Monday, October 09, 2006

Friendship ...

I just went again searching Greg, when I saw him at the pharmacy by chance. This time he wont get away. Before I have seen him in the cafeteria where he made a bolt of it. I am sure to 100% that he has seen me.

I just stood behind Greg who was putting something in his pocket. "Hi Greg ..." I salutated him. Greg lifte his hand and wanted to get away from me quickly. But I didn't want to get him away with it this time and so I followed him. "What have you ordered?" " A six nuggets with BBQ sauce. Will be delivered to my office", he answered briefly.I gave him a short look and asked him, if he had order Vicodin again.

Greg snuffled and replied "You are from the fast troop, aren't you!"This made me hold on my next step - "Greg! You became some new last week!" (I really worried about him)Greg turned around and answered unnerved: "Do you keep an account of it?"What else could I do than nodding - he looked at me stunned. It was my turn now asking him bewildered: "How on earth can it be that they are already empty, Greg?"He gave a shrug and then continued walking. "I often give them away as presents to pain suffering patients. By the way - don't you have some of them in the clinic? You should watch their medication, not mine! I'm a doctor and I know what I am doing!""Perheps you are a doctor who doesn't always know what he is doing!" (Damn why was his dosis already empty - he normally gets along with it)Greg paused and looked at me furiously "Perhaps you are an ass hole pissing me off acting like a nit-picking clever shit!"
I was hurt and watched him going but not without shouting "Go to hell!". "That's where I am coming from", he whispered while entering his office. I felt a lump in my stomach when I heard these words and followed him "What have you said?" I wanted to know."Nothing", he answered defiantly and grimaced with pain.

I let me fall into the chair with a worried expression on my face "I've heard it." The lump in my stomach acted like on a rodeo "What's the matter with you?"
Greg rested his elbows on the table and covered his face with his hands. At last he told me about what was deppressing him, he told me about the last evening, the pains he had, his tightened nervs, his feelings and about the damaged hi-fi unit.

Of course I've already read about it in his blog - but when he told me, it was the first time I could really understand. I saw the pain in his eyes - and could feel the pain, too. I looked at him shocked "You felt so miserable that you got stoned? Why haven't you called me?" This gnawed at my conscience as I had already seen yesterday that he wanted to talked about - but I was still to pissed of at that time. Fuck!Greg just shrugged, "I didn't have the impression that you attached great importance to my company."I tore my hair, "Greg! Yor are my friend! I am not pissed ...not anymore. Do you think I sent you packing?"

Greg said nothing and starred on the screen of his computer. I slowly realized and questioned him "That also gnawed on you, or?"

Gregory shook his head (what a stubborn person he can be), but still didn't looked at me. I slowly rose, stood behind him and laid softly a hand on his shoulder "You cannot chase me away, Grey. It doesn't matter what you are doing - I am your friend. I know how it looks inside of you and why you are alienating other people."

With these words I left the room as I had to stomach some things and I also did not want him to see the tears in my eyes. He probably would have thought that I am taking pity on him - but that wasn't the reason.

I was mad at me - mad because I have not noticed how much my friend needed me and how much I have hurt him and only due to my hurt vanity.

The first thing I did when I had reached my office, was punching in the wall. The pain cleared my brain ...

I tried to distract me, grabbed a file and went outiside. But here as well my thoughts wandered to our conversation. A tap at my food made me lift my head, Gregory was standing right before me with his eyes laid on me. "I" he cleared his throat "I was looking for you." Yeah, I" I nodded to him "I thought it would be better to concentrate on that file outside. There was no way concentrating in my office." "And now its me disturbing you" Greg wanted to turn around. "Hold on" I grabbed his jacket "Stay, you are not disturbing me!"

He hesitated and looked at me. "Gregory, I - I am really sorry. Please just call me the next time - What's the use of friends if not that for?!" He looked in my eyes for a long time and nodded subtly "What about spoiling the day for the freshmen?" he said with a grin.
I justed laughed, laid my arm around his shoulder "What do you have in mind?" I asked and we returned to the clinic.

I want to recite a passage from the song That's what friends are for :
Keep smiling, keep shining
Knowing you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for
For good times and bad timesI'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for


Dr. Gregory House said...

Ich bin froh, dass wir geredet haben, auch wenn ich vorher wieder mal ein Arsch war.
Ich wollte nicht, dass du dich schlecht fühlst.
Jedenfalls freue ich mich jetzt fast auf gleich...

Dr. James Wilson said...

Ich bin auch froh, dass wir geredet haben. Auch wenn es mal harsche Worte gibt - ein klärendes Gespräch ist immer wichtig.