregory stood there and looked at the house.
„The windows are dirty“ he said and pointed at the house with his cane.
„Pardon me?“ I answered and for the first time this day I really looked into the direction he pointed at.

„See – they are completely dirty!“
„Well ... not that dirty I would say – but you are right they need a clean. Therefore we brought cleaning stuff.“ I replied and opened the trunk to get all the things out.
„WE brought cleaning stuff because you packed it in. But what I mean is – that those persons having used the house could have taken care of it as well!“

Gregory fumbled in his leather jacket and pulled out his cell.
„What are you doing now?“ I gestured askingly.
He was already dialing and giving me a stern look.
„Hey assholes! ...“
I shook my head as I did know by then that he called Foreman/Chase to call them off.

The automatic ear-closing function started (sometimes very helpful when being around Greg) and I began to get the bags to the house.
A quick glance over my shoulder showed me that Greg was pacing around and vividly talking into the cell.
I could not hide my smile when I opened the door to the house ... and then I froze.

The odor reaching my nostrils was unbelievably disgusting ... the first natural reaction was stepping back and coughing.

„What is the matter, hubby-bun?“ Greg asked wiith his rarely used caring voice.
I was unable to speak, 'cause I've been afraid that I would immediately vomit on the pavement – so I just pointed into the direction of the door.

Still muttering into the cellphone, Gregory approached me and looked at me with wide open eyes.
„Jim, you are green in the face. Are you fine?“
I still pointed at the house and straightened up again to move some more steps towards the clean air.

„Don't think I am finished – I will call again and you better pick up then!“
With these words Greg did hang up and stood there for a second – looking at me and back to the house.
„Fine, when you don't wanna tell me why on earth you react like someone who did sniff a rotten body ...“ - he turned and went to the door, which was still a bit open.

He stopped for a second at the threshold and then entered the house without hesitation.

You must not think that I am sissy concerning scents or so – but that really smelled like the disgusting thing you have every smelled – plus 10!

Some minutes did pass and now it was me pacing around the bit of green we have in front of the building. I heard some rummaging and a loud swear ... and then nothing more.

„Gregory?“ I yelled ... „Are you fine?“

... ... ...

Silence ... for another thirty seconds or so and then, „Bring a black garbage bag! Hurry“
„A garbage bag?“ I asked back.
„Are you deaf?!!“ was the answer ... I was not but wondered a bit although I could imagine that the odor must have been caused by something rotten – and I only did hope that it was no human body in there – or any other body.

The bag was found pretty quick – but I prepared a mask for me, so that I'd rather suffocate of Aqua di Roma Uomo than of that smell in there.

Prepared like that I stepped a few minutes later into the
house of doom.
All appeared clean – bit dusty – but clean ... till I came into the kitchen.

The kitchen was a complete mess and the fridge door was open, Gregory stood before it – having his shirt wrapped around his face as a protection – and he just stared into it.
„What?“ I started and stopped when Greg stepped aside and I had a free sight to look at what he did find in there.

I swallowed hard and looked at Greg then.
„Poor thing ... must have succeeded going in there and then was locked in when the fridge door closed again“, he mumbled through the fabric.
I nodded and looked at the apparently dead raccoon in our fridge.

„Those idiots forgot to remove all the food and so the coon must have smelled the remnants.“
The remnants were two boxes of pizza ... and we assume that there must have been some pieces left.

„We should call someone for dead animal disposal, Greg!“
„We can do that as well ...“ he said but looked a bit unsure.

„We could but I wont! Come out of here ...“
I turned and in the little hallway I grabbed the yellow pages and without looking back but knowing that this time Gregory was following me without any argument – I stepped outside again.

Back at the car I removed my mask, opened the trunk and then a bottle of water – cleaned my mouth with a bit of it – handed the bottle to Greg then and started to search the pages for someone who would remove the corpse out of the fridge.

Some minutes later I've found someone and was lucky as well.
„He'll be here in a few minutes – he just had another client five minutes away!“
Gregory nodded.
We both leaned against the car and let the minutes pass without speaking.

Some time later a car stopped next to ours.
„That's it!“ Greg said without looking up.
„Yah“ I answered and nodded at the man just getting out of the car.

We exchanged a few sentences and explained the situation inside the house – and another few minutes later the dead coon was removed and we a bit poorer.
„You should either get a new fridge or let that one disinfect!“ Geoffrey (the wildlife man) advised us.
„Thanks!“ I nodded and gave him a weak smile.
„No problem, you are welcome!“ he smiled back and drove away.

„Fine then!“ Gregory nodded into thin air, grabbed his cell and pushed re-dial.
„Common Greg ...“ I started but was silenced with a don't even think about it-stare.

„You had pizza!“ Gregory started the conversation.
„Great ... I hope it was good, Chase! Because it was the costliest pizza you ever had!“
... ...
(I assume that on the other end was first silence and then some babbled words)
„I don't want to hear a thing! You owe us at least ... at LEAST $500!“
„WHAT?“
„$500 ... and don't come now with – I am no rich boy! You forgot to remove the dirt ... you are guilty of a dead animal ... in our house ... you will pay for the animal removal and for the new fridge! Start saving money if you don't have it!“

Gregory did hang up and looked at me again.
„Shall we go and buy a new fridge now?“

My mouth slightly opened I nodded at him.
Greg approached me, placed a smooch on my forehead.
„I know you love me ... and I know you would have grunted and moaned and started cleaning the house ... and perhaps – well for sure, you would have bought a new fridge – but – it is their fault and they have to learn of it.“
Still unable to reply I nodded anew and felt myself being directed to the car.

When we reached the car I was able to formulate words again.

„You know what, Greg?“
„Hmm?“
„You probably are right ...“ I said and frowned slightly.

Greg opened the door for me.
„Mhm ...“
„And you know what?“ I asked him again and gave him a deep look.
„Hm?“
„What about a fridge with an ice crusher and enough space for some plates or so?“

A big grin appeared and enlightened his face ...
„You know what, Jimmy?“
„Hm?“
„I think that will really be a damn expensive pizza!“

My reply was just a wink and then we drove off to buy a new fridge.

To your information ... the house got cleaned – but not by us ... Chase and Foreman arrived in the afternoon and cleaned the complete house.
After they did smell and see the mess (unfortunately not the dead coon) – they willingly (to our big surprise) gave in and wanted to pay for the mess and consequences.

To my surprise, Greg gave in a bit and just let them pay half the fridge – what was still $600 plus the fee for the animal removal.

The weekend of course was rotten and after Chase and Foreman were finished and we did spend the time at the beach, we decided to drive back home.
Last weekend then we officially arrived at PP again – and celebrated Mothers Day there (without mothers but with our gorgeous new fridge!).

Poem: Rusted

2008-04-11T16:41:00.002Z

The key to my heart I once gave to you ...
I trusted you and I believed in you ...

Once you were my everything ...
The one that made my heart shout and sing ...

I told you about how I feel for you ...
The only thing I wanted - was that you love me to.

The key to my heart you did throw away ...
when your hands wandered and you let them go astray ...

You would have broken my heart,
if I would have had the key ...
but so my heart turned to stone -
that was never the way it was meant to be.

Tears and pain have turned my heart into stone ...
I closed the entrance to my soul with an iron lock ...

Rusty and dark the lock now is ...
Forgotten laughter, love and bliss ...

In some rainy night I still can hear the song of my heart ...
Singing of forgotten times and our love ...
Singing of the key that once you got ...

Singing of you - because I still love you ... a lot!

Again an old poem - once written for a long lost love.

Don't be shocked though - everything is fine between Greg and me!

Gregory is more than just busy and I am as well ... so - very boring life, indeed!

Sorry - once more - for not writing too much in here ... I am really too busy!

Greetings
James

Poem: Just wishing

2008-04-03T13:33:00.003Z

When you are smiling for me,
I see the universe in thy eyes.

When you crying for me,
the angels in heaven start to cry.

When you are laughing,
the sun shines brighter than before.

When you are leaving,
clouds are ruling the sky.

So I ask thee ...

Smile for me thy loveliest smile
Let your eyes remain dry
Laugh for me thy loudest laughter of joy
Should you ever leave ... come back as soon as you can.

Those are my wishes ... nothing more and nothing less

Written a while ago ... for someone!

A little life sign from here ... not much to tell - and I don't want to bore you with facts about all-day life.

Sorry for not writing that much ...

VDay evening Part I

2008-02-19T10:45:00.002Z

mood: tired but relaxed
music: Rockstar - Nickelback

Before I will write about what happened – I would like to know how you did spend your love day?
Did you go out? Did you meet friends? Did you just spend it with your beloved ... doing fabulous things? Did you spend it alone?

See ... for me Valentine's Day is just a day like any other day ... although I have to admit that I like having flowers as well (but not only on that day). Now you might say: 'Wilson, c'mon you are a man! Flowers? Uak!'

And I'd reply: 'So what? Even men can have their soft side! Even men can find flowers lovely and even we can enjoy being cuddled and smooched ... not with wanting to jump into the bed instantly.'

Yes, I think that would be my answer then.

Although I really really have to admit that when cuddling and kissing ... the rest is not that far away.
Our love day was simply gorgeous.

We had to work until 7 pm and on the way home we both decided that the last thing we want to do now is spending more time of the evening in the kitchen to prepare some dinner.
„What about sushi?“ Gregory asked me while we had to wait at a stoplight.
„Sushi is always good, luv!“ I replied with a grin.
Gregory nodded and caused me a little heart attack a second later, when he honked the horn several times and then just drove to the other street side.

„I said sushi and not pathology!“
His answer was a little snort before saying, „You really behave like a sissy from time to time, Jimmy!“
„Like a whaaat?“ I asked him with my mouth slightly opened.
„A sissy ... you know what that is?“ Greg asked back and gave me a short side look.

„For sure, I know what a sissy is! You explain me now, how you mean that!“ I wanted to know.
„According to a dictionary, I could tell you that it would mean you are acting timid or like a coward from time to time ... I could also tell you“ he paused a little and gave me one of his special deep looks, „I could also tell you, that you are the most beautiful man and that I just love you the way you are.“

To hide my surprise and overplay the butterflies in my stomach I just looked outside the windshield and nodded.
After some seconds I was able to answer without sounding too love dazed.
„Well, ... yah ... you really could say that but what is the truth now?“
Gregory laughed briefly and tousled my hair with his right hand.

„Oh boy, you'll never change, right? Always asking and asking and not just enjoying what I said...“
„Right I won't change anymore – I am nearly 39 now. Do you really want to see me change?“ I asked him back and put my left hand on his thigh.

„Changing you?“ Gregory asked me with big eyes.
My reply was a nod and a questioning look.
We had reached the mall in the meantime and Gregory was looking for a free parking place and so did not answer immediately.
After the car was parked (on the disabled parking place), he looked at me.

„Why on earth should I want to change you? Why? Give me a good reason!“
I shrugged and leaned back in the seat, „Dunno – you tell me.“

Greg looked up at the roof for a second.
„I ... no ... no I don't want to change you. Not a single bit!
I love the way you are. I simply love every tiny little bit you know that?“
I raised one eyebrow and tried so to look calmer than I've been.
„You know that!“ Greg grunted a bit and then shook his head in slightly disbelief.
„James Evan Wilson ... you are either an idiot or playing an idiot now. I do hope it is the latter!“

He opened the seatbelt and leaned over me.
„Every single tiny little bit of you I do love. And this includes your soul, your heart, your thinking, your acting ... this includes you, my little stupid idiot.“ The last words were whispered into my ear, before he did seal his words with a deep and warm kiss.

At first I was too surprised to kiss him back, but that did last only a few seconds and soon we were kissing in the car like teenagers.
The kisses got deeper and more demanding and we really did not notice that we had started to touch each others chests, while sinking deeper and deeper into the kisses.
A very real knocking at the window brought us back ... back into the car ... back to the parking lot!

Gregory's look could have killed someone when he peeked over my right shoulder and stared at the person, who had dared to knock.
„Damn it!“ Greg mumbled and I turned my head slightly and stared into Cuddy's shocked face.
Her gesture was clear and so we sat straight again and opened the window a bit.
„I cannot believe that“ she hissed and looked around.
„This is parking lot, House!“ Cuddy gestured vividly around and gave us that typical schoolmaster look.

Gregory did not look around but did stare at her.
„No news, Cuddy! So why did you disturb us? You could just have continued watching us and gaining a little bit of a lust sensation ...“
Her eyes widened and her hissing snort was answer enough.
„He did not mean that ...“ I yelled after her ... but her only answer was flipping the bird before she disappeared behind some cars.
„Was that necessary?“ I asked Gregory, who'd already closed the window.
„I was annoyed and I bet ...“
„Stop it“ I said while shaking my head a bit. „You'll never change.“
„Nope, I won't“ Greg answered with a weak smile.

Now it was me fondling his hair and placing a little kiss upon his nose tip.
„And you know ... I love you nonetheless“ I said and gave him one more kiss.
His moan showed me that he was in the same emotional situation like me and so I forced me not to kiss him deeper but interrupting the kissing.
I leaned back in my seat and so did Greg.
„We should ... ... ...“ he panted slightly.
„Yah, we should stop now ...“ I continued.

Greg looked at me and shook his head again.
„No ... yes ... ... I meant we should first get the sushi and then hurry home!“
„Give me two more seconds before we get out of the car. I am not sure if I can walk right now“ I said to Greg with a broad grin.
His eyes wandered over my body to the bulge in my trousers. Gregory swallowed hard and turned away his head then.
„Five seconds, please!“ he muttered and stared out of the window.

Two minutes later we were able to get out of the car and it was the quickest stop at the mall we've ever made so far.

To be continued ...

My love is like a red red rose

2008-02-14T19:09:00.003Z

mood: in love
music: A red, red rose

My love is like a red, red rose
That’s newly sprung in June

My love is like the melody
That’s sweetly played in tune.

As fair art thou, my bonnie lass,
So deep in love am I
And I will love thee still, my dear,
Till a’ the seas gang dry.

Till a’ the seas gang dry, my dear,
And the rocks melt wi’ the sun :
And I will love thee still, my dear,
While the sands o’ life shall run.

And fare thee weel, my only love,
And fare thee weel a while !
And I will come again, my love,
Thou’ it were ten thousand mile.

Poem by: Robert Burns

Today is Valentine's Day and a day of love, flowers and thinking about all the beloved ones. Of course it is also a day of commerce, a lot of stupid things and too much pink and red in the towns.

I am currently sitting in my office and misusing my computer here.

Just having a bit of time to write a very short entry. I wanted to wish you all a lovely day - either with your beloved one (should you be in a relationship) or with yourself. Loving someone does not only mean loving a different person ... loving means also caring for yourself and doing you something good.

I am doing something for me now - namely, listening to that beautiful song here:

The day started lovelier than lovely. I awoke at about six o'clock and silently crawled out of the bed not to disturbed my little cutie-pie laying there, legs and arms spread out as if he would be flying.

He is having a hard time in the clinic at the moment - having some cases to solve and a lot of clinic duty. So I do my very best to comfort him in any way.
Therefore I tiptoed into the kitchen where I prepared the coffee for breakfast. As soon as I heard the gurgling sound of the coffee machine I made my way into the bathroom.

Fifteen minutes and a loooong shower later, I stepped out of the room and nearly ran into a huge bunch of red roses.
"Wanna be my valentine?" a sleepy voice mumbled behind the bunch.
A smile enlightened my face and while sniffing at the flowers I mumbled back, "For sure I want".

The bunch was lowered now and a pair of sparkling blue eyes looked at me.
"Good morning awesomeness!" Greg greeted me and his eyes moved up and down my body.
Just standing there in my boxers and still damp hair, I shifted nervously from one foot to another. (I don't know why he still has that effect on me)
"You mean me, huh?" I asked back and tried to hide my bit of shyness behind a big grin.
"Mhm ..." he moaned and handed me the bunch of roses.
"Put them in the sink!" I just heard him saying before he clapped my buttock.
"Geez, Greg!" I squeaked like a little girl. "Your hands are damn cold!"
"C'mon, put them in the sink and then I will show you how you can give me warm hands!"

I have to admit that sometimes this harsh tone can give me the creeps - but in a good way.
The roses were placed in the sink and as soon as they were in there I found myself pulled back.

My body was pressed against his and cold hands were the last thing I thought of while my boxers found their way on the ground.
The next hour we spent with doing things that made it necessary to shower again ... this time not alone - so I have to admit that we came a tiny bit to late to work today.
Just half an hour ... but well.

We planned to spend the evening with having a delicious dinner for two (at home as all the other "happy" couples will be going out dining today) and probably with doing things that will make it necessary to take one or two showers later.

That are my plans for today and I am telling you nothing new when I say: I am really looking forward to it!

Wishing you a wonderful day ... full of love, joy and happiness!

Computer crashed!

2008-02-01T14:18:00.000Z

Hello dear fellows!

Is there any excuse for being that rare at the moment? I don't even know if anyone is still checking my site though ... sorry for the long break again.

My excuse ... well - my computer crashed and so I could not write. Of course, I could have written from my office though - but as I had to share my office with one of my colleagues for the last two weeks (his room had to be renovated) - I had no chance to!

That is my excuse for not having written anything on here. I hope you can accept that ...

Today I have a bit of time and perhaps I will write down some happenings.

Poem: Smile

2008-01-08T11:46:00.000Z

That poem was written in a hotel room in Atlanta while attending the 49th Annual Meeting of the American Society of Hematology.

I missed Greg a lot - as you probably can read in between the lines. Not one of my best ones - but I hope you'll like it a bit ... Gregory apparently did.

Thy smile sends sparkles into your eyes and make them shine in the brightest blue I've ever seen.
Thy smile enlightens my path in the darkness and makes my soul feeling whole again.
Thy smile can wash away all my sorrows, my burdens, my fears – when you smile an angel is more than just near.

Thy smile is a miracle for me ...
Thy smile is everything I sometimes want to see ...
Thy laughter is everything I want to hear ...
Never being able to do so – that is what I fear!

I miss thee with every breath I take,
I miss thee with every step I make,
I miss thee every day and every night,
I miss thee when I see others walking side by side.

Where is my sunshine?
Where is my moon?
Where is the reason to wake up that soon?

Where I ask did you go with your smile?
Where is that land ... I will run to you ... mile for mile!

Please, my love, my angel – my light ...
shine for me in my darkest night!
Please, my darling – send me thy love ...
smile for me from up above!

Thy smile is everything for me ...
thou art my sunshine ... my eternity!

Belated Happy New Year wishes

2008-01-08T11:34:00.000Z

My dearest readers,

I know ... I know ...

You might already have thought that I am no longer writing this blog ... but I still do. It is just so that I was very very busy and had no time to write.

Should I find enough time - I will tell you what happened in the meantime. It is not much - but some episodes are worth a good laugh, a sigh or just a *doh*.

There would be our first wedding day ... the sequel of 28 minutes later ... the meetings Cuddy sent me to ... Xmas/Hannukah and of course New Years Eve.

Before I forget it - here my wishes for you!

May your light never fade and may you always wander with a friend
May your love shine through the darkest hours when you feel empty and alone
May your faith be strong and true when you are down to the ground
May you see the little sparkle of hope - when you think there is no way out
May you always remember that you never wander alone - and that there is always someone to help you up I am wishing you all this and much more - from deep within!

May you all be blessed by the love of your god/goddess/godness or any other belief!

Happy New Year 2008

Making a list

2007-12-05T12:36:00.000Z

mood: tired

I am currently making a list for the 49th Annual Meeting of the American Society of Hematology in Atlanta ... not for a lecture, no for packing and for Gregory.

Packing is easy - just a reminder for me what I should not forget. You know such stuff I suppose.
Greg's list is a bit longer and will be put on the coffee machine (so he will see it!)
Of course that list does not contain things like: toothbrush, socks etc. ;)

What I have so far is ...

1. Good morning, darling ...
2. Coffee is right next to the tea box
3. Don't forget to buy MILK when that one in the fridge is empty
4. Don't be too grumpy
5. SHAVE!
6. I love you
7. Don't forget the laundry!
8. Please water the plants!!!
9. Feed the pet!
10. Feed yourself!!!
11. Don't steal the food of the others too often ;)
12. I miss you
13. There is a present for you underneath my bedside!
14. Go shopping please!
15. I miss you like hell!
16. Please pick me up at the airport!

That is what I have so far ... well, I will have to think about it - perhaps I should add some more things on it. Still enough space left!

I am damn tired - believe it or not! - I could not sleep that well, as a certain silkworm appeared in the middle of the night and stole all of my cover!
It was damn cold and I could not crawl underneath it again ... I don't know what weird dreams he might have had.
After some minutes of laying there without a blanket .... and after some minutes of tenderly trying to crawl underneath it ... I gave up and went into the living room, grabbed the sofa blanket and went back into the bedroom again just to find Gregory sleeping there like a baby and mumbling the cutest things ever ... awww.

I won't repeat what he said - but it made my heart go faster and my soul melting.
Now I hear him waking up ... he has a special moan for that.

Yah ... time to make coffee!

Poem: Hurting reality

2007-12-04T12:40:00.000Z

Although there may be wounds in our souls,
although the reality may hurt from time to time,
although the pain strikes when we do not expect,
although the tears role down our cheeks when we should laugh,
although this and even more ...
we should not forget that life is precious and that nothing is foreseen!
Go beyond thy borders and find out that life is still worth living!

Hurting reality by *DrJamesWilson on deviant ART

Poem: Words of Love

2007-11-18T14:10:00.001Z

I could try to write down how much I do love you, but I fear there are not enough words in the world to tell you really, how much I do love you.

I could say, that I love you to the stars and back,
but would that be enough?

I could say, that I love you to the moon and back,
but would that be sufficient?

I could say, that I love you to the sun and back,
but would that tell the truth?

I could say, that I love you to the Gods and back,
but would it be enough?

Truth is this and much more ... truth is that words are not enough.

If I would have wings, I would unfold them and search the universe for all the words, to tell you how much I love you.

I don't have wings so, please take those words as the truth:

My angel, my love, my sun -
you were and are the only one!

The only one I ever loved so much,
that I would have given you my kingdom and all of such.

I love you to the stars and back,
I love you to the moon and back,
I love you to the sun and back,

but most of all

I love you to the Gods and back!

I am yours, like I promised to you
I am thy angel and I will follow you,
I'll spread my wings and fly with you ...
if you just want me to, mon chou-chou.

**************

I think you might know WHO Chou-Chou is ;)

Feeling ashamed

2007-11-16T22:44:00.000Z

I feel highly ashamed at the moment ...

I promised you to write about the second part of "28 minutes later" ... but you are still waiting for it. I am so sorry!

My only excuse is that I am really da** busy at the moment. It is November yet and as we all know - it is getting cold. Getting cold means sore throats, running noses, icy grounds ... broken arms, broken legs and other typical "winter" injuries or diseases.

Beside clinic duty I had a lot to do in my job as an oncologist. Usual work ... but, unfortunately, a lot to do.

Tristan Allenby (the new doctor) is doing a good job so far. He gets used to Greg's jokes though (more or less) and as Danby takes great care of him - I am no longer acting as his "nanny".

Cuddy wants me to attend the 49th Annual Meeting of the American Society of Hematology in Atlanta (Georgia) which will take place from 08th till 11th December, 2007. Gregory is not really amused about that - as he already had some nice days in mind we could spend in Point Pleasant before the usual last days before X-Mas.

He will be more than pissed off when I have had the time to tell him what Cuddy's new idea was.
She already booked a flight to San Antonio for me, in order to attend the 30th Annual San Antonio Breast Cancer Symposium, taking place from 13th to 16th December.

I think Greg will know about it tomorrow at the very latest. Until now I had no time to inform him, as we are both working double clinic hours and having other cases as well - i.e. he is busy, annoyed and a tiny bit tensed due to the fact that we will have to work over the X-Mas days.

That was it from here - please accept my apologies. I will (I promise) write about the 2nd part of the "story" and I will (shall) write more in my blog.

Till then - take care!

White and Bertie

2007-10-29T13:07:00.000Z

mood: amused
music: White 'n nerdy ~ Weird Al Yankovich

I am highly amused at the moment. My cousin Jo (the one from California) did send me the following vid by email lately ... Gregory cannot explain it - but we both had to grin broadly.

We once had a dear reader called Bertie ... so:

Dear Bertie,

Should you by any chance by and then read here. We greet you and hope you enjoy the following vid as well.

I was told that a good stout or ale could help watching that vid with a broader grin.

Take care!

Please excuse ...

2007-10-19T06:55:00.000Z

I know that I owe you the second part of the "28 minutes later!" - and you will get it ... promised!

I am a tiny bit busy at the moment BUT if things turn out good this weekend I might find some time to write it all down.

Brief overview: Busy, busy and busy again ... Greg is busy as well and we both just see each other in some short coffee break at the clinic and well - at home ;)
You might guess that there are other things to do then ... - talking about the day and so on.

We even have no time to do the laundry at the moment ... nor the normal housework - so we have a house aid at the mo' - her name is ... guessed right: Consuela!

I really don't know why they have such names - it is like "James" for a butler ... I can really be lucky that I did not became one though.

Back to work now - stay tuned!

Yours James

Doing fine

2007-10-13T12:23:00.000Z

mood: extremely tired and grumpy
listening to: the coffee machine

Referring to the post-it and the message on it: How are you doing? bla bla

I am doing fine - anonymous asker! Thanks for asking anyway ... and please, why can't you state your name, hm?

I won't kill anyone stating his/her name though ... I just would like to know who is asking or telling me something - and btw, I know what Gregory writes down on the post-it and what he does not.

Witty, huh?!

So ... it is early morning - I had no coffee so far and I am damn tired on that very Saturday!

I might write down the rest of the story later - when time will allow me to!

Have a lovely day or weekend or whatever - I will have my first mug of strong black coffee NOW!

New entry

2007-10-11T09:29:00.000Z

... scroll down to read the new entry about planning a special prank!

Oh ...btw - I am soooo sorry ... but - you will see, WHY

Poem: Why ...

2007-10-07T22:29:00.000Z

It is not a new one - but I thought I might just share it with you. This time - well, it is just one of my poems!

Anyway - I hope you'll like it!

I want to listen to the constant swoosh and susurrus of the world.
Why? Just because I’d like to!

I want to admire the manifold blaze of color.
Why? Just because it makes me happy!

I want to feel the pulse of eternity.
Why? Well, just because it give me inner happiness!

I want to taste the bitterness and sweetness of the truth.
Why? Just because it brings the purest clarity to me!

Don’t you understand those simple wishes?
Perhaps, just because they don’t fit into your way of thinking?
Don’t you see the simplicity of the substance?
Do you perhaps hide behind glamor, appearance and brilliance?
Do you always have to explain things you don’t understand with plain rationality?
Do you think that only YOU are walking on the right way – you are going?

Like bells my laughter sounds …
because your ignorance does not allow me to do elsewise.

When the hour had come and the blossoms slant,
then I will show you the truth.
Just by then you will be able to see and understand –
that at the very end we all walk on the same way!

(C) J. E. Wilson

28 minutes later ... new colleague

2007-10-04T18:29:00.000Z

mood: relaxed

music: Julia says - Wet Wet Wet

Today I have a bit more time and so I will write about the new colleague we have in the oncology department. (as you can see - I already started to write that entry a few days ago)

Regarding the fact that Gregory already told you about how he greeted the new colleague - let me just tell what we did.
With WE I meant the oncology dep. - or should I say ... I (with the help of Greg, Foreman, Chase & Cameron)

The idea of the prank started some days after Greg made his "welcome prank" that slightly worried myself a bit, as I know about how he stands to Who-must-not-be-named.

We had one of our social evenings together with Foreman and Chase (social = spending time together), i.e. watching movies and drinking some beer - and we already had a tiny bit over the eight when we started to watch 28 weeks later.

Those knowing about the movie - know how normal persons become zombies and how the infection is spread, etc. ... good! Imagine 4 doctors sitting there and discussing about how likely it is that such a virus is spread.
We came to the result that some diseases could have such symptoms and it really could be the case ... - enough scared?!

After our discussion I went into the kitchen to fetch some more beer and a few seconds later I found myself in a pitch black apartment ... just hearing rummaging and then - silence.

"Fine" I thought, "Now it is scary time ..."
Rolling my eyes to where the ceiling is - I silently moved away from my former position, slipped out of my shoes and did hide in the corner - no second to late as I could see a shadow Quasimodo-ing into the kitchen, arms searchingly stretched out and suddenly grunting a bit.

Funny sight if you ask me ...
"You won't get me that way", I thought and tiptoed to the person (obviously Chase, according to the shadowly figure) - next thing I did was making exactly those scary weird noises when the become a zombie and I did twitch and shrug like them as well.
Chase's scream was priceless and swooosh - light was on again revealing Greg and Foreman peeking around the corner.

Chase did jump on the table and looked more than just freaked out.
I grunted and shrugged my way to Greg and Foreman who were already laughing there asses off.
"Gosh, Jim! You are so great in being a zombie!" Greg said between wiping the tears of laughter away.
I cleared my throat, fondled my hair and looked very innocent.
"Pardon?" I asked back in my best trial of British.
"You" he said and nudged my chest while grinning his most devilish smile "you really should bring that to perfection!"
"Should I?"
"Yeah, Wilson - you should" Foreman snorted and even Chase did grin and nod now.

"Hmmmm... seems as if I would have no other opportunity than doing so." I replied with a smile and grunted zombie-like again.

"By the way ... isn't the T.A. overdue with his welcome prank?" Chase now asked from behind and let his feet dangle from the table.
"Uh ... well, now as you mention it." I answered and rubbed my neck.

Greg scratched his chin, Foreman gnawed on his lower lip and Chase ... had found something to chew on (an apple).
"I ..."
"You will need some assistance" Gregory mumbled and his eyes had that special little devilish sparkle in them ...
"Will I?" I asked back and looked around - three heads were nodding.

And so the planning did start ...

7 days
... a great amount of theater blood
... red fun contacts
... disposable clothes
... Cameron in the "team"
later

October, 1st

... ... To be continued

Song of the Open Road

2007-09-24T22:16:00.000Z

Dear readers,

I just have to share this astonishing work of poetry with you ... I just have to share it now.
Those of you not knowing it - those of you already knowing it - sit down, relax and read ... later if you want - sigh and think!

Walt Whitman (1819–1892). Leaves of Grass. 1900

AFOOT and light-hearted, I take to the open road,
Healthy, free, the world before me,
The long brown path before me, leading wherever I choose.

