Monday, October 23, 2006

Enough ...

"Up yours!" Greg snarled at her. I raised my head and looked at Greg in disbelief, this really could not be true ...

"What?" he snapped at me in return. "What's next?!" I asked him and I felt the anger rising in me.
Gregory came nearer and said "Um....I ...just wanted to ask if it's possible to get another cup of coffee. And I wanted to exc...."

He was driving me crazy and I was at the end of my tether - I really was angry with him and so I yelled ""Have you taken leave of your senses???"

"W...what...", he stammered. God, he was really driving me nut - I was so pissed off! With an angry gesture I interrupted him "No, it's my turn now! YOU hold your tongue!"

That finally muted him and he looked at me shocked. I took a deep breath and thought - no don't back down ...

"What on earth is eating you? This weekend saw more mood-swings than last month!"

Greg remaind silent and still stood like frozen.

Gosh! He was making me insane, didn't he know how his behaviour affected me? I shook my head "You're behaving absolutely impossible. And what the heck has Debbie done to you?!"

The whole frustration and anger came up in me and I thumped the table with my fist otherwise I would have either smashed something on the wall or at his head ...

Still no reaction from his side - no tone, nothing! He merely lifted his shoulders helplessly, bit his lower lip and kept on staring.

"Don't behave like a rabbit in sight of a dachshund!", I yelled angrily and clenched my fists. His acting made me so helpless and angry - and he ... he was standing there silently ...

"I have a damn right to know what's wrong with you since I am the one who has to suffer from your moods!"

I fixed his eyes with mine and then thought I was going crazy when I noticed them watering. Fine, now he wanted to fool me again - my anger brewed.
"GET CRACKING! You're always too cocksure, what about now?!", I barked and inwardly I was scared of my own behaving.

He finally started to talk - "I ... I can't ..." he said desperately.

I grunted in disbelief "You can't? You always can! You're a big-mouth all the fucking time and keep walking all over other people. Let go!"

There he stood with a trembling lower lip and merely looked at me. I couldn't believe it - he played the hurt one...

You're playing!", I shot at him. "Say it! What is this thing which is eating you and makes you behave in such an impossible manner? I mean, you're always impossible, but this is unbearable, this is topping it!"

With these words he made a few steps back and I saw in his eyes that he was about to flee. God, what was going on that he couldn't even speak it out. I've never seen him acting like that - not in all the years. Not with me ...

"Oh no", I said with a low threatening tone. "You won't scoot before you haven't told me!"
My eyes sank into his and I kept his glances, this time he wouldn't go away that easy. I finally wanted an answer.

Greg closed his eyes, shook his head slightly and then opened them again and looked straight in mine. "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees? You're not lost for words elsewise!"

"It is because ... because ... I love you, James!"

With these words he spun around and was out of the room. I could feel the color of my skin turning into pale white, my legs became jelly and I let me sank into the chair. My heart was racing and in my head I heard again and again „I love you ... I love you“ – I burried my face in my hands and took some deep breaths.

I wanted to reach for the glass of water and noticed my hand shaking like a leaf. I made a fist, took another deep breath and whispered "Stay calm Jim".

„I love you“ I heard him saying again and I could see with my inner eye the glance he has giving me while he said that. There was no amusement in them, just plainness, violability and disbelief. "Oh my god" I whispered.

I slowly stood up, took another deep breath and then made my way to his office. From I distance I saw that he was right in the middle of a diagnosis meeting so I stopped before the window and watched him closely. He looked a mess and this made my stomach twinching and my hands started to tremble again, so I placed them in my pockets that no one could see it.

"Yes and that's exactly why we should start treating her immediately!", ... I could hear through the window pane and he rose his head and looked me straight in the eyes. I could only stand there looking at him and tried to calm my racing heart down.

No, he couldn't have meant what he said ... did he really say that? I peered at him - god, he was like an open book for me and what I saw made my heart racing again.

I noticed that he sent away his "ducklings" one after the other - Chase was the last one standing in the door - "The oncologist is standing outside. Shouldn't we ask him as well?" I could hear him saying from a distance.

"Not yet..." was Gregs answer. I took another deep breath and knew that Gregory wouldn't talk to me right now. And that was when he shut the door without giving me a glance, closed the curtains and I could hear him turning the key. He just locked me out ...

I closed my eyes and went back to my office. My eyes caught the telephone and I reached out my hand to pick it up and then stopped.

„Damn“ I murmered "damn, damn." Well I must have acted like that about 20 times and after the 21st the telephone suddenly rang. I looked on the display, it was Greg's office.

With a pounding heart I answered the call and remained silent „Dr. Wilson?“ I could hear - it was only Foreman.

„Dr. Foreman, how can I help you?“ „We need some test. House said you should test the girl on multifocal or unifocal tumors for erosively expanding and multi-core islets of langerhans ... and on eosinophile, neutrophile, lymphocytes and plasma cells." I gave a sigh "Good, I am on my way."

I stood up, tired, and made my way to the lab - by the way, the tests are finished now. The result wasnt that uplifting and the tests really didn't help me to stop thinking.

@Greg: If you are reading this ... I would be pleased if we could talk in my office - either before or after the meeting. It's your decision! And - NO - I don't want to have my stuff ...


Dr. Gregory House said...

Okay, ich brings hinter mich...vor der Besprechung...

Dr. James Wilson said...

Jetzt ...

Dr. Gregory House said...

Bin gleich da.