Thursday, December 07, 2006

Ghostwriter's comment

Dear readers,

This will be a very personal post now. Of course you know, that James is just a fictive person - I really do hope you know it! Otherwise please consult the next doctor! I picked James Wilson because I like the character - you might be really surprised that I don't see me as a fan of House MD. I like the show though, it is somewhat different and the actors are doing a good job there.

I just picked him, because he is a wonderful character to write about. He just warmed my writer's heart. I love writing - as you already might have figured out and it was/is a lot of fun receiving mails with the content "Oh my GAWD is it really you? It can't be you "name of actor", can it be?" - Please guys! OF COURSE NOT!

Why am I writing this post now? I am not going to reveal who I really am - pitty for you guys, huh? I think I have to announce that I will stop writing for a while - as I am currently going through some relationship problems. I don't know how long this while will last ...

The writing is a part of my life and for those who know what creativity is, what acting or writing is for their life they will understand how damn hard it will be for me to stop writing. James became more and more very personal - his behaviour resembles me to some great part and that is what I don't want. I am not talking about the last happenings (abuse etc. - this never happened to me). No it is the up and down of his moods, the not knowing what is going on - actors or writers always bring some personal stuff into their characters ... but it is getting too much for me now.

I don't want to see James in this role - it doesn't fit at the moment. That is why I am in need for a break. I am sorry for letting Greg and the others down - but I am sure they will somehow understand it. Although I am pretty sure, that Greg will tell me off.

Feel free to comment, to contact me by mail or MSN ... I could do with some support now, although please don't think I am begging for compliments or such stuff. It is just that I am in need for support to lift my mood up a bit. Be sure James will be back - be patient, please!

I am feeling lost and hollow inside,
no place to go, nowhere I can hide.

Tears are watering my eyes, my hands are shaking.
Tried to distract me – tried to hide in sleeping.

The pain inside is torturing me,
where is the one I used to be?

What is important ? What is real?
What do I really feel?

Where is the shoulder I can lean on?
Why is it always me who has to be strong?

Where is the counter-part resembling me?
Where is the person belonging to me?

So many question twisting inside,
still no place to go, nowhere to hide.

I am sitting here all alone,
handling my thoughts, my feelings on my own.

Please lend me some helping hand,
Give me support – I need to understand!

Understand what is going on,
Understand why I am standing here all alone.

Where is the counter-part resembling me?
Where is the person belonging to me?


Anonymous said...

Hey Wil just two things before you leave.

1). I knew from the start you wern't the really actorm, cause the real Huge is married and junk.

2). I really do know how you feel about this. Insted of you getting lost in your chara. James got lost in you. I've always had problems with who I am and stuff. I hate who I am. I wish I really was Edward...but he is all in my mind. A coping personailty when the world brings reality down on me. I bet I'm a very sick person and I don't even know it. The only times it has really gotten bad is when I was 11 years old and I didn't pretend anymore...I wanted to be a guy, to be Edward (although I didn't have a name for him yet). I hope you come back soon. I'll miss you cause I like your writing. So...lay off for a while and then come back. When you do, stop my DA and say hi.


Dr. James Wilson said...

I am not all away.

James got lost in me ... to some part perhaps. I am a person who is very down to earth but also somewhat romantic. Sounds weird, huh? I never wanted to be anybody else - ehm - no, not really.

It is for sure that we often bring ourselves in while writing - I started to see "James" as a fictive person (what he still is!) - neither did I compare him with the actor (what some persons do) nor did I want to bring personal stuff in here.

I think it all started when I wrote poetry for James ... all was written by me - and be sure you can't write poems when you don't feel them deep in your heart. Actually there are some things going on in my private life I don't understand - I need to think about it carefully. And I fear when I will write while doing so - I could just push "James" till he breaks ... and that is not what I want.

So "James" is having his off-time now - finding back to himself again!

I will inform you when he is feeling better again ;)

Anonymous said...

Thanks Wil. Hope things will clear up for you.

Dr. Gregory House said...

I'm trying to be patient. Really.
Already miss you like hell.

Dr. James Wilson said...

You know where to find me ... I am not away - just away writing for a while. And thank you, dear, for your understanding.

Dr. Gregory House said...

*sigh* What else can I do?

Julia Brooklyn said...

Patience isn't my strength. It's true... sometimes we don't know WHO we are - deep in our hearts it's clear but often we don't see it. I think you know, WHAT I mean :)

Dr. James Wilson said...

I know WHO I am - I just don't know what will happen! Ah it is a bit complicated.

I am more than aware WHO I really am. It is just that I don't want 'James' to become a person I don't want him to become. Is that clear? It is the writer in me who also has to think about where 'James' will be leaded to. We are way off the show to some extent *snickers* and I have to think over what will be done next. This and my own little thoughts raging in my head form a mixture I don't want to bring here ...

Got it?

If you meant something completely different, please explain me.

Julia Brooklyn said...

I meant the same. It's okay - and it's a reason to stop writing for a while.
But sometimes I don't know who I am. I think, I know that I'm Julia, but often I change myself too much for other persons. And I hate it.

Dr. James Wilson said...

Changing for other persons, hm? Yes I know now what you mean.

Julia Brooklyn said...

Persons who don't like me as the person I am. But I won't change anymore for them.