Henceforth I ask not good-fortune—I myself am good fortune;
Henceforth I whimper no more, postpone no more, need nothing,
Strong and content, I travel the open road.

The earth—that is sufficient;
I do not want the constellations any nearer;
I know they are very well where they are;
I know they suffice for those who belong to them.

(Still here I carry my old delicious burdens;
I carry them, men and women—I carry them with me wherever I go;
I swear it is impossible for me to get rid of them;
I am fill’d with them, and I will fill them in return.)

You road I enter upon and look around! I believe you are not all that is here;
I believe that much unseen is also here.

Here the profound lesson of reception, neither preference or denial;
The black with his woolly head, the felon, the diseas’d, the illiterate person, are not denied;
The birth, the hasting after the physician, the beggar’s tramp, the drunkard’s stagger, the laughing party of mechanics,
The escaped youth, the rich person’s carriage, the fop, the eloping couple,
The early market-man, the hearse, the moving of furniture into the town, the return back from the town,
They pass—I also pass—anything passes—none can be interdicted;
None but are accepted—none but are dear to me.

You air that serves me with breath to speak!
You objects that call from diffusion my meanings, and give them shape!
You light that wraps me and all things in delicate equable showers!
You paths worn in the irregular hollows by the roadsides!
I think you are latent with unseen existences—you are so dear to me.

You flagg’d walks of the cities! you strong curbs at the edges!
You ferries! you planks and posts of wharves! you timber-lined sides! you distant ships!
You rows of houses! you window-pierc’d façades! you roofs!
You porches and entrances! you copings and iron guards!
You windows whose transparent shells might expose so much!
You doors and ascending steps! you arches!
You gray stones of interminable pavements! you trodden crossings!
From all that has been near you, I believe you have imparted to yourselves, and now would impart the same secretly to me;
From the living and the dead I think you have peopled your impassive surfaces, and the spirits thereof would be evident and amicable with me.

The earth expanding right hand and left hand,
The picture alive, every part in its best light,
The music falling in where it is wanted, and stopping where it is not wanted,
The cheerful voice of the public road—the gay fresh sentiment of the road.

O highway I travel! O public road! do you say to me, Do not leave me?
Do you say, Venture not? If you leave me, you are lost?
Do you say, I am already prepared—I am well-beaten and undenied—adhere to me?

O public road! I say back, I am not afraid to leave you—yet I love you;
You express me better than I can express myself;
You shall be more to me than my poem.

I think heroic deeds were all conceiv’d in the open air, and all great poems also;
I think I could stop here myself, and do miracles;
(My judgments, thoughts, I henceforth try by the open air, the road;)
I think whatever I shall meet on the road I shall like, and whoever beholds me shall like me;
I think whoever I see must be happy.

From this hour, freedom!
From this hour I ordain myself loos’d of limits and imaginary lines,
Going where I list, my own master, total and absolute,
Listening to others, and considering well what they say,
Pausing, searching, receiving, contemplating,
Gently, but with undeniable will, divesting myself of the holds that would hold me.

I inhale great draughts of space;
The east and the west are mine, and the north and the south are mine.

I am larger, better than I thought;
I did not know I held so much goodness.

All seems beautiful to me;
I can repeat over to men and women, You have done such good to me, I would do the same to you.

I will recruit for myself and you as I go;
I will scatter myself among men and women as I go;
I will toss the new gladness and roughness among them;
Whoever denies me, it shall not trouble me;
Whoever accepts me, he or she shall be blessed, and shall bless me.

Now if a thousand perfect men were to appear, it would not amaze me;
Now if a thousand beautiful forms of women appear’d, it would not astonish me.

Now I see the secret of the making of the best persons,
It is to grow in the open air, and to eat and sleep with the earth.

Here a great personal deed has room;
A great deed seizes upon the hearts of the whole race of men,
Its effusion of strength and will overwhelms law, and mocks all authority and all argument against it.

Here is the test of wisdom;
Wisdom is not finally tested in schools;
Wisdom cannot be pass’d from one having it, to another not having it;
Wisdom is of the Soul, is not susceptible of proof, is its own proof,
Applies to all stages and objects and qualities, and is content,
Is the certainty of the reality and immortality of things, and the excellence of things;
Something there is in the float of the sight of things that provokes it out of the Soul.

Now I reëxamine philosophies and religions,
They may prove well in lecture-rooms, yet not prove at all under the spacious clouds, and along the landscape and flowing currents.

Here is realization;
Here is a man tallied—he realizes here what he has in him;
The past, the future, majesty, love—if they are vacant of you, you are vacant of them.

Only the kernel of every object nourishes;
Where is he who tears off the husks for you and me?
Where is he that undoes stratagems and envelopes for you and me?

Here is adhesiveness—it is not previously fashion’d—it is apropos;
Do you know what it is, as you pass, to be loved by strangers?
Do you know the talk of those turning eye-balls?

Here is the efflux of the Soul;
The efflux of the Soul comes from within, through embower’d gates, ever provoking questions:
These yearnings, why are they? These thoughts in the darkness, why are they?
Why are there men and women that while they are nigh me, the sun-light expands my blood?
Why, when they leave me, do my pennants of joy sink flat and lank?
Why are there trees I never walk under, but large and melodious thoughts descend upon me?
(I think they hang there winter and summer on those trees, and always drop fruit as I pass;)
What is it I interchange so suddenly with strangers?
What with some driver, as I ride on the seat by his side?
What with some fisherman, drawing his seine by the shore, as I walk by, and pause?
What gives me to be free to a woman’s or man’s good-will? What gives them to be free to mine?

The efflux of the Soul is happiness—here is happiness;
I think it pervades the open air, waiting at all times;
Now it flows unto us—we are rightly charged.

Here rises the fluid and attaching character;
The fluid and attaching character is the freshness and sweetness of man and woman;

(The herbs of the morning sprout no fresher and sweeter every day out of the roots of themselves, than it sprouts fresh and sweet continually out of itself.)

Toward the fluid and attaching character exudes the sweat of the love of young and old;
From it falls distill’d the charm that mocks beauty and attainments;
Toward it heaves the shuddering longing ache of contact.

Allons! whoever you are, come travel with me!
Traveling with me, you find what never tires.

The earth never tires;
The earth is rude, silent, incomprehensible at first—Nature is rude and incomprehensible at first;
Be not discouraged—keep on—there are divine things, well envelop’d;
I swear to you there are divine things more beautiful than words can tell.

Allons! we must not stop here!
However sweet these laid-up stores—however convenient this dwelling, we cannot remain here;
However shelter’d this port, and however calm these waters, we must not anchor here;
However welcome the hospitality that surrounds us, we are permitted to receive it but a little while.

Allons! the inducements shall be greater;
We will sail pathless and wild seas;
We will go where winds blow, waves dash, and the Yankee clipper speeds by under full sail.

Allons! with power, liberty, the earth, the elements!
Health, defiance, gayety, self-esteem, curiosity;
Allons! from all formules!
From your formules, O bat-eyed and materialistic priests!

The stale cadaver blocks up the passage—the burial waits no longer.

Allons! yet take warning!
He traveling with me needs the best blood, thews, endurance;
None may come to the trial, till he or she bring courage and health.

Come not here if you have already spent the best of yourself;
Only those may come, who come in sweet and determin’d bodies;
No diseas’d person—no rum-drinker or venereal taint is permitted here.

I and mine do not convince by arguments, similes, rhymes;
We convince by our presence.

Listen! I will be honest with you;
I do not offer the old smooth prizes, but offer rough new prizes;
These are the days that must happen to you:

You shall not heap up what is call’d riches,
You shall scatter with lavish hand all that you earn or achieve,
You but arrive at the city to which you were destin’d—you hardly settle yourself to satisfaction, before you are call’d by an irresistible call to depart,
You shall be treated to the ironical smiles and mockings of those who remain behind you;
What beckonings of love you receive, you shall only answer with passionate kisses of parting,
You shall not allow the hold of those who spread their reach’d hands toward you.

Allons! after the GREAT COMPANIONS! and to belong to them!
They too are on the road! they are the swift and majestic men; they are the greatest women.
Over that which hinder’d them—over that which retarded—passing impediments large or small,
Committers of crimes, committers of many beautiful virtues,
Enjoyers of calms of seas, and storms of seas,
Sailors of many a ship, walkers of many a mile of land,
Habitués of many distant countries, habitués of far-distant dwellings,
Trusters of men and women, observers of cities, solitary toilers,
Pausers and contemplators of tufts, blossoms, shells of the shore,
Dancers at wedding-dances, kissers of brides, tender helpers of children, bearers of children,
Soldiers of revolts, standers by gaping graves, lowerers down of coffins,
Journeyers over consecutive seasons, over the years—the curious years, each emerging from that which preceded it,
Journeyers as with companions, namely, their own diverse phases,
Forth-steppers from the latent unrealized baby-days,
Journeyers gayly with their own youth—Journeyers with their bearded and well-grain’d manhood,
Journeyers with their womanhood, ample, unsurpass’d, content,
Journeyers with their own sublime old age of manhood or womanhood,
Old age, calm, expanded, broad with the haughty breadth of the universe,
Old age, flowing free with the delicious near-by freedom of death.

Allons! to that which is endless, as it was beginningless,
To undergo much, tramps of days, rests of nights,
To merge all in the travel they tend to, and the days and nights they tend to,
Again to merge them in the start of superior journeys;
To see nothing anywhere but what you may reach it and pass it,
To conceive no time, however distant, but what you may reach it and pass it,
To look up or down no road but it stretches and waits for you—however long, but it stretches and waits for you;
To see no being, not God’s or any, but you also go thither,
To see no possession but you may possess it—enjoying all without labor or purchase—abstracting the feast, yet not abstracting one particle of it;
To take the best of the farmer’s farm and the rich man’s elegant villa, and the chaste blessings of the well-married couple, and the fruits of orchards and flowers of gardens,
To take to your use out of the compact cities as you pass through,
To carry buildings and streets with you afterward wherever you go, 180
To gather the minds of men out of their brains as you encounter them—to gather the love out of their hearts,
To take your lovers on the road with you, for all that you leave them behind you,
To know the universe itself as a road—as many roads—as roads for traveling souls.

The Soul travels;
The body does not travel as much as the soul;
The body has just as great a work as the soul, and parts away at last for the journeys of the soul.

All parts away for the progress of souls;
All religion, all solid things, arts, governments,—all that was or is apparent upon this globe or any globe, falls into niches and corners before the procession of Souls along the grand roads of the universe.

Of the progress of the souls of men and women along the grand roads of the universe, all other progress is the needed emblem and sustenance.

Forever alive, forever forward,
Stately, solemn, sad, withdrawn, baffled, mad, turbulent, feeble, dissatisfied,
Desperate, proud, fond, sick, accepted by men, rejected by men,
They go! they go! I know that they go, but I know not where they go;
But I know that they go toward the best—toward something great.

Allons! whoever you are! come forth!
You must not stay sleeping and dallying there in the house, though you built it, or though it has been built for you.

Allons! out of the dark confinement!
It is useless to protest—I know all, and expose it.

Behold, through you as bad as the rest,
Through the laughter, dancing, dining, supping, of people,
Inside of dresses and ornaments, inside of those wash’d and trimm’d faces,
Behold a secret silent loathing and despair.

No husband, no wife, no friend, trusted to hear the confession;
Another self, a duplicate of every one, skulking and hiding it goes,
Formless and wordless through the streets of the cities, polite and bland in the parlors,
In the cars of rail-roads, in steamboats, in the public assembly,
Home to the houses of men and women, at the table, in the bed-room, everywhere,
Smartly attired, countenance smiling, form upright, death under the breast-bones, hell under the skull-bones,
Under the broadcloth and gloves, under the ribbons and artificial flowers,
Keeping fair with the customs, speaking not a syllable of itself,
Speaking of anything else, but never of itself.

Allons! through struggles and wars!
The goal that was named cannot be countermanded.

Have the past struggles succeeded?
What has succeeded? yourself? your nation? nature?
Now understand me well—It is provided in the essence of things, that from any fruition of success, no matter what, shall come forth something to make a greater struggle necessary.

My call is the call of battle—I nourish active rebellion;
He going with me must go well arm’d;
He going with me goes often with spare diet, poverty, angry enemies, desertions.

Allons! the road is before us!
It is safe—I have tried it—my own feet have tried it well.

Allons! be not detain’d!
Let the paper remain on the desk unwritten, and the book on the shelf unopen’d!
Let the tools remain in the workshop! let the money remain unearn’d!
Let the school stand! mind not the cry of the teacher!
Let the preacher preach in his pulpit! let the lawyer plead in the court, and the judge expound the law.

Mon enfant! I give you my hand!
I give you my love, more precious than money,
I give you myself, before preaching or law;
Will you give me yourself? will you come travel with me?
Shall we stick by each other as long as we live?

Late evening working hours ...

2007-09-22T15:55:00.000Z

The following picture shows you how some of us might look like after a hard working day, too little sleep and ... well - 11 hours of work!

Sorry, my dear for posting that picture here - but I couldn't resist!

Sweetest smile

2007-09-19T07:13:00.000Z

(Artist: Black)

I still owe you the story about the new doctor in my department and about how I cut myself with a knife - so ... I will try not to mix things.

Cutting myself really does not fill a whole entry - althought the length of the entries is up to me - hehe.

Fine ... I took a knife, tried to slice something and then I cut myself... story over!

HA! Okay, okay - you probably want to know what I wanted to slice and this and that. Hmm, didn't you sometimes ask yourself when watching a movie why the heck they made it that complicated?!

Lord of the Rings - what an exquisite example for that. THREE parts ... story-filling ... etc. - and at the end, Frodo and Sam lying on a rock surrounded by a lava stream and being picked up by giant eagles.
I mean: HELLOOOOOOOOOO?!

Why the heck couldn't they have asked the eagles at the very beginning to bring them there - drop that damn ring into the stream and ... THE END
Not that I don't like that movie ... I bow before the persons having realized that enormous project - but - I just cannot avoid asking such things ;)

It would have been soooooooooooooooo easy! However, it is so that we see the best ending or the easier way at the end of the way with obstacles ... perhaps I should see it like that (and not to forget that the movie would have just lasted 30 minutes or so ;) ... for some movies this would be more than great sometimes!

Okay - back to the main story as we were not having a discussing about movies. I have that with Greg so many times.
It was in fact on DVD movie evening when I got my cut ...

Let's start at the beginning.

"Jim? Jimmy? Huuuuunyyyyyy?" It sounded from the kitchen on the Saturday of September, 8th.
I looked up from putting the laundry into the machine and raised one eyebrow.
"What now?" I thought as his voice and the way he called me did imply that

a.) anything happened - I would probably not find too good
b.) anything happened and it was his fault
c.) anything will happen (see a)
d.) anything will happen (see a + b)
e.) he was hungry and want something to eat (see a - d)
f.) he needs new Vicodin (as he is clear at the moment - we can drop that!)

"You address me, right?" I so shouted back into the kitchen.
"I only know one Jim and Hun' being here ..." Greg's voice came from the door.
I turned my head and looked at him.

Fine - at least no blood was to be seen and he did not look that guilty.
"Point here!" I answered and straightened up after I chose the right program.
"So?"
"So what?" he replied and played with the phone in his hands.
"I ask you that as you did call me like: Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuny"

Greg smirked slightly and nodded.
"Ehm ... right!" He avoided my eyes for a second and looked back at me then (oh oh - he was guilty!)
"You know that ... ehm ... well, we planned to have a cozy weekend - right?" Greg began and put one hand in his jeans pocket.
"Mhm ..."
"Well, ehm ... a friend just called me - and ..."

I frowned and looked a bit surprised.
"A friend? What friend? I ... I mean - you do not have many friends around here, do you? I mean - the one I know is currently leaning against the washing machine." I replied and patted the called one.
Now it was Gregory frowning and snorting at me.
"Funny! I do have friends beside you, Jaaaames!"

"Oh stop pouting!" I replied and approched him.
"Tell me now ... who called you?"
"Chase called me" Greg said silently now and cleared his throat then.

"Chase? You call Chase a friend ... I mean - well ... you work together. You are his boss and to what I know you are not the nicest one" I said with a wink and squeezed me past him to go into the kitchen.
"Haha!" I came back from behind and I heard him following me into the kitchen.

There I stood and stared on the mess he left (he wanted to cook).
"Greg, this is not the truth - tell me that this bomb attack will be removed, right?!!"
From the corner of my eyes I did see him looking around briefly and then looking at me.
"Sure it will be removed!"
"Do not look at me like that ... YOU will clean this mess!" I replied and grabbed me some hot coffee.
"So, why did Chase call and what did he want? I thought they have their free weekend as well?!"

Greg poured himself some coffee as well and we both took seat in the kitchen.
"True! He called me to say that he is unsure if Foreman might be able to come back to work on Monday as he got a flue!"
"Oh ..."
He nodded and sipped his coffee.
"And? That was it? Therefore we had to talk?"
Greg looked over the rim of his coffee cup and our eyes met.

A sigh slipped out of my mouth.
"Sure not. So what could it be ... hmmm, let me guess!"
"Go!" he replied with a grin and leaned back.

"Okay - Foreman is ill ..." I took a sip of my coffee as well and started to think what Greg wanted to do now.
After some seconds I looked back at Greg and grinned.
"Easy!"
"Easy? Tell!"

"It is their free weekend, it is Saturday ... they will have rent some movies yesterday and perhaps watched one or two. Means - there are two more to watch. Second: Foreman is ill and Chase called you - means you would want to go there and check if he is really that ill. Third: He probably told you what movies are left to watch and there was one amongst you wanted to see always but I did not want to. Am I right or am I right?"

Gregory looked impressed and smiled a bit.
"Geez, James - that was amazing! You could be a diagnostician, your brain seems to work! Woohoo ..."
A little snort escape and I put the mug down on the table.
"Easy I've said ..."
"Damn ... it was too obvious, hm?"
"Yeah and I know you too good I suppose" I answered and shrugged.

Gregory did still smile and it was his turn now to shrug.
"Sooo?" he asked me with the same melody I did ask him before.
"So what?" I grinned back.
"Sooo - will we go there?"
I looked around and then back at him.
"When you will have cleaned the kitchen - I might allow you to go there."
"Ooooooh ...thanks Mom!" Greg said while clapping his hands with excitement.

He dialed a number and just said, "We will be there at 8 o'clock and I hope there is something else than just tea in the house!"
Gregory did not wait for the reply and just hang up again.
"You are always sooo polite, Greg!" I grinned and stood up to place the mug in the dish washer.

I heard Gregory's chair being pushed back when I bent down to open the door but I did not look up until I felt a prominent bodypart poking me lightly.
"GREG!" I gasped, turned my head, placed the mug inside while looking at him and next thing I said was a loud: "OUCH ... damn FUCK!"

"I did intend that last thing ... right!" Greg said and then grabbed my hand to look at him.
There was long and bit deeper cut at the inside of my right hand and it was bleeding like hell (or what does look like that when you are suprised).
"What have you done?" Greg muttered while trying to stop the bleeding with a towel.
"I? You poked me and I did not look where I placed that fucking mug!"
He looked past me into the dish washer and nodded.
"I see the one who tried to kill you ..."
I turned my head as well and a sharp cutting knife was winking at me and I tell you that it did grin devilishly!
"The monster knife ..." I moaned when Greg pressed a bit too hard.

"Right ... and now - shall I stitch it or do you want to go to the clinic and let it done there?"
I did not think a minute and smiled weakly.
"Clinic please ... I don't want to look like a ragdoll!"
"Fine ..." Greg answered while helping me up. "But I am not Dr. Frankenstein, my stitches look good!"
"I bet they do!" I assured him on the way to the car.

Some minutes later we arrived at the PPTH and another 30 minutes later we were on our way back again.
He really did clean the kitchen and ... much more that afternoon and so we went to visit Chase and Foreman in the evening - accompanied by a "get well" present (my idea) and some weird B-movie (Greg's idea).

The evening was ... hmmm - interesting and perhaps Greg or Foreman will write about that evening.

By the way - I told you at the beginning that I took a knife, tried to slice something and got cut ... so?! Right! Never trust what is being told before you know the whole story ;) ... all the tension would have been non-existent if I really would have told you the truth.

Greg's first day at work

2007-09-14T17:03:00.000Z

I am going back in time again - not that nothing would happen at the moment but to be up-to-date I just have to explain a few things ... otherwise you would be sitting there and staring on the screen like: flawh?

As I've already told you Gregory started working on the 1st September. He wanted to start the day as usual and so I went to work without him as he now goes for a run every morning.
Greg arrived at the PPTH in his jogging clothes and disturbed me and Cuddy while we were just talking about what new case might be good for Greg to start.

We discussed about the wheelchair guy the hospital just got in and Cuddy mentioned that Greg might love that.

I flipped through a file and answered, "He'll be bored. It's a great visual but it's diagnostically boring. What about post-hair transplant aphasia guy?"
Cuddy briefly looked at me and replied, "Infection throwing clots, House will shoot it down and call you an idiot."

Well ... nobody wants to be called an idiot, or?

Cuddy suggested the "yoga girl" and I thought about just that when Gregory came into the office still wearing his jogging clothes and being a bit out of breath.

Our boss looked at him with an open mouth as she didn't know that he was running now every day.
Eight miles from home to the clinic - good way for his training.
Why I stared at him ... well this had another reason - but perhaps I do like it when his chest goes up and down like it did.

I don't want you to bore with our conversation then ... it was just exchanging "pleasantries" and a bit of chit-chat.
Greg thought all the cases - except the post-hair transplant aphasia guy - were worth to be new cases of the diagnostic department.

I didn't see Greg until the evening when I met him on the balcony of the second floor (although we did talk via phone twice). Gregory was leaning on the balcony overlooking the lobby and watching people walk in and out when I found him.

He looked as if in thoughts and first I thought of not disturbing his thoughts ... but it would not be me if I would have done so - hm ...
We talked about the cases and before I could ask him when we will be leaving and going home, Cameron disturbed us and some seconds later it was me standing on the balcony and watching the people walking in and out.

Greg had to go back to another case before we finally managed to leave the hospital at about 10 p.m.
Due to the late time we decided that cooking was cancelled and so we just bought us some pizza on our way back.

The rest of the evening we did not talk about the job but enjoyed the late nite dinner, the glass of wine, the voice of Amy Winehouse and some cuddling on the sofa and later in bed before we finally did fall asleep at around 1 a.m.

Well ... it was not THAT interesting but I wanted to tell you about Greg's first day at work and now I did it.

I am not sure when I will be able to post again as I have to work the weekend ... yeah, you read right - weekend shift for both of us, Greg is very happy about it!

A bathing episode

2007-09-13T14:20:00.000Z

I am currently sitting in front of my computer (oh wonder!) and sipping my early morning coffee.
You might probably have asked yourself why I stopped writing although I did say that I am back again ...
Well - some things happened here and due to those happenings I was a bit more busy than I thought I would be.

Greg started working (on the 1st September) ... a new doctor started working (I will tell later) and I had a little accident with a knife.

One after the other though ...

First let me tell you about Gregory's last night before having to work again - after eight weeks of being home.

We were sitting in our living room and I was listening to Greg singing to Nickelback - "If everyone cared" ... while sipping at some red barrique wine and just enjoying the evening.

The light was dimmed and the sitting room was only illuminated by a few candles ... the music filled the room and I lazily stretched out my legs on the sofa.

Greg looked up from his guitar with sparkling eyes and gave me one of those rarely to be seen "I do love you more than you would guess" looks.
My heart suddenly stopped beating for a second - as it always does when he looks at me like that - and a similar smile must have appeared on my face, as Greg stood up from his chair and approached me.

"You are looking way too good when you lay there like that, Jimmy" he moaned silently and kneeled before the sofa.
"Do I?" I silently moaned back and turned to my side to be able to look him in the eyes.
Our glances met and when you ever loved someone you might know what it feels like when you feel drawn to the other and sink deeper and deeper and deeper 'till you have the feeling your reached the bottom of his soul.

Despite any other meaning - Greg's soul is wonderful ... sensitive and tender - he is my little angel - although sometimes an angel disguised as a grumpy misanthrope.

I am getting lost in telling you how wonderful he can be.

Sooo ... well we were there in the living room, staring into the other eyes and simply getting lost in each other when a sound brought us back to real life. That disgusting and annoying sound was the sound of the phone ringing.

"Let it ring!" Greg muttered and slowly bent forward.
"What if it is an emergency?" I whispered and my look was focused on the soft lips coming closer and closer.
Greg started to fumble at the buttons of my shirt and placed little kisses on the skin revealed.
My eyes closed automatically and offered him the soft flesh of my throat. The ringing sound of the phone stopped in the very moment Gregory's lips touched my skin and a deep moan slipped out of my mouth.

The shiver of anticipation ran over my skin and the feeling of lust and longing filled my mind when his touches became more eagerly and demanding.

"Jim" he whispered hoarsely into my ear and my body reacted to the whisper brushing over my skin like a whiff of wind.
"Hmmmmmm?" I moaned back and shifted on the sofa.

"Shall we go into the bath?" Greg asked with a hushed voice.
I opened my eyes and found me looking in them. The blue blinked back and I could see the longing in the sparkling. The longing that nearly made me rip off his shirt at once ...
I swallowed hard down and just nodded slowly.
"Bath ... yeah..." I heard me answering with a croak.
Before Greg went into the bathroom he gave me a kiss that left me lying on the sofa for a few more minutes and feeling completely dizzy and dragged away.

When I came back to where he left me (and of course where I have officially been) - I looked around and blinked twice. The gurgling sound of the water filling the tube finally managed to wake me up. I sat upright and shook my head.
"Wooohoooo" I murmured and noticed that I was grinning like a Cheshire cat.

A rummaging coming out of the kitchen made me look towards that direction and I did see Greg opening a cupboard.
"Are you searching something particular?" I asked him and stood up.
"No! This shall be a surprise! And please don't go into the bathroom before I ask you to come in!"

"Want me to go outside or may I go into the bedroom and change into my bathrobe?"
"You may do whatever you want, Jim - but - don't come into the bathroom!" Greg shouted over his shoulder.
I shrugged, grabbed the glas of barrique and went on the balcony to watch the starlit sky.

I might have stood there for five minutes just enjoying the night, the atmosphere and the great California wine when I heard Gregory calling me from inside.
The rest of the wine was sipped down before I opened the door to the living room and went inside again.
"Change into your bathrobe before you come in!" Greg's voice came out of the bath.
"Okaaaaaay!" I yelled back and made my way to the kitchen to place the empty glass into the sink before I headed for the bedroom to change as wished.

Two minutes - a changing and a check into the mirror - later, I slowly opened the door to the bathroom.
"May I?" I whispered into the dim lit room.
"Sure" he silently replied and so I stepped in - and stopped two steps later - looking around with wide open eyes.

"Gawd, Greg!" I sighed and checked the room once anew.
The room was only lit by candles - maaaaaaany candles ... no - a bunch of candles! The air was filled with the scent of sandalwood incense sticks and some atmospheric music I really can't remember what it was ... but in that moment it does not matter - and it doesn't matter now - because what did count was the whole ...the complete picture of it that would have melted even the darkest heart of steel.
The light ... the air ... the music ... and the best - Gregory as God has made him ... waiting for me in the bathtub!
"You like it?" he asked me and looked soooo cute I could have just grabbed him and cuddled him to suffocation.
"I do ..." I croaked and then cleared my throat to repeat it with more emphasis.
Gregory smiled broadly and pointed into the water. "Come here, hun' - enough space for two!"

I did not want him to have it repeated twice - so I opened my bathrobe and let it glide over my shoulders while looking him in the eyes.
Greg's pupils widened when I approached him and a short whistle followed a second later.

I could not avoid the grin that wanted to come on my face nor the little move with my hips to tease him a little.
We both grinned broadly and I waggled with my eyebrows.
"I see you did not fill it to the rim!?"
"Mhmmm...!" Greg answered and reached out to grab my waist.
"Guess why?" he said and pulled me closer ...

A second later my head dropped back and I perfectly knew why the tub wasn't filled completely.
Nonetheless we had to clean the floor afterwards ... but that afterwards was quite a while later - not to say ... some hours later!

"Holy moly, Jim!" Greg moaned and rubbed over his face with his head tilted back.
"Uhu" I moaned and stared through the mist up towards the ceiling.
"I think we should leave the water now" he replied with a weak voice.
"Uhm ... yah ... we probably should ... it is cold" I answered with a similar voice but did not move an inch.
My head rolled over my left shoulder 'till I could look at him.
"You first ..." I gestured slowly.
"You ..." Greg moaned and nodded towards the door.

My glance followed his nod and then I looked back at him.
"No" I sighed and let my head drop back again.
"Hmmm... damn ... why not?"
"Easy ... I think if I would try now I might faint or fall to the ground as I am feeling weak like a baby!" I replied with a big sigh.
A twin sigh followed and Greg's answer made me grin slightly.
"See, Jim ... I know exactly what you mean - so ... we should stay here until morn', huh?"

We both thought about that suggestion for a while but obviously didn't find it acceptable as we both tried to stand up simultaneously.
"You first - bunnybum!" Greg gestured me with a brief nod and let himself sink back into the clammy water.
"Okay ... okay" I moaned and carefully stepped out and on the lightly wet floor. "We have to mop up later!"

"Everything what you want, dear - just gimme a few moments to recover, 'kay?" Gregory muttered and looked at me with a "Geez-I-feel-dizzy!" expression.
"Sure!" I said while wrapping me in the warm and cozy bathrobe.

Gregory now stepped out of the tub and I grabbed him firmly when he nearly slipped out on the wet ground.
"Damn!" he growled and pulled me closer. "You are impossible man! What are you doing with me, hm?"
"I ... I ..." and before I could stammer what he did mean - I noticed by the reaction of his body and the kiss he gave me.

Amazing how quick you can be in the bedroom and cuddling underneath the blankets if you just want it!

I must say that this very last evening of being at home was ... hmmm ... inspiring, uplifting, cozy, romantic and full of love! The cleaning we had to do in the late or early morning hours really was worth all of it!

Ave Maria ...

2007-09-06T17:40:00.000Z

The world misses a great singer - Luciano Pavarotti died today after suffering many years from cancer ... may he be now where there is no pain, no suffering ...

May the light have guided him through the darkness and may his friends and family always remember him as the person he was.

Luciano Pavarotti was one of the best tenors in the world and to honor his voice - Ave Maria:

A saturday evening and a stroll

2007-09-04T13:17:00.000Z

Life during the last few weeks wasn’t that boring for me as you might have thought it was. As I already told you – I had no computer at home (if we don’t count Greg’s) and therefore the evenings were filled with TV, dinner, talks, laughs and some strolls.
Gregory wanted me to join him for a jog by and then – but as I had to work double clinic hours most of the time and really had a lot to do at work – I felt more or like exhausted when coming home late at night.
So it was no wonder that Gregory often found himself alone until 9 or 10 p.m.
In order to balance out the time we had not – we used the time we had more intensively.
It was last Saturday when Greg looked up from Calvin & Hobbes while I was trying to get familiar with my new notebook.

“Jim …”
“Hm?” I asked him and looked up from the manual.
“How long do you want to brood over that handbook?” Greg asked and took a sip from the coffee I had made a while ago.
“I dunno”, I said with a sigh and put the manual away. “Somehow I don’t have a clue how I can get into the Internet …”
Gregory raised an eyebrow and smiled slightly. “You know that you are way too cute sometimes, hm?”
“Pardon?” I asked him with a smile.
“Do you do that on purpose or don’t you know how to do it?”

“I … … I … … Huh? What do you mean?” I asked him and rubbed my neck.
Greg shook his head and stood up. “What about having a walk and I will later take care of it?” He said while approaching me.

“A walk…?” I said and the rest was mumbled into a purr as Gregory started to fondle and kiss my neckline.
“Mhmmmm … a walk!” Greg muttered into my ear before he started nibbling at it.
My eyes closed automatically and enjoyed the touch of his soft lips upon my skin. The kissing continued a bit and my hands found their way to his hair, while he drew me closer and searched my lips with his mouth.
I felt a shiver running over my body when he touched my lips with his tongue tip. Pleasant anticipation made me moan and shift on my chair.
“Sooooo?” I heard him whispering softly and his fingers were caressing my throat tenderly.
“So what?” I whispered back and had no clue what he did mean.
“So what about the walk now?” Greg replied and the little smile I heard in his voice made me open my eyes finally.

Gregory’ s shining blue eyes were examining me carefully and I could not resist raising an eyebrow and pouting a bit.
“Oh… that walk! I nearly forgot now … Can’t we … … I mean …”
My fingers played their way up to his shaved (!) chin and I gave him a Greg-like puppy look.
A soft and deep “Hm?” and a little devilish smile was all I got.
I moved the chair backwards and pulled Greg on my lap then. “You know exactly what I mean!” I whispered and started to unbutton his shirt.
“I might … I might …” Greg answered but was not willing to give in. He leaned back a bit and still looked into my eyes.

A sigh slipped out of my mouth and I raised my eyes towards the ceiling …
“Okay, I got that … You want to go out and on a walk – you have already something in your mind, right?”
“Right!” Greg answered, fondled my hair and stood up then.

Another sigh filled the room – and again it was mine. I closed my notebook and stood up as well to follow Greg into the bedroom where he did go to change into street clothes – as we still had been in our “home clothes”.
I opened the door and found me staring on a more than alluring scene …
“I … I … thought we go on a walk?” I finally managed to say (more than just a bit hoarsely) while still eyeballing the scene in front of me.
Gregory lying on the bed in his birthday suit – arms and legs spread open and the only light were two candles on the nightstand. The light of the candles painted soft patterns on his skin and my body reaction was more than clear.

“Stop thinking and come here …” Greg moaned with closed eyes.
That was a thing he did not have to repeat twice and so I closed the door silently and slipped out of my clothes more than hastily while approaching the bed.

My eyes met the red rose I did buy two days ago together with some Chinese food for dinner. I grabbed it tenderly and crawled beside Greg then.
Gregory did not open his eyes and did not move … slowly I took the rose and started to caress his skin with its velvet-like bud.
A deep moan slipped out of Greg’s mouth and his eyes popped open.

“Shhhh …” I whispered as I was unable to speak – my throat felt dried out and my heart did beat like it would want to run a marathon.

Greg moaned again when the rose bud tenderly stroke over his side. He opened his mouth and I felt my lower parts wanting and pleading for more.
The rose soon found the way to the floor and my lips the way to his mouth … and the walk was soon forgotten for quite a while.

One hour or so later, Greg turned around lazily and gave me his brightest smile.
“Back to the topic now … what about a walk?”
I stretched lightly and nodded.
“Yeah, why not – looks like it would be a nice evening to go for a stroll? Already some place in your mind?”
“Hmmm … I thought about the golf course!” Greg replied and crawled to the edge of the bed.
“The golf course?” I answered and straightened up. “Isn’t it forbidden to have a walk there?”
Gregory’s smile became even broader and now there was a hint of a devilish grin in it.

“Really?”

… ... …

“Well, I just heard that it is very nice there and in the night it must be silent and … no one around – five miles away from the center of Plainsboro …”

Greg gave me a side glance and waggled one eyebrow.
“Oh …” I said and the realization dawned what he wanted to tell me between the lines …
“Mhmmm…” was his reply and with a grin it was me now crawling out of the bed and jumping into jeans, t-shirt and sneakers.

Greg said nothing but he checked what I did choose to wear and nodded then as if I had passed a test without knowing it.
It was in the car to the golf course when I asked him why he did nod before.

“I just noticed you did choose clothes you can get easily in and out …” he replied while looking on the street.

“Right … right …” I just answered with a grin.

What happened now on the golf course is just a thing of your imagination … it was a … nice walk there – very very silent …

Still alive ...

2007-08-13T13:06:00.000Z

The reason why I did not write for that long time is fairly simple: my own notebook broke down lately and that is why I could not write ...

Still having no new one but having a bit of a spare time here at work and using my PPTH computer for giving you a short life sign.

Work really made a busy bee of me lately - as summer is here many family "docs" are away and so there is a lack of doctors for clinic duty. My normal day schedule consist of a bit of my ward round in the morning - some appointments and then clinic duty ... clinic duty means sometimes I am out of here at 10, 11 or later in the evening.

Greg is doing good and as he is eager to win a running competition he trains his leg every day now ...

When I am coming home there are other things to do then sitting in front of the computer and informing you about my all-day bustle ... sorry if you did miss me though.

I will try to update you from time to time ...but please understand that I can't dance on every wedding (if you know what I mean).

Things between me and Greg are back to normal and it is good to see that his grumpiness vanishes from day to day his leg is working better.

Now I have to go back to work again ... see you around!

James

Tuesday ... part III

2007-07-25T22:35:00.000Z

The slamming of the door reached the bottom of my soul and I startled a bit.
"ASSHOLE" I yelled and I have to admit that I wasn't sure if I said it to myself or to Gregory.
I stood there for a second and looked down on the shardes of the mug.

The remnants gnawed at my conscience and I felt my anger vanishing at once.
How silly and dump we both were ... I opened the door and heard Gregory muttering aloud, "DOUCHEBAG!"
A sigh slipped out of my mouth when I did see him sitting there on the steps down to the sidewalk.
I stepped out of the appartment, made sure I had the keys in my pocket and drew the door close behind me.
"Greg ..." I started silently and looked at his back.

He stiffened and turned to me slowly.
"What now? Wanna ruin my bike as well?" he asked me with a monotone voice.
I approached him with wringing hands, "I am sorry! Okay ... I ... "
"It is one thing destroying something due to an accident or destroying something due to will!" he barked at me and swallowed down hard.
I walked passed him as I wanted to look him in the eyes and while doing so, he suddenly stretched out his leg and I nearly found myself kissing the pavement.

"Are you insane?" I asked him aloud after I tumbled lightly and could find my balance back before falling down on my knees.
"You ask me, if I am insane? After what you implied with the mug? You did say that on purpose after all you know what happened to me as a child ..."
My jaw dropped down and I must have looked more than blank.
"Greg, I never thought about that ... believe me!"
"Fuck you, Jim or no ... go and fuck someone else - that is what you can do the best, huh?" he spat in my face.
I startled and felt a fist squeezing my stomach and another fist trying to rip my heart out.
Gregory looked at me and I could see in his eyes that he slowly recognized what he had said ... before he could say even more I slowly nodded and stepped back.
"Yah ... I got that!" I said silently and turned around to walk away with fast steps.

"JIM, wait!" I heard him shouting after me a few seconds later.
I hesitated in my steps but did not stop but walked further on.
"JIM!" I heard him again before I heard his steps following me.
Slowing down my steps a bit I thought about what we both did say and why we did say it.
"God, how stubborn we both are!" I thought and wondered if he still did love me.
One thing was sure - I still loved him dearly, deeply and with all my heart.

Why is it so, that we often hurt those the most - we love the most?

I nearly stood now and could feel his presence close behind me and then I felt his hand grabbing my arm.
"Jim" he said with a softer voice that made my heart jump.
I turned around and looked at him - straight into his steel-blue eyes.
Gregory eyed me and sighed deeply then.
"I am sorry" he whispered and looked down on his sneakers.
"I am sorry as well!" I whispered back and looked upon my hands.

"Really?" I heard him asking silently and saw his feet moving a bit.
I lifted up my head again and found me staring into his concerned looking face.
"Really!" I answered with an underlining nod and raised my hand to caress his cheek briefly.
Gregory stiffened underneath my touch and I did withdraw my hand at once.

"Oh god, is it that severe ... he did stiffen!" I thought and gnawed upon my lower lip.
"Believe me, Jim, I never meant that ..." Gregory continued then and touched my hand lightly.
A shiver ran down my spine and I felt a heat rushing through my entire body.
I would have so wanted to drag him into my arms, hold him tenderly and telling him more than anything else that I still did love him - but I did not find my guts to do so.

"I ... I never really wanted to hurt you like I did. You are right ... I am a douchebag!" I said and felt more than sorry.
Greg smiled lightly and looked earnest again a few seconds later.
"Perhaps a little one sometimes ..." he replied and winked at me.
"I suppose we both are - sometimes, hm?" I answered silently and stepped a bit closer.
"Mhm" he said with a nod and stepped closer as well.

Only a few inches parted us now and I looked up into his eyes.
I felt his breath upon my skin and his eyes wandering down to my mouth where they rested for the hint of a second and wandered then back to my eyes again.
"What about ... going out for dinner?" Gregory asked me silently and his eyes caressed my face.
A sigh was about slipping out of my mouth under his look and it was pure will I could surpress it.
"I would love to ..." I answered as silently as he asked me before, "But I do have an appointment this evening."
Gregory blinked for a second and stepped back then.
"Oh ..."
"DAMN FUCK!" I thought and rubbed my neck.

"An appointment, huh? So ... you wont be at home this evening ..."
"Right ... I ..."
"No, if it is important ..." he said and looked up and down the road then.
I looked at him and felt the urge again to take him into my arms and not letting him go for the rest of time.
"Well, I could ask my colleague if she would mind cancelling it ..." I answered and tried a little smile.
He gave me a questioning look and raised an eyebrow then.
"A colleague ... oh ...well, then ..." Greg said and waved aside. "Sounds important ..."
Again I gnawed on my lip and rubbed my neck.
"I am sure she will understand it ..." I answered and searched for my cell.
"Damn I think I left my cell at home" I said - "Would you mind going back?"
"No no ..." Greg answered in thoughts.

"Oh please, Lord! Let us solve that problem!" I prayed inwardly and walked back towards our apartment.
Greg accompanied me and we both gave us side glances in return.
We reached the house a short time later and I opened the door for him with a little smile.
Gregory stepped in an brushed my chest with his arm slightly.
I inhaled sharply and again felt a fist around my stomach, but this time it was more longing for his touches than fearing the marriage break up.

Gregory looked back over his shoulder and for a tiny moment I thought that he as well had problems fighting against his feelings.
I shrugged that thought off again and went to my bag to pull out my cell.
A minute later I cancelled the appointment and postponed it for tomorrow.
"See you tomorrow at lunch then!" I finished the call and hang up.
Gregory was sitting on the armchair in the living room and looked through a magazine.
"I cancelled it .... so, if you still want to go out with me, I would be honoured!"
He looked up and nodded.
"You did not have to cancel it, you know" he said and put the magazine aside.

"I think spending the evening with you is much more important than that ... appointment", I said and combed through my hair.
A little smile enlightened Greg's face and he nodded.
"Okay ... I will change into something more fitting them, hm? Where do you want to go?"
"Why not going into the restaurant she did suggest? The table is still booked, though."
Greg hesitated and then shrugged.
"Yah, why not ..."
"Great ... do you need to go into the bathroom?" I asked him with a smile.
"Ehm ...yes!" he nodded and walked towards the bedroom first.
"Okay" I said and from the corner of my eyes I did see the shardes which were still spread out on the floor.

Gregory went past me and I bowed down to pick up the remnants of my furious anger.
"Silly damn idiot" I muttered inwardly and threw the shardes away then.
Greg rummaged in the bedroom and so I went into the bath for a second to wash my hands and comb my hair.
"You are always looking good" I heard his soft voice from the door though and my heart started to race.
My head turned and my eyes wandered up and down his body to inhale his appearance with my eyes.
He did wear black jeans, a red shirt, black Converse and a black suit jacket.

"Wow" I sighed and whistle shortly. "Now who is looking good, hm?" I asked him and stepped closer.
The scent of Eternity reached my nostrils and I swallowed down a lump in my throat.
"I ... I beter change as well", I whispered and he stepped back to let me pass.
"You don't have to" he said and his breath tickled my neck so close we were.
A shiver ran over my entire body and I closed my eyes for a milisecond.
"But I want to" I whispered back although it sounded more than a sigh of anticipation.
Gregory blinked and nodded slowly then before he cleared his throat.
"I will wait in the kitchen then" he said and sounded a bit hoarsely.
I just nodded and went into the bedroom then.

I hastily changed into a dark blue jeans with a black leather belt, a white shirt with the first two buttons opened, a black suit jacket and black leather shoes.
"That must do" I said to my reflection in the mirror and stepped out of the bedroom then.
"Shall we go?" I asked from the hallway and peeked into the kitchen.
Gregory turned his head and nodded slowly, "Yah ..." he said.
"I called a cab ... I got the allowance to drink alcohol again, so I thought ..."
"That is fine" I answered and gave him a warm smile.
"Wonderful ..." he replied and opened the door for me.

The cab was already waiting for us and after I told the driver where to go, we sat on the backseats like strangers who did not know what to talk about.
"So ...the restaurant is near the river?" Greg asked after a unpleasant silence of a few minutes.
"It is down at the river, yah. I've never been there though but I heard of it and they are famous for their fish plates."
"Fish ..." Greg said and beamed at me.
I nodded and beamed back.

The ride down to the river did not last that long and soon the taxi driver stopped the car in front of a very romantic looking restaurant with cozy lightning.
Gregory looked outside and whistled silently through his teeth.
"Now that is what I call a perfect place for a date!" he said while getting out of the car.
I paid the driver and then got out of the car as well.
"Yah, looks nice" I replied and looked at Gregory then.
He was still looking at the building and frowned a bit.
"Shall we go in?" I asked him and shortly touched his back ... and there it was again - that stiffening underneath my hand.

My hand dropped down at my side and without waiting for his answer I stepped up the stairs and opened the door for him.
"Sir ..." I said with a beam and waited for him to step up as well.
When passing me he smiled and thanked me silently.
At the reception desk we waited a second for the waitress to guide us to the already booked table.
"Good evening, I booked a table for Dr. Wilson this noon."
She checked the book and nodded then.
"Follow me please, Dr. Wilson" she said with a smile and guided us through the restaurant to the panoramic window.

The table we had was really a wonderful and romantic place situated in a little niche and decorated with candles and flowers.
"You said what, when you booked the table?" Gregory asked silently when taking seat.
"I just booked a table for two ...why?" I asked and looked around to check the whole restaurant.
"Do you see someone you know?" he wanted to know with a lightly pressed voice.
I turned my head again to look at him, "No ..." I said and smiled again.
"Could have been ..." Greg replied and now it was him looking around.
"What about that lady there, apparently waving at you?"
"Who?" I asked and looked who he meant.

A little laughter slipped out of my mouth when I turned my head to see at who that woman was waving at.
"I guess she means the other woman behind me who is waving back eagerly and now approaching her table!"
"Oh ... yah ..." Greg answered and blushed lightly.
"Gregory, you don't think that this was a date, right?"
He opened his mouth to reply but before he could do so I continued and explained him who wanted the appointement and why she wanted it.

After I finished my little explanation he sat there and looked down on his hands for a second.
My hand reached over the table automatically and I squeezed his tenderly.
Greg looked up and gently brushed over my palm with his thumb.
"I think I ... I thought for a second that it was a date", he then said silently and gave me an apologizing look.
"Never mind ... Greg" I said and swallowed down the darling that wanted to slip out.
He nodded and we drew our attention to the menu card.

"Mine has no prices" Greg said a second later and I grinned.
"But mine has ... so feel invited."
Greg grinned back, "You know that reminds me of the evening when I gave you the roses ..."
I nodded and thought back ...
"Mhm ..."
He nodded as well and looked on the card again.

I watched him for another moment and checked the card as well then.
"I think I will take the fish plate. Do you fancy a starter?" He asked me and put the card aside.
"Yah ... I think I might take the clamchowder as a starter and the Red Snapper as main course." I replied and put the card aside as well.
"Hmmmm... clamchowder sounds great. I will take that then as well. What about a rosé?"
"Great!" I said and looked at the waitress approaching us.

A bit of a time later our meals were ordered and I excused myself, as I wanted to go to a private place.
Greg nodded and looked out of the window after I stood up and made my way to the toilets then.
On the way back to the table I secretly went to the waitress and asked for a bottle of champagne and if they had some flowers here which they could sell me.
She grinned at me and replied that she could offer me some roses left from a wedding the day before.
"Perfect!" I answered and gave her a little extra tip. "Could you please serve the champagne and the flowers after dinner then?"
"Of course!" she answered and winked at me.

With a smile on my lips I went back to the table again and took seat.
"Really lovely here!" Greg addressed me and I looked out of the window as well.
A little ship with party lights on it just floated down the stream and I nodded slowly.
"Mhm ... would be the perfect place to celebrate our wedding date in November."
Greg looked at me and now it was him grabbing my hand for a second.
"That would be very nice..." he said tenderly and I caressed his fingers.
"Yes ..." I returned and leaned back in my seat then when I saw the waitress approaching with our soups.

The dinner passed and we tried to talk normal again ... it felt weird when we had to asked what happened the last few days and it felt weird as well, feeling that I really have missed talking to him that much.
When our main courses were served my conscience was tested anew as Gregory celebrated his fish with a lot of moans and sighs.
To my shame I have to admit that I started with the moaning when I tried my fish.

I closed my eyes and really could not avoid sighing out loud as the crab sauce was more than awesome!
"Aaaaaaaaaaaw....hrrrrmmmm" I sighed and took another bit of the fish.
"Gaaawd ...the sauce is so great!"
A klonk made me open my eyes again and I found me looking into Greg's stunned face. I searched for the reason of the sound I heared before and saw his fork laying on the plate.
"Are you okay?" I asked him and had to surpress a grin.
"Oh yes ... are you okay?" Greg asked back and looked at me as if I was about to faint.
"Mhm" I answered and offered him a fork with some fish and that delicious crab souce. "Wanna try?"
He shrugged and tried it ... what a biiiig mistake!

Greg closed his eye and a deep moan slipped out of his mouth. My fingers grabbed the fork stronger and I muttered inwardly as my body clearly responded on that sight and sound.
"No showers around here!" I thought and took a deep sip of my wine instead.
"Delicious!" Greg said then and nodded at me.
I swallowed down the lump in my throat and focused my concentration on the fish again.
It did not last for a long time as Gregory continued by and then to comment every new fish sort with noises of pleasure.

The bottle of wine was empty much too fast and it was not Gregory who emptied it ...
When the main course was finished I already felt more than tipsy.
The idea slowly arose in my head that his wounds could really cope with some cuddling, moving and other funny things ...
I licked my lips at the very thought of it and was not aware that Gregory was watching me at that moment - not until he sighed deeply.
My eyes found his and before I knew what happened I leaned over the table and placed a tender kiss on his lips.
"Jim" he sighed when I leaned back again and we both had our mouths slightly opened and were breathing a bit faster.

I stared into his eyes and so did he ...both completely lost in thoughts and feelings so that we did not notice the waitress standing at our table with the bottle of champagne and some beautiful red roses in her hands.
Only her polite coughing brought us back into the here and now I we both turned our heads to look for the source of disturbance.
Greg's eyes widened and a smile enlightened my face.
"I thought it was time to break the stubborness" I whispered silently.
Greg nodded and looked from roses to me and back again.
"Fancy a dessert?" I asked him and again he nodded.
"Yah ... but what about taking it at home?"
Now it was me nodding speechlessly and we both did not notice that the waitress was already gone and only the bottle of champagne and the roses were standing at the edge of the table.

"Would be great ..." I said after I had swallowed down hard.
"What about taking me as a dessert?" Greg asked now with bright sparkling eyes.
"Hmmm... would you take me?" I asked back and held my breath for a second.
"Bet your ass I will ..." he moaned silently and his eyes told me more than every word could do.
Before we could ask for the bill the waitress was back again with the very same in her hands.
She smiled when we looked at her with asking eyes.
"I thought you might want to pay now."
"Ehm...right ..." I stammered, looked at the bill, payed and handed her another tip.
"May we take the bottle of champagne with us?" Greg asked with a smirk.
"Sure, sirs!" the waitress answered and handed Gregory the bunch of roses wrapped in a paper.
"Perfect!" Gregory replied and took the roses.
I grabbed the bottle of champagne and stood up.

Some cabs were waiting in front of the restaurant and so we found ourselves sitting on the backseats a few minutes later - on our way home.

Tuesday...part II

2007-07-25T19:53:00.000Z

The key turned in the lock and I opened the door.
"Are you at home?" I asked before and immediately cursed inside.
"Shit ..." I thought and threw the bag in the corner.

"Was that YOUR voice I heard?" Gregs familiar voice sounded from the living room.
I just snorted and went into the kitchen to pour me a coffee.
Greg looked at me from the couch.
"I would not drink that ... it still is from the morning."
"I bet one can drink it" I replied and took a sip.

"One can but not you or me..." Greg answered and I now knew why - but stubborn as I were I downed the nearly cold coffee and said that it is still good.
Gregory just shrugged and looked at me questioningly.

I played with the mug in my hand and gnawed on my lower lip a bit.
What now ... what now ...
"So ... we talk now?" Greg asked and leaned back into the cushions.
"Seems so ..." I said silently and looked at him.

He shrugged and threw the Calvin & Hobbes on the TV table.
The anger was rising again inside of me and I grabbed the mug a bit harder.
"I bought a new car ..." I said silently and watched his reaction.
"You ...what?" Gregory replied and looked at me with an open mouth.
"I bought a new car as you did ruin mine!"

"Damn it, James! I did not ruin your car! I told you that I knew you could handle it and it was just a JOKE!"
"Hah! Your jokes are not always funny, Gregory!" I exclaimed and tried not to raise my voice.
"Fine ... fine" he muttered "Anyway it was a lousy and boring old wrack!"
"Pardon? I loved my car ..."
"Just because you fucked Bonnie on the backseat the first time, I suppose!" Gregory grunted back.

I thought I did not hear right and nearly dropped the mug.
"What did you say?" I asked him silently and narrowed my eyes.
Gregory said nothing and looked at me with his typical "blockhead" expression.
"I can't believe what you said now, Greg! And if so ... that is not your business!"
"HAH! Now it is not my business, hm?" he barked back.
"Right ... and if I would have taken all the nurses of the PPTH there, it would not be your businees!"
Gregory opened and closed his mouth now and stood up then.

"FINE!" he said, squeezed past me and grabbed his jacket.
"Now you are running away again? Hm? Always the same you cannot face a discussion ..."
"I am NOT running away ... damn I told you it was not meant that way."
The anger gnawed at me and I looked down on the mug I was holding. Greg's mug ...the mug he had since his childhood ...
I don't know what devil did bite me but I opened my hand and let it drop down to the wooden floor where it smashed into pieces.
Gregory stepped back and looked at the shardes of his beloved mug.
"You did that on PURPOSE!" he yelled at me and pointed at the remnants.
I shrugged, "It was an accident! Sorry, I did not mean it!"

"God, I loved that mug ... I had it since my childhood! It is from England!"
"You only loved it because you have used it for other contents I suppose ..."
... ... ...
Gregory narrowed his eyes and I saw that I overdid it.
"What do you want to say with that?" he asked me silently.
"I ..."
"Sod it, you asshole! You wanted to imply that I used it for WHAT?"
"I don't know for what you might have used it ... but who knows, perhaps when you couldn't get a professional ...!" I barked back and shrugged then.
"You ... you ..." he said with a shaking index finger and pointed at me.

I knew it that it was too much but ... I was unable to swallow it down. All the anger and all the cold showers I had to take - all was too much at that moment.
"Wanna deny now that you called some, huh? Aw, c'mon don't play the choirboy now!"
Gregory stepped back with a clenched fist and through gritted teeth he pressed, "Fuck YOU!" before he turned and rushed out the appartment.

... to be continued

Tuesday... part I

2007-07-25T15:15:00.000Z

Tuesday started as rotten as Monday ended!

First I awoke with Gregory's hand slipped into my pj trousers ... not that it would be that bad to wake up like that. Normally that would have meant a very very pleasant morning - but under those circumstances it meant a silent inward cursing and a very careful withdrawing, just to stand up and rush under the cold shower again.

Gregory slept in this morning and I did not wake him up as there was no reason for it. With my high-spirited mood I approached my car and looked at it.
"All because of you!" I muttered while opening the door and getting into it.
I started the engine and like the car would now want to pout as well - there was no noise. I tried it several times and had no success.
"Nice! NICE!" I cursed and hit the steering wheel.
Several curses later I dialed the number of the garage and asked to pick my car up as it did not start anymore.
They promised me to be around in half an hour ...

"Half an hour" I thought and decided to go back in and have another coffee.
Greg was still sleeping and did not wake up - so I let him sleep as it still was early morning.
To my surprise the breakdown van was there 25 minutes after I had called.
The mechanic checked the car and shook his head afterwards.
"I am sorry, Dr. Wilson, but I have to take it with me to the garage!"
I nodded, "Yes, I already thought so!"
"I did see that you pimped your car a bit ..." he said silently with a wink.
My face got red and I rubbed my neck while looking inside the car.
"Ehm ... well ... that was a joke amongst friends!" I replied and shrugged then.

"A joke? Well, that joke might have ruined your car though. It is not ... hmm ... supposed to race that old little vehicle here", he answered and patted my little darling softly.
"Yes, I fear you are right" I said with a deep sigh and handed him the car keys.
He took it with a nod. "We will call you within the day, Dr. Wilson!"
I thanked him and walked to the crossing then to hail a taxi.

Another twenty minutes later I stepped into my office.
The red light on my phone was blinking and I could not avoid a sigh slipping out of my mouth.
I first placed my leather bag in the sideboard and went to Greg's white board office to pour me a cup of coffee.
Foreman was brooding over a file and Chase bit on his pencil, like nearly always when he has nothing to eat around.
Both looked up when I entered the room with a "Good morning!"
"Hey Wilson! No coffee in the oncologists department?" Foreman asked with a smirk.
"I did not check it. I thought why not looking what house's gang is doing ..." I replied, grabbed me a red mug and poured some coffee.
"You might find it interesting that we really can work without House!" Chase mumbled while sucking at his pencil.
The mug in my hand I turned around and looked at both.
"Yeah, I am sure you can. Something to do?"
Foreman showed me the content of the file and I nodded.
"Well, this looks like a big problem, Foreman!" I said with a earnest voice.
"Thought so, too. Any ideas?"
"Let me see ..." I checked the content again and pointed with my tea spoon at it.
"Paris!" I said and nodded.
"Are you sure?" Foreman asked and raised an eyebrow.

"The city of love with five letters ... yes, that is Paris!" I replied and threw the spoon into the sink.
"Oh, well! Thanks ..." Foreman said and scribbled it into the crossword puzzle.
On my way out I turned again and looked around, "By the way - where is Cameron?"
"She is in the lab and doing some tests." Chase mumbled while still biting on his pencil.
I couldn't avoid grinning a bit and waved them a good-bye then.

Not nice ... but she surely wanted to make the tests on her own. At least they had a job and were not just hanging around ... ... ... or?
I shrugged the thought off and proceeded to my office.
In thoughts and with the mug in my hand I opened the door and was greeted by a female voice, "Dr. Wilson?"

A woman and according to her dress code - a doctor - was approaching me in the hallway. I waited for her at my door and gave her a smile.
Now I recognized her. She was a gynecologist and working here at the PPTH as well.
"Do you have a minute for me, Dr. Wilson?" She asked with a smile.
"Sure I do have ... come in."
With those words I held the door open for her and she passed me with a little cloud of rose perfume.

I closed the door behind her and then took seat behind my desk.
"Have a seat, please" I said and pointed at the visitors chair.
"How can I help you?"
She first looked down on her hands and then up into my eyes.
"I ... I ... I would like to talk with you about ... ehm ... something", she stammered and I promptly knew about what she wanted to talk with me.
"Go ahead" I said warmly and gave her an encouraging look.
"Oh ... no ... not now. I ..." she checked her watch "I don't have time now ... what about this evening? Outside the PPTH?"

Patients coming to me and fearing that they might have cancer are always very very nervous and it costs a lot of patience and time to talk with them ... but doctors having this problem are even worse as most of them hate going to consultation hours, so it was not unusual for me that colleagues preferred "off-time appointments".

"This evening?" I asked back and thought about Gregory being alone at home ... I hesitated but then I thought about how we did spend the last evenings and nodded at her.
"Why not ... I have no plans for tonight!" I said with a smile. "Any suggestions?"
She suggested a nice restaurant down at the river where she got married a few years ago. We small talked a bit about her marriage and she relaxed while telling me about her husband and her little daugther.
15 minutes later we said good-bye and I promised to give her a text message on her beeper, if a table for two was still available.

Another ten minutes and a call at the restaurant later, I beeped her an OK.
So I would spend the evening outwards ... I had mixed feelings about it and I really was unsure how Greg would react when he was confronted with the fact that I would not be at home in the evening.
My thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of the phone.
The display showed me that it was an external call, I cleared my throat and answered the phone.
"Oncologist department, Dr. Wilson?!
"Dr. Wilson this is Larry from the Carson garage ..." I was greeted by a loud voice.
"Hello ..."
"Yah, Dr. Wilson ... we are sorry but the engine of your car is a total loss."

A sigh slipped out of my mouth when I combed through my hair.
"Damn!" I thought and thumbed my fingers on the desk.
"Are you sure?" I replied with a bit of hope sign in my voice.
"We are awfully sorry, sir. But - yes - it is not repairable."
Now my damn was spoken aloud and I leaned back in my chair and looked up at the ceiling.
"We have some nice new cars here, you could come by if you want and we will give you a big discount, Dr. Wilson!"
"I need a new car anyway" I said with a low voice and felt like having lost a long friend.

My car ... my square and boring car - like Greg used to call it ... well, it might have been boring but I loved it anyway.
We agreed that I would fetch my things out of the car and come by later.

Tuesday really seemed to be that rotten like Monday.

I finished my ward round, called Cuddy and explained her that I had to leave early. Of course she wanted to know why and I just told her that my car was a total loss and I had to buy a new one.
She did let me go earlier - and so I walked out of the PPTH two hours later after I had met a few patients of mine.

The next hour I spent with searching a new car and finally found one - a silver Volvo S80 caught my eye and in a few weeks I can call it mine though. Until then I am driving a rental car - a VW Golf R32.

I drove slowly home and tried to make myself familiar with the new car. The R32 is a big difference to my old car and not only because of the higher PS ... it is just ... well, different. I parked the car in front of the house, locked it and stepped up the stairs to our appartment.

... to be continued!

Monday - rotten to the core

2007-07-25T11:52:00.000Z

Monday started rotten - Monday ended rotten ...

The fact that Greg and I did no longer talk to each other made my already superb mood not even better. Sunday was a disaster as we walked around here like zombies - no touch, no kind word ... no nothing! What a difference to the weeks before ... sure we had not more than hugging and cuddling and a smooch from time to time - but at least we had lovely hours with talking, walking, laughing and just enjoying each others - but now ... there was nothing but silence!

It took me a while in the night to fall asleep and I stared out of the window into the night until my eyes started to hurt and I had to close them.

Monday morning started with the ugly and horrible noise of my alarm clock ...
With a moan I turned around to switch the alarm off and with another moan I turned back into my former position ... softness awaited me and I slowly opened one eye.

There he was, laying in my arms and his lips so close it would have been easy to kiss him - to forgive him and to let my heart rule over the stubborness ...
Silently and without waking him up I crawled back a bit and then stood up with a little silent sigh.
"How lovely" I thought when I looked down at him.
Gregory did lay there one hand underneath his pillow, one leg on my side and his lips relaxed, ready for a tender kiss.

The heat crawled up my spine and with an inward mutter I made my way to the bathroom to take another cold shower.
The cold water woke me up instantly and after a few seconds of shivering I cooled down again and turned the water to warm. Another few minutes later I stepped out of the shower and wrapped me in my bathrobe.

Next step lead me into the kitchen where I prepared some coffee and placed a plate and cereals on the table when I heard some steps behind me.
I slowly turned around and already wanted to greet my sleepy head with a little mocking when I remembered the self-imposed silence.
I squeezed past him and for a tiny bit of a second I had the feeling he wanted to pull me closer ... but it was just a feeling and nothing happened.

After I got dressed and had my hair dried I walked back into the kitchen to have my breakfast and coffee.
Gregory was already sitting at the table and sipping his coffee slowly.
My heart slopped over and again I wanted to break the silence - but I didn't do it. Instead of talking to him I scribbled down a post-it note to remind him of his appointment with Dr. Featherstonhaugh.
Greg's reaction was a snort and the act of drowning his cereals in vanilla milk. I really could not blame his reaction and I felt silly and childish ... I opened my mouth to say something and looked at him - he looked so stubborn and grumpy that I closed my mouth again and drew my attention to my coffee instead.

After that lovely breakfast I packed my bag and fetched my keys -off I was to the PPTH. My car really did not like me - but is it a wonder after what my old little Volvo had to suffer on Saturday? No, it is not!

The anger came back and so I arrived at the PPTH with a more than "perfect" mood. My mood even got better when I walked into my office and was greeted by an overflowing desk full of paperwork.

I smashed the bag on the sofa and let me sink on my chair.
"Fuck" I muttered and stared on all the files and letters.
Pity that Dr. Danby chose that very moment to knock and enter my office.

I looked up at him and greeted him with the words: "What the heck is that? Have you forgotten to do the paperwork or is that a special kind of "Welcome back"?!"
Danby's jaw dropped down and he stared at me.
"I ... I ... I thought you might do it on your own, Dr. Wilson!"
"Think is not your strength, is it?" I barked back and pointed at the paperwork.
"I ... I am sorry, Dr. Wilson" he stammered and decided then to leave the office.

There I sat ... my desk flooded with paperwork and - a ringing phone.
"Who the heck" I muttered and checked the display.
Cuddy ... fine!
"Wilson" I barked into the the handset.
"Lovely to have you back, Wilson. At least one doctor who is always willing to do clinic duty!" She greeted me with an alluring voice.
A sigh slipped out of my mouth and I rubbed my temples. It was always a bad sign when she started to use that voice.

That voice normally means a lot of work and ... well - it meant a lot of work.
She saddled me with extra hours of clinic duty as - according to her own words - There was a lack of personell due to illness, vacation and cronical unwillingness ...
FINE - and the nice Dr. Wilson was there again ...

I hung up the phone and burried my face in the hands.
"What a start" I murmured and thought about the sunny walks at Point Pleasant - not a great idea as it made me even more grumpier.

I missed him ... I missed it like hell not being able to talk to him, not being able to hold him and not being able to ... well ... to made his mind clear again with some special actions.
"Damn it" I sighed and started to work off the bumf.

After my ward round together with Dr. Danby who avoided any provocating questions for his own health I suppose I spent the rest of Monday morning over the paperwork and just stopped to fetch me some coffee by and then.

My superb afternoon was crowned with meeting Dr. Fornara (or TenaciousM) during the clinic duty.
"Ciao, dottore Wilson!" I heard his slimy voice behind me when I was about to enter room no. 4.
I slowly turned around and eyeballed him.
"Hello, Dr. Fornara!" I greeted him coldly. He looked like a gigolo again and the urge to smash his sunnyboy face against the wall really became big.

"How is Dr. House? Is he fine? When will he come back?"
Wow ... three questions at once - and try to imagine him standing there like a little school girl and smiling at me like silly and dumb idiot!
I raised an eyebrow and replied with a brief nod, "He is recovering!"
Before he could ask me more I opened the door and entered the room.

"Jerk" I spoke silently to myself and looked up then.
The patient - a young man looked at me with popped open eyes.
"What?" he asked and looked like being able to rip my kidneys out with his little finger.
"I did not mean you!" I answered and grabbed his file then.

"How can I help you?" I asked him after I couldn't find any entry of interest.
He stood there and blushed lightly now.
"I have ... pain!" he stammered and did not look very comfortable.
"Pain ...aha ... and where do you have pain?" I replied slowly. "Jerk would have fit as well" I thought and eyeballed him.

"Ehm ..." he said and clenched his right hand to a fist.
"Okay ... okay!" I nodded slowly and really had to control myself not to put a devilish smile upon my face.
Such a behavior was normal for very embarrassing things.
"Do you want me to look at or do you first want me to explain what it is" I asked him and leaned against the desk.
"What is what?" he replied and gnawed on his meaty lower lip.
"The object ..." I said and pointed at his buttocks.

He swallowed down hard and started to stammer a little nice story.
According to him the object had been a coke plastic bottle ... and it had already been removed - but now it was all sore and did hurt and everything.

Unfortunately I had to look at "it" and well - believe me that hairy body part was another Monday highlight!
I scribbled down a prescription against his pain and rummaged in the shelf for a lube.
With a smile I place the lube in his big hand.
"Next time, use that and tell your lover he should be more tender!"
To my luck he was too perplex to answer and so I shoved a deeply blushed human meatball out of the room.

"Gregory would love that story!" I thought and looked forward with a grin to tell him about this idiot. The grin slowly faded when I remembered that I couldn't tell him that - as we did not speak to each other.

The afternoon continued and soon the quitting time arrived.
I opened the door to the appartement with a lumb in my throat, placed the bag in the corner and stepped towards the bedroom to change into more comfortable clothes.
Gregory was sitting on the couch and looked up when I passed the room.

I so wanted to tell him about the day and what all happened ... I wanted to drag him into my arms, kiss him and say "Sorry" - but I just nodded at him silently and another evening of silence started.

Banged silence

2007-07-24T10:12:00.000Z

mood: grumpy

In the night I sit and wonder about the sounds down on the streets. Do they ever sleep?
Sometimes I fear I am living in a world that never goes to bed ... there is always a bustling and no silence at all.

I mean - sure there is a silent moment when you think you could hear a drop falling down to earth ... but ... isn't there always a tiny bit of a sound? Even the falling down drop would make a sound.
So? Is silence an illusion?
Is there a moment of complete silence?
And if such a silent moment exists - when you would not even hear a sound ... no falling, no beating, no nothing but ... ... ... ... ...

Would we go mad? Would we survive such a complete silence? Would that silence make us deaf?
I think ... yes!

We are not supposed to live in complete silence ... even a deaf person hears something - deep inside, feels the rushing of the blood running through the arteries and creating a personal sound. But complete silence ... complete silence would make us loose ourselves as we are souls in need for sound.

The sound of a heartbeat, the sound of the normal all-day around, the sound that shows us: We are! We live and life goes on.

I thought I would go crazy when I had to experience the momentary situation of a complete silence ... a silence followed by an enormous BANG!

I am speaking of what happened to me Saturday. Or should I better say - what happened to my car Saturday.

But at first let me tell you what happened besides that.

After the weekend party at Chase's place in Plainsboro we decided to drive home early as Gregory did not feel that good though. I asked Greg if he wants to sleep in our apartment for that night, but he insisted on driving back to PP. So home meant a little longer drive for me ...

We talked a bit about playing silly pranks to persons we know and had quite a lot of fun. Fun for Greg meant also telling me that I should drive a bit more faster.
After the fifth time or so I gave him a side glance, "This is a Volvo and believe it or not, it is no Shelby GT!"
"Ha! You could not drive a car going that fast!" Gregory said and looked out of the window.
"Pardon? Sure I could do that! But ... I don't want to drive faster, that is all!"

My statement just caused him to mumble something into his stubbles.
We remained silent for the last few miles until I drove into our street.
"Jim, I know you can drive very well. It was not meant like that, okay?" Greg said silently and patted my knee.
I stopped the car in front of the house and nodded.
"It is okay." I answered with a little smile.

Inside the house Greg changed into his red pjs immediately and while he already made himself comfortable, I changed into my light blue pjs as well.
He looked so adorable when I came into the living room and looked at him, that I could not resist approaching him and embracing him tenderly.
Gregory held me close and slowly pulled me down with him on the couch.
His hands slipped underneath my shirt searchingly and his tongue tip pleaded for entrance while brushing softly over my lips.
I could not resist and soon we kissed each other eagerly and our shirts were laying on the ground.

I felt Greg's demanding hand on my back and heard his alluring moan when I became aware what we were about to do.
My eyes popped open and I looked down on him. He did lay there with his lips slightly parted and his pupils already widened.
"Geez!" I thought and pulled back immediately with my hand still on his chest.
"Greg, we can't do that." I said and tried to control my breathing.
"Pardon?!" Gregory answered with a hoarse voice.

"We can't do that. Your wounds, dear." I replied and stood up.
"I don't give a shit to my wounds", he mumbled and looked more than sexy. My stomach twitched and my lower part responded even more on that sight.

"But I do! I care a lot, you know?" I managed to say and tried to think about some really ugly things.

Gregory gave me his typical beaten-puppy-look and I averted his eyes to grab my shirt from the ground.
"No, Greg!" I said with more effort - to convince myself as well.
When I looked at him he had that hug-me-look and a lightly quivering lower lip.

"Stop that...." I moaned and turned to leave the room.
"Pleeeeeeeeeze", I heard him begging when I stepped into the bathroom.

When I closed the door I looked upon my lightly shaking hands and cursed inwardly. God alone knew how I was longing for him and God alone knew that it was damn hard to resist him when he walked around like that.
Since a few days I had the impression that Gregory was acting that sexy - on purpose!
"Another cold shower should help!" I muttered silently and turned on the water.

The shower did help - like all the other showers helped before and afterwards. The physical thing was one part ... but the mood thing was another part of that teetotalism.
Seeing Gregory walking half-naked through the cottage, licking his lips after every meal like he would long for my intimate kiss ... hearing him sighing when we went to bed ... and waking up in the middle of the night with his legs wrapped around me and his hands on my naked skin - that really does not help to stay cool and maintaing the will - NOT to.

We both walked around there like gamecocks (and I am talking about the animals now!) - ready to fight and with too much testosterone in us. So it was no wonder that I was looking forward to driving back to Plainsboro. Plainsboro means - work! Work means distraction! Work means not being around him all the time, not seeing him and not having the urge to throw him on the bed to let him moan, squirm and sigh my name full of passion ... work means having other people around me, people who don't walk around sexy as hell ...

A few days before we could drive back home I had to bring the car into the garage as the turn signal did not work anymore when I wanted to drive to the supermarket.
"Damn it!" I muttered more than angrily!
Gregory looked at me with one raised eyebrow. "Are we a bit loaded?"
I gave him a side glance and decided that snorting was the only correct answer.
"Yah, let it out, baby!" Greg sighed and caressed my knee a bit.

Believe me - it was so hard not to push him into the seat and just do what he wanted me to do.
A moan slipped out of my mouth nonetheless and from the corner of my eyes I saw Gregory shifting in his seat before he pulled back his hand again.
During the drive to the garage we both kept the silence.
The owner of the garage asked me if I want to make the annual inspection as well, as according to the car book it was time for it.
"Why not?" I said with a shrug and so we left the car in the garage and took a taxi back to the cottage.

"When do you want to drive back to Plainsboro, Greg?" I asked him two days later during breakfast.
Greg looked up from his coffee and straight into my eyes.
"Hmm...why not tomorrow? Either in the early morning hours or later at night, as the streets will be free then and we so wont spent that much time in the car."
I nodded slowly, "Sounds good! The car is ready today and so we could leave tomorrow. What do you prefer? Morn' or evening?"
Gregory buttered his toast and thought about it for a second.
"Evening I'd say. We could walk down to the ocean a last time then." He said with a smile that made my heart jump a bit.
"Mhm ... why not." I replied and so it happened ...

The drive back home started "normal".
Normal means that Greg started with his questioning ten minutes after we left Point Pleasant behind us.

In general, I can handle that quite well - but as I mentioned before my nerves aren't the best lately and so I bawled him out after the third question of "Are we there yet?"
Greg looked a bit surprised and narrowed his eyes then.
"You did not just say that to me, did you?" He asked me silently and narrowed his eyes.
"Oh YES I did!" I replied with a very grumpy voice and looked on the nearly empty road.
"You called me an annoying cheeky brat!" Greg said with a calmer voice now.
I nodded before I answered, "I perfectly know what I did call you!"
"Aha ..."
Silence ...

That silence lasted for the next twenty minutes and I had time enough to choke on my anger and swallow the feelings down.
I was about opening my mouth and tell him that I feel sorry, when Greg looked at me with a little devilish smirk.
He reached with one hand behind my seat and looked at me.
"You know, darling ... you are perfectly right!" he said and I heard a klick.
My look was fixed on the empty highway and I was about asking him what that sound was ... when suddenly there was silence.
"Wha..." I started and then there was that enormous BANG!

That sound was accompanied with a sudden speed-up and a second later we found us being pressed into the car seats due to a breakneck speed.
I tried not freak out when I grabbed the steering wheel harder not to loose control over the car while we bombed down the highway.
The landscape rushed by and Greg sat in his seat and yelled a deep-voiced "Woooooooooohoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"
"Damn you!" I screamed out and tried to slow down the engine.
"Fuck it, Greg! Turn that thing off!" I yelled at him when the steering wheel began to totter alarmingly.
"Yeeeehaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" Greg screamed out again but reached behind my seat. Another Klick ... and nothing happened.

"Greg!!!" I said through gritted teeth and tried to keep the Volvo on the road and the tottering began to increase.
"I already switched it off!" He replied and now became aware that the car did respond a bit odd.
Several not to be repeated curses slipped out of my mouth until my cursing was silenced with another loud BANG.
We both startled in our seats and now the car responded to my attempts to slow the car down.

I managed to slow it down and direct it to the shoulder where I finally stopped the car.
The adrenalin vanished and my knees turned into jelly, when my forehead met the steering wheel.
"Keep cool ... keep cool ..." I muttered inwardly and tried to breathe in and out, in and out ...
Gregory cleared his throat a bit latter and I stopped him from saying a word, when I raised my hand up.
"No ... single ... word!" I said very silently.
"B.." he started and choked down the rest of the word.

I straightened up and dropped my head back on the seat then.
"God!" I sighed aloud and shook my head.
"J..." Gregory started anew and was silenced by the look I gave him.
"If you would not be hurt I would throw you out of the car, believe it or not!" I said aloud and gestured him to remain silent.
"Did you loose you mind or what? Huh?! WHAT THE HECK DID YOU THINK ABOUT? DID YOU WANT TO KILL US? WHAT WAS THAT?!"

Greg's jaw dropped lightly and he shifted in his seat lightly.
"NOW?!" I asked him and gave him a "talk to me" look.
"Nitrous oxide" he said silently and his facial expression turned from "I am sorry" to "I will get stubborn".
"And I did not want to kill us! I knew that you could handle that! So stop yelling at me!!!"
"You are getting angry now? YOU?" I said and shook my head.
"I don't ..."
"You don't - WHAT? Huh? I bet my heart it was you who let it install - so it is your fault. I have a damn reason to be pissed off!"

Gregory crossed his arms in front of his chest and stared out of the window.
"Fine ... fine!" I said and started the engine again. "So you are huffy now ... FINE!"
Greg just snorted and since then we haven't spoken a single word!
I fail to see that I will break the silence ... so I will just wait for him breaking it.
However, he has a strong will not to ...

Fun ...

2007-07-22T20:58:00.000Z

Someone who knew that I spent my spare time with playing World of Warcraft for a while - yes, believe it or not - just sent me that link:

Those of you who know the game will surely enjoy it and grin their asses off!

Enjoy!

Poem: Spark the blaze

2007-07-18T17:14:00.000Z

Spark the blaze,
warm thy heart and oust the pain.

The pain that burns inside your soul.
The pain that seems to singe you from within.

Get rid of your inside anger and blow the horn of life.

Awake the feelings and let them fly,
just then you will experience the fire of your life!

This poem was written by me in 2003 ... so, quite a while ago. Anyway I hope you like it.

To whom I frightened!

2007-07-16T09:27:00.000Z

Dear reader who I may have frightened ... I hope you are not that frightened to still peek in from time to time.

Believe me it was not my intention to frighten anyone - especially, if I don't know the reason for it!

To proof that you have no reason at all to be frightened:

Do you still think I would frighten people on purpose? I mean ... I never ever could do that I suppose (and don't listen to what close friends of mine might tell you).

Perhaps William Wordsworth's words To the Daisy will show you what sensitive soul I have ...

In youth from rock to rock I went,
From hill to hill in discontent
Of pleasure high and turbulent,
Most pleased when most uneasy;
But now my own delights I make, -
My thirst at every rill can slake,
And gladly Nature's love partake
Of Thee, sweet Daisy!

Thee Winter in the garland wears
That thinly decks his few grey hairs;
Spring parts the clouds with softest airs,
That she may sun thee;
Whole Summer-fields are thine by right;
And Autumn, melancholy wight!
Doth in thy crimson head delight
When rains are on thee.

In shoals and bands, a morrice train,
Thou greet'st the traveller in the lane,
Pleased at his greeting thee again;
Yet nothing daunted,
Nor grieved, if thou be set at nought:
And oft alone in nooks remote
We meet thee, like a pleasant thought,
When such are wanted.

Be violets in their secret mews
The flowers the wanton Zephyrs choose;
Proud be the rose, with rains and dews
Her head impearling;
Thou liv'st with less ambitious aim,
Yet hast not gone without thy fame;
Thou art indeed by many a claim
The Poet's darling.

If to a rock from rains he fly,
Or, some bright day of April sky,
Imprisoned by hot sunshine lie
Near the green holly,
And wearily at length should fare;
He needs but look about, and there
Thou art! -a friend at hand, to scare
His melancholy.

A hundred times, by rock or bower,
Ere thus I have lain couched an hour,
Have I derived from thy sweet power
Some apprehension;
Some steady love; some brief delight;
Some memory that had taken flight;
Some chime of fancy wrong or right;
Or stray invention.

If stately passions in me burn,
And one chance look to Thee should turn,
I drink out of a humbler urn
A lowlier pleasure;
The homely sympathy that heeds
The common life our nature breeds;
A wisdom fitted to the needs
Of hearts at leisure.

Fresh smitten by the morning ray,
When thou art up, alert and gay,
Then, cheerful Flower! my spirits play
With kindred gladness:
And when, at dusk, by dews oppressed
Thou sink'st, the image of thy rest
Hath often eased my pensive breast
Of careful sadness.

And all day long I number yet,
All seasons through, another debt,
Which I, wherever thou art met,
To thee am owing;
An instinct call it, a blind sense;
A happy, genial influence,
Coming one knows not how, nor whence,
Nor whither going.

Child of the Year! that round dost run
Thy course, bold lover of the sun,
And cheerful when the day's begun
As lark or leveret,
Thy long-lost praise thou shalt regain;
Nor be less dear to future men
Than in old time; -thou not in vain
Art Nature's favourite.

******

By now I hope that you are no longer frightened!

J.E. Wilson

Nothing ever happens

2007-07-12T10:12:00.000Z

mood: relaxed

music: Nothing ever happens - Del Amitri

There is not much to tell you ...because nothing really happens here at Point Pleasant.

Gregory is slowly recovering and we are going for a short walk every day now. He nagged me for two days that he wants to get out of the house ... and believe me he can be more than just a little menace.

Since Monday though we are having our dialy walks and believe it or not ... he just started to nag me again ...because he wants to go out!

We got an invitation from Chase - he has a party this weekend and well - until now I made no decision at all ... although "Mr. I am totally fine" insists on going there.

I think the decision will be made on Saturday morning - if we go or not ...

2007-07-07T12:54:00.000Z

I spent most of Wednesday with cleaning the flat and just went out for a short walk in the evening hours to watch the fireworks down the beach.
The beach was crowded with couples and families and I just sat down in the sand, thought of Gregory and watched the lights illuminating the dark sky.

My cell suddenly went off when I sat there and I pulled it out.
"Greg" I thought and with a beating heart I answered.
"Hey!" I spoke louder and my finger painted figures in the sand.

"Hey! Where the heck are you?!" Gregory said.
"I am down the beach in Point Pleasant ..." I said and watched a firework errupting as hearts.
"You are WHERE?!" I heard him shouting into the phone.
"Point Pleasant ..." I answered with a grin and stood up.
"You ... you dare have fun without me?" he now asked silently and I hurried up to the street where it was more silent.
"Who said that I have fun?" I answered him and placed a hand in my pocket.
"Are you alone?" Greg asked back and with a grin I kicked a stone over the street and decided to walk back to the cottage.
"Yep, completely lost and lonely I am!"

"Where are you now? The noise is gone ..."
"Walking back home and enjoying your lovely voice." I said with a grin.
There was silence for a second and then I heard a sigh.
"Are you okay, darling?" I asked Greg and could imagine him lying in the bed and staring on the hallway.
"I miss you" he whispered into the handset and made me smile broadly.

"I miss you as well, my love" I said with a normal voice and another lonely passer-by grinned at me.
I grinned back and he shouted a "Happy 4th July to your loved one!"
"What was that?" Greg asked immediately.
"Did you hear him?" I said and waved with a nod at the walker.
"Sure I did, I am not deaf!" he replied grumpily.
"Aw, I miss you my little Mr. Jealous!" I said then and heard him replying with another deep sigh.

I walked silently and must just have grinned like a fool holding his cell ...
"Point Pleasant then?" Gregory asked me after a few seconds of silence.
"Mhm ..." I answered and pulled the keys out.
"Great! But why Friday, huh? I wanna get outta here!" Greg said and I know he did pout a little while doing so.
"Because I have to arrange a few things my dear ..." I answered and opened the door.

"Like what?" he asked.
"Like baking you a cake or so" I said with a Mexican accent and grinned my ass off.
"Oooooooooooh, flippin' sweet!" Greg replied with a deep giggle.
We both laughed a bit and then just talked some little nonsense I don't have to state here. Few minutes later I hang up and sighed.

Although he can be a menace from time to time ... I love him deeply ...and I really missed him like hell. The shock after the message that he was wounded and nearly could have died - was still deep inside of me and I don't know what I would have done ... if ... well - if the worst thing would have happened.

I went to bed rather early and filled the 5th of July with buying food, pharmaceutical stuff and all needed for caring bullet wounds and possible infections.
The house was made perfect for a wounded patient and in the evening hours I let myself sink of the sofa with a deep sigh.
"Just closing the eyes for a few minutes" I thought ... and woke up in the early morning hours of Friday, 6th of July.

"Damn" I muttered and sat upright. My neck did hurt like hell and my back felt like hot stones.
I stumbled into the bathroom and decided a hot bath could help. The next hour I spent relaxing my hurting muscles in the hot water and making me "human-like" again.
After a short breakfast I jumped into the car and drove back to Plainsboro.

The ride back is not worth mentioning as the roads were nearly empty and so I arrived there earlier than thought.
As there was still time left I first drove to our apartment and checked if there were some messages or mail for us. There were a few letters - but none of importance, so I just put them in the bag, watered the few plants again and then drove to the hospital.
At about 12 a.m. I arrived there and closed the car when I heard a voice behind me.
"You have my vote, Mr. Wilson!"
I just turned around and frowned. A nurse was opening her car and smiling at me.
"Vote?" I thought and decided just to smile and nod.
She waved,started the engine and drove away.

"Weird" I said to myself and made my way to the entrance.

A smiling Susan (another nurse) greeted me at the entrance desk.
"Dr. Wilson - be sure that we will all vote for you!" She said with a broad smile and handed me the list to sign in.
"I don't know what you are talking about, Susan" I said and placed my signature on the list.
"I mean all the flyers and signs ..." she said with a smile and pointed behind me.
I looked at her questioningly, raised an eyebrow and turned my head ... and saw that:

"I will kill him!" I thought but turned with a lightly blushed face and a hint of a smile.

I nodded at her "Oh that... yes ...right!"

"What for are you candidating anyway, Dr. Wilson? We did not know that there were elections coming up."

"Oh ... ehmmm... still a secret then." I said with a wink and turned towards the elevators.

"G'sus!" I thought again while waiting for the elevator.

In the elevator I was greeted friendly by many clinic staff. How many of those posters etc., did he make?

I should find out soon ... the doors opened to the floor where Gregory lay and I was greeted by several posters along the hallway.

Foreman came down the hall with a broad grin when he saw me.

"Wilson!" he said and waved at me.

"Foreman ..." I nodded and pointed at those posters. "What ...?"

"Oh well ...they are here since yesterday and everyone was asking what elections are meant." Eric grinned and nudged my shoulder lightly then.

"I think the "world-best husband", hm?" he said silently with a giggle.

I snorted and rubbed my neck.

"He is unbelievable ..." I said and shook my head.

"He is damn happy to leave - and believe me ... we all are!" Foreman answered and patted my shoulder.

"Therefore you really have deserved a voting! And even Cuddy thought so ..." he said and I could see that he was close laughing his ass off.

I just swallowed down a statement, shrugged and looked at him.

"I think I will get the patient out of here - before he is sent to the 6th floor!"

Foreman laughed out and nodded.

"Yeah, do so! He is on tenterhooks and nearly everyone is going out of his way."

I nodded back and waved a bye.

The way to Greg's room was kind of ... funny ... or should I better say: embarassing?!!

Gregory was reading a comic when I knocked at his door.

"Are you angry?" he asked without looking away from the pages.

"Should I?" I replied and leaned against the door frame.

He now looked up and eyeballed me.

"You are looking damn good, maaaan!" he whispered and I felt my stomach twitching.

"You are looking like a menace that needs to get outta here!" I replied and approached him.

My eyes checked his appearance and after I shortly checked the surroundings I bent down to kiss him tenderly.

A moan slipped out of Greg's mouth and he pulled me closer.

"Get me out of here now ... I am in the mood to do something else than just sitting here and reading stupid comics" he said with a deeper voice and threw the comic aside.

I looked him deep in the eyes and nodded then.

"Your wish is a command, sir" I said and stepped back to help him out.

Greg pushed back the cover and grinned at me when my jaw dropped down on the sight of the shirt he was wearing.

"You TEASE!" I muttered through gritted teeth and grabbed the wheel chair that was already waiting for him.

"I love you as well" he said and glided into the wheel chair.

"I could walk you know..." he said and winked at me.

"I know ...and you will walk soon - and even run perhaps after the rehab." I answered and fondled his hair.

"Yah" he swallowed and looked on his knee then.

I bent over him and placed a kiss on his temple.

"Ready, Napoleon?" I whispered into his ear.

"Ready, Pedro!" he beamed at me ...

Our way out of the ward was accompanied with applause and very relieved faces.

"You have your fans here I suppose" I said to Greg while waiting for the elevator.

"Yeah, sure. They all love me that much!" he answered and nodded.

Cuddy waited for us down in the entrance hall and said bye to Gregory.

He looked somehow touched when she embraced him good-bye and wished him a good recovery.

Of course he denied it when I asked him on the way to the car.

The drive to Point Pleasant was very silent as Gregory fell asleep shortly after we left the parking lot ... so much to: I am completely recovered by now!

He is now lying in bed and happy that I even thought about buying a table for his laptop - and I am happy to have him around again ... I really missed him like hell, my little menace ...

If everyone cared ...

2007-07-07T10:26:00.000Z

what Mr. Gregory House wants ... he'd be out of the hospital after a few days and walking around with his bullet wounds.

Not that he nearly died and suffered an enormous blood loss ... no way "Mr. I know everything better" ...

As you might see - I am slightly ...tiny tiny tiny bit ... annoyed! He really managed it to stand up several times ... due to extreme boredom as he told Cuddy, Cameron, Foreman, Chase, several nurses (who he also insulted several times ...) and of course - me.

His statements and explanations fell on deaf ears (at least mine) and he was NOT allowed to leave the PPTH earlier. After he collapsed two times in the hallway while being on his little "I have to see if they do their job" rounds, I rushed into his room.

"Gregory House, you are the world's most stubborn man! Can't you just stay in your bed like a normal patient is supposed to be?" I yelled at him and walked to and fro before his bed.

Gregory just looked at me and supped his milkshake.

"Can't you just stop that?!" I muttured and rubbed my neck.

He did so and kept watching me without saying a word.

I rested my hands on the bed foot and looked him in the eyes.

"Okay ... you wanna play a game? What kind of game is it this time, huh? How to annoy the people who care ...?" My head dropped down and I gave him a short glance.
"Oh I forgot ... that would be too boring, hm? As you do that nearly all the time!"

"Jim ..." he started and took another sip.
"Yes?" I answered and straightened up again.
"I wanna go home ... is that so hard to understand?" Gregory then said and gave me his typical puppy-eye look.
I raised my hands towards the ceiling and let them drop again ...
"Heck yes!" I replied angrily.

Gregory first looked blank and then grinned.
"You sounded like Napoleon Dynamite now. But you would make a better Pedro ... with all you hair" and he waved at me.
My jaw dropped slightly down and I found myself shaking my hair in disbelief.

"Greg ... I ... you ..." I started, still shaking my head and combing through my hair, "you have to stay here for at least another couple of days. As you as a DOCTOR surely know. You would probably handcuff your patient in that case..."

"Sod it!" he now growled. "You want me to stay here with all the idiots around? Those ... nurses who don't know the difference between an acuse and a needle" he said aloud and watched a nurse passing by his room.
I followed her steps with my eyes and shook my head then.
"You stop eyeballing her!" he silently muttered now and gave me a hard look.
"What?" I replied with a surely more than dumbfounded expression upon my face.
He gestured into the hallway where the nurse had been a few seconds ago.
"I am not blind! You followed her with your eyes ..." he griped.

"Are you going insane now or what?" I asked him with an I can't believe that now - look.
"NoooOoooo, I am not. Not yet - but if you will keep me here I might." Greg mumbled and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

I approached him and bent over him a bit, "See, that would be my problem to cope with as you are my husband and I care for you ... if you want that or not!" I muttered through gritted teeth.
Gregory leaned back even more and looked me in the eyes.

"So you would care?"he asked me with a soft and warm voice.
"Oh no" I thought and straightened up again.
"Ehm... sure I would..." I said and gave him a questioning look.
"I would be so honored if you would care, Jim ... and who could give you the best care than a loving husband and one of the best doctors I know?!"
Greg smiled at me and blinked.

A sigh slipped out of my mouth and I rested my hands upon my hips. "Greg, I can't play your nurse. I have to work and ..."

"And what? I thought you would care? I nearly died and ..." he said and now looked slightly upset again.

"I know that ... you don't have to rub it into my face!" I replied grumpily and started pacing the room.

"Of course I could care for him and at home he would not stand up and walk around that much. We could as well drive to Point Pleasant and I could take care for him there. There is more space and even a guest room ... a guest room ... " all these thoughts raced around in my head while I paced the room.

"I will talk about that with Cuddy" I finally said, gave him a side glance and left the room still thinking.

"I LOVE YOU!" Gregory shouted after me and I blushed lightly as a visitor looked at me with widened eyes.

"I brought him a sandwich!" I muttered with a smile and pointed back to the room.
The man just looked at me and then nodded slowly ...

"So what" I thought and made my way back to my office.

An idea was running through my head now and with a grin I opened my office door. I switched on the computer and surfed through the net to make special arrangements. Some half an hour later and completely exhausted I leaned back in my chair with a smile.

"Now I only have to convince Cuddy" I silently said to myself and pressed the quick dialing.

"Wilson, good you are calling. I have to talk to you anyway!" she said and I could feel that she was close to loosing her nerves.
"Shall I come up?" I asked her and drew some figures on a paper.
"Please!" she said with a sigh and hang up.

I took the steps up to her office and made a note in my head while walking "In need for workout!"
A short while later I knocked at her door and was waved in.

"Take a seat, Wilson! We have to talk about House." She greeted me and pointed at a chair.
I shrugged and took seat "I thought he can't get sued while lying in the hospital ..."

She approached me and took another seat then. "It is not that" she sighed and gave me a deep and pleading look.
"Wilson, please get him out of here!" Cuddy muttered and wrang her hands.
"Pardon?" I asked her and leaned back. "Perfect!" I thought and hid a broad grin.

"I ask you to take him out of the hospital and ... I dunno" she gestured in mid-air "get him a nurse, take off for some weeks and care for him ... just get him out of here!" Cuddy said helplessly.
"Why?" I asked back and loosened my tie.

"No nurse wants to take care for him anymore and don't ask about the doctors ... they are all so upset and I need them, you know!"
I nodded and frowned.

"Well, I could of course take him out of here and perhaps bring him to Point Pleasant. But who will care for him. I mean ... I am needed here and ..."
"I will give you ... one week off - paid!" she said and nodded.

"One week? One week is not enough ... he needs more time to recover until he can start the rehab." I answered absorbed in thought and gnawing on my lower lip.

"Okay ... okay ... two when you get him out of here before the weekend!" Cuddy sighed and grabbed my hand.
"Please, Wilson ... he will make me turn grey otherwise."

I squeezed her hand for a second, "Okay, but as I have to arrange a few things before I can get him out ... it will be Friday at the latest".

"I think we can do with a few more days, as long as it wont be longer!" Cuddy no smiled lightly and looked relieved.
"It won't be" I smiled at her and stood up.

"Good! Get you hours off now and start arranging what you need" she said and took place at her desk again.
"Even better" I thought and went back to my room to pack my bag.

I decided not to go to Gregory and tell him that he will be out on Friday, but grabbed my jacket and my keys to drive home.
There I started to pack his clothes, shoes and what else he would need and brought them all to the car.
His things were accompanied by mine and two hours later I dialed the number of a flower shop.

Another few minutes later I hang up with a grin and whistled a tune.
The man promised me to deliver the flowers within the next hour and so Greg would receive a bunch of red roses with the message "Hospitalbreak arranged for Friday! I can't make it before! Be ready for collection at 1 p.m. on Fri. 6th July! xxx James"

Next day was the 4th of July and as I would have to arrange a few more things for a real "care station" at PP, I decided to drive there - stay there until Friday and arrange all things on-site.

... to be continued

Happy 4th July!

2007-07-04T20:46:00.000Z

Horror ...

2007-07-03T18:53:00.000Z

I promised you to tell you my version of what happened last Tuesday ... I had some time now and so I wrote it all down. Here we go:

The Tuesday afternoon we spent cuddling on the sofa and I enjoyed the warmth of Gregory's body next to mine. We talked about various things while we just lay there and held each other closely. No one would ever believe me when I would say that Greg can really be a tender and caring person - if he is in the mood to and when we are alone.

A few hours later after we decided to spend the rest of the afternoon on the sofa, I suggested to percolate some fresh coffee. Sure Greg found that a very good idea and so I wanted to do so, but coffee was empty ... what a disaster - no coffee in the house is really a horror scenario.
Greg offered to go to the shop around the corner and buy some new one.
"Fine, then I can make it comfortable here" I thought and told him to bring something for dinner as well.

Gregory grabbed his jacket and off he was.
I looked around in the kitchen and decided to do the dishes in the meantime. Lucky me that there were just the remaining of our short and quick breakfast from the morning.
"We could really buy a dish washer" I murmured when I put the last mug into the wall-cupboard.
A short look on the clock showed me that 10 minutes were over and so I would have some more 10 to 20 minutes till he'd be back.

I walked into the living room and cleaned the mess we left there. The clothes were directly thrown into the washing machine and while in the bathroom I checked my appearence.
"Gosh! How do I look like?!" I grinned and stared at my dearranged hair.
"Like Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite" I muttered and tried to do something with the mess on my head. Cuddling is nice but the hair looks like a mess sometimes afterwards.
The mess did not vanish completely although I tried it and finally I gave up with a laughter.
"Well, ... vote for Pedro" I said with that typically monotone voice and giggled inside then.

"Greg would have laughed his ass off when he would have heard me." I said to myself with a grin and waved my appearence in the mirror aside.
"Apropos" I thought and checked my watch. 20 minutes now ... I slightly frowned and went back into the living room.
My thoughts went back to the afternoon and with a love-dazed smile I began to lighten (lit) some candles and opened a bottle of wine for us.
With a whistle upon my lips I searched some cuddly music and my attention was drawn to the soundtrack of Maurice.
"Oh, that'd be nice" I said silently and put the CD in the hifi.

Some more minutes were passed and I just thought that he probably did not know what he wanted to have for dinner and surely stood in front of the shelves wondering in what kind of mood he might be.
I shrugged the slightly worried feeling off and took seat on the sofa.
The living room was filled with the sound of music and I just leaned back and enjoyed the atmosphere.
Suddenly I felt slightly sick and my stomach twitched like hell.
"GOD!" I moaned and sat upright.
As fast as this cramp came it was gone as well.
I sat there and wondered what that was when I felt a warmth on my back.
"Huh?" I thought and turned around, because I had the feeling of Gregory being in the room.

Surely noone was there but I stood up and looked around.
"Greg?" I asked silently and went to the front door.
I don't know why, but I had the feeling of him being here.
Gregory of course was not here - not even close to be there ... but I did not know that at that moment and so I opened the door and peeped outside.
"Hmmm..." I sighed and looked around. No person to be seen ...
I shrugged and closed the door just in the moment when the phone went off.

"Where?" I thought and listened from what room the ringing came.
"Living room" I said and hurried into the said one. The phone was lying on the piano.
A quick look on the display showed me that it was the PPTH calling.
"Heck no ..." I moaned and picked up the phone.
"Wilson" I said and waited for Cameron, Foreman or Chase voice telling me that Gregory has to come to the hospital as an urgent case arrived ... but what I heard made me loose all the facial color and I had to sit down.
"When?" I asked silently ...
"Condition?" ....
I nodded and like in trance I stood up, slipped into my shoes, grabbed my jacket, purse and keys.
"I am there in five minutes!" I said out of breath, hang up and threw the phone aside.

I don't know how I managed to drive without causing an accident or how I even arrived at the PPTH. I really cannot recall that ...
My rememberance begins again when I entered the PPTH.
Cuddy was waiting in the entrance hall and looked really shocked.
"Where is he?" I said and rushed to her.
"He is in the operating theatre, Wilson" she said silently.
I nodded and we walked towards there in a hurry.
"Tell me about his condition. What happened? How grave is it?"
She slowed me down a bit and took my arm.
"HECK, Cuddy! How grave is it?!" I barked at her and looked her in the eyes.

Her eyes were filled with tears a bit and she looked very earnest.
"First shot was in the abdominal sector. As far as I can tell now, he was very lucky and no vital organs were damaged."
"First shot?" I said silently and swallowed down a big lump in my throat.
Cuddy nodded and wrang her hands.
"Second shot hit his neck and the bullet went right through and grazed his carotid", she said and touched my shoulder.
My knees suddenly felt like jelly and I had to lean against the wall for a second.
"Oh my god, oh my god" I heard someone muttering and I just became aware that it was my voice, when Cuddy embraced me for a second.
"He will be fine, Wilson. They are doing a good job and you know it!" she spoke silently and looked me in the eyes then.
"Wilson, he will be okay again!"
I just nodded like in a dream and combed through my hair.

"I want to watch it" I whispered and turned towards the balcony area.
"Wilson ..." I just heard Cuddy shouting after me. I really did not care if she thought that would be wise or not, I wanted to see him and I wanted to see if he really was still amongst us.
When I opened the door to the balconies I was greeted by three pairs of eyes looking at me.
Cameron, Chase and Foreman were sitting there and watching the operation as well.
Cameron looked like a mess and according to the reddish eyes she had, she must have cried a bit.
Foreman was watching carefully and Chase stood behind Cameron and amassed her shoulders a bit but was also looking down into the OR.
"Wilson" Cameron whispered and stood up.
"Oh, Wilson ... I am so sorry" she said silently and approached me.

I just nodded and ignored her then - not because I wanted to be rude - just because my attention was drawn to the body lying down on the operation table, covered with a bloody drape.
My steps led me to the big window screen and I looked down.
"How ..." I started and was interrupted by Foreman's silent voice.
"He lost a lot of blood and they had to use the defibrillator on their way to the hospital. However, he was stable when they arrived here."
I swallowed hard and leaned my forehead against the cold glass.
Cameron's voice came from behind, "He even was awake for a second and muttered that they should set him on Ketamine - then he passed out again."
"They are doing there best and no vital organs were damaged. He was lucky somehow ..." Chase muttered next to me.
I gave him a short side glance and nodded.
"Lucky ..." I whispered and closed my eyes for a second.
His smiling face appeared before my inner eye and he waved at me ..."See you soon, honey" he smiled and closed the door to buy the coffee ...
"Oh, Greg" I moaned and opened my eyes again.

Greg was completely covered by the drape and no smile was to be seen on his face now.
We all stood there and watched the operation going on. Cuddy joined us after a while and informed me about the facts.
He was stable and he had been really lucky ... really no vital functions were damaged and the blood loss was balanced again.
I don't know how many hours I spent there and watched but when he was brought out the OR, I already was a bit calmer when they carried him to the ICU.

There I stayed for the next few hours and was relieved by Foreman, Chase and later Cameron when I was sent home to sleep.
I surely did not sleep but went home to change my clothes and to have a shower in the early morning hours.
The appartment looked deserted and cold without Greg so I hurried that I did not have to spend much time there - alone ... brooding over what happened lately. One hour later I was back at the PPTH and sitting by his side again ... another few hours later Gregory moaned and shifted in his bed.
My heart stopped beating for a second and my head shot up from the book I tried to read.
I leaned over him when his eyes fluttered - and a few seconds later he opened them.
"Oh my love ..." I whispered and looked him in the eyes.

"You look awful" he whispered hoarsely and tried to grin.
"Yeah ..." I answered silently and fondled his hair carefully. "But not as awful as you ..."
Greg closed his eyes again and a moan slipped out of his mouth.
"Wh ...what happened? I know I was shot in the stomach ..." he said slowly and licked his lips.
I sat on his bed and held his hand.
"This idiot shot you in the stomach, yeah. No vital organs were damaged." I told him and caressed his hand with my thumb.
"Lucky me" he moaned silently and swallowed a bit.
"Throat hurts ..." he sighed and opened his eyes again.

"Yes, second shot hit your throat and your carotid as well as your external jugular were grazed but the bullet went right through. No vertebraes were damaged ..." I said silently and we exchange looks.
"... Okay ..." he said and squeezed my hand a bit.
"How long ..." Greg asked and gave me a questioning look.
"You passed out for a few minutes and they had to bring you back with the defibrillator ..." I whispered.
He closed his eyes again and slightly brushed over my hand with a finger.
"Sleep now, Greg. I won't go away" I said and placed a kiss on his forehead.
"You were here all the time?" he asked and looked at me again.
I smiled a bit and nodded.
"Most of it, yeah. Cuddy just threw me out to go home sleeping ..."
Greg snorted and rolled his eyes a bit.
"Well, I just changed and came back then ..."
A smile appeared on his face and with a sigh he closed his eyes again.

"You really must love me then ..." he whispered and fell asleep.
"I do ... I do" I whispered back and held his hand for the next hour while I watched him in his sleep.

The reason why ...

2007-06-29T17:37:00.000Z

I did not write the last few days can now be seen on Gregory's blog.

I don't know how he could have managed it to get out of the ICU - but he did.

Sure I will tell you about what happened - now I have to leave and see how he is doing today.

Poetry: I want ...

2007-06-29T16:12:00.000Z

I have to warn you that it might not be for underaged persons ...

I want to feel your hands on my skin,
I want to feel you - delving in.

I want to scream out thy name,
I want to touch your body - I want to burn that flame.

I want to clutch the linen, clutch thy skin,
I want to whisper and scream in sin.

I want your body close to mine,
I want to whisper hoarsely: You are mine!

I want to feel the pulsating lust,
I want to moan: In you I trust.

Give me your hands upon my skin,
Make us become one - and delve deep in.

Let me scream out thy name,
Ignite the fire and light the flame.

Give me a reason to clutch your skin,
Let me whisper your name and lets do some sin.

Move your body next to mine,
Hear me whispering: You are mine!

Tease me with your pulsating lust,
I'll grab your shoulders and moan: In you I trust.

(c) J.E. Wilson

Lazy sunday & some boring stuff

2007-06-24T15:12:00.000Z

mood: very lazy
music: Dean Martin

Today is a lazy sunday ... just hanging around, doing a bit of cleaning and some paperwork.

I was so bored that I thought it might be funny to give you some insights - enjoy!

Birthplace: Hospital (hehe)
Current Location: Plainsboro, New Jersey, USA
Eye Color: brown
Hair Color: brownish
Height: 6
Right Handed or Left Handed: Left handed
Your Heritage: is that of importance?
The Shoes You Wore Today: sneakers

Your Weakness: sometimes too nice
Your Fears: I will keep that for me
Your Perfect Pizza: hmmm... depends on my mood
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: convincing Greg to get a dog
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: Geez! I am laughing my ass off
Thoughts First Waking Up: God! Coffee...
Your Best Physical Feature: dunno ... my hands perhaps

Your Bedtime: depends
Your Most Missed Memory: another of my secrets
MacDonald's or Burger King: depends - I'd prefer no junk food
Single or Group Dates: Single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: I don't like iced tea
Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla

Cappuccino or Coffee: Coffee
Do you Smoke: Seldom
Do you Swear: Sure - who does not?!
Do you Sing: mhm
Do you Shower Daily: why should that be of interest? Sure I WASH daily!
Have you Been in Love: Yes, I have been - and I am!
Do you want to go to College: I am way to old now to attend college

Do you want to get Married: I am perfectly happy now!
Do you belive in yourself: Believe in myself ... sometimes
Do you get Motion Sickness: Bit moody from time to time
Do you think you are Attractive: hmmm ... I think I am quite okay
Are you a Health Freak: from time to time
Do you get along with your Parents: most of the time
Do you like Thunderstorms: yes I do
Do you play an Instrument: guitar

In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: yes
In the past month have you Smoked: Do I have to tell you that? ... yes
In the past month have you been on Drugs: Except alcohol? No
In the past month have you gone on a Date: I am dating ... my husband
Ever been Drunk: Pretty much - yeah
Ever been Beaten up: Secret!
Ever Shoplifted: Ha! - NO
How do you want to Die: Peacefully and without pain
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: Grown up
What country would you most like to Visit: Europe is nice
Number of CDs I own: I will not count now ... a bunch
Number of Piercings: None
Number of Tattoos: None
Number of things in my Past I Regret: there are some ...e.g. Been together with someone I did not love anymore

In a Boy/Girl
Favorite Eye Color: Blue eyes are nice
Favorite Hair Color: depends on the person ...
Short or Long Hair: Man: Shorter hair ... Woman: Longer
Height: taller than me (when we talk about a man)
Weight: Not that important - slim ... woman should look like a woman and not like a collection of bones with a bit flesh upon them
Best Clothing Style: casual wear

Poetry: At the bank

2007-06-22T10:50:00.000Z

I have written this poem for a writer's contest on DeviantArt - topic was friendship in any relation ... so this is what I made:

My mind floats away,
away to the place I wanna stay.

Stay by your side,
where I always wanted to be.

I don't know how it came
that our friendship got washed away ...

Washed away like the loose mud
at the river bank.

The bank we used to paly in our youth ...
The bank where we lost the truth.

Can you tell me my friend,
can you tell me - why oh why ...

Why does my soul hurt so true?
Why do I feel sick and blue?

You walked away,
walked away as you didn't want to stay.

Stay by my side,
where you always wanted to be.

I don't know how it came ...
I don't know who to blame ...

But I know one thing for sure,
I miss you, my friend ... with every passing by minute ... more and mor'

Let me take you by thy hand ...
Let me take you to where I stand ...

Come my friend to where I am ...
grab this chance and take my han'.

Here I am at the bank ... at the bank
longing homesick for your arms ... for your hand.

(c) J.E. Wilson

Breaking the rules

2007-06-20T20:03:00.000Z

As there is lately not much to tell about all-days life here (not that much happens as you might guess) - I am writing something down what came to my mind when I found some old photos showing me and Gregory at the beginning of our Plainsboro time.

I was just cleaning my office when some photos fell out of a book "History of surgery" - I picked them up and a smile brightened up my face when I figured out what they were showing.

Greg and me on a BBQ, Greg and me watching a lacrosse game, Greg waving (apparently at me), Greg and Stacey together with Susan holding glasses of champagne etc.

Yes we shared some very very nice moments. The last picture I looked at made me sink down in the visitors chair and I must have stared on it for a few moments.

This was me laying in grass - completely naked and apparently sleeping ... for sure it was not me who made that picture.

I turned it around and found a very familiar handwriting stating "Breaking the rules - August 1999".

August 1999 ... my memories spinned and turned as I tried to remember what happened in August 1999 and why Greg has written "Breaking the rules" on the back of this picture.

"August ... August" I mumbled and played with the photo in my hands.
"Must have been on a fishing trip I suppose ..."
Some minutes later I had figured out that this lake must have been the Echo Lake in British Columbia and then I remembered what rules where meant ...

"Heck NO!" I muttered and grabbed the phone.
A few seconds later I heard Gregory's voice sighing in the handset "Love slave".
I kept silent for a few seconds until I heard Greg clearing his throat - then I said "You are lucky it was me".
"Gosh! Jim, I really wondered now if I misread the number on the display!"
My little laughter was answer enough I suppose as he muttered "What can I do for you though!?"

I looked at the picture again and shook my head.
"Greg, can you remember August 1999 our fishing trip to Echo Lake?"
No sound ...
"Why?" he asked a bit too hesitantly.
"Because I found something very interesting. Could you please come over into my office for a while?"
"Now?" he asked and I heard him rummaging.
"Yes now and dont tell me you have an urgent case ..."
"In fact ..."
"Now ... please" I said and hang up.

Five minutes later Gregory was stading in the doorframe, looking at me slightly pissed off.
"Jim, I don't have time... Hurry!"
"You don't tell me that you have an urgent case ... or?!" I said and raised an eyebrow.
"In fact I DO!" he snapped back and stumped his cane on the ground.
"Well ... if it is so - GO!" I answered and waved him away.
His jaw dropped slightly and with a grunt he entered the room.
"What now?" I asked him and gave him a side glance.
"Aw, shut up and show me that picture..."

I frowned and handed him the picture.
"By the way ... I did not mention a pic on the phone"
"Sure you did" he said silently while looking at the photograph.
"No, I did not!" I replied and poured me a cup of coffee.

"Make two" Greg grunted from behind.
"I thought ..."
"Don't think ... pour"
I grabbed a second mug and poured another coffee.
"Here, sweet like you are" I said and handed him the coffee with a hint.

"Hmmmm" he said and sat down.
Still the two cups in my hand I walked behind my desk and placed his cup before him.
Gregory was still staring on the picture and I watched him while leaning back in my chair.
Quite a bit later he looked up and put the pic on the desk.
"I remember ..." he spoke silently and grabbed his mug.
I watched him closely while I was drinking my coffee and waited for him to continue.

However, he did not want to carry on so I asked him after a few moments ...
"And? What happened? Why am I naked and why the heck did you write something on my back?"
Gregory remained silent and sipped some coffee.
"Greeeg!" I muttered a bit and thumbed my fingers on the desk.
"I beg you pardon?" he answered as if he would not know what I wanted.
A deep sigh slipped out of my mouth.
"Couldn't you just tell me?"

"Hmmmm... I could ..." Greg said and played with his mug.
"Sooo?"
He turned the mug in his hands - on and on and on ... but remained silent again.
"Gregory ..."
"Why is it so important?" he asked me then and gave me a side glance.
"Because I can't remember when this picture was made nor what happened!"
I now was hacked off a bit and really wanted him to open his mouth and tell me what the heck happened.

Greg sighed and stood up.
"See - I can tell you at home, okay? Now I really have to go back at work."
"Fine, fine" I raised my hands and gave up.
"Good" he nodded and left my office.

So there I was - still unknowing why this pic was made and what happened.

At home ... okay ... at home!
I managed to spend the next few hours with cleaning my office, doing my paper work and making the normal ward round without thinking too much about the fishing trip.
Gregory picked me up at about 6 pm in my office and we drove home - without speaking about the picture or the trip or anything else related to that matter.
We just spoke about his case and how annoying patients can be (he did so - as you easily can imagine).
A short drive later we reached the apartment - and I am proud I did not ask him about the happenings until dinner was ready.

Gregory munched his steak with a contented smile and I tried not to look at him too often.
After a deep sip of wine he sighed and looked at me.
"Okay ... okay ... you won! Stop staring at me like that, this is unbearable!" he muttered and looked me in the eyes.
I looked back with my most innocent look and shrugged.
"What? I just checked if you are enjoying your dinner..."
"Sure ..." he moaned and played with his wine glass.

"First I will tell you what rules were made, okay?"
I nodded and leaned back in the kitchen chair.
"Fine then ... " he said and cleared his voice.
"Rule 1: No drinking into oblivion"
A snort slipped out of my mouth and I raised an eyebrow.
"What? Don't look at me like that - this was not my idea - that rule ..."
"We must have been drunk!" I returned.
"You were crocked!" Greg said and grinned broadly.

I rubbed my neck and then nodded.
"Okay ... carry on"
"Thanks, Master!" Gregory said and took another sip of wine.
"Rule 2: No drunk hugging"
"Geez ..."
"Rule 3: Don't interrupt the one telling you what happened!" he grunted and stared at me.
I made an excusing gesture and then showed him to continue.
Greg nodded and carried on.
"Okay - Rule 3: No pinching the ass. Rule 4: No tickling and nudging. Rule 5: No sleeping under the same blanket ..."
He snorted a bit and sipped anew.
"..."
Greg gestured me to bite my tongue and carried on.
"Rule 6: sleeping at least 1 foot away from each other. Rule 7: No running around naked for longer than it takes to dress."

Now it was me playing with my glass and then taking a deep sip.
I really wondered what the dickens happened!
Greg cleared his voice anew and looked at me. "Are you still listening, Jimmy?"
"Sure" I nodded.
"Good - had the imagination you were somewhere else."
"No! I was just thinking a bit about the rules ... please, carry on!"

He gave me a nod.
"Rule 8" he sighed and downed his wine "not staring into each others eyes"
"Now that is weird!" I interrupted him.
"Pardon?"
"Well, why not staring into each others eyes? Hm? Is there something wrong with it? And by the way..."
Gregory thumbed his fingers on the table and I bit my tongue instantly.
"Good ..." he said after a few seconds "Rule 9 - and believe me I will explain everything to you ..."
I nodded again.
"No taking the other by the hand ..." he snorted.
I could not avoid shaking my head a bit and thought that we both must have been totally drunk!
"Rule 10 and the last one: No cuddling before going to sleep!"

"Heck!" I muttered and downed my wine now.
Greg grinned and nodded.
"Right you are - very silly and dumb rules, right?"
"You can bet your ass!" I returned and poured us some red wine.
"Well ... we were a bit ... drunk" Gregory replied and corrected himself then.
"You were shot in the neck and I was slightly tipsy though!"
"Aha ..."
"Mhmmm..." he said and winked at me.

I stood up and removed the plates and put them in the sink.
"So ..." I said then and turned towards him. "What happened then?"
Gregory shrugged and raised the hand holding the wine glass.
"We broke the rules", he said as if by accident and watched me while drinking.
"We broke the rules ..." I answered silently and gave him a questioning look.
"And that means?"
His face was enlighted by a little devilish smile ...

"I could show you" he said silently and put the glass aside.
"Do so" I returned with a shrug and leaned against the sink.
Gregory eyeballed me and shook his head slightly.
"First - undress and then lay down!"
I gulped and gave him a surprised look.
"I beg you pardon?"
He pointed towards the bedroom.
"Undress! Lay down and then I will show you"
"If that is just a way to getting me laid ...you can have that easier" I answered.

"We can drop it as well, you know. I remember it - so ..." Greg snapped back and looked at me with an "I dont care" expression on his face.
I walked towards the bedroom and sighed.
"You won! I am too curious ..."

Greg followed me and watched me undressing ...
"This is a bit embarassing, you know that?" I asked him while removing my socks.
"Why? I did see you more than once - naked!" he replied and twirled his cane around while leaning against the doorframe.
I sighed and fell back on the mattress.
Gregory came closer and looked at me.
"Ready for a surprise?" he asked with a softer voice now.
My stomach twitched a bit and I didn't look away when he started to undress slowly.

He really does not know how good-looking he is, I thought and crossed my arms behind my neck.
Gregory smiled slightly and crawled next to me on the bed.
"We broke the rules - because we looked each other deep in the eyes", he murmured and bent over me.
"But ..." I started and did fall silent then, because the blue of his eyes drew me closer and closer and I got totally lost in the depth of his soul.

Greg came closer and closer and with the touch of his tongue tip upon my lips the memory came back.

I found myself laying in the warm grass, surrounded by singing birds and a soft breeze tickling my body.
We laughed so madly when Greg wrote those rules upon my naked back.
"That tickles, Greg!" I laughed and squirmed a bit.
"Damn fuck" he muttered. "I just broke a rule then" and gave me a soft spank on my bum.
"EY!" I exclaimed and turned around still laughing.

Our eyes met and we both became silent at once.
Gregory was still kneeling above me.
His hands moved towards my cheeks as if in hypnosis ... when I felt his touch on my skin I closed my eyes for a second and forgot the marriage problems that bothered me so much at that moment.
The reason I became totally drunk ...

After a second or so I opened my eyes again and found Greg's face close to mine, staring into my eyes.
"Another rule broken" I whispered and he just nodded slightly and caressed my cheeks.
"Sorry" he then sighed and bent even closer.
My lips slightly opened and I found myself lifting up my hand and grabbing his neck.
He moaned a bit and brushed with his tongue tip over my lips.
"God, Greg ..." I whispered and like in trance I drew him closer.

His tongue parted my lips and then he kissed me deeply with a rising passion.

"Jimmy" I heard Greg moan and was drawn back to the here and now.
Gregory looked at me with dilated pupils and caressed my sides.
"Jim-my" he sighed anew and another kiss brought me back into the past when I heard him saying the very same words.

"Greg" I sighed as well and my hands wandered over his body, searchingly, feverishly, demandingly.
With the raising passion our hips started to move ghost-like and we both could not stop those mechanical-like movements.
It felt so good ... so right ... so wanting MORE.

"I want you" I heard far away in the here and now and in the past I replied "Do it".
His knee parted my legs and as if wouldn't be the first time (and we now know it was not), he started to tease me, slowly and with a heat that let us forget where we were and who we were.
We forgot all the rules and broke them ...one by one and even more.

I arched and scratched his back when he made us become one with one awfully slowly thrust.
The here and now got me back when Gregory started to move deep and hard and I forgot all the past and the now and just got lost in the passion and lust only he is able to give me.

Quite a time later we both lay on our backs, still trying to catch breath again when I gently caressed his chest and looked at the ceiling.
"You know Greg ... I remembered everything while you showed me ..." I said under my breath.
"Mhmmm... that was my intention!" he answered likewise and played with my fingers lazily.
"You know what ..." I returned with a sigh.
"Hmmm?"
"I like breaking rules..."

Gregory turned on the side and so did I, we both stared each other in the eyes.
"We don't need such rules anymore ..." he said silently and brushed a strand of hair out of my face.
"I know ..." I answered him with a smile.
He smirked a bit and then fondled my hair.
"See ... we could of course make some new rules ... and break them ... one after the other."
"Hmmm... yes" I grinned and came closer "we could easily do that".
"Yeah ..." Greg moaned and smiled then.

"Rule 1: No kissing with tongues!"
"Rule 2: No sex before noon!"
"Rule 3: No stretching in that too alluring way!"
"Rule 4: No swaying hips in a special way only we notice"
"Rule 5: Never shower together!"
"Rule 6: Sex at uncommon places like beaches, cars etc. is strictly forbidden!"
"Rule 7: No full-body massage"
"Rule 8: Never licking the lips and looking the other in the eyes"
"Rule 9: No teasing!"
"Rule 10: No mentioning of hints while talking to other people and the other is around to hear it"

Breaking rules can sometimes be really funny - I suppose!

Why ...

2007-06-14T12:57:00.000Z

Dear anonymous reader who made that statement:

I am glad you are chasing women - that is, for gods sake, good for you.

I am just writing my days down here ... and believe me - I never thought I'd be gay! It just turned out that I did fall in love with someone - and I never expected it though!

Best regards,

James E. Wilson

Annoyance ...

2007-06-14T09:58:00.000Z

I am for sure back now ...

Today is Thursday - our flight booked was on Tuesday ... I arrived here yesterday.

Let's start in London though. The weekend was lovely! Gregory showed me around London a bit and we even managed to make a day-tour in Kent ... Rochester, seaside, Canterbury - very lovely indeed (how I heard so many times there).

We celebrated into Greg's birthday in a cozy pub somewhere in London (sry, I forgot where exactly we've been). Music, ale, stout ... very lovely!

Monday itself was packed with cuddling, sighing and enjoying each other - and of course we spent a few hours outside the hotel room as well!

We packed in the late evening hours and went to bed rather early ... ... did fall asleep rather late though.

Tuesday!

We arrived at Heathrow airport in time and wanted to check in.

The lady behind the desk looked at us ...
"Ehm, there must be a mistake, sirs" she murmured.

"What a mistake?" Gregory asked and his eyes narrowed.
He was nervous all the morning and in lack of enough coffee - so this was really not his best time of the day.

The women looked again on the screen ...
"Hm, it seems that we have a booking problem here, Sir."
"Can you explain that?!" Greg replied with a soft and calm voice.

I put my hand on his back to calm him down a bit.
"So, what kind of booking problem are you talking about, M'am?" I asked her with a smile.
She looked at me, "Mr. Wilson?"
I nodded.
"See the flight is overbooked and I am very sorry to tell you that there is only one seat left!"

Gregory straightened up and said nothing at all ...

I rubbed my neck and looked at her in disbelief.
"I beg you pardon? We booked the flight and we have the confirmation here at hand." I answered and showed her our confirmation.

She gave it a short glance and then looked at us again.
"We are really sorry, but we can't change it. There is just one seat left and that is only for emergency cases. Is your flight back an emergency? Or could we offer you the next flight to New York?"

A deep sigh slipped out of my mouth and I wanted to reply but was interrupted by Greg.
"My flight back is an emergency!" he said and looked her straight in the eyes.
And what followed then made me standing there, staring at him and gawking!
He should have become an actor - believe me that!

He told her something about an urgent case and that his patient would die if he (I missed - the almighty doctor thing!) would not make it in time to save her life. He even mentioned some children who would loose their mother and the whole bunch of it.

She grabbed her phone and a few moments later - Gregory had his flight back home!
"You ...you ... " I stammered and looked at him when he put his boarding card into the pocket.
Gregory winked at me and then moved on ...
I had to wait until I got my flight details - next flight back home in 10 hours!

10 HOURS staying at the airport! At least I was allowed to check-in my baggage and was offered a first-class ticket as well and got 500$ for all the inconvenience caused.

Fine ... but still 10 HOURS!

After I got my papers I made my way through the hall where Gregory was waiting for me.
"I really can't believe that!" I muttered and pointed at him with my index finger.
"YOU! You really leave me alone here on that airport! Why is it an emergency, huh?"

Gregory raised an eyebrow and smirked a bit.
"Because I wanted to go home and" he pulled out a nearly empty bottle of Vicodin "that is nearly empty!"
My jaws dropped and I shook my head in disbelief.
"You leave me here - just because you need your PILLS?!"

Greg shrugged "It is an emergency, isn't it?"
"I can't believe that ... you are ... you ... this is in fact unbelievable!"
"Aw c'mon, I am sure you will enjoy that bit you have to spend here. When is the next flight, hm? Two hours or so?"
"TEN" I grunted.

Now his eyes widened a bit and he looked slightly sorry.
"Oh ... hmm... ten, huh?"
"Yes, ten HOURS!"
Greg twirled his cane in mid-air and looked up at the ceiling for a second.
"Would it help you now if I'd say sorry?" he silently asked me then and gave me a shy side look.
"Only if you would mean it!" I answered back and shook my head again.
"I still can't get it ... you just do that because you are in need of your pills, right?!"

"You are upset now" Gregory said and started to move towards the boarding area.
"Of course I am upset" I muttered and followed him.
"Greg" I whispered and grabbed his arm.
He turned around and looked a bit unsure.
"Greg ..."
My hand dropped down and I looked him deep in the eyes.
The coldness of his blue eyes disappeared and a warm sparkle could be seen, if you were looking very close.

"Jimmy... I am sorry, okay! I'll pick you up and I'll be so looking forward. Flight will be a hell wihtout you", he whispered silently.
"Flight will be a hell for all the other passengers!" I whispered back.
Greg winked at me - and I winked back.
He eyes dropped to his watch and then looked back at me again.

"Still some time left - and I don't want to leave you here like that" he moaned and looked around.
"Why leaving me anyway?" I answered.
"Because ..." he started, stopped and stomped his cane on the floor "ah - sod it! You won't believe me anyway ..." and without a warning he drew me close and kissed me deeply - right in the middle of the crowd.

I was first to dumbfounded to reply that kiss but when he drew me even closer and deepened it, I closed my eyes and let me sink into that tender kiss.
A few seconds later (or minutes?) he withdrew and cleared his throat.
"I'll better go now - otherwise we two wont leave England but be thrown into the Tower, I suppose" he moaned silently and stepped back.
I combed through my hair and just nodded, still unable to speak after that kiss.

"See you in a few hours then" Greg said, nodded and turned.
"You ..." I started and when he turned around before he walked through the door, I just sighed, rolled my eyes towards the ceiling and waved aside.
"I am UNBELIEVABLE" Gregory said aloud and grinned at me like a school boy.

Although I was boiling with a bit of rage, I couldn't avoid the smile appearing on my face.
"I really can't believe it" I muttered to myself when I found me alone at London Heathrow airport, waiting for my flight to come.

I should repeat that sentence a few times during those ten hours waiting time ...

I bought me a book, read a bit, surfed in the Internet for a lot of money, had some coffees at Starbucks and bought some presents for my family.

Ten hours can be a damn long time ... a very long time for cultivating the annoyance!

Flying to Europe

2007-06-08T09:51:00.000Z

mood: beaming
music: Streets of London

Some of you might have figured it already out - we are flying to London ... today!

As you might probably know there is a birthday to be celebrated these days and therefore I got two tickets for London.

We will arrive at Gatwick airport and spend some lovely days in London and surroundings. Photos may follow though!

What happened lately?

Hmmm... we have been on a motorbike trip last weekend and there is a bit to tell though - but as Gregory wanted to write about it, I will just leave it up to him to tell.

Rest of the week was packed with a lot of boring work: clinic duty, paper work and the normal stuff occuring in a hospital - nothing of interest though.

For all those of you having to work this weekend - Have fun and enjoy your days!

On stage ...

2007-06-06T12:51:00.000Z

Just ... Greg on stage - playing keyboard.

Me ... as an actor

Cameron ... apparently yelling at ... hmmmm... Chase?!

Chase ... drinking coffee in the office (as you can see)

Foreman in da hood:

Coming weekend ...

2007-06-06T09:36:00.000Z

As Greg already knows by now where we will be the coming weekend, I wont spoil anything telling you as well.

I might give you some hints - try to figure it out.

1. In Canada is a town with the same name like the capital of this country ...
2. It is the eighth largest island in the world
3. There is a statue of Thomas More on Cheyne Walk ...
4. Pubs are very common - serving e.g. ale and stout
5. Some famous buildings there, too
6. Good sense of humor the inhabitants have
7. "Island monkey" is not a very nice nickname though ... but somehow funny.
8. Almack's Assembly Room was one of the first clubs that welcomed both men and women
9. Driving on the "wrong" side

I think those hints might be enough now!

The star of the county down

2007-06-05T12:52:00.000Z

Not the version I was looking for ... but I just love that song. This time performed by: Orthodox Celts

Enjoy it...earcandy!

Silence

2007-06-05T06:24:00.000Z

"Sometimes it is better to say nothing at all ..."
and sometimes we have the feeling to let all things out that are bothering us.

But what if you have both feelings at the same time?
What if you did something you probably shouldn't have done?

Who tells us what is right? What is wrong? Is it the so-called reality that tells us what is right?
What if you sometimes have to look behind reality to see what is real?

Aren't we wearing masks so many times in our lives? Aren't we hiding behind those masks so often that no one can se who we really are, what we really feel?

I guess ... YES!
Sure we can just always carry on like always - hiding, lying, pretending ...

What if - let's assume ... you met someone and from the very moment you looked into his/her eyes ... you know that your world has changed.
Changed ... by that I mean that feeling that you think your soul was ripped out of your body for a second, that you can hardly concentrate on anything else, anybody else ... that you feel and act like a stupid teenager fallen in love and that you just have the feeling that there is more than you see.

Is it worth then acting like you would normally never do?
Would that be okay?
Would it be worth it tolift your mask of disguise, to get rid of your armor that makes you untouchable ...?

...

An answer we never know, right?

Not until - yes until - we do it ... we jump over this big, huge, enormous shadow called fear and unsurety. Even if we manage it ... the unsurety might remain.

I once jumped over it - lifted the mask for a second ... that mask I was wearing for so many times ...years - and it was all spoilt by a lightning bolt.
When the thunder crashed and my words were swallowed down by it, I quickly replaced that worn out mask by a new one and did as nothing ever happened.

Unsurety was back again! Back because I didn't get the sign I was looking for.
Isn't it so that we are hurtable so much and even more than usual when we lift that mask up and let our soul strip?!

I was afraid anew ... afraid he might have understood, afraid - just afraid he could not feel the very same.

Now I know that he was waiting for a sign as well ... but at that time I did not know.
I was too blind to see and I cought myself so many, many times thinking that it might be too much ... too much if I would tell him how I feel.

Would he be shocked?
Be afraid?
Chicken out?

For sure I could have carried on like I did before ... wearing my mask, pretending that we are nothing more than friends ...
Carry on living a lie - rushig into another marriage, being together with someone I like but not deeply love ... and sitting in my room silently and choking on my tears from time to time.

Yes, I could have done that - couldn't I?
Let me tell you that I was so close to do it ... so very close to make another mistake.
Starting something with another woman ... hiding again and watching him from the distance - like before, silent all these years.

Tori Amos has once put it into a song: I'd be sitting there, waiting for somebody else to understand, the years would go by and I would chok on my tears till finally there is nothing left ... nothing left.

However, I did not want to - I did just not want to carry on like that. Consequence was - I just made the decision to listen to my voice ... my inner voice that tried to tell me so many times to jump over the shadow

AND

I dit it!

You all know I finally did it and I thank God and all the angels above that I did it! Thanks for the courage, thanks for the strength ... thanks for helping me!

Even if he would have reacted the way I would not wanted him to react ... that he would have been afraid, told me off, turned and would have walked away - even then I would thank the Almighty - as I would have used the opportunity and that I got an answer.

An answer we all want somehow ...

Wondering why I am writing it all down?
Well, sometimes we just have to listen to our voice and let things happen ... and I had the feeling it might be good to write it all down what once did bother me.

Hey but I dont care cause sometimes,

I said sometimes

I hear my voice

And its been here

Silent all these years

Ive been here

Silent all these years

Too much to ask for?

2007-06-04T16:31:00.000Z

A statement made on sunday:

I wanna have something to drink ...a cigarette ... something to eat ... a hot bath ... a massage and a good fuck - is that too much to ask for?!

I won't tell you who said it. Guess!

Bow Chicka Wah Wah

2007-06-02T01:49:00.000Z

Some of you guys might for sure know that song and the AXE commercials ... okay I now know that Greg knows it as well, because I got some embarrassing experience in the supermarket today.

I was just standing in front of the deodorants shelf when Greg pinched my ass and sang a bit too loud "Bow Chicka Wah Wah" ...

Believe me if there would have been any hole in the ground I would have wanted to sink in it ...

And NO he was not high!

Short note

2007-05-29T05:00:00.000Z

Just a short note what happened this weekend and yesterday ...

Nothing of interest though!

We just spent the days at Point Pleasant and had to be back on Memorial Day again as PPTH does not know that day. So we had to work nonetheless and therefore someone wasn't in a pleased mood, if you know what I mean.

PP was wonderful though ... just packed with a lot of talking, good meals, some walks, some very private moments and some more private moments.

As you can see ... nothing of interest though.

Have a good week - mine looks packed with work. Don't know when I will be able to write ...

Gemini

2007-05-28T13:47:00.000Z

It is not very easy sometimes when you have a "gemini" person as a friend, familiy member or even as a husband ...

Did you know that they are impatient and can be a pain in the neck? CURIOUS ...

Heck, I mentioned that I have something else than a Harley as a birthday present for him (for sure - as he own his motorbike) ... and now - he asks me all the time if it is his birthday now.

I dont like horoscopes as they never seem to fit perfect (they are so overall) ...but let me just show you some parts:

Geminis are quite high-strung and tend to spread themselves very thin
The have an incredible breadth of knowledge and are able to talk to almost anyone about many differing views
They have a wonderful love of the written word, as well as the spoken, and will often find themselves putting pen to paper and doodling their thoughts, if only to give them an insight into their own thinking processes. Many journalists, writers, and other advisers are born under the sign of Gemini; their forte with words makes a lasting impression.
The third sign of Gemini also relates to travels and short journeys. Gemini persons find themselves restless on many occasions and their itchy feet will cause themto travel frequently. These journeys may not always be long, but they are always on the go.
They are fascinated by the way the human mind works and the way people interact generally.
They can’t handle close-mindedness of any sort. With their inquisitive and restless mind they have an eclectic taste, having dabbled in many different viewpoints and topics.

So this is just a bit about the Gemini!

Interesting isn't it?! Of course the ascendent has to be regarded as well - as it has a big influence on how you are.

Therefore you just need to know your hour of birth ...

Surprised that I know such things?!

Poem: But true

2007-05-27T00:04:00.000Z

What ordinary day I thought
until the very best of life it brought.

Some sparkling blueish eyes,
that made me smile all so bright.

My heart no longer is what it was before,
it wants true love now - or even more.

Will I find that love in you?
Will I ever see there a "me and you"?

My wish I tell the godness above,
and I ask for the real, the only true love.

A love that goes down deep, deep in ...
a love that only can make your soul win.

Win the battle against sorrow and unhappiness,
to regain joy and pure happiness.

So my thoughts wander back to you,
and to myself I think - he is the one ... he is but true.

This poem was written on 1st January 2001 ... a very important date for me ... somehow.

Careful readers might know why.

Answered

2007-05-27T00:00:00.000Z

If you have read Greg's blog you did probably see his lovely poem ... here is my answer on it:

And with your words of love you touched my soul

and all my trembling reality became whole...

The unsurety I once felt oh so true...

that made me stumble from time to time and feel blue...

that unsurety now is gone,

because I now know - you are the one!

All that I have

2007-05-25T14:35:00.000Z

I just sat there at the kitchen table in the dark apartment and stared on the silhoutte of my hand holding a pen.

It was Monday late evening and I still had no clue where Gregory was. Pen ink crossed out the next row on my list and a sigh slipped out of my mouth.
“A lot more hotels left” I sighed and threw the pen across the room.
“Damn fuck!” I yelled and ruffled my hair.

I already called a bunch of hotels, after I did check every airport in the surrounding and every morgue, hospital etc. – no sign of Gregory.
The paper with the list of hotels upon was formed to a ball and followed the pen right across the room.

“I think I better go out and try the last hotels in person” I muttered to myself and stood up.
The whisky glass was put aside and the empty bottle of Aberlour was thrown away.
Believe me that I was no longer sober at that very evening, I already had some glasses over the eight but I really did not care … I did give a shit on in though.

Last look around in the empty and cold looking apartment and I closed the door behind me.
“Where now?” I asked myself silently and put the hands in my pockets.
My feet started to move and my mind just followed a bit later. I was not really surprised when I found me walking on the university campus and staring into the darkness of the night a few minutes later.

I even must have bought a tiny bottle of whisky in the shop around the corner as the typical brown paper stuck out of my jacket pocket and when I looked inside, the brownish golden liquid winked at me.

All windows of the Nassau Hall were dark and stared at me like foes in the night. I passed the building and made my way to the “Fountain of Freedom“, where I took seat at the rim.
My eyes were fixed on the water that sparkled like diamonds in the moon light ... but its beauty didn’t reach my soul, as my soul was far away searching Gregory’s in that lonely night.

Like he must have felt it ... I heard steps behind me but did not turn.
„Jim?“ I heard Gregory’s silent whisper some feet away.
Slowly I turned around and stared at the shadowly figure standing near the next building.
I tumbled to my feet and whispered a nearly voiceless “Greg?”

The person stepped back a bit and now I did see that it was Gregory.
“Don’t let him go” I thought and approached him.
A few steps away I stopped and looked at him.
He looked awful and deep in thoughts and the earphones of his I-Pod hung down his leather jacket.
“Hi” I susurrated and gave him a questioning look.
“Hi” Greg mumbled back and thumped his cane on the ground.

“Where have you been? I called nearly every hotel in town and I was worried like hell!”
Gregory blue eyes showed me that those words had been exactly the wrong ones.
He raised an eyebrow and answered coldly.
“Worried? Huh?”
I gulped down the lump in my throat and with a softer voice I continued.
“Greg … I … GOD! I mean I know that you got that email … but …”
“BUT? Is there a but?! I don’t think you should dare continuing!” Gregory barked at me and turned around.

I stepped forward and grabbed his arm, Greg swung around and next thing happened, I found myself on the ground holding my chin and licking away the droplets of blood.
“I am NOT Susan, Bonnie or Julie! You think you can go scot-free? You thought wrong! I will not allow you cheating on me. Do you get that NOW?” Gregory barked and stared me in the eyes.
Stunned at first I just stared at him and then shook my head.

“Gregory …”
“I don’t want to hear any lame excuses now!” he snapped back and was about to turn again.
“You will not leave me like that” I yelled at him and stumbled to me feet again.
“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t just do that?” he answered silently and looked over his shoulder.

A deep sigh emerged from deep within my body and I ran with my fingers through my hair.
“Because you are all that I have!”
Slowly like in a slow motion sequence Gregory turned around and his blue eyes were fixed on me.
“Repeat that!” he said with a blank voice.
“You are all that I have, Gregory!” I said … paused and continued, “See I did not betray you and this is just the truth. Look me in the eyes and try to see the truth in there. You know me by heart! You would just see if I would lie to you!”

Greg now turned around completely and came closer.
"Go ahead! And be sure, I'll see if you lie!"
I just nodded and returned his straight look.

"It might sound a bit weird, but my computer account was broken and some hacker just misused all the information on it, including my messanger and my e-mail accounts."

Greg snorted and frowned but before he could interrupt me I carried on telling what happened to me.
My report was sometimes interrupted by a snort, a curse and some deep sighs.

"When that computer guy told me that this faked conversation was sent to you ... I raced home as fast as I could, but you were already gone."

Gregory sighed and looked at me.
"For sure I was gone, I just packed a few things, took my bike and got me a hotel room" he grumbled then.
I had to swallow down hard before I managed to ask him, if he'd be coming home again.

"Jim, I ..."
"You still don't believe me, right?" I spoke under breath and let me sink down on the stairs.
My eyes were fixed on the pavement and I felt my stomach turning when I heard Gregs steps.

Although I did rather expect him leaving now without a word, he approached me and with a gently touch of his fingers he made me look up again.
We exchanged glances and after some seconds he murmured silently, "Stand up".
I arose and must have looked more than unsure until a little smile enlightened his eyes.

"I believe you, Jim" Greg sighed and caressed my cheek with his soft fingers.
"I should have asked you immediately, but I was so hurt and ..." with a gentle kiss I sealed his lips and we held each other like drowning people.

The kiss was deepened and our breaths became harder after a while. Greg's gentle embrace turned into demanding touches and my hands wandered over his body.

"Hotel is close" Greg moaned between the kisses and to underline his meaning, he let his hand slip into my trousers.
I couldn't avoid groaning aloud before I was able to reply with a hoarse voice, "Let's go then!"

Without breaking stride we walked from the campus and two corners later we entered the hotel and went straight to the room.

Gregory opened the door "Go ahead!" he murmured and I entered the room.
The door was closed behind me with a silent click and I could hear Greg locking it afterwards.

I took my jacket off and placed it on the lonely chair. A clonk let me look down on the floor and I saw the whisky bottle rolling to and fro.
Before I was able to pick it up, Greg bent down and raised it.

"I already wondered if you took a bath in some malt barrel. How much glasses did you have?" he asked and gave me an inquiring look.
"Enough!" I said and winked at him.
"I see that in your eyes. Heck, man you are drunk!"
"Tipsy!" I replied and slowly unbuttoned my shirt.

"Your pupils are dilated as well, Greg ..." I said when he came closer to brush the shirt over my shoulders.
"No wonder" he murmured into my ear and kissed my neckline.

"How much?" I sighed when he unbuckled my belt and got rid of my trousers then.
"Too much for your taste ..." Greg voiced under his breath when he touched my back with feather-like touches.

His hands grabbed my hair to pull back my head.
"But not enough to be unable to do what I will do now" Gregory moaned and his teeth delved into my weak flesh.

With a simultaneous moan we sank onto the bed and soon were both undressed and entangled up in each other.

Heat and passion filled the air of the hotel room and the only words spoken for a long time were words of love and lust.

It must have been around 3 am though when Gregory turned on his stomach lazily and gave me a warm smile.

"So ... I am all that you have?" he asked me while caressing my chest with soft and tender touches.
"Mhm ..." I answered, turned and looked him deep in the eyes.

"You are all that I have ... and all that I want!" I said clearly.
Gregory's smile broadened and his eyes sparkled like opals in the glistening sun.
He leaned over me and pushed me into the linen and before he bent down his head to kiss me, he moaned into my ear, "And you are all that I want now".

Poem: Believe me

2007-05-25T10:48:00.000Z

This poem was written by me quite a while ago though ... I know it is not one of my best ones - but nonetheless it was written from deep within.

Perhaps you get the meaning ...

I am close to tears and I don’t know why,
if I would give in – I would cry and cry and cry.

Why does love hurt so true,
why does love make us feel so blue?

Why am I asking me again and again ...
could you be really my man?

Did I just dream a time ago?
Was it just a freaky show?

My feelings for you – they are just but true!
Believe me – as I believe in you!

Dying

2007-05-21T19:48:00.000Z

I am about to die! I think I am really about to die!

How can it be? Why is it always me?

Let me tell you what happened today ... on that bloody Monday. For sure it was a Monday as only such things can happen on mondays.

Everything was fine in the early morning hours. Gregory and I enjoyed breakfast and had some cuddling before we went to work.

Work was fairly normal for a Monday morning ... no disasters, no too weird patients during clinic duty ...and this perhaps should have warned me though.

I had no time today to sneak in the Internet - except for the early morning hours when I uploaded the poems I've written. As you can see I was high above the clouds today and this feeling lasted until ...well until I was kicked out of heaven and thrown into the mud.

My day consisted of appointments and clinic duty and so I was very surprised when I managed to finish clinic duty a bit earlier than usual to spend the last hour of work with Gregory ... but he on the other hand was already gone.

At first no one did know where he was and it took me a while to find out that he did not hide at his usual places but was already gone at home. According to Cuddy ... apparently sick!
"He really looked like shit, Wilson!" Cuddy said to me and gave me a questioning look.
"Are you sure?" I murmured and frowned.
"I am pretty sure, Wilson. He could not have played that ... I really don't think that he is such a good actor!"

"Okay" I thought nodded at her and made my way back to the office.
My thoughts circled around the day and what could have happened.
"Perhaps a migraine attack ... or something was rotten in the cafeteria." I muttered to myself when I finally reached my office.

First thing I did was grabbing the handset and dialing our number ...

... ... ...

No response though.

"Probably sleeping" I thought and dialed his cell phone number right after.
No reply either ... also not on my beeper message.

I decided to try it a bit later again as he really could have been sleeping or just not hearing the calls.

No way I thought of that what really happened ...

Some minutes later I tried to open my email account ... and I failed.
"Huh?"
Next try ended in the very same result ...

Access denied! You have entered the wrong password!

Heck! I do have that password since more than 5 years ... no way I could have entered the wrong password.

I tried it anew ... and after three wrong entries ... I got the message to contact the administrator.

Administrator ... ha!
"Fine, fine" I sighed and dialed the number of the computer department in the hospital.
About 15 minutes later a young man was standing in the door frame.
"Dr. Wilson? I heard you have a problem?" he greeted me.
"Yes, I do have" I answered and explained to him what happened.

Another fast typings, clicks, swearing and about 20 minutes later, he leaned back in my chair, looked at me and said.
"Well, you had a hacker. It seems that someone just broke into your account."
"I beg you pardon?" I asked him with my jaws dropped.
One more click and we could see what was done ...

Oh yes ... I did see what was done - and my face color changed from normal to crimson and ghost white.
"Oh my holy godness!" I muttered and let me sink on the visitor's chair.
The young man looked at me and now he did grin slightly.
"Oh well... it was not you, right?"
"Of course it was NOT me!" I spat out.
"Heck! I am married and that ... Oh my GOD!"

A second later I thought someone just stabbed me with a knife right in my heart when he asked me, "Gregory House is who?"
"My husband, why?" I moaned and looked at him.
"Okaaaay... " he said and stood up.
"You should better try to reach him, it looks like that anonymous guy who broke into your account and apparently used your messanger for that ... little thing there ... did send that email to him."

My heart did stop beating and I was unable to answer or even to move when the computer guy patted my shoulder and went out of the room.

I must have sat there for more than half an hour or so...
Unable to move, unable to think and unable to do anything ...

My numbness vanished slowly and next thing I did was packing my things and rushing out of the hospital.

I am at home now ... he is gone ...

Some clothes are missing and there is no sign of him.

I am feeling so cold inside - so lonely and lost ... and my heart feels like being torn into pieces.

I didnt do nothing at all - and this is just the truth ...

This is how it must feel like when you are dying slowly and painfully.

Poetry: Words

2007-05-21T10:20:00.000Z

I seem to be in a writer's mood today ...

Your invisible arms embrace me in my dreams,
your body I feel next to mine although you are miles and miles away.

Soft touches on my skin,
like feathers floating in the summer breeze.

My breath becomes harder ...
My stomach twists ...

You are with me in my dreams ...
You are here when I sit and think ... think of you ...

And my lips are longing for the sweetness of your kiss ...
And my body is longing for the tenderness of your touch ...
And my soul is longing for you ... as you resemble me so much.

Oh my love – my angel ... my sun,
you are the light ... you are the one.

The one I dreamt of so many times,
The one I longed for so many years,
The one I am looking for behind my fears.

You are with me in my dreams ...
You are here when I sit and think ... think of you ...

You might feel my invisible touches,
you might feel my ghost-like kisses,
you might just see me sitting here ... and smiling in my dreams ...

And my lips are longing for the sweetness of your kiss ...
And my body is longing for the tenderness of your touch ...
And my soul is longing for you ... as you resemble me so much.

Let us meet in the wonderland,
Let us meet where I can understand ...
Understand every gesture and every word ...
Let us meet – in the real life ... in our world!

copyright: J.E. Wilson

I did choose the title ... because those are just words. Words I had to bring on paper though ... as I already said ...writer's mood today!

Poetry: Is it real?

2007-05-21T06:45:00.000Z

Your eyes are embedded in my heart,

the sound of your voice is the blood rushing through my veins.

When I feel the soft touches of your finger tips upon my skin like ghostly kisses ...

I close my eyes and a smile appears on my face.

And if you stumble I will catch you,

and if you fall I will help you up,

if you hestitate I will be standing there patiently ... waiting for you.

'Cause you are worth it all,

you are worth all the pain, all the vain and all the longing...

You are the air I breathe,

You are the light that brightens up my inner darkness ...

You are my little angel and you catch me when I stumble,

You help me up when I fall,

and when I hestitate you are the one standing there patiently ... waiting for me.

Am I worth it all?

All the pain? All the vain and all the longing?

Just give me no answer with words ...

show me what you want ... show me how you feel ...

show me that it is not a mere dream - show me it is real!

copyright: J.E. Wilson

It is very open ... I know ... perhaps you like it.

Spoken words: Dreams

2007-05-21T06:36:00.000Z

Sometimes I just close my eyes and dream me away ...

Away over mountains, valleys and oceans I fly ... my wings are spread out and so I fly and fly and fly.

From high above I see the world rushing by and I think that everything might be so wonderful upon this earth if everyone cared ... if everyone cared!

So I carry on travelling and slowly my soul tears me into another direction - the place where you are ...

My feet reach the ground again and I stumble ... stumble into your waiting arms.

Eye meets eye, soul meets soul and our hands entangle ...

Your strong arms embrace me and I feel at home ...finally at home again.

Together we dance to that slow and lovely music only we hear. Our bodies melted together - skin to skin we sink deeper and deeper into the land of hopes and dreams.

We share the very intimate moments and we just sit and stare upon a lake only we can see here.

So I sit ... I sit ... and my eyes flatter ... and still I sit ... sit alone in my empty room and a smile enlightens my face - because I know that everything might be possible, if we only trust and believe in ourselves.

Everything might be possible if only we let it happen and my head drops back and I stare into the sky ...

I lift up my hands for a silent prayer ... and when my soul reaches out for you again - I now know everything can happen and nothing will be in vain.

****

Just some words ...

Sorrow ...

2007-05-19T21:34:00.000Z

Gregory has already stated in his blog what happened though when he found his pictures on my blog.

I really felt so sorry - but let me start at the beginning though.

The sorrow happened on Wednesday this week and I just thought it might be funny to show those pics here as I really think that he is looking way too cute again on those pictures ... but it should turn out to a little disaster for me though.

Gregory normally takes such things easy and most of the time we are laughing our asses off when we find some old pictures - so I thought he might just take it as it was intended - as a joke.

Far from that he took it as you know ... and he reacted in a way I never thought he would do. He was pissed off!

Gregory did not respond to any comment I made afterwards and I really tried it that way...
Nothing happened though and so I found myself walking down the hallway to his office.
I knocked at the office door and entered the room.
"Greg...I'm sorry. I did not know that you would mope...."
He just glared at me and did not respond.

"Greg..." I started anew and waited for a sign of recognition ...nothing.
He just turned to the file on his desk again and flipped through it.

"Greg...please..." I said silently and looked at him.
With a sigh Gregory scribbled something down and refused to look at me.

For a second I thought about approaching him and kissing his brain out so he would no longer be able to be pissed off ... but that really annoyed sigh just made me step back and close the door silently.

The next two hours I spent with thinking about how I could make up for it and why he was so pissed off this time. He normally knows me and we are not that pigheaded when it comes to old pictures and such stuff. That is why I really did not know what to do ...

I went to his office somewhat later that day and found it abandoned. No Gregory House was there ... bag was gone and Cameron just told me that House has left the PPTH approximately half an hour ago.

"Fine" I thought and made my way back to the office where a patient of mine was already waiting.
She has terminal cancer and she asked me if I would accept her invitation for dinner though.
I did accept the invitation and she invited me for dinner in a cozy Indian restaurant near the university.

"You should try the curry, Dr. Wilson" she said with a smile and pointed at the chicken curry in the menu.
I gave her a warm look and just smirked a bit.
"I don't think it would be wise to eat curry now, Hannah. I can't stand it though and you might not want me sitting here with a pale face and then speeding out of the room though, or?"
She just grinned and patted my hand.
"No, I think one person with a pale face is enough on that table, Dr. Wilson."

We really had a pleasant time and we spent nearly two hours in that restaurant until I drove her back home where her husband already awaited her.
It is never easy to let a patient go ... and sometimes it is really hard to stay cool and just be the doctor - especially when the patient is a wonderful person with a warm heart and soul.

After I brought her home I turned the car and headed towards our apartment.
My thoughts wandered back to Gregory and how pissed off he was when I did see him a few hours before.
He did not respond on my text messages nor did he pick up the phone when I tried to call him.

My right hand turned on the radio and a second later I stared at it when I heard a really weird sound coming out of the loudspeaker.
"What the heck?" I muttered as I listened to that typically Indian sound.
With a mood that really sucked I thumped my fingers on the steering wheel while I was standing at the stoplight in the city center.

The driver's window was slightly opened and I did not recognize a man approaching my car until I heard the knock at the window.
My heart nearly stopped beating when I became aware that a man was standing there - staring at me.

It was an Indian and he smiled at me.
"Okay" I thought "a mass murder doesn't look like this" and so I opened the window to ask him what he wants.

The music stopped howling and the smile of the man became even broader when he heard the last tunes of this "song".
"May I help you?" I asked him and gave him a hint of a smile, hidden behind a questioning look.
Suddenly I found myself staring at a bunch of red roses that blocked the complete window now.
Behind this bunch I heard the mumbling voice asking me:
"Wanna buy some rrroses?"
"I ..."
"Putifullll rrroses! For you I'll make a special offerrr!"
"I beg ..."
"Buy one 3 bucks! Buy ten 25 bucks! And buy the whole bunch ... just 50 bucks for you!"
Again I wanted to tell him that I am not interested and then I stared at those wonderful and really beautiful red roses (I have to admit) and next thing I know is that I was 50 bucks worse off and had a bunch of about 50 red roses lying next to me.

"Why not ..." I sighed to myself and a few minutes later I parked the car in front of the house.

It was aroound 8 pm when I opened the door. There was light in the living room and I heard that the TV was on.
I placed my bag in the corner and hung up my jacket. My stomach twitched a bit and I took one or two deep breaths before I entered the living room with the bunch of roses.
Gregory was sitting on the sofa and staring at the screen.
I swallowed hard down, greeted him with a "Hey, darling..." and approached him then.
Greg on the other hand just gave me a short - apparently annoyed - look and turned away again.

My husband just did not show any sign of response and I began anew.
"Hun, I..." - as there was no response and just a blank looking Gregory - soon silence filled the room.

I stood there like someone waiting to be picked up ...
A deep sigh later and with a lump in the throat I decided to go into the kitchen and water the flowers.

While I was standing in the kitchen and arranging the roses in the vase, Gregory arose and walked towards the bedroom.
I followed him with my eyes and so I did look at him when he gave me a glance over his shoulder and gnarled a, "There's no dinner for you".

According to Greogry's report I must have looked slightly uncomfortable when I told him that I already had dinner though.
He would have known that if he would have picked up my phone or would have answered my text messages. Of course I know now that his cell was switched off ... but at that time I just thought that he must have read the messages.

Gregory raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really..."
I blushed slightly as his reaction just showed me that he had no clue I was invited by a patient.
"Yes...um...you were gone and...and...a patient invited me to that restaurant..."
"A patient!" he muttered and eyeballed me.

"Yes...um...she wanted to thank me..."
"Nice", he nodded and next thing I did see was a slammed door.

I rushed to the bedroom door and opened it.
"Greg, there was nothing..."
"Out of here", he said very silently and grabbed the book on his nightstand.
"But I..."
"OUT!" Greg yelled and his eyes looked blank.
I had to swallow down the lump in my throat again and after I examined his face for any sign of forgiveness ... and I couldn't find some ... I just withdrew my head and closed the door.

So I stood there - again staring at a closed door with Gregory in the room behind.
Another sigh slipped out of my mouth and I rubbed my neck.
"Damn it!" I thought and my feet just led me into the sitting room and I grabbed the bottle of Laphroaig, opened it and poured me a single malt.

The lights were already dimmed and I just turned out the TV and switched on the hifi.
The music of The Spencer Davis Group filled the air and I downed my first glass of malt to the sound of "Gimme some lovin'".

My thoughts went astray and I thought about how stupid I have been ... again.
I poured me another malt ... and another ... and another ...

I did lay on the sofa, listening to very special music and staring at the ceiling.
A good time later I stumbled to my feet and went to the bedroom door.
The wood was staring at me like a guard standing at a gate and asking for the parole.
I breathed in and out, supported my arms on the door frame and asked a silent "Greg? Babes?".
The voice behind the door answered with a grunted "Leave me alone".
I opened the door a bit as I did not want to give in that easy.

"Greg...bunnybum...I'm sorry....I did not mean to piss you off..."
Gregory did not lift up his head and just looked into the book he was holding in his hands.

My feet led me into the room and I managed to stop them after three steps done.
"Hunny? I...I...just thought those pictures were funny...and...and...you really look cute on them..."
His response was a snort and a nod towards the door.

I just felt somehow numb by then and so I just gave in, sighed and closed the door silently.

Tired legs led me into the living room again and I stood there, my eyes fixed on the red roses and the candle light and next thing I did was smashing my hand against the wooden bookshelf and yelling a "JERK".
I was so upset of myself that this was the very first reaction that came out.

A split of a second later I heard Gregory yelling.
"ASSHOLE!"
"Oh no" I thought and the palm of my hand hit my forehead. "Dammit! I did not mean you, Greg!"

"Yeah, for suuuuuure!" was his reply and it was crystal clear that he did not believe it.

I sank down on the sofa again and the Laphroaig bottle caught my eyes again.
Another drink and a secret cigarette on the balcony later I found my guts again to return to the hall of the mountain king.

My hand turned the doorknob and I tiptoed into the bedroom.
"What are you doing here?" Gregory said and frowned.
"Um..." I swallowed. "Going to bed?"
"No way", Gregory gnarled and in the dimmed light I saw him shaking his head.
He rummaged around in bed and two seconds later I had my yammies thrown at me and was told with a cold voice to sleep on the couch.

"But...but...Greg..."
"Out!" he barked and really thought that this couldn't be true now.
I really was taken aback and my "Gregory!" sounded more than perplexedly.
He on the other hand just flashed at me and it was the look in his eyes that made me slowly step backwards out of the room and into the dark hallway again.

"Fine" I thought and muttering to myself I went into the sitting room - again.
I changed my clothes and tried to make myself comfortable on the couch.
For sure it was not the first time I had to spend on a sofa ... but this time it was because of some pictures!
Just some silly pictures and I was laying on that sofa like I had done something really really bad.

Gnawing on my lower lip I tried to analyze what happened though ... but with a few single malts in my body I really wasn't able to think properly.
I tiptoed into the kitchen and poured me a glass of milk, walked back to the sofa and started thinking ...

A few hours, one or maybe two single malts later I grabbed the candle and single rose and made my way into the bedroom again.

I opened the door silently and tiptoed to my nightstand where I carefully placed the candle. I walked to Gregory's side then and I knelt down.
"Greg...", I whispered and looked into his beautiful face.
Gregory mumbled a sleepy "Mmmmh?" and my heart slopped over.
I placed the rose gently upon his pillow and then I bent forward to kiss his forehead.
"I'm sorry", I whispered and I had to swallow down again when Gregory opened his eyes and I found myself drowning in his astonishing blue eyes all over sudden.

My lips wandered from his forehead down his cheek until I finally felt the softness of his lips.
"Greg...", I heard myself moaning and when he returned my kiss and wrapped his arms around me my legs turned to jelly and if I wouldn't have been kneeling I would probably have just lost the ability to stand upright.

How can it be possible to miss someone like that - although that someone is just around all the time, how?
I don't know it - but I do know that I missed him like hell and that feeling sorrow and numb is a feeling I don't want to have that often when he is around.

I deepend that kiss of love and my hands wandered over his body. Thousand kisses or more I placed upon each piece of skin when I unbuttoned his yammy shirt and I heard myself whispering sweet names into his ear.

"You're so beautiful...", I murmured into his ear and while caressing his bare chest I told him anew that I felt so sorry ...
"I'm good...I'm not angry..." Gregory panted silently and his eyes just made me come closer and closer and soon our bodies melted to one.

My soul screamed out his name - or was it me screaming it? - and I just drowned in his love and arms ... and the journey throught he valley of making it up just started - and it was a long journey and a short night...

****************

For those interested what kind of Indian music it was - I found it on youtube:

Nicholas Nickleby

2007-05-18T08:21:00.000Z

For Gregory ... he doesn't know that movie - have a look!

Only a few people I know really know this movie.

I don't understand why because the storyline is just excellent and also the actors do a great job in here.

Nicholas Nickleby is performed so very well ... it is a stunning movie with a lot of true speaking in it.

By the way for those not knowing ... "Nicholas Nickleby" was written by Charles Dickens!

To give you a summary:

Nicholas Nickleby is one of Dickens’ earliest works, is in the episodic and melodramatic style familiar from The Pickwick Papers, and was published serially 1838-9. It is the story of the Nicklebys (Nicholas, his mother and sister Kate) who have been left penniless by the death of Mr Nickleby. In their poverty and desperation they seek help from Nicholas’s uncle - the difficult and oppressive Ralph Nickleby who is a usurer. Nicholas immediately bothers his uncle due to his independent attitudes and is sent to Dotheboys Hall to teach. He witnesses the mistreatment of orphans there by Wackford Squeers. Disgusted by this and particularly the treatment of Smike, Nicholas thrashes the evil Squeers and escapes with the lad Smike who becomes his close comrade. Nicholas continues on his mission to end ill-treatment. He saves Kate from Sir Mulberry Hawk’s insults and makes a home for the family. Ralph gets his comeuppance eventually despite his continued evil and although Smike dies of consumption, there is a general sense of justice at the novel’s close.

My advice ...go and read the novel or - go and get this movie and watch it!

The actors deserve it - it is a job more than well done!

Risking murder ...

2007-05-16T10:43:00.000Z

Well ... I suppose I risk now murder or having to sleep on the sofa - but, sorry Greg, I really couldn't resist after you teased me with that eyebrow wash!

Enjoy - Gregory and his theatre troup:

Oh ... hmmm... right ... auntie!

Sexy!

Someone ever talked about a "fag"?

The blonde in the middle ... well ...no comment!

I really just couldn't resist ...

When life just blows ...

2007-05-16T10:21:00.000Z

That was in an email I got from a colleague ... just had to share it!

Do not disturb - Part II

2007-05-15T21:51:00.000Z

The elevator door opened with a ping sound and Gregory entered it.
"Come in ... we don't have every time in the world!" he moaned and thumped his cane on the ground again.
I raised an eyebrow and stepped in as well.
"What is going on here, Greg?! This is a four star hotel at Broadway ... so could you just explain me why the heck you booked a room?"
"I didn't book it in advance" Gregory replied and pushed the floor button again.
"You already did push it!" I answered and gave him a side glance.

"I know that! But it is too slow..." he said and played with the key card in his hand.
"Heck, Gregory what is going on here? You can't ..."
"Aaaw, shut up for now, Jim! I will soon tell you, okaaaaaay?"
"You just can't ..." I started and was interrupted by the ping of the elevator and Gregory pushing me out of the very same.

A short look upon the card and he gestured to the left side.
"This way!" Greg grunted and moved on.
I lifted my arms for a second and made a silent prayer ...
"Can't you just tell me ..."
"Can't you just shut up?" Greg grunted back and stopped in front of the room we had.
"Ha! That's it ... 515" he spoke to himself and opened the door.
"After you, gentleman!" Gregory said and bowed slightly.

A sigh slipped out of my mouth and I gave him another side glance while passing him by.
Gregory must have thought I was too slowly as he just pushed me in the room, fumbled at the door and then closed it.
"In there!" he moaned and gestured with his cane towards the room.
"I ..." with that I started but was not able to continue as Gregory just pushed me forward and I tumbled my way to the bed.
"GREGORY!" I exclaimed and then looked at him with a slightly annoyed expression.

"You wanna know what is going on?" Gregory asked then and looked at me with narrow eyes.
"Yes! I want to know that!" I replied and put the hands on my hips.
"Fine, I will show you" he said silently and approached me.
Next thing I felt was my right hand being grabbed and guided to his delicate body part.
A gasp slipped out of my mouth when I found out that the blood circulation was doing pretty well.
"Oooh..." I whispered and then this OH turned into a "Heeeey" when I was pushed on the bed.

I was lying on the bed staring in disbelief at Gregory who threw his backpack and jacket in the corner of the room and opened his shirt feverishly.
My mouth became dry as a desert and I had to swallow down hard when he unbuckled his belt.
"What are you waiting for?" Gregory moaned and gestured at me.
"Undress or I can't promise your clothes will survive that!"
I folded my arms before my chest and raised an eyebrow.

"I will not obey!" I replied and looked at him.
"I beg you pardon?" he said and stepped out of his trousers.
Trying to stay calm I gave him a stern look and repeated what I just did say.
"Oh... you will not obey though? Well ..." Greg paused and touched his chin like he would be thinking. Then he approached me, popped a Vicodin and put the bottle aside ... and next thing he did was making me too weak to resist, so I found myself lying on the bed with a torn shirt and with my husband kneeling above me.

"I don't give a shit, if you will obey or not!" Greg moaned and sucked at my neck.
A deep moan slipped out of my mouth and my fingernails scratched over his back.
"You don't know how you looked at me in that coffee shop" Greg carried on and his tongue tip teased my nipples.
Clutching the linens and arching slightly I was unable to reply though.
"Did you think that I did enjoy that cake so much? Jerk! I wanted you all the fucking time!" he whispered hoarsley into my ear and parted my legs with his knee.

"Greg" I sighed and my surely dilated pupils tried to focus on him.
He had his mouth slightly open and was panting a bit.
"Jim" he whispered and slowly did make us become one.
My head dropped back and a little cry slipped out of my mouth when he started to move slow and demanding.

His mouth found mine and he parted my lips with the tip of his tongue.
I sighed inwardly and embraced him with my legs to push him even deeper.
"GAAAAAAAAAWD JIM!" Gregory cried out and I moaned out at the very sight of him.
Gregory began to thrust harder and deeper and we both got lost in the feeling of lust and sin for a long long time this afternoon.

We enjoyed the bed, the desk, the floor and the bathroom and we can say that the whipped cream in the hotel is excellent though.
Especially when placed on some delicated body parts ...

The "Do not disturb" sign wasn't turned until we left in the late Sunday morning hours.

By the way ... we still have that sign as it mysteriously did find its way into Greg's backpack and so into our apartment.

Do not disturb - Part I

2007-05-15T14:21:00.001Z

The dessert of yesterday reminded me of another happening some months ago and I think now might just be the time to tell you.

I am now talking about the hot chocolate fudge cake with whipped cream Gregory had for dessert yesterday and not about the other kind of dessert I just mentioned on the brink.

“May I have a fudge, please” Gregory asked me after lunch and gave me that puppy dog glance again.
“Oh c’mon, Greg, stop pouting. You know that I can’t resist you doing that!” I answered him with a wink and waved at the waitress at the same time.
A few minutes later Gregory got his fudge cake and looked at it with sparkling blue eyes.
The fork delved into the brown mass and then found its way to an expecting mouth.

Believe me, Gregory can celebrate eating a fudge cake and his noises are sometimes a bit embarrassing for all the other people in the surrounding.
“Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh, hrrrrrmmmmmmmm” was his response when he felt the cake on his tongue and my response was to lean back and watch him meticulously.

Have you ever watched “Harry and Sally”?
Yes? … Fine, you might have the right imagination then of Gregory eating a chocolate fudge cake.
My heart started to beat faster and his little noises made another part of my body respond, so that I made sure no one could see what was going on with me.
My facial expression was blank and I just rolled my eyes towards the ceiling.

Gregory gave me a side glance and smirked a bit.
This little devil perfectly knows what he causes with that behavior.
He leaned back and stopped eating for a while.
“Are you okay, James?” he asked me and used the napkin like an old English lady.
I couldn’t avoid a grin though and just nodded at him.
“I just asked me the very same, because I don’t want you to have a multiple orgasm here, you know.”
“Not here, hmmm?” he muttered silently and gestured at me to come closer.
“Hmmm?” I asked and bent forward.

I hadn’t noticed that his left hand was not to be seen anymore and it took me a lot not to moan out loud when I felt his fingers caressing my delicate part for a tiny bit of a second.
“Interesting” I said and straightened up again.
Gregory nodded and continued eating his cake but this time without those little noises. He just kept my glance and licked the fork from time to time.

“You know” I said when rubbing my neck, “this reminds me of a nice little episode we had some months ago in New York, when we had to book a hotel room all of a sudden as someone was behaving like that…”
The fork froze in mid-air and Greg’s pupils widened … then after that hint of second he guided the fork into his mouth and swallowed the sweet mass down.
“Mhmmmm, I know exactly what you mean and the whipped cream was priceless though” he spoke silently and licked some cream from his left index finger.

I think I should tell you know what happened in New York in March. To be exactly it was right after my birthday …

We drove to New York as my sister has sent me a Rothmans gift card as a birthday present. Therefore we went to Rothman's Union Square, 200 Park Avenue South. After a few hours of shopping – we spent hours at Tower records though – we decided to have a coffee break in a nice and cozy coffee shop nearby.

„Oh, look Jim they have fudge cake“ Gregory said with a broad grin and I just nodded and studied the menu.
„I did recognize, Greg“ I murmured and decided to have a cheese cake and a latte.
Greg ordered his fudge and a latte as well.

I don’t have to explain you what happened then, if you have read the above mentioned carefully.
“Gregory “ I sighed silently and leaned forward.
Greg just looked at me and a smile appeared on his face.
“Jimmy?” he asked me and raised an eyebrow.
“Greg, if you don’t stop the moaning and sighing will licking your fudge and celebrating the taste of it like that …then …”
“What will happen then, Dr. Wilson?” he purred and took another mouthful.

My hand slipped under the table and my fingers caressed his crotch.
Greg chocked on the fudge and coughed aloud.
“Then I will just not be able to stop that and I cannot guarantee that we won’t be landing in jail though.” I murmured into his ear.
Gregory nodded and took a sip of water.
“Check, please!” he exclaimed then and we both leaned back.

I frowned and looked at him questioningly.
“What are you up to now?” I asked him when he had paid.
“We go!” he said gruffly and grabbed his backpack.
I stood up and followed him on the street.
“Where the heck are you going?” I asked him and pointed at the entrance of the metro.
“We have to take this one to get back to our car!” I said and quickened my pace to catch up with him as he was limping towards the entrance of a hotel.

“Oh shut up for a second, James” Gregory barked and nodded at the doorman when he opened the door for us.
“But …” I tried to ask him what the heck we were doing in a hotel now.
Gregory on the other hand just reached the reception and I approached him.
“One room with a king size bed we can offer you, sir” the lady behind the reception said without looking up from her screen.
“That is great!” Gregory replied and gave her the credit card and everything she needed.

A few minutes later she handed him the key and looked at us with a smile and a nod.
“Enjoy your stay at our hotel” she said and we both nodded.
Gregory turned towards the elevators and I just followed him to speechless to ask a single thing.

I was just staring at him from time to time and he stood there thumping his cane on the marble floor…

To be continued!

Can you believe ...

2007-05-15T09:47:00.000Z

that this is Gregory?

Found that picture yesterday evening - by accident - when cleaning the storeroom.

Isn't he cute?

I really like that picture ... - anyway, to be even I will show you another old pic of me when I was very very young though.

I actually found some interesting shots of Greg in some costumes ... he told me that he played in a troupe once.

Perhaps I could ...

On the way to the Chinese

2007-05-14T16:16:00.000Z

I looked at Gregory when he stood up and limped around my desk.
„But there was something else, no?“ Gregory asked questioningly and approached me.
„Was there?“ I murmured into his ear.

„I thought you wanted to tell me something ... but then changed your mind“, Gregory said and tried to look me in the eyes.
„Hmmm...not really“ I whispered and played with his collar.
„Fine then ...“ Gregory answered with a slightly annoyed undertone and turned to the door.

„EY!“ I said and pinched his ass.
„OUCH! Are you insane? What was THAT for?“ he barked and turned his head.
Before he could reach the doorknob I pulled him closer and whispered.
„I just wanted to do that“ and with these words I kissed him gently.

Through the daze of love I heard Gregory purring and felt his warm embrace.
This reply made me deepen the kiss and I just got lost in the feeling of his heartbeat against my chest.
After a minute or two, I stepped back and murmured „Lunch now?“
Gregory opened one eye and looked at me „Lunch right“ he said and opened the second eye.
„Okay here we go!“ he said and cleared his throat.
I did likewise and gave him a side-glance.
„Cafeteria?“ I asked him with a smile.

„Chinese?“ he replied and eyeballed me.
„Hrrrmmm ... sounds good!“ I answered and swallowed down the lump in my throat.
Gregory beamed and opened the door.
„After you, gentleman!“
„Thank you“ I replied with a hint of a bow and stepped forward.

When passing by Gregory he pinched my ass and I muttered a „GOSH!“
Rubbing my bum I heard him chuckling his cute little ass off.
I turned my head towards him and raised an eyebrow.

„Wasn’t me“ Gregory answered and smiled at me as innocent as a young child.
„For sure not ...“ I grunted and shook my head when he just grinned and winked at me.
I was about to reply his silent answer when his look became blank and he wanted to pull me behind the pillar.
„Let’s hide behind the pillar for a second“ he hissed.
I looked around for Cuddy and asked him „Why?“ when I did not see her.

Greg pointed in the hallway „Tenacious M at 2 o’clock!“

„Oh ... hide then“ I said with a grin and walked towards the direction of Dr. Fornara (or like Greg says: Tenacious M!)
Gregory hid behind that pillar and I was aware that he just peeped around the corner.

A few steps away from our Italian dottore I greeted him with a friendly „Hello. Dr. Fornara!“
„Hello, Dr. Wilson“ he greeted me with his Italian dialect.
Dr. Fornara looked around and asked me then with a smile „Did you by chance see Dr. House?“
I rubbed my neck and replied with a „For sure“.
Dr. F beamed at me and looked around again.
„So ... where is he?“
„Is that of any interest for you?“ I asked him with narrowed eyes.

This foolish smile was still on his face when he told me that he just wanted to invite him for lunch.
I replied the smile „Did you? I thought you already did that last week?“
He beamed again (Greg is right: Dork!) „Oh ... did he tell you?“
„Yes ... he told me everything though“ I said with a nod.
„Bueno“ TenaciousM replied and his smile became even broader.
„You are good friends“ he then asked me and I just thought why not carrying on with this little play for a while.
„Yes, we are very close“ I replied with a nod at Mr. Italian.
„Actually I am having a lunch date with him now“ I continued and checked my watch like I would want to underline that sentence.
„Oh“ he answered with a rather disappointed look upon his face.

„Any problems with it?“ I asked Dr. F and gave him an enquiring look.
„No, for sure not. I will ask him instead, if he wants to go out for dinner with me though.
I cleared my throat and asked sweet as sugar, „Will you?“
Dottore Fornara nodded feverishly.

I patted Dr. F’s back and had to hold myself back not to use my fist.
„Well, good luck then. I heard he is not available though“ I spoke silently into his ear.
Italian guy blushed and stammered „Well...I ...oh ... I will ask him anyway.“

What a brainteaser, I thought.
„So you are ... interested?“ I replied with a forced smile.
„Io ... I ...“ he stammered again and looked around.
He then continued with a nod „Dottore House is a very good doctor, for sure I am interested in him as a colleague“. Dr. F then blushed slightly and coughed in his fist.

„For sure“ I nodded „I didn’t mean anything else“ (who believes that, huh?)
Looking on my fingernails I carried on „But as far as I know, I have him around every evening of this week ...“
Another „Oh“ emerged from Dr. F’s lips and he really looked disappointed.

Disappointment switched into a questioning look and he then asked me, „You have a case then?“
I rubbed my neck and did so if I was absorbed in some thoughts.
„Pardon?“
„You have a case? Or why do you see him every evening?“

„We love each other ...“
I cleared my throat and looked at Dr. F getting pale.
„s ... company“ I continued after the break of a second.

„I see“ Dr. F said and swallowed hard.
„So you are very close, right?“
I checked my watch again, looked up and straight into his eyes „Pretty much“ I replied.
Mr. Italy leaned forward a bit and whispered something into my ear.

I backed off and looked at him with an earnest expression.
„I think you should ask HIM that! I just know that he is wearing a ring,“ I said with a grumpy nod.

This little bugger!

Doctor Fornara replied with a „Grazie, Doctor Wilson!“ and wanted to shake hands.
I gave him mine to say goodbye though ...and he looked down on my fingers.
„You are wearing nearly the same ring though!“ Dr. F said and his pupils widened a bit.
Smiling at him I answered, „Do I? Funny!“

He nodded and then said with narrowed eyes, „Yours looks a bit different“.
It was me now looking down on my wedding ring.
„Really? Thought they are like twins ...“
„You bought the same rings then?“ he asked with a shrug and then exclaimed „That I call a friendship!“

I nodded „Yes, you might call it that ... for example.“
Now I was just about to tell him that Gregory and I are married – but was interrupted by Cuddy’s voice barking „WILSON!“
I turned around and nodded a „Hello, Cuddy“
„Did you see House?“ she asked me immediately after she has nodded at Dr. F.

Let’s play the dork, I thought and frowned while looking at her.
„Why should I?“
„Why should you?“ she asked me and gestured in the air, „Because you are living together and you know every little step he takes!“

Screaming out a „STRIKE“ inwardly I grinned at Cuddy.
„Not every though“ I said with a beam.
From the corner of my eye I did see Dr. Italy (this little ...) looking from one to another.
A weak „ You live together“ reached my ear then and Cuddy turned towards him.
„For sure they do,“ she sighed „they are married!“ she mumbled and pointed at me.

Oh believe me – I was so dancing inwardly!
Outwards I just checked my watch again while telling her that I don’t know where Gregory was.
Pointing at my watch I gave both a nod and apologized „Excuse me now, I am off for my lunch break!“
With these words I left them with a wave and a smile and just let Dr. F standing there like a cow in a thunderstorm.

I made my way out of the building and waited for Gregory at the large tree right in front of the entrance hall.
About two minutes later Gregory came out of the building and passed me by with a „That was PRICELESS!“
I grinned and walked along his side.
„Did you see his face?“ I asked Greg.
„Yessss! It nearly fell to the floor!“

We both chuckled and I nudged his shoulder.
„Cuddy did you a favor though!“
„Me?“ Greg replied and gave me a side-glance.
„Us?“ I asked with a wink.
Greg winked back at me and continued, „I really thought you would tell him.“
„I just was about to do so ...“ I said with a shrug.

„That would have been more priceless then!“ Greg said with a devilish grin.
„Perhaps“ I shrugged and placed my hand upon his shoulder.
„Hmmmm... will you pay now or shall we risk paying the check with the money you gave me?“
I rolled my eyes towards the sky and sighed.
„Feel invited!“
„Nice ...“ Greg murmured with a deeper voice.

We looked at each other and both knew that the dessert would be priceless!

Ready for Lunch?

2007-05-14T14:26:00.000Z

My door opened without a notice of a knock...
„Hunny? Ready for lunch?“ Gregory asked and peeked in my office.
I looked up from my computer.
„Yes in a minute. I don't get that damn thing here right. Do you have any ideas?“ I pointed at my screen.

Gregory frowned, „What is the problem?“
„You know a bit of computer things, right?““Um...yes“ he answered and approached me.

I rubbed my neck. „See I wanted to write that email and it just does not work“
Greg studied my screen and waved me from the seat. „Let me check it out!“ he murmured and took seat when I stood up.
„Any ideas?“ I asked him after a while.
„Hmmmm. You did not give me time though“ Greg murmured and clicked on some buttons.

Just nodding I looked over his shoulder.
„Can’t you just relax? And by the way, this sentence sounds crap!“ Gregory erased that very sentence and wrote something anew.
„No, it sounds good!“

A sigh slipped out of my mouth.
„I had to read it over for a colleague though“ I replied.
Greg looked up with a grin.
„So not your crap?“
I shook my head and looked at him when he pushed the „send“ button.
„Away it is...“ he said and leaned back in my chair.

„Thanks a lot, Greg!“ I replied with a warm smile.
„Oh, by the way ... where did you get this money from?“ he asked and waved with the counterfeit note.
„Oh ... that“ I grinned „I dunno“.
Gregory raised an eyebrow.

„It was just here on my desk“ I answered and pointed at my desk.
„I already asked your ducklings“ I continued with a grin and then shrugged „but they don’t know nothing at all. Any idea?“

Greg gave me a tongue-in-cheek reply.
„If it was on my desk...I would have a faint idea, I think. But here? Hmmmm...Cuddy maybe?“
„Cuddy? Why should she?“ I replied with a questioning look.
He shrugged „Dunno?! Why should anyone?“

„Because it is fun?“ I grinned.
Greg pointed at me and narrowed his eyes, „It was YOU!“
With an innocent look I glanced back.
„Me?“
„Yes, YOU!“
I sniggered first and replied with a rather devilish smile, that I might have chosen a dog picture.
„A dog? Why the dickens???“
„A Chihuahua?“ I asked back.

Gregory snorted.
„Oh bugger ... nice ... you are sooo very kind!“ he said with a dry tone.
My answer was rather that of an eight year old now.

He rolled his eyes towards the ceiling.
„So ... it was NOT you?“
„What?“ I asked back.
„The moooooney“ he said and rolled his eyes again.
I rubbed my neck „Oh ... I had such a topic with Eric lately.“
„What kind of topic?“ Greg asked with twinkling eyes.

Slightly blushing I replied silently „That you are worth all the money in the world!“
His answer was a blush and a slightly dorky grin.
After a second or so he asked „When ... I mean ... when and why did you tell him that?“
I rested my hands on the desk and looked outside.
„Oh ... I met him in Chicago, didn’t I tell you that? He was there as well due to some business.“
„... No ...“
„Oh ... I suppose I had other things in my mind this weekend then“ I answered with a wink.
Gregory grinned, „I bet you had!“
„I hope you liked my little surprise?!“
„Mhm“ I said and felt a lump in my throat. I rearranged my tie and cleared my throat.

Greg brushed over his chin.
„You tend to fumble at your tie when you get horny.“
I immediately stopped rearranging my tie and combed through my hair.
He winked at me.
„And you do THAT when you want ME to get horny...“
„I ...“
„You?“

I caught myself gnawing on my lower lip and clearing my throat again.
He really got it right at that time – but as we had no time and were in my office ... I just pushed it away. So I decided to stay cool when Greg asked me to spit it out.
„We’re alone! C’mon ... spit it out!“
„Nothing“ I said and fetched my wallet.
„Ready for lunch?“

Gregory sighed and nodded.„Yes ...“

Something weird

2007-05-14T09:06:00.000Z

mood: pmsl

Monday ...

Monday means back at work, monday means weird happenings, monday means Greg is in an awful mood, monday means you may find rididculous things ...

Who would ever think about making money with your own conterfeit on it? Would you?

Imagine my surprise when I just came into my office and found that:

on my desk!

Not only one dollar notes - no the whole money through ...

I stood there gawking and found myself dialing Greg's office number.

"Hmmm?" he moaned into the handset.

"Come here, Greg, you have to see this!"

"What? Cuddy wearing an overall or why are you so nervous?" he grunted and I heard him rubbing his beard.

"Come here and you'll see!" I repeated and hang up.

Five minutes later he stood in the doorframe and nodded at me.

"So? Why did I have to hurry here?"

I checked the watch "You call this hurry?" I asked him and raised an eyebrow.

"Interesting, because when you really want something you can be really fast!" I said with a smirk.

"Haha, Mr. Funny Mood!" Gregory muttered and entered my room.

A sigh slipped out of my mouth and I poured him a mug of coffee.

"Take that, sip and when the coffein reached your wake up system I will show you something!" with these words I handed him the coffee.

"Hmmm..." was the only reply and a hand stretched out to grab the coffee.

Silence filled the room and was only disturbed by a moan when the coffee was sipped. He really is a sleepy head and needs his time to wake up. Especially on Monday mornings ...

About three to five minutes later Gregory cleared his throat and I looked up from the file I was working at.

"What kind of case is it though?" Gregory asked and looked slightly interested.

"This?" I answered and pointed at the file. "Oh, this is not why I called you. This is just ..."

He interrupted me with a wave "Tell me then I don't have all the time in the world!" he said over the rim of his mug.

"Don't you?" I replied and raised and eyebrow while leaning back in my chair.

Gregory sighed and placed the mug on the table.

"No! And today I am not in the mood for that kind of conversation. I had a damn fucking night ..." he barked and became aware what he said and stopped.

I on the other hand grinned my ass off and rubbed my chin.

"Had you? Well, that is interesting, because I can't remember we did such things. You turned and turned and played silkworm again..."

"Youuuuu" he pointed at me and could not avoid a slightest bit of a smile.

"Meeeeeeee" I pouted back and gave him a dollar note.

"Huh?" Gregory asked and looked blank.

"For your endeavors!" I said with a devilish grin.

"What the dickens?!" Gregory began to bark and stared on the note.

I stood up and approached him, smooched his cheek and patted his back.

"You deserve it. Buy a reubens sandwich or so ..."

"TEASE!" he snapped and nudged my shoulder.

Gregory then turned around and left my office with the ten bucks, of course.

He didn't call back yet - I am sure he did not see the face on the note though ...

Really looking forward what will happen when he wants to pay with that counterfeit note.

On my way

2007-05-12T11:08:00.000Z

mood: happy

I am already waiting at the airport and sitting in an Internet café here ... about to leave soon and just using the waiting period for checking emails and - obviously - writing a short message on my blog.

Finally the congress is over and I will soon be at home again!

I really missed Greg and I am happy to see him again in a few hours. Just a bit of a boring flight and then he will pick me up from the airport though.

So looking forward to this weekend I am.

He promised me a surprise and I hope it will be a nice one!

Really could do with some snuggling, cuddling and snogging ...

The congress was more or less interesting and some of the lectures were really good I have to admit.

Yesterday evening there was a dinner for all the participants and after that some of us went into a nice Irish pub near the hotel.

Did I tell you were I am? I think I just forgot to mention that I am in Chicago at the moment.

I will tell you more about it when I'll be at home and having some time to write.

Now I have to leave ... only a few minutes left!

Bored ... and Type A

2007-05-11T10:32:00.000Z

Type A ... I dont mean the blood type now ;)

I was talking about a stupid personality test ... this is my result:

You Have a Type A Personality

You are ambitious, driven by your desire to get things done. Type A personalities are characterized by their drive and intense work ethic. You are competitive; you want respect, not affection. You may become irritated when you have to wait on a line or at a red light.

Are you a Type A or a Type B?

MySpace Quizzes at PimpSurveys.com

Bored I am because I am currently not at the PPTH, not in Plainsboro at all ...

Currently using the Internet access in the hotel room and my notebook - i.e. I am on tour!

On tour?! Where to? What am I doing?

Well ... it is just another boring oncologist meeting I have to attend. Okay boring is not the right word - the lectures are rather interesting ... but I am now sitting in the hotel room and I am bored to death.

It is so comfortable using the Internet then.

By the way, if you asked yourself what my "STRIKE" meant - I got the answer and Gregory now knows what the surprise was/is.

I might write about it later ...

What is that blue thing Dr Wilson wears?

2007-05-10T13:21:00.000Z

mood: funny

What a question, hm?

I mean ... what kind of blue thing is meant? I am wearing many blue things from time to time ;)

Blue boxers, blue pj's, blue socks, blue ties, blue shirts, blue trousers, blue sweaters ... and even dark blue leather shoes from time to time ...

So - dear reader - what did you mean?

If you can tell me what you meant - I might tell you the answer though!

********************

Status report:

STRIKE!!!!!

Waiting...

2007-05-10T11:31:00.000Z

Sitting here in my office and staring at the walls I am ...

You might ask yourself - why?

The answer is simple and easy: I am waiting!

Did you ever have to wait ... I mean wait for something really important?

Seconds turn into minutes, minutes turn into hours, hours turn into days, days turn into weeks and weeks ... well, weeks turn into months or even decades!

Do you think that I overdraw?

If you should think so - you never had to wait for something really important.

Let me explain you a tiny bit (only a tiny because I don't want someone to know what I did though) ...

All has to do with a letter I wrote a few weeks ago. It was no business letter, it was not only normal letter ... no it was a love letter.

A love letter for Gregory, of course!!! (Don't dare thinking there might be anyone else in my life!) I already told you about this love letter though ...

This letter is connected with another little surprise and that I why I am waiting now. I wrote another letter to someone else - to who I will not tell now. This time the letter was no love letter at all ... but I am waiting desperately for the answer.

Checking my email accounts by and then, checking the mail box every evening when I am coming home ... or even waiting for a call.

I hate waiting! I really hate it! I am not a very patient person - I am trying to be, because sometimes it is just not in your hands. The recipient could be busy, the letter could have gone lost ... so many things could have occured.

I hate not knowing what is going on.

Why not just sending an acknowledgement? Informing the writer that the letter was received - is that too much to ask for?

Gregory is already getting suspicious and he will for sure ask me now what is going on - I am aware that he will read this entry and I so hope that I will have my answer today as I told the recipient I need it by today ...

Cross fingers for me ... it is sooooo important for me and I just dont want to spoil the surprise though.

Therefore ...

Gregory! Don't dare asking me all the time now what I did send and for what I am waiting! I am as silent as a grave ...

Gorgeous piece ...

2007-05-08T14:32:00.000Z

of art I got sent by a friend on DA!

Sorry - I had to downsize it a bit, because the original is huuuuuuge!

You can see her art here: http://imagination22.deviantart.com/

Go and check it out!

Thank you so much for that great piece of art - Emi!

Family part I

2007-05-07T16:08:00.000Z

mood: relieved

music: Wood Hall Four ~ habitual loafers of necessity

Family ... Etymology: Middle English familie, from Latin familia household (including servants as well as kin of the householder), from famulus servant

What is the definition of a family? In fact there are many definitions for that word ... but the most common one we use is: a group of persons of common ancestry.

Of course, we could sometimes use: a group of related plants or animals forming a category ranking above a genus and below an order and usually comprising several to many genera or a unit of a crime syndicate (as the Mafia) operating within a geographical area.

But lets stay with the first definition, right?

Why am I just giving you this information? Easy! I want you to know about which "family" I will write now.

To be exact I should use the plural form as I will write about two families in fact.

Greg's - i.e. Mr. and Mrs. House and my family (I will not write down every single family member!)

We had visitors over the weekend as you might already know or as you might remember.

I like my family, please don't get it wrong though - however, they live in Canada and one part in sunny California (all the other in Europe not to mention) and that is pretty good I think. Just seeing them from time to time - that is great!

Family is a great thing ... but not when you wanted to be alone and enjoying a lovely weekend. Not if your sister and her husband are having martial problems and for sure not when your brother in law celebrates his birthday!

Rachel's husband - Simon (or like Greg calls him: butthead) had his 4oth birthday this weekend and the family thought it might be nice to come to visit us instead of us having to fly up to Canada.

Family arrived here in Plainsboro on Friday in the afternoon - thanks godness we had to work late! Or ... well pretended that we had to work late though.

As they did rent a house for the weekend we hadn't to be at home though ...

We enjoyed our Friday evening home alone and just with some candles lit - I might write about it later though.

Back to the topic - back to the family!

My mom asked us (me) to go shopping with them, as they aren't familiar here. Believe me Gregory was more than happy to hear that! He was so happy - he didn't speak to me for more than an hour on Friday morning when I confessed it to him.

Yes - family can get you into trouble!

As promised we arrived at the rented house Saturday morning at 9 a.m.

Blythe opened the door ...

"Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarling!" she cried out and embraced Gregory.
He did squirm a bit and looked at me with a face like: Get me outta here!
I just smirked and gave a shrug.

The turn was mine then and after that huuuuuge embrace we were pulled in the house and greeted with several: "Look at you!", "DEAR!", "Jim!", "Greg" ... and some pats on the back and "son".

Those pats were okay though ... but all those hugs and kisses and everything - geez!
Three women can feel like an army - believe it or not! Our mothers are like that and my sister is the very same! The very same ...

To our surprise the men did not want to go shopping (what a surprise, huh?) and so it was up to us going with the women.

Gregory looked at me like a puppy dog when Nathan told him that they will not join the chicken party ...
"No way, Greg!" I hissed in his ear.
"You can't do that to me and let me go alone with them!" I whispered and with a secret gesture I pointed at my mom, who was standing in the kitchen and talking to Blythe.

"Jim, you are the cook! You know where to find all those things - they - want!" he whispered back and his eyes became like little stars and his mouth a pout.
"Stop it, Gregory!" I muttered and nudge his shoulder.
"My leg hurts!" he replied and leaned heavy on the cane.

"Aha! Suddenly it hurts that much that you can't walk, hm?" I shot back and narrowed my eyes.
"No, it did hurt all the time. But - fine!" he shrugged "FINE! Let's go then and you will have to explain them why I need so much Vicodin."

I couldn't avoid rolling my eyes up to the ceiling and the sigh I heard was mine when it slipped out of my mouth!
"Okaaay ... stay here then! Next time you tell me immediately that your leg hurts!" I said and gave him an enquiring look.
Gregory just nodded and walked into the living room.
I heard him saying something to Sean and next time I checked what he was doing ... he was playing a video game with Sean.

Right ... it was me and the three ladies going shopping then!

Family can really be fun!

(part 2 following soon - stay tuned!)

Sonnet 81 ~ Shakespeare

2007-05-06T16:09:00.000Z

Or I shall live your epitaph to make,

Or you survive when I in earth am rotten;

From hence your memory death cannot take,

Although in me each part will be forgottten.

Your name from hence immortal life shall have,

Though I, once gone, to all the world must die;

The earth can yield me but a common grave,

When you entombed in men's eyes shall lie.

Your monument shall be my gentle verse,

Which eyes not yet created shall o'er-read;

And tongues to be your being shall rehearse,

When all the breathers of this world are dead.

You still shall live, such virtue hath my pen,

Where breath most breathes, even in the mouths of men.

I love it ... enjoy!

Embarassment

2007-05-05T18:28:00.000Z

Gregory got it right ...

Mothers can be a pain in the ass sometimes when it comes up to embarassing stories or photos...

Our mothers talked about so many embarassing stories that made Greg and me blush from time to time - well, the women had their fun.

Here is one old pic my Mom showed Blythe:

Yes ... me ...

You can see how I liked it!

One of those old shots - and I will see ... probably there will be some more coming.

Visitors and finding an old pic

2007-05-05T14:47:00.000Z

Well, our visitors - Greg has already written about it - are here within a minute.

So looking forward to it we both are (please note the sarcasm) ... just cleaned the flat a bit and while removing some old photography books a loose pic fell out ...

Gregory looked at it and grinned.

"Holy, James! That one I know!"

"Huh?" I asked him and looked puzzled.

He waved at me with a picture in his hand and I approached him.

"What do you have here?"

"You!" he said with a broad grin upon his face and showed me the pic.

"Geez!" I muttered and blushed slightly.

"I know when this pic was made" Greg said with a smile.

"Sure you know it, it was you who made it several years ago" I replied and stared at the picture.

"Mhm, on that very congress we first met" Gregory whispered into my ear.

I just nodded and we both looked at the photography.

And here it is:

This photo was made by Gregory on the first day we met ... several years ago as you can see.

The door bell just rang ... have to go for now!

Girlish?

2007-05-02T02:41:00.000Z

mood: more than amused

Just followed some links to our blogs and found some cute little comments ...

Do you believe every single word we are writing here? Readers?

Do you really believe everything?

I mean ... me buying some fairy lights etc. - we are not always telling the truth about our life.

Would it be of interest boring you with normal cases and with the all around bustle at work?

Not really if you are honest!

We are just telling you the truth most of the time ... but sometimes let us enjoy the fact of writing and playing pranks a bit.

Some person we know might have bought or done those things ... but we wont tell you who though ...

Believe us - we are not that nice ...

I am not that nice all the time - but ... that is for sure, we are no teenage girls and you should know that, right?

By the way, we are laughing our asses off at the moment and that is just true. Sober ... ehm ... is a thing far far away from where we are now.

Have fun and always think about the importance of being earnest!

It is sometimes just wise to be funny as well...

Yours

James

Guinness ...

2007-05-01T23:22:00.000Z

and the consequences when you don't stop drinking...

Yes, I have to admit that I am slightly drunk while writing this entry - okay, Greg and I are both slightly drunk.

A bit too many pints though - so should you find any errors and mistakes - keep them! I might change the entry a bit when I am sober again.

Just wanted to babble a bit ... - Greg said I would tell you about what we just did - he should know me better by now.

What did we you are asking yourself?

Are you mature? Are you able to breathe slowly while reading some erotic stuff? Are you a heart attack risk patient?

Should you be a risk patient for any kind of attacks - just stop reading now! If you are mature ... and wanting to have some distraction - continue! Don't blame me though - it was a bet (again) and I told you we are far away from being sober!

I should tell you perhaps that we had a bit of a conversation after Foreman left our apartment this evening. He just did come by for a talk and a beer - some misunderstandings happened while Foreman was here and so we talked about that when he just left us some hours ago.

You are probably not interested about the reason of our little discussion, are you?
Hmmm... I guess you are - why would you read this blog though?

Okay - let me just tell you that it was jealousy again ... Greg was jealous because I had a phone call (he did not know that I was talking with my sister!) - he acted slightly stupid then and that caused me to react stupid as well.

"You should have told me that you were talking with Rachel, Jim!"
I shrugged and opened two bottles of Guinness.
"You could have asked me!" I answered and handed him one bottle.
"I could have done that, right" he muttered and took a sip.

I leaned back into the cushions and gazed at him.
Believe me - I will not tell you my thoughts when I recognized how sexy he looked in that new shirt.
He must have noticed my look though and raised an eyebrow.
"Come here, James!" he spoke silently.
"Pardon?"
He pointed to his feet "You ... come here!"

I frowned but arose and approached him.
My hands in my pockets I stood before him and looked down.
Gregory grabbed my belt and drew me down on his lab.
"I want you" he moaned and started to unbotton my shirt.
"Pardon?" I asked him and leaned back slightly.
"You are not deaf!" he grunted and pulled the shirt over my head.
"Now!" Gregory muttered through gritted teeth and kissed my chest with hot and wet kisses.

A sigh slipped out of my mouth and my tongue moistured my lips.
Greg's tongue tip circled around my nipples and his left hand unbuckled my belt.
Slightly panting now I opened the upper buttons of his shirt and removed it then together with the t-shirt he was wearing underneath.
"Greg" I sighed when his fingers played with the fabric of my boxers.

"Down" he whispered and pushed me off his lab.
We both sank down to the ground andGreg then removed my trousers and my boxers with one fast movement.
Gregory eyeballed me and a warm smile appeared on his face.
"Oh Jim, you are driving me crazy!" he moaned silently and with his knee he parted my legs.

I watched him removing his own trousers and enjoyed the every move he made and every inch of his skin that was revealed.
My look was caputed by his delicate part and I gestured him to come closer ...

Gregory shook his head, "No, not pleasing now ... I just want you like that ..." and with these words he showed me what he meant.
A loud moan filled the air - and it took me a while to realize that it was me moaning his name.

He made me feeling oh so weak and I nearly had a heart attack.
"I am all yours" I sighed and moaned and muttered several times.
"Yes ... you ... are ...mine..." he replied and we both tried to catch breath again.

Fingers caressing my chest, finger nails scrathing over his back, clutching his bum ...
Deeper ...quicker ... and higher he took us both - and our dance of lust just errupted in a firework after a long long time.

... ... ...

Guinness can cause a lot - and perhaps it is a kind of unknown aphrodisiac as well?! Who knows that ...

I hope I won my bet now ... and I hope no one with a weak heart read that!

Enjoyed the weather ...

2007-05-01T14:36:00.000Z

mood: relaxed

music: Sarah McLachlan ~ Touch

We spent the weekend in Point Pleasant again ... it was wonderful

The weather was excellent - and I might tell you about it later.

Just stopping by for a second - have a lot to do at the moment ...

So - just take care!

And here is something for you:

The Lake Isle of Innisfree

I WILL arise and go now, and go to Innisfree,
And a small cabin build there, of clay and wattles made;
Nine bean rows will I have there, a hive for the honey bee,
And live alone in the bee-loud glade.

And I shall have some peace there, for peace comes dropping slow,
Dropping from the veils of the morning to where the cricket sings;
There midnight's all a glimmer, and noon a purple glow,
And evening full of the linnet's wings.

I will arise and go now, for always night and day
I hear lake water lapping with low sounds by the shore;
While I stand on the roadway, or on the pavements gray,
I hear it in the deep heart's core.

W.B. Yeats (for sure)

Under the rain

2007-04-27T10:42:00.000Z

mood: relaxed and looking at the rain outside

It is slightly raining outside and this just reminded me of the warm rain that felt down to earth on Easter sunday.

Yes, now it is time to write about sunday evening. As I don't want to bore you with all the festivity and eating details, just let me tell you that we enjoyed the brunch with the Brunswick's.
The brunch actually lasted until evening. So it was brunch-dinner and to be correct, it was more or less a very wet dinner - as we started drinking (or better said - celebrating) single malt in the afternoon.

Mr. Brunswick recognized that he found in Gregory an excellent conversation partner concerning single malts, double malts and cigars.

It was a very funny afternoon and evening and we all were more than relaxed after dinner...

You might recall that we had our own chauffeur (the police) and we therefore enjoyed the single malts a bit too much. It was about 9 pm when I (I think it was me) asked for being brought up to the hut.

Yes, I have to admit that I ... ehm ... well that I had a slightest bit of a double vision effect, if you know what I mean?

Finn drove us up to the hut - not without flirting with Gregory again and again. My mood dropped with every little sweet word and every little smile he gave him.

About ten minutes later we arrived at the hut and Gregory was all smiles.
"So, Finn thank you very much for bringing us home."
"Always a pleasure, Gregory" Finn replied with a broad smile.

Believe me that I had to choke on my words. I managed to grin and to shake hands with Finn. My anger was still in me, so I embraced him and mumbled into his ear:
"Get your hands off him, Finn. He is mine and I don't want you to flirt with him all the time. Did ya get that?"

Finn only patted my shoulder and grinned.
"You took long for that, pal! Way too long you took and I was just waiting for that sign. So you love him, huh?" he whispered back.
I nudged his shoulder and grunted "For sure I do!"
"Good, good!" Finn said with a broad smile and patted my shoulder again.
"Have a nice evening or night you two!" he then said and looked at me and Greg and jumped into the police car again - and a few seconds later we were standing alone in front of the hut.

"What did you tell him?" Greg asked and stood there, staring into the clouded sky.
"I told him that you are mine and that he should keep his fingers away from you!"
"Did you?" Gregory answered with a soft voice.

I looked at him and narrowed my eyes.
"Yes, I did! Any problems with it?"

Gregory lowered his look and instead of searching the sky for stars, he looked at me now.
I approached him and my amber brown eyes met his blue ones.

"Not at all, James. Not at all ... So why don't you show me how I am yours?" Gregory murmured and his eyes sparkled a bit.
He didn't have to ask me twice for that.

Grabbing his collar I drew him closer and sealed his lips with a passionate kiss.
The kiss was depened and after a while we parted both breathing harder.
"Come with me Greg, I'll show you a nice place just behind the hut" I moaned and took his hand.
Just around the corner I pushed him hard against the hut.
"Jim!" he hissed.
"No word!" I moaned and my hand slipped under his shirt.
When I felt his warm skin underneath my finger tips there was now holding back.

My hands wandered over his body and soon we were both in our birthday suits.
The moon, which just peaked around some clouds, painted us in silver light. He looked so gorgeous when the moon light was reflected in his astonishing eyes.

My knees turned to jelly and I took Greg with me down to the ground. His body was covered by more than just ten kisses.
My tongue teased him, my fingers made him moan and skin met skin when I made us become one.

Our sighs, moans and lust screamings filled the air and only some owls and other night creatures may have heard our final love sighs when we both flew up high in the sky and floated down to earth again.

After we both were back in the here and yet - my eyes met his again and I noticed with a surprise that we were no longer dry. Rain drops so soft and tender like tear drops covered our bodies.

"The angels are crying because we woke them up, I suppose" Gregory murmured and smiled at me.
"My little poet" I whispered back and fondled his hair.

"Let us go inside, please. It is nice to be taken under the rain but I fancy a hot bath or shower now."
"Mhmmm" I sighed and snuggled a bit closer.
"C'mon Jim, we are getting sober - what about some malt for the warming up inside?" Gregory asked and gently caressed my back.

"Sounds good for me" I replied and stumbled to me feet again.
"Could you ..." Greg asked and looked up.

"Give me the clothes. I think we don't have to dress now." I answered and winked at him.
With these words I took his clothes and helped him up.
Gregory shook his head slightly.
"You know that I didn't mean that... don't you?"
"I know ..." I said and pinched his bottom.

"Tease!" Greg muttered and I replied with the usual menace.

The hot shower warmed us up and the single malt did the rest.
Cuddling, snogging and snuggling again until the early morning hours - that was the rest of the evening.

What a pleasant Easter night ...

Breathe again

2007-04-26T09:39:00.000Z

mood: remembering

music: Nickleback - Photograph

I just want to tell you a bit about Canada during the Easter holidays.

I wanted to write about it much earlier - but, sorry, I had no time and wasn't in the mood to write about it. Therefore, here it comes now ...

Gregory already told you some fact ... the meadow - yes, I am not forgettable and I really remember that very very well.

He is babbling way too much from time to time - babbling about things that are very very private ...

Do you want me to babble as well? Babble about hot stories, babble about embarassing stories ...babble about this and that?

Well, I think I am actually doing it all the time - right?!

Let me tell you about Sunday ... Easter 2007.

We did spend the Saturday evening home alone and enjoyed the loneliness up there in the hut. Hmmm... probably I should start with the Saturday evening though.

Mr. Brunswick had delivered enough food and beverages for a football team and so we decided not to drive down to the village and accept the invitation to the pub - we just wanted to enjoy the fireplace, the superb single malt (Lagavulin - this time) and some good food.

I checked the fridge and looked at Gregory who stared on the four single malt bottles and the red, white and rosé wine as well ...

"So what do you prefer, Greg? A liquid dinner or rather some steak with butter, beans wrapped in bacon and some fried potatoes?"
"Hmmm, that is not an easy one you know ... I mean did you see what he delivered? Aran, Ardbeg, Lagavulin and Talisker not to mention the superb wine collection."
"Yes, it is obvious that you enjoy the look at it" I mumbled a bit and then just started preparing the dinner.

Some minutes later, Gregory embraced me from behind and whispered into my ear.
"But your dinner sounds absolutely alluring, honeybunny"
I couldn't avoid snorting a bit and wrapped some more beans in bacon.
"Why not stopping that for a while and wrapping me in a blanket?" Gregory murmured and nibbled at my neck.

"Greg" I sighed and everything slipped out of my fingers, when his fingers found their way to some more delicate parts of my body.
"C'mon Jim, your new scent makes me going insane - what is that? Roma Uomo, or what?"
"Mhmmmm" I replied and started to unbotton his shirt.
"Gawd, Jimmy I dont have time for such a thing" he said very harsh and with one quick movement - my shirt was destroyed and I stood there with a bare naked chest.

"Shit, Greg!" I called out but then had to spare my breath for other things as I was pushed against the door frame, kissed feverishly and just felt some fresh air on my legs when he had removed my trousers without any problem at all.

My heart raced and my pupils widened, I felt the blood rushing through my body ...
His teeth brushed over my soft lower lip and when he bit me tenderly and sucked at my weak and soft flesh I couldnt resist anymore and got rid of his shirt as well.

Our bodies met and his chest brushed over mine ... my finger nails scratched over his back and the fingers magically found their way to the trousers - but there were no trousers anymore ... he must have removed them without me noticing it.

His kiss became even more passionately and I got lost in it ... just let me flow on the river of lust and desire.

So it was no wonder that some minutes later I found us laying on the living room floor in front of the fire place and the fire painting his body with orange and reddish lights - I think in that very moment we both stopped breathing for a while ...

His eyes captured mine and I drowned in them again. The deep blue just grabbed me and drew me closer and closer and closer and I sank deeper and deeper into his soul, into his heart and when he made our bodies became one and our pupils widened in that very second - I noticed that I should breathe again because I was close to getting lost in him ...

So I took one deep breath and felt our bodies moving in unison, flesh upon flesh and sweat covered our bodies - which made the fire reflecting even more and the fire did break in blue eyes and made my head explode in love.

I don't know how long we were like in trance but when we turned and Gregory was lying underneath me and I started to move slowly and full of passion and lust and his sighs filled the air of the little hut - I stopped breathing again for a while and just concentrated on his beauty ...

The fire reflection on his body, how he responded to my little teasing movements, how he couldn't do anything against it and how my heart slopped over with every little gesture he made and wasn't aware of it ...

I deepened my movements and they brought us to the kingdom of lust and back again ...

A while later we both were lying on the floor and panting hard ...

"Jim....?"
"Hmmm?"

... ... ...

"Jim ...my...?"
"Hmmm hmmm?"

... ... ....

I turned to him and looked him in the eyes.
"Greg?" I panted and tried to calm down a bit.
"James ... I ... I never thought it might be so hard to breathe again!"

I wasn't able to answer because my breath still wasnt normal and so I just sighed, nodded and caressed his chest with my right hand.

...

Breathing can sometimes harder then we know!

And I will tell you another time about Sunday ... now I have to start breathing again because I just stopped it for a while when writing this down.

Poetry: Eyes

2007-04-25T22:42:00.000Z

Your eyes are following me in my dreams,
your eyes are here in my heart - all the time.

I cannot forget their shining light,
I cannot forget your sparkling eyes.

Always seeing them before me - thy eyes.
Thy eyes filled with love and showing me the bottom of your soul.

Your eyes reflecting your moods,
your eyes reflecting my love,
your eyes showing me heaven and hope ...

Engraved in my soul,
tattooed in my heart ...

Your eyes are following me in my dreams,
your eyes are here in my heart - all the time.

Well ... a rare thing at the moment - a poem